Love Like This
by Bearose
Summary: An untraditional version of the Remus Tonks love story, with some added friends and twists
1. Chapter 1

Stepping in silently, Remus Lupin was fighting to not make even the slightest of detectable sounds as he slipped in the front door of number 12 Grimmauld Place. He was already late enough to the meeting, he didn't have to make matters worse by causing a scene when he finally made it in.

Alastor Moody made sure everyone knew though.

"Nice of you to join, Remus." He called hoarsely just before the man pushed open the door to enter the kitchen. Shaking his head in irritation, and hating that magical eye once more, Remus pushed open the door, an apologetic smile plastered on his lips.

Dumbledore, ever the peaceable one waved his hand in the air. "Remus was out for me running errands, I should have anticipated he would be late. Anyway, we were just making introductions, so no big details missed. Feel free to introduce yourself to anyone you don't know on your own time."

Remus nodded with a grateful smile toward his old headmaster and fell into his seat next to Sirius, the one always left open for him. He looked up, fully intending to listen to whatever long and most likely uninteresting speech Severus had planned, but his eyes were immediately drawn to the pink haired pixie sitting across from him, whom he somehow managed to miss when he walked in.

She was looking at Snape, appearing somewhat interested until he watched her roll her eyes and glance toward Sirius. She made a face at him, clearly frustrated by something Snape had said. Sirius simply shook his head with an eye roll similar to her own, before she turned her head back listening once more.

 _Escaped convict finds attractive young witch with pink hair? Only Sirius…_ He didn't actually believe there was any way they were together, but she seemed comfortable enough around him that Remus had to assume they had met before tonight.

He heard the scratching of quill on paper and looked up just as Sirius slid a small note over to him.

 _Quit eyeing up my baby cousin_

Remus felt his eyes widen in confusion as he looked back up at the woman. He didn't mean to stare, but he realized how long he had been looking when her eyes finally trailed their way over to his, and her purple eyebrow pinched in curiously. He shook his head trying to pretend like it was all a mistake and looked away just as Dumbledore was finishing up the meeting. As usual he invited everyone to stay after; as usual Molly cooked more food than anyone would ever need.

Remus slipped over to speak to the headmaster as quickly as he could, feeling a strange desire to go introduce himself to the pink haired cousin.

"Hello Remus." Dumbledore spoke slowly and casually, as he usually did. Remus nodded his reply and pulled out a sheet of notes from his pocket handing it to the white haired man. "Yes, good. Thank you Remus, this is much appreciated." He said taking a quick glance at the pages before stowing them away in his pocket. "Now as I believe you are looking for our newest addition I feel indebted to tell you she is in the study, taking some time to go over the assignment she was given. I think she would appreciate having a familiar face soon." Remus could have sworn he saw the old man wink before he wandered off, looking for some other important person - or situation to meddle in.

Without much thought Remus found himself wandering into the foyer, then into the study, where he gently pushed the mostly closed door open.

The witch was laying on the couch, pink hair splayed over the back of it behind her, reading a book of sorts. The booked dropped and she glanced up at him as he pushed the door closed just slightly behind him.

Her eyes widened just slightly, "I take it this is your book then?" She asked, slowly closing it so he could see the cover. _Dark Creatures and where to Find them._ He tried not to cringe, but simply nodded. "I didn't mean to pry…" She sat up quickly and set the book down where he had laid it before he left early this morning. He walked over and sat next to her.

"That's no problem. Quite an interesting read." He commented, trying not to sound as dull as he felt whenever he saw that book.

He couldn't help his surprise when the girl next to him scoffed indignantly. "Interesting? It bollocks. Bat-shit. Ridiculous." She huffed again as if to emphasize her point. "I'm Tonks." She held out her hand, chipping black nail polish and scribbled ink notes covering her palm were the first things he noticed before he shook.

"Ah, yes, you're the-"

"Newbie. Auro, klutz. Metamorphmagus." She supplied without hesitation. He couldn't stop the surprise from showing on his face.

"I was going to say cousin. But really? Metamorphmagus are incredibly rare. I don't believe I've ever met one. At least one your age..." He'd never met a morpher before, but it did account for the hair. She nodded, suddenly seeming bitter and disinterested, her eyes turning calculating on him.

"Oh yes, that's me. Rare and unusual. Need any party tricks to prove it?" She asked, her tone sardonic; whether out of anger, or a coping mechanism to feeling used, Remus wasn't sure, but he shook his head nonetheless.

"Of course not. I trust you." He wasn't sure if that was the right response, but feeling suddenly nervous he decided to try and work past it. "Anyway, I'm Remus. I must ask though, do I get your first name? Or will you simply refer to me as Lupin as I refer to you as Tonks?" He realized he was still holding onto her hand in the awkward way people did when they shook.

He dropped it quickly, nerves jumping even more. _Pull yourself together. You're 36 years old, not some school boy!_ "Remus Lupin." She said as if his name made everything in the world come together. "You're the-"

"Werewolf."

 _Idiot._ His hand flew to his face on their own accord. _There goes that friendship_ ; or whatever he could have had with the beautiful woman that was far too young for him.

Her eyes grew just slightly, and she snorted a small laugh. He couldn't hide the embarrassment either. He was drawn to this woman in a way he had never experienced before, which apparently meant he was drawn to say stupid things and sound like a flat right moron all the time.

"I was going to say best friend and fellow marauder. But... really?" He nodded, looking away, glancing at the copy of his dark creatures book and feeling a bitter laugh come from him as it did Tonks just moments before.

"Makes the read that much more interesting doesn't it?" He heard himself ask, wishing he wasn't so bitter about his own condition. "I'll go, don't worry." He prepared to stand up before she grabbed his hand and held on.

"Wait- what?" She was truly confused. "Why would you go. Stay."

 _She wants me to… stay?_

He sat back down and looked at her, taking in her stormy grey eyes, huge like owls, staring straight into his. He couldn't speak even if he wanted to. "Why would you go? You just got here?" She said her eyebrows pulling together in confusion as they did just hours before in the meeting.

"I'm a… you know- I'm- Well… a wolf. Like- er… dangerous." No one had ever asked him why he would leave before, and sitting in front of this woman, he had no idea what to say.

He was even more at a loss when she burst out laughing.

"You, Remus Lupin, are _ridiculous._ " She was still holding his hand, still laughing. "Look at us…" she gasped between breath. "Two mighty freaks of nature…" There were tears from the laughter, he felt the smile on his lips despite it all. "The only difference is you're problem is monthly, mine is all the time. So really you're the one that should be appalled by me. You're more like everyone else than I am." At some point her laughter died and the conversation seemed more serious than he had expected.

But her words weren't words of self pity, they were simply observational. She was just making a point that seemed very clear to her. She was also letting him in the a subtle way he imagined she didn't want him to notice. She felt out of place in the world too; that's what she was telling him.

Remus shook his head, deciding to accept that he wouldn't easily understand this creature in front of him.

"So about that first name?" He asked deciding it was as good a time as any to change the subject. She shook her head, pink hair flying around her face.

"No one gets to use the first-"

"Nymphadora!" Mad-eye threw the door open, causing Tonks to jump to her feet, wand ready, pointed at his face. Remus watched with wide eyes.

 _No one pointed their wand at Mad-eye and lived._

To Remus's terror and utter shock the old man appeared to laugh. "Good vigilance! Bring that with you on your first mission." He added gruffly, patting the girl on the arm, before turning out the door with a chuckle.

'Goodnight Remus." He called over his shoulder as he stepped out of the front door and apparating away with a resounding crack.

The girl plopped back in her seat beside him with an angry huff, her hands over her face in pure embarrassment.

"Nymphadora…?" A smile crept over his lips as he said it, nearly drowned out by the sound of her groan. "That's the most beautiful-"

"Shut up Remus." She whined good-naturedly, but also very serious. "It's detestable, and if you dare to use it I'll have to hex you into next year." The look in her eyes said she was dead honest, but his gryffindor spirit allowed him to test her.

"Of course Nympha-"

"UGHH" she groaned over him again, swatting him in the arm with enough force to make it hurt, but enough of a hidden smile to make him know she was joking.

Sirius stuck his head through the door, glancing around the room before deciding it was safe enough, and entering without words. He sat on the floor beside Remus pointing to his cousin on the other side.

"What's got her so worked up?" He asked casually, sober enough to form coherent thought and sensible sentences.

Remus glanced over, checking to make sure she wasn't truly horrified and offended before whispering, very loudly to Sirius. "I called her... _Nymphadora._ "

Her hair finally turned a nasty shade of red, but Remus was sure he could see a smile creeping out from under her poorly placed hands. Sirius clapped him on the shoulder, a true smile plastered on his face.

"You are a brave man dear Moony, and it has been a pleasure knowing you." Tonks peeked out through her fingers, looking Remus straight in the eyes.

"Moony…?" She asked, as if unsure she heard Sirius right. The expression on Remus's face obviously gave the answer away, and her hands dropped from her eyes, a true smile now on her face. "That's genius." She said leaning over to look at Sirius.

"Me n' James thought up that one." Sirius said proudly, his eyes clouding over just slightly at the mention of their long passed best friend. Tonks fiddled with the lone silver ring on her middle finger, all traces of humor gone from her face. She looked at Remus before speaking slowly, uncertainly.

"Tell me about the memories?" She asked softly, allowing Sirius and Remus a chance to reminisce, but also a way out if they didn't feel the need to.

She waited a pause shifting uncomfortably in the silence, before standing slowly. "Anyway, I should be off." She seemed more reserved than she had just a moment before, and Remus couldn't help but want to change that.

"Remember when Lily found out about my big secret?" Remus asked Sirius, feeling himself shift just slightly closer to Nymphadora when she sat back down to listen. Sirius couldn't stop the laugh that erupted out of him at the memory. Tonks leaned forward in interest, ushering Remus with her hands to finish the story, seeming very eager and willing to stay.

"She had known for so long." Remus explained, starting to speak with his hands as he did any time he passionately told a story.

"So she tried to get it out of me and James if we knew anything, but the way Lily always spoke in riddles we had no idea what she was trying to get at." Sirius interjected, also getting involved in the story, adjusting his seating so he was sitting in front of Tonks and Remus while they spoke.

"Finally," Sirius continued, throwing his hands out, "James shouts: 'He's a bloody wolf Lily!' To which she responds 'I know you fool! I wanted to know if _you_ knew!' James got a kick out of that one. Living with the boy for five years and she thinks we didn't figure out he went missing every full moon. We had already mastered and animagi by then. But she didn't find out about that for another two years." Sirius laughed again at that memory, one that Remus felt would be better left untouched, as that was the night James proposed to Lily, and there were only so many painful memories Remus could handle before feeling consumed.

Tonks smiled looking down at her cousin, who was genuinely happy with the company and the time around him; it was such a rarity to see him smiling, and she didn't want to let the moment pass by. Sirius cracked another smile and worked his way into another story involving a poorly aimed hex over the summer going into their seventh year, and a night of shouting from Mrs. Potter. Remus clutched his stomach as he remembered that time as well, Tonks watching the pair with bright, eager eyes. She wanted to hear their stories, but more importantly she wanted to see them smile. Remus couldn't help but ponder how he felt like he knew this woman his whole life. She drew him in with her love for life, her vivacious spirit, her smile.

Story after story the night went on, before Remus glanced over and saw the young woman stifling a yawn and rubbing at her eyes tiredly. He didn't even realize the time.

"Oh- it must be late. I didn't mean to keep you up!" Remus said, glancing at Sirius who appeared just as tired. He stood and held his hand out to his cousin

"We have an extra room upstairs Tonksie, why don't you sleep here tonight?" She grabbed his hand and stood, yawning again and nodding once.

"Is it really an extra? I don't want to…" she yawned again, stretching her free arm up, "I don't want to impose." She said looking at Remus for some reason. Sirius began to lead her up the stairs, the second man not far behind, flicking out the lights with a wave of his wand.

"No imposition, Nymphadora," Remus began, intrigued and awed by the gentle way Sirius cared for her. He was not used to seeing his old friend like that.

He led her into the room, then she quickly turned to Remus as she sat on the bed.

"I'm off work tomorrow, so I can stay around and help repair the favor…" another yawn, Sirius began making his way to the door as she kicked off her shoes, "so long as you don't expect me to cook, it'll kill us all." She added laying back on the bed, sighing as her head hit the pillow that was there. "Night boys." She called as Remus shut the door behind him.

"You'll learn to love her." Sirius said as the two men stood in the hallway outside her bedroom, door. Remus could hear the soft sound of her breathing, he couldn't suppress the strange and overwhelming desire to go in and sit near her, just to be close to her.

"I've learned." He heard himself say quietly, and much to his surprise Sirius simply nodded. No snide remarks, no mocking eyes. Just understanding.

"Goodnight, Moony." He said, before slowly venturing into his own room, and shutting the door softly.

" 'Night Padfoot. Goodnight Nymphadora." He said, knowing neither of the two could hear him but feeling the need to make the sentiment anyway.

He slid into his room, collapsing into his bed. The last thing he remembered thinking before falling asleep is about how long he had to wait before he could sit down with the woman across the hall alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Thanks for joining along and reading. I so appreciate follows and reviews, it's extra special knowing someone enjoys reading these as much as I enjoy writing them! I hope you love chapter 2! Things definitely get a little crazy from here on out...**

Four weeks after their first introduction, Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin were working together again. They usually both ended up sleeping in the spare rooms of number 12 Grimmauld place after every Order meeting, which were becoming more and more common as problems and suspicions arose.

The Weasleys were coming to stay for the remainder of the summer, so the Grimmauld Place trio had one more day to fully clean out the needed rooms before the kids arrived.

Tonks rolled out of bed with a groan, feeling the effects of a mission gone wrong at work the day prior. She had a simple routine check with Kingsley at a known Death Eater hide-out. It very quickly turned into a madhouse full of dark wizards who were far more prepared to fight than she initially anticipated. There were no _serious_ injuries, just nasty bruises, and a few deep cuts- from falling over the sidewalk, and well aimed hexes.

Remus and Sirius didn't know the details of the day, but Tonks was hoping to keep it that way as she morphed over the worst of the injuries, and dressed for another day of de-dark-artsing the house.

She heard a soft knock on her door, and called a welcome, Remus pushed it open slowly, wearing his normal, bookish, professor type clothing, hair falling around his face. He glanced up at her, unsure of what to say as she waited expectantly for the reason to which he knocked on her door. She didn't mind though, acknowledging privately in her head that she was falling for him more and more everyday, and fighting not to act on it.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing then." Remus stated lamely as the now pink haired woman stared back at him. She cracked a small smile, more like a knowing smirk, and stacked fallen books neatly by her bed before responding.

"I'm all set to brave the unknown if you are." She said, her voice confident, taking a few steps toward him and the open door. Sirius was downstairs, making the basement ready for the coming full moon in just three days. It was something Tonks had yet to mention to him, whether out of politeness or fear, Remus wasn't ready to find out; so he remained just as radio silent about it as she.

"Alright, good." Remus stated, not mentioning her lack of desire to eat breakfast, and deciding to simply get on with it for the time being, "I'm thinking we should split up for the easy rooms, but the really bad ones obviously work together. Sirius says the top floor is the worst, and his mother's room would be a close second."

Tonks nodded as he spoke, pulling her hair back into a large clip before saying uncertainly, "So do we take the easy ones, or the hard ones first?" Remus pondered the thought for a moment, before pointing up the stairs.

"Let's start up there in one room, and if we decide we need a break we can come back down and do some of the less dark ones, assuming Sirius's theory is correct, that is." He added, realizing that his friend had moved out at nearly fifteen, and wouldn't have any reason to know which rooms were the worst; unless of course he had gone in himself and checked, but Remus couldn't really seeing the man doing that, especially on his own.

Tonks nodded in agreement, before placing her foot on the stair to lead up to the attic. "I take it we'll be sending ladies first?" She asked, making a light joke, although Remus could see her eyes weren't in it, he nodded handing her an easy wink.

"I do like the believe that I can keep true chivalry alive." He said, hoping it would make her smile a bit more than she was now. She didn't strike him as one to fear dark creatures in dark bedrooms, so he had either read her terribly wrong, or there was some greater problem that was bothering her. Both ideas were equally displeasing, he realized, as they walked up the steps.

"Which door is your favorite?" Nymphadora called over her shoulder as she reached the final landing at the top.

"First one on your left." Remus called, having no idea what the doors even looked like being that he had never been up that far in the house before that moment. Tonks laughed, seeming to know he didn't know what he was talking about before pushing the door open when he was ready.

The pair stumbled in the room ready to face whatever dark and dangerous things could have been lurking behind the walls; wands up, stances firm and strong.

It was the silence that was both comforting and terrifying in one simple shot. Two sets of eyes scanned the room. Tonks cautiously walked over to the closet door on the side, Remus just one step behind her.

She placed her hand on the doorknob, and just before she twisted it a subtle sound could heard inside. It prepared them for motion, for something. But neither knew what. Remus set his hand on her shoulder, silently asking her to wait as he considered every dark creature that would appreciate the darkness of a closet.

Every dark creature would. He sighed, almost inaudibly, and removed his hand. She pulled the door open quickly and stepped back. Both had their wands ready, both anticipating the worst.

Which is exactly why Remus Lupin had no idea how to respond when Nymphadora Tonks ran out of the closet.

Well not really her. But sort of her. It was her, but she looked very different. Her hair was brown, and longer. Her eyes were bigger, which shocked him in the essence of their beauty, her figure was smaller, frailer, more pixie like. He glanced back to the real Tonks in front of him, still unsure of what was happening. He was racking his brain for situations like this one. But nothing seemed to make much sense.

That is until the fake Tonks collapsed on the ground, in tears. And the real one turned, her eyes huge.

A boggart.

Nymphadora quickly gathered herself and performed the spell, watching as the boggart shrunk into a doll, and with a mirthless laugh from the witches mouth, it disappeared.

Remus was just about to check on her when an identical Tonks ran out of the closet, without a thought she performed the spell again, making sure not to look at Remus when she was done.

Then a third ran out. Well tried to run out. It barely made it to the door before the real Tonks vanished it.

Remus was ready now, waiting for another one. It never came. In its place a huge, boney wolf bound out of the closet, covered in blood. Remus jumped back, assuming it wasn't his, Tonks performed the spell quickly, and looked back at him. She didn't have time to speak though as two more Tonk's appeared, one was like the first three, but the other was crawling out of the closet, bleeding all over. Both were crying.

Remus barely had time to blink before the wolf came back out, bounding after the injured Tonks.

His mind went blank. He couldn't think of the spell. All he could see was himself in wolf form killing the woman beside him. She screamed in terror as the wolf pinned her down, the huge paw pressing firmly on the center of her chest, he heard bones crunching beneath the weight of it, the fake Tonks screaming louder, as blood began to seep through her shirt.

The boggart disappeared, as did the second Tonks, and real Tonks slammed the closet door shut.

Remus looked up, and saw her hands were shaking. He opened his mouth to speak, but found that no words were able to come out. Tonks took in a shaking breath. He had never seen her so impacted.

He reached out to her, "Tonks…" Neither knew what to say to the other. Remus was hoping she assumed she had some hidden fear of wolves, but the way she looked at him implied otherwise.

"Nymphadora… what was that?" He asked, knowing she would understand that he was referring to herself running out of the closet, alone and unmorphed.

 _Alone. And unmorphed. That was her biggest fear. Loneliness and overexposure. Loneliness and vulnerability._

He took a step toward her again, wanting to tell her in some way that she wasn't alone. He saw her eyes growing wet, he wasn't sure what to do. He didn't want to make her feel like she had to let him in. But he knew after what he just saw he couldn't possibly leave her alone.

"Remus." Her voice broke a little, and he threw caution to the wind at the sound. He walked over to her and pulled her into his arms, he held her as she began to hyperventilate, then picked her up when she started to cry. He carried her into his room, and set her on his bed as her tears flowed more freely, and stroked her hair as he realized his greatest fear had changed.

As he realized he loved her.

She didn't speak, simply held tightly to him, allowing herself to be a piece of her worst fear. Allowing herself to be exposed. Her tears slowed, her breathing returned mostly to normal, and Remus finally lay his head down next to hers.

Her eyes were red rimmed and unguarded. Without thinking he reached for her hand and held it in his.

"Tonks." He whispered. She closed her eyes, her hair had slowly turned to a blue black at some point in her emotions. He wasn't sure when anymore.

"Dora." He whispered again, his voice more stern, more professorly. She opened her eyes, staring straight into his. He said the only thing he could think to force out in the moment. "You will never be alone." Her eyes grew wider, he watched her pupils change as they did. She didn't say anything for a moment.

"Rem." She called him, as if she nicknamed him every day. He was already looking into her eyes, so he simply waited for her to finish. Her voice was hoarse from crying, so it was a raspy whisper when she said.

"You will never hurt me." The actual concept of the sentence should have been perceived as commanding. But based on everything they had seen before, it was gentler. It wasn't an order, it was an observation. An allowance for comfort she knew he would try and deny himself.

He reached forward and brushed his fingers through her hair. Her eyes fluttered shut as she did so and he watched as she continued to relax herself. He set his hand on her shoulder, but pulled back quickly when he saw her visibly wince.

He pulled his hand away, rashly deciding the flinch was a result of her sudden fear of him as a werewolf. Her eyes opened and she shook her head at him

"No, Remus…" She knew what he was thinking. "It's not you…" She began. His eyes told her he was unconvinced.

"It's okay, Tonks, I understand." He made to sit up and she pulled him back down.

"No trust me." She said, still softly. He wasn't buying it. She huffed loudly and adjusted her position so she could pulled the sleeve of her shirt down to reveal her shoulder and bicep. He watched her eyes grow sad and held onto her hand in an attempt to relax her.

"Dora... " He had taken to calling her that just one day before. He was slowly falling in love with the way it suited her. "What are you…" He couldn't finish as he watched the skin on her shoulder go from the pink pale it normally was to a deep purple and yellow. A bruise that covered almost her whole shoulder appeared, and he couldn't help his eyes from popping out.

He opened his mouth to speak and she shook her head. Sitting up she pulled the shirt over her head, thankful she was wearing a tank top under it. He watched as she let part of her morph drop, and deep scratches and bruises appeared all over her arms, and the exposed parts of her back.

She was sitting up now, her head hanging, so he couldn't see her eyes.

"Dora. Is this from work?" He asked slowly, reaching for his wand so he could begin healing her. She nodded once, her black hair flopping. "I'm going to heal these now." He didn't wait for permission, just went in casting healing charms over the worst looking ones first, then moving to the smaller ones. Some of the bruises wouldn't go away, and some of the scars didn't heal, but it was progress, and he hoped it felt somewhat better for her.

"Nymphadora," He began trying to keep his voice a combination of stern and gentle. He looked up, her eyes guarded again. "You come to me next time you are hurt. No questions asked. Just healing. We both know there are some charms too advanced to perform on yourself. So next time you come to me." He was angry at her for hiding it, angry at himself for not knowing, angry at Sirius for not warning them about the boggart.

He was just angry at the world.

"Thanks Remus." Tonks said, standing up and stretching. She waited a pause before shaking out her hair, and turning it pink once more. Remus smiled at her, but it didn't reach his ears, as he quickly noticed the pink was many shades darker than it had been this morning, and there was nothing he could do in the moment to change that.

"I think I'll call in Bill and King and they can take care of the other rooms. I'll tell them it was too tiring so close to the full moon." He said. Much to his shock, she simply nodded in agreement.

She began to walk to the door but stopped just outside the door frame. "Remus?" She called without turning around.

"Yes?" He acknowledged her, already knowing what she was going to say, but allowing her the chance anyway.

"Let's keep this between us, okay?" She said, her head turned so all her could see was her too dark hair, and her bare shoulder, tense with the stress of the last hour.

"Of course, I was hoping we would have equal understanding there." He said, wanting her to know he would like her secret kept just as much as she would. She nodded once,

"I'll be downstairs. Making tea. You come along when you're ready." She was giving him time alone in her words, but he really knew that she was asking for time alone. He nodded, knowing he couldn't see her, but letting her have her time anyway.

It was when he heard her shout his name in panic that Remus forgot his desire to give her space and rushed to her side. When he arrived in the kitchen downstairs Dumbledore was standing there, looking at Nymphadora with an amused seriousness.

"Tonks, my dear, I see no reason for you to fear me." The headmaster said, his voice holding its usual calm slowness. Remus was instantly on edge.

"Security question?" He asked the pink haired woman next to him, grabbing hold of his wand in his pocket, ready for anything.

Dora shook her head, "it's him." She was leaving something out. Dumbledore watched them curiously. Remus took half a step so he was just barely in front of Tonks. She slid her hand in his, her grip firm.

"What is it then?" Remus asked her, his voice soft and gentle, knowing she wouldn't be this nervous over nothing.

"There are two others behind him." She whispered, her lips barely moving. Dumbledore made moves to try and hear her, but Remus knew her voice was too soft. There was no way.

"Nymphadora, please state your concerns." The older man said, glancing down at their intertwined hands with a smile, as if this was a casual conversation over tea.

"Well sir," Tonks began, her voice holding edge and caution, "I am wondering why you have brought two people in this house disillusioned behind you." She gestured over his shoulder with her head. Remus looked at her like she was crazy.

"Dora…" He began, ready to apologize to the headmaster for her rudeness, and explain it away with lack of sleep.

The older man shook his head and smiled at the pixie next to Remus. "You, miss Tonks, are a very talented auror. Moody taught you well. How did you see them?" He asked, making no move to reveal the people behind him. Remus was shocked, glancing around Dumbledore trying to see what Tonks was talking about.

"They moved. As I came down. Shifted just slightly. Air doesn't ripple sir." She said, still holding her wand tightly at her side. Remus slipped his out of his pocket, now eyeing whoever was behind the headmaster suspiciously, though still unable to see them.

"Where is Sirius?" The man asked, as if there were not two vigilant order members ready to battle him at any moment. Remus had never shown Nymphadora the extent of his magical abilities, but he didn't think fighting Dumbledore would be a good place to start.

 _Fight dumbledore? Of course he's not worried. He could take us down with a blink, probably._ Remus had also never considered who would win in a battle between him and the headmaster, because it had never had to come to that.

Remus suddenly realized the severity of the situation, he positioned himself further in front of Nymphadora, who had the same revelation.

"Upstairs." Remus's reply was quick, to the point, and a total lie. "What's going on?" Remus knew he trusted this man, but something was off here.

"Sit down Remus." The headmaster said, walking over to the table and taking a slow seat at the head of it. Tonks didn't flinch as the two chairs next to him pulled out as well, clearly occupied by their unknown guests. She slipped in the seat as far from the headmaster as she could get. Remus right behind her. The tension in the air was practically visible. Broken only when the basement door was thrown open and Sirius stepped out.

"Moony, I think I figured out the best way to-" his words cut short when he saw the scene in front of him. Dumbledore looked pointedly at Remus for his lie, but remained otherwise quiet.

"Come sit Sirius. I think we need to speak all together." Remus said, sighing in relief as padfoot took the seat on the other side of Nymphadora. He wanted her to be protected.

"What's going on?" Tonks asked again, her voice holding more edge than before.

"You cannot tell anyone about what I am going to tell you. Because I will have to obliviate you." Dumbledore began, and the tone of his voice made clear he was not joking. Tonks tensed beside Remus, who slid his hand into hers without thinking. "I am going to show you who is beside me. If you so much as stand up, I will Obliviate your memories, and leave. And you will not remember this at all."

"Albus…" The voice next to him whispered. The sharp look from the headmaster silenced it. Tonks gasped quietly beside Remus, growing far more curious as to who was sitting at their table.

"Do you understand?" He asked, the familiar twinkle in his eye all but gone. The three order members sitting at the table nodded in unison, each equally on edge.

"Okay then." He pulled out his wand. Tonks stood at her chair. The headmaster froze. "Nymphadora." He rebuked her calmly.

"Well sir, if I'm standing now, I won't jump later." She said, clearly willing to fight him on this topic. The old man pondered for a moment before nodding. Remus and Sirius stood beside her.

"Don't move." The man said to no one in particular yet everyone at the same time. He pulled out his wand, and slowly but surely two figures appeared in the seat beside him. Remus saw flashes of black and red hair and began to think that the headmaster had snuck Harry and Ginny into the house.

But it wasn't them. Tonks got it first, and raised her wand up to the table, her hand steady, pointing directly at Dumbledore. He had yet to move as the figures appeared more fully. Remus felt his legs weakening as he looked at the people to side of the the headmaster. He felt Tonks push him into his seat.

"What the _hell_?" She asked him angrily, her wand still pointing directly at Dumbledore. He didn't move. Simply watched as James potter stood up in his seat.

"Tonks, is it?" He asked. Her wand shot to his face. Remus couldn't move, Sirius couldn't help. Dumbledore merely smiled. "He said you would put up a fight. So I want to warn you I'm a rather good dueler." He cracked a cautious smile, but pulled a wand from his pocket anyway, pointing it at her. Without a single thought Remus was on his feet again, his best friend disarmed with a look of shock on his face.

 _Not your best friend. James is dead. James is dead._ Tonks looked at him approvingly before training her eyes back on James. Lily stood up next.

"Remus, that seemed hardly necessary…" She pulled her wand out anyway. A flick of Dora's wand and Lily's was in her hand. Remus's lip twitched to a smile as he watched her set the wand down, training her eyes on her head master.

"Explain." She demanded, in a way most would never dare to speak to Dumbledore. Usually Remus would have told her to respect him. But this was beyond logic.

"I forgot how good of a fighter you were Nymphadora." The man said, standing quietly and pulling out his wand. Tonks froze even stiller beside him, her hand shaking once as she looked to him. "Calm down." He said, detecting her change in stance, her readiness to fight. "I'm not here to kill you. And neither are they." He gesture to Lily and James who were both watching Tonks with a mixture of confusion and pride. Remus took a step closer to her. " _Vitarme kedavra"_ the headmaster said, getting confused looks from Sirius and Tonks, and a gasp of shock from Remus.

 _This isn't James. Lily is dead. Vitarme has never been proven…_

"Remus?" Tonks asked beside him, hoping he would explain to her what the headmaster just uttered. He shook his head.

"How did you keep them hidden?" He asked accusingly. "15 years? In hiding? I don't believe it." And he didn't. It didn't make sense. James raised his eyebrows.

"Moony, this is Dumbledore we're talking about. Nothing is beyond-"

"I'm sorry, but don't talk. Not yet." Remus snapped at the man, as Tonks set her hand on his arm.

"We didn't know if Voldemort would be coming back to power. I could not risk it." The old man said simply, not exactly answering the question.

"But Harry saw them. Their spirit." Sirius argued, looking as confused and hurt and Remus felt.

"Their split soul." Dumbledore said, as if it offered any true explanation to what was happening before them.

"This doesn't make sense." Tonks said, shaking her head. Remus was not letting his guard down.

"Why now?" He asked, growing suddenly angry. "Why not when Sirius escaped? Why not when I almost went to Greyback because I felt responsible? Why not when Snape made me lose my job? Why not when Harry almost died last year? Why not any other time than now?!" He didn't realize he was shouting, but when he did he didn't care.

"The time wasn't right." Albus spoke gently, despite Remus's outburst. "If you can't handle this than I can-"

"If you say obliviate him I will show you just how good a fighter I really am. Now what the hell is this this bloody _vitarme kedavra."_ Tonks said, her voice low and biting.

"Life, and love. Over death. Literally that's what it means," Remus began, anxiously turning his back to his friends behind him and giving his full attention to Tonks. "Voldemort tried to kill Harry. Lily stepped in front. The logical thought is it killed her. But her love for him caused the _vitarme_ to be cast instead. It's wandless magic, usually that the caster doesn't even know they cast. But it's so powerful that it knocked her out, and evidently James too. The love was so powerful that it killed Voldemort. Well didn't kill him, but you know." Tonks nodded, glancing nervously at James and lily behind him.

"I still don't get it." Tonks said, looking to Dumbledore for more explanation, not yet trusting that these people were who he said they were.

"I found them first, I realized what had happened, but vitarme has never been done without backlash, so there's never been a successful case because usually the unintentional caster ends up better off dead anyway. So I took them, and I gave them several months. They did not exactly remember what had happened, so I gave them time to put the pieces together, then I let them figure the rest out."

"And what you just kept them in hiding for 15 years? Hoping they'd never get caught?" Tonks was several steps beyond angry, and she wanted answers faster than she was being given them

"Well we spent some time in the muggle ministry-"

"Government," Lily cut James off. "We talked through how to prepare for war and the impact of this spell that we were still figuring out. We worked closely with them to run tests and make sure everything was actually okay, then yes. We hid. For about five years now."

"Why?" Sirius asked, his voice a broken whisper as he thought through the time he was forced to spend in prison.

"We needed to make sure it was safe. We needed Voldemort to think we were dead and if he rose back to power, and we needed to really make sure nothing bad had happened, especially with the split soul thing that I still don't understand. But the time is right, and we still need to hide, but now we need to hide with you all, because now there is work to be done, and if he finds out we're alive, we'll just have to be ready.

"So… That's really them?" Tonks asked, her eyes widening slightly. "Harry has parents?" She asked, looking from them to Remus quickly.

He nodded, one time, still unsure, still on edge. Sirius threw caution to the wind.

"Prongs." He rushed over and threw his arms around the man in an unusual display of affection that was matched, if not exceeded by James. Lily wiped at a tear in her eye.

"Remus…" She said slowly, walking around the table toward him. He grabbed at Tonks's hand again, drawing strength from her warmth.

"Lily…" He said just as uncertainly, not moving toward her, but not moving away. Dora stepped toward her.

"I'm Tonks." She said, holding out the hand that Remus wasn't holding to shake Lily's. The redhead smiled, looking at their hands together, then to Remus.

"I didn't think he'd ever find anyone…" She said slowly, just as she was saying everything else. Tonks didn't argue. Not when she wasn't sure herself at this point what she was to Remus. He didn't argue either. She could stop the smile that played on her lips when she realized that.

"Good. Good. But we do have a great deal to discuss. Like what we are going to tell everyone when they come tomorrow. And how to tell Harry." The headmaster interrupted the reunion, and ushered for them all to sit down, the previous tension lessened but not forgotten.

"There are questions about the past that need answers," Tonks, being the only one who was fully able to hold her head out of the three of them, took control of the situation quickly. "But first the present seems pressing. Where are they sleeping?" She asked, looking at Dumbledore, but smiling slightly as Remus grabbed her hand again.

"Here." It wasn't a question, and Tonks had to resist the urge to roll her eyes at the way he assumed that would be okay with them. Of course it was, but it was irritating to her nonetheless.

"Alright, so we'll have the Potters, Harry and the-" Lily cut her off.

"Harry is staying here too?" She asked, looking at Remus as if he was in charge instead of Albus.

Tonks waved her hand at the woman, continuing on her tirade with a huff. "We'll have the Potter's, Hermione, and Weasley's all in the house as well as Sirius, and Remus?" The man glanced over to her at the mention of his name, but didn't fail to miss that she left herself out.

"And you?" He asked her, eyebrows pinched in curious sadness at the thought of her not staying here with them.

"I do have a flat Remus, but we'll see."

"That is correct Miss Tonks." Dumbledore said, giving her a chance to continue on with her questioning.

"Okay, so obviously you're going to tell the order about all of this?" She said, stating it not as a question, but an order, not unlike the way the headmaster often spoke to them about missions.

"Of course, and I shall be the secret keeper, just like with the house." Tonks' eyes flashed once.

"You're going to do it on the kids too?" She asked, her stance angry, her hair still the dark black it was when she left the bedroom just minutes earlier.

"Yes, I would hardly call them-"

She cut Dumbledore off too, Remus's felt himself gasp slightly as Dumbledore's eyes sparked like Tonks did. "No disrespect sir, but you know as well as I do that they are children. Whether they've gone through hell in life or not. You're going to perform the fidelius charm on them? Twice?" She asked, her voice rising with her temper, yet Remus made to move to calm her down.

"Yes." The response was quick, and Tonks huffed, shaking her head.

"Fine." She was angry, the tips of her hair turning the slightest shade of red. James's eyes trained onto it. "We tell them tomorrow then? At the meeting?" She asked, referring to the first meeting they would have with the family in the house. "And Harry, whenever he gets here?"

"Yes. And Harry is not to find out until he arrives." The older man added his voice stern and un-negotiable.

"When is he coming?" James asked suddenly, looking at the man with anger that Remus remember well from their youth.

"That is undecided." Albus said, looking around the room and making eye contact with

the five angry faces.

"I don't think you understand- we're here now he doesn't have to stay with his-" Dumbledore cut off whatever Lily was about to say. Her eyes narrowed at him, but she didn't say anything.

"I don't think you understand. We need to wait. And that's final." His voice was stern, something Remus hadn't heard from the man in a while.

While everyone in the room took a moment to calm their anxious nerves, a patronus came in, and disappeared. Remus realized it was private, and for the headmaster alone.

"Ah. It appears there's a situation that needs my attention. I will have to take my leave for now. But I will be back tomorrow for the meeting, with your things," he gestured to James and Lily, "until then, I believe you all have some catching up to do." He walked down the hall, and they heard the door shut, and the crack of apparition as he disappeared to wherever was more important than here.

Tonks took a deep breath before collapsing into her chair, covering her face with her hands.

Remus, ignoring the way James and Lily were watching, leaned into her. "Dora? Are you okay?" He asked softly, worried she was still upset about the boggarts.

"I pointed my wand at him!" She shouted, dropping her hand and staring straight into him. Her huge grey eyes were filled with shock, and maybe some fear. "I pointed my bloody wand at Albus _Dumbledore!_ " She huffed again, loudly, and cracked a smile at Remus.

"You could have taken him." He joked with her, poking at her side. She simply huffed and rolled her eyes.

"Can't take a few boggarts, but I can take the most powerful wizard in the world? Yeah right," she shook her head, "Which reminds me, best get King and Moody here to fix the…" She trailed off looking at James and Lily.

"Oh." She said, looking back to Remus. "No one can come until tomorrow can they?" She asked, her voice just slightly more dejected than it was a moment ago. Remus pondered this as Sirius cut in.

"What's this about boggarts?" He asked, looking at Remus before understanding dawned on his face. "You went in the room on the left didn't you." It was a question. Remus let out a huff of breath before nodding. "Moony, there has to be hundreds of them in the closet. I didn't even think… I'm sorry mate. How many came out." Lupin glanced at Tonks whose eyes were guarded again, looking at her hands.

"Not hundreds." Remus said, startled at the thought of having to go back up there.

"But you're good with them," Sirius said, clearly missing the tone of his voice. "Your's has been the full moon since we were in school. You were the boggart master, so I can imagine it must be easy enough for you to…" He trailed off as he saw the way Tonks was looking at Remus.

"Full moon?" She asked slowly, as Remus glanced down at his hands. James and Lily simply watched the interaction take place in front of them.

"Mate, what did it come out to now?" Sirius asked slowly, not liking the look on Tonks Or Remus's face.

"It doesn't matter," James said suddenly, "We can all go up together, five hands work better than-"

"No!" Remus and Tonks said at the same time, both turning red as they realized their outburst. Sirius looked at both suspiciously, but didn't say anything.

"We'll leave it be for now. Mad-eye and I will go when he gets here." Tonks said firmly, ending the discussion for all but Remus.

"Nymphadora, you don't have to-"

"Tonks, Remus." She said, suddenly going cold on him. "And anyway, Mad-eye has seen my boggart, and knows how to handle mine and his. It'll be fine." Lily looked at the woman next to Remus, and couldn't help but wonder what she feared most. What part of her Remus saw that set her so on edge.

"Well then, how about we spend some much needed time going over the last fifteen years, shall we?" James asked, attempting to lighten the mood.

"Let's make our way to the library to talk then." Remus said, not letting go of Tonks's hand as they led the group to their place of solace.


	3. Chapter 3

The entire Weasley family, and Hermione sat in the kitchen of Grimmauld place, looks of shock and terror etched on all of their faces.

"It's not possible…" Hermione said, disbelief clouding every feature on her face. Tonks and Remus sat, hand in hand, at the head of the table, James and Lily just feet behind them.

"You know just as well as I do that it is Hermione." Remus reasoned with his brightest student, believing that she had somehow read about this spell.

"But it's never been done before…" She said, looking cautiously at the Potters, as if uncertain it was possibly really them.

"Never been done before fifteen years ago. At least never documented." Tonks reasoned with the girl, smiling slightly at the pained look as Hermione dug through her brain trying to remember everything she could.

All things considered they had taken the news rather well. There were only a few thrown hexes, and a single outburst of anger, not unlike Remus's, from Ron; he was simply angry on behalf of his best friend, as well as afraid for how Harry would respond when he found out.

"If I may be so bold as to say, we didn't really have much choice in our hiding out. But if we did we would have come clean years ago. But we vowed it, and after beating death once, it didn't seem wise to try again." James supplied the half-hearted logic to Ron, who was looking both enraged and ecstatic, rotating between the two of them.

"How long until we can tell Harry? He's been writing angry letters to the burrow, then they just stopped. He's really angry." Hermione changed the shifted the subject to say what everyone was thinking, Molly Weasley growing nervous at the look on Tonks face.

"Well, it's the fidelius charm Hermione. You can't say anything. Literally, you are unable to speak of this to anyone who doesn't already know." Tonks explained anxiously, hating that Dumbledore decided to use it on them again. Two huge secrets that they were involved in. Two more things they knew that could get them into life threatening danger if anyone found out that they knew. Molly hit the table in out of character anger.

"Dumbledore has no right!" Molly shouted, standing suddenly, looking at her husband in his seat. "These are his parents! Dumbledore has no right!" Arthur simply nodded, rubbing her arm as she sat back down. Remus didn't miss the way Lily's eyes filled with tears at the mention of Harry. There were a great deal of emotions worked through the night prior as they spoke in the library.

"We know Molly, none of us find this particularly easy, but we have to trust that Harry will know soon enough. Just a while longer until-"

Tonks words fell short as the familiar phoenix patronus floated into the room.

 _There's been a breach, underage magic. Alastor will arrive tonight at 6. The boy will arrive at the dog beach in early full moons time. Front deck will be played. I'll be in touch, after I establish peace with chocolate._

Hermione's eyebrows shot up, "Was that a patronus message?" She asked, having never seen one before like that, but knowing they existed. Remus nodded distractedly, looking at the confused faces around the room.

"Underage magic? It's Harry then?" Hermione was looking to Remus for her answers, which he didn't have.

"What my perception is that yes, Harry did for some reason to underage magic. Mad-eye is running a meeting tonight where we will prep to get Harry, tomorrow. We bring him here-"

"The dog beach." Tonks laughed despite herself, Sirius rolled his eyes as Remus glanced over sternly.

"Tomorrow, early full moons time. We'll have a front guard to get him? I think. And Albus will be arriving here at some point, after going to the ministry and talking to Fudge, likely about not expelling Harry as they probably already did." Remus finished the explanation, glancing at the clock. Moody would be arriving in an hour. "Everyone will be coming soon." He added for good measure, knowing this was something no one in the order would want to pass up.

Hermione shot a look to Ron before jumping up toward their old professor. "But Harry wouldn't use underage magic unless he-'

" _Upstairs_!" Molly called to the children, who all jumped with the same level of shock.

Ginny was immediately defiant. "Mum! We can't go now Harry needs-"

"This is order business. I should have sent you out the moment we saw the patronus come in. You have no need to be here, up to your rooms, all of you!" Knowing there was no way out of this, and that they would never overpower the Weasley matriarch, Fred, George, Ron Ginny, and Hermione trudged upstairs with speed that rivaled a slug. Tonks chuckled to herself at the moods of the kids, but grew serious as she took in the severity of the situation.

Tonks looked at Arthur suddenly, her head tilted in confusion. "Who was supposed to be on guard duty tonight? Why weren't they-"

"Fletcher!" Mad-eye Moody's voice rang out from behind her, causing the young witch to jump up, her wand pointed at his face. Remus watched, amused, as both James and Lily's mouths dropped open. No one pointed their wand at Mad-eye and lived.

"What color was my hair the night of the first true death eater catch?" Tonks asked him seriously, not lowering her wand an inch, nor commenting on the fact that he was nearly an hour earlier than they expected him to be.

"Let's see, are we talking before or after your sweet aunt _crucioed_ you halfway to insanity?" Moody said back quickly, meeting her wand with his. Tonks pondered for a moment.

"Before." She said, with a smirk, her wand already lowering.

"Oh what was it…" The gruff man lowered his wand a hair too, "'Lapis blue' was it?" Tonks dropped her wand and threw her arms around him, a habit she had taken to ever since he had been overpowered and polyjuiced. Mad-eye patted her back, something he would only ever do to Tonks, before standing straight again and stomping his way through the kitchen. He glanced at the Potters.

"Glad to see you're finally in the open." He said to them before sitting at the table, watching with distaste as Tonks changed her hair to the wildest shade of blue Remus had ever seen. It didn't shock anyone that Mad-eye knew they were alive, and James and Lily didn't offer any explanation as to how long the older man had known.

"Dementors." Moody said without introduction, getting the full attention of everyone in the room with a single word. "Potter cast a patronus to get rid of dementors. Because Mundungus left his post." Remus was filled with rage beyond any calm, but James beat him to it.

"He _left_ my _SON_?" James screamed, Tonks took a step back at the shouting, but Mad-eye made no signal of alarm. "Is he okay?" James asked, anger still sharp in his tone. Moody nodded once.

"He casts a wonderful patronus." Tonks didn't miss Mad-eye's glance in Remus's direction. _Of course Lupin taught him how_.

"The rest of the order will be here soon. Get what you need, we fly out as soon as we can." He dropped a list on the table of the front and rear guard.

Remus slipped out of the kitchen, ushering Tonks to follow him. They hadn't had any time alone since their run in with the boggart yesterday, and he was beginning to see that if they didn't take it now it would never come. Together they walked up the stairs and into Remus' room, sitting on the bed. All it took was a flick of his wand before the door swung shut, and a silencing charm was placed over it.

"Crucioed halfway to insanity?" Remus asked her without thinking, quoting Moody's words from just minutes before. Tonks looked up at him with her grey, circle eyes, a hint of a smile playing at her mouth.

"I'm an auror Remus, I've been attacked before." She said, still smiling, as if the prospect of her being in danger should be funny to him.

"How many times have you had an unforgivable thrown at you?" His panic was rising, he couldn't imagine how awful that must be for her.

"I don't keep count, Remus." She said, still smirking at him.

"That many?!" He was growing more and more upset with every word she said, with the casual way she referenced her near death experience. He knew she didn't like to talk about work, and usually he had to drag it out of her, but at least she should tell him this!

"Dora, I don't like…" He trailed off knowing what he was about to say would be hard, impossible to go back from. But he had to. "I don't like the thought of you getting hurt." He said quickly, looking at the bed bashfully.

Her hand slid over to his.

"Remus?" He looked up at her. Locked onto her eyes, watching as she set her guard down. He didn't think straight as his hand reached up and touched her cheek, tracing the faint white scar the stretched from the corner of her eye to the middle of her cheek bone. She took in a little gasp of air, her eyes fluttering shut.

"Dora… Tell me about your battles." He whispered, feeling his guard dropping as he looked at her, her hair slowly shifting from blue to pink as she shook her head in relation to his question. He chuckled. "Your hair, Tonks." He said, watching as her eyes opened, her brows pinching in confusion.

"What do you…" She pulled at a strand, her cheeks filling with red and she saw the pink. "It happens when I get…" She trailed off again, looking up at him, biting her bottom lip nervously.

"When you get what?" He whispered, leaning into her just a little closer. He brought his hand down, tracing her bottom lip with his middle finger. She shuddered out another breath, closing her eyes again. All reservations gone, Remus found himself leaning toward her even more. He closed the gap quickly, touching his lips to her slowly. She pulled back for a moment, not even long enough for him to move, before meeting him again, pulling her hands up to rest behind his head. He slipped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him on the bed.

He pulled her down with him, so that they were laying on the bed facing each other, pulling away slowly and opening his eyes. Her grey orbs stared back at him, sparking with a joy and color he had never seen before.

"Remus…" She breathed out, catching her breath from the rush of emotions she had just felt. He cut her off with a look.

"I-" he gasped in air , pulled her even closer to him so her head tucked into his shoulder and he could breathe it into her ear. He knew it was wrong, he knew he couldn't give her everything he ought to. But he lay there trying to remember what it felt like to live without her by his side, and failing.

She pulled away suddenly, looking at him. "Remus… I can't…" Her eyes were wide and sad at the same time, and for a moment he thought she was going to make him leave, tell him that she couldn't believe he would kiss her like that. But then she shook her head with a subtle smile at her lips. "I've waited nearly a month for that." She breathed on to him, as he felt her eyelashes brush his neck when she closed her eyes. He cracked a smile, realizing he had been waiting just as long. Since their first meeting. He was drawn to her in ways he knew he would never be able to explain.

It had only been a month but it felt like a lifetime. He was basking in the feeling of being so close to her, but then he remembered he brought her here for a real reason. To talk.

"Nymphadora, we need to talk about what happened yesterday, before the Potter's arrived." Remus had been vying for a chance to talk to his two friends too, but that was certainly not going to happen until at least after they got Harry, but more likely until after everyone left for school.

He felt her eyes open, and they both adjusted so they were sitting. He wrapped his arms around her waist, and her head rested on the front of his shoulder.

"You first." She said casually, still not willing to believe that the wolf boggart was hers. "And before you try to lie to me, I know my fears Remus. Werewolves didn't even make it on the list in my childhood." She added for good measure, as if she could read his thoughts.

 _Be sure to ask Sirius if Tonks can perform wandless legilimency._ He didn't want to get distracted now by asking.

Remus took in a deep breathe, trying to decide if he could even get out the words he was trying to say. "Tonks." He shook his head. "... Dora…" She smiled at him, her hair shimmering even pinker if that was even possible. "My biggest fear is losing control and hurting you. Especially in a state where I wouldn't even care." He pulled her closer to him, his body going cold at the thought as it always did.

"We already survived one full moon together Remus, I would say it's like riding a broom. Only gets easier with time." She began to absently trace lines on his thigh where her hand was resting as she spoke. He wanted to pull away from her touch, knowing in his stomach he couldn't just blindly lead her on, but his will power just wasn't strong enough, her touch felt too good for him to think about letting it go.

He thought back to their first time together through his full moon. He didn't want to remember the stress it had put him under the days before. He was trying not to think of it now for fear of hurting himself during the transformation with the anxiety.

But he would always remember the morning after and all the good feelings that came with it. And everything wonderful about waking up with a woman beside him who cared for him and wanted to be with him, that was something he would never forget, something that he already knew he wanted to keep forever. The way she held a hot towel to the hurt parts and healed him with wandless magic that made it feel like feathers on his body.

He smiled despite himself.

"See?" She said, touching the corner of his mouth with the tip of her thin finger. He shook his head, suddenly serious.

"You don't understand, Nymphadora." He said, knowing she would soon grow frustrated with his feeble attempts at clarifying something impossible. "If I forget the potion… if one variable falls out of place you are dead and I am at fault. You are running from me… bleeding out. And I am too attracted to the scent of your blood to even care. Don't you see how scary that should be for you?"

He watched her eyes flash. _Wrong question._ He cringed internally.

"We won't let it happen." She said simply, her eyes filling with some unreadable emotion. He grabbed her hands in his quickly, and looked straight into her grey owl eyes. He knew arguing with her now would be futile. He had to figure out the cost, and if it was truly worth it.

 _Selfish, selfish, selfish_.

She pulled her hands away and flicked his shoulder.

"Don't do that." She said sternly, like a mother rebuking a young child. He smirked despite himself, shaking his head.

 _Definitely wandless legilimency._ He decided, shaking his head with a smile, trying to push away the thoughts that would cloud this most happy moment.

"We should really go back down there." She said, gesturing with her head to the shut door. She touched at her throat nervously with her hand, before separating herself from him completely and standing up with a bounce.

"What is it?" He asked her, hating the idea of anything hurting her heart and mind, wanting to keep her safe from danger both physically and emotionally.

"I have a bad feeling about this one." She said, he assumed she was referring to the Potter pick up, and felt his eyebrows pinch together.

"Are your bad feelings usually correct?" He asked, realizing he didn't think he wanted to know the real answer.

The pink haired woman didn't respond. She just smiled sadly, and walked toward the door, heading back down. Remus decided it would look less suspicious if they didn't go down together, so he waited in his room for a minute, trying not to let his thoughts go to the places they normally did. When he realized he was quickly failing he jumped to his feet, figuring that at least distracting himself from his thoughts would be better for him.

He walked down stairs, watching from the doorway as Moody and Tonks conversed in hushed tones. Mad-eye mumbled something that got a smirk and a head shake from Nymphadora before she began writing on a piece of parchment. Remus loved watching their interactions together, often wondering if she treated Alastor the same way she treated her own father. James came up behind Remus, standing next to him in the doorway.

"She's a fine one, that Tonks." James said, giving her a look of honest appreciation, maybe even wonder. "Don't mess this up." He added for good measure. But something about the way he said it sounded different from every other time it was said to him at school. Remus looked up at his friend.

"I don't plan to." He said honestly, realizing that he didn't want to imagine destroying something as beautiful as Nymphadora Tonks. "But I will consider the truth that the best thing for her could possibly be me leaving." He said, knowing he had to tell someone.

James shook his head. Remus was struck again with the similarities between him and Harry. "Remus, trust me, it's not." Remus huffed slightly, before nodding, choosing, as he often did, not to press the issue in the moment.

Tonks looked up at them, her eyes sparking in excitement. "I got a plan to keep the Dursley's away from home so we can get Harry." She said, ushering the two men over with her eyes. Remus walked over placing his hands on the back of her chair and leaning over her to read her script writing on the paper in front of her.

James read from the seat next to her and smiled in approval. "That will definitely get them out. The arrogant-"

"Don't go off on them now James, they kept him alive this long." Lily entered the room with Molly Weasley. Both had clearly been crying, and Remus could only guess it was due to the sincerity of Lily's gratitude for Molly's love for Harry, and the new friendship that had quickly formed between the two motherly women.

Mad-eye stood quickly, glancing around the room with his magical eye, on edge.

"The others are coming." He said allowing everyone to adjust their stance so the Potter's could be seen, but protected by the group.

James sighed loudly as they all did. " I see no reason why you all have to-"

"Oh shut it." Tonk interrupted him quickly, probably just a sick of the 'I don't need protecting speech' as everyone else. Mad-eye walked to the front of the house to brace everyone for what they were going to see as they walked in. Remus wondered if Albus had decided to Make Alastor the secret keeper.

Slowly but surely the order members filed in, all getting the same professorly speech from Remus about the history of _Vitarme Kedavra_ and how the Potter's were kept hidden for so long. He had expected the shocked relief from everyone. The excitement, joy and wonder, as well as the tears and questions that felt never ending as more and more friends and members walked in. What Remus didn't expect was the reaction from Severus Snape, or Lily's audible gasp when he walked in. Severus immediately pulled out his wand, trained directly at James's face.

Remus was ready- knowing this would be impossibly hard for Snape- but evidently not ready enough. Severus, in his confused anger, threw a nasty hex toward James, who would have been hit if not for Tonks who parried it away quickly and with ease. Snape turned his attention to her, managing to duel he while watching Lily. Tonks distracted him by morphing into a younger version of the red haired woman, before throwing a body binding spell his way.

She transformed back into herself and looked at Mad-eye angrily. "What the hell?" She asked, as Remus was learning she did often when things arose that she didn't understand.

"You were doing fine on your own." Mad-eye almost lazily said before walking over to Snape and throwing him in a chair angrily. "Are you ready to handle this like a man?" Moody asked in his gruff, angry voice.

Severus didn't say anything, he didn't move. He looked on the edge of hysterics, and Remus felt for him. Severus loved this woman- yet he thought she had died. Moody looked around sadly, if Remus could say Moody felt remorse, that is.

"Nymphadora." He called. The young witch walked over, but Remus didn't miss the way her eyes widened in alarm.

"Obliviate him, please." Mad-eye said calmly. Ignoring the look of confusion from around the room. Tonks took in a gasp of air, not moving her wand. Severus's eyes stayed trained on Lily Potter who was now staring Tonks down with a wild look Remus had surely never seen in her eyes before.

"Nymphadora." Mad-eye said again, a bit more stern but nothing like his usual tone.

"Just the things that tie him to her in the way that will make this impossible for him. Think of what you did with-" Her eyes widened, and she shook her head at him, whispering something to him nervously. Her old partner needed to be obliviated upon finding out about the order and threatening to tell the minister. Tonks had an excellent hand in that kind of magic but hated it more than anything else. "I know I'm good at this Mad-Eye but you don't-"

He nodded. "That's why you need to be the one to do it." Mad-eye's tone was soft as he interrupted her, but it left no room for argument. No one made moves to do anything, just watched the interaction with curious wonder.

"Please." She whispered. Remus heard her voice break, but she moved her wand anyway, as Alastor placed an encouraging hand on her back. "Dumbledore knows?" She asked, looking at Mad-eye, and no one else in the room.

Moody nodded, Lily chose then to speak. "What are you doing?" She asked, her voice strained and concerned. Mad-eye shook his head, not moving his eyes from Dora.

"It has to be like this. Severus knew this would be coming" He said in a voice that left no room for argument. Lily turned her head into James as she cried. Snape looked up at her as she did, his own eyes filling with tears.

Tonks gave one last look at Mad-eye, before raising her wand. Snape looked up at her.

"Take it all. I don't want to do this anymore." He whispered brokenly. Tonk's eyes fell, and filled with tears, but she shook her head.

"You'll thank me one day. Even if you don't know why. I won't take who you are" She said, before touching her wand to the side of his head and mumbling the incantation. Everyone watched in awe as she pulled select pieces of his memory from his mind, placing them in the jar Mad-eye pulled from his pocket. She did it three times, before looking at Severus intently, and quickly knocking him out with a hex.

Snape was skilled in the map of the mind. He could have stopped her, but he didn't. _He wanted the memories gone._ Remus realized with a painful ache in his chest, he let her in, and he let her take it.

Mad-eye patted her shoulder softly, before gesturing to the door, giving her an escape.

Nymphadora Tonks ran away without looking back.

"What did you do?!" Lily shouted at him, as James held on to her, she already knew the answer, and even thought she'd nearly hated snape by the end of their time together, she'd always had a soft spot for him and was working on convincing James to repair their friendship when they 'died'.

"He'll remember everything important, except his relation to you. We'll explain why you're in hiding, and he will wonder how he never met you in his time at school. But it won't matter. He won't remember his times with James and the group. He won't hate you all so much. Because it all came back to Lily. And he would not be able to work in the group with you, he barely made it through with Sirius and Remus." Mad-eye explained, the usual angry tone gone from his voice.

Lily shook her head sadly, letting her tears fall. Sirius spoke up, his eyes trained on the door where Tonks had pushed out only moments before.

"Why'd it have to be Tonks?" He asked angrily, standing now in a way that looked rather accusatory. Mad-eye shook his head, a proud smile on his lips despite the weight of sorrow that was heavy in the room.

"She is one of the most well trained legilimens I've ever met, next to Dumbledore, Snape himself, and me. But I have a nasty habit of taking too much. And I couldn't risk it. Not only could she see exactly what she needed to, she has a gentle obliviating touch that leaves everything important." Mad-eye spoke of her with pride, his magical eye shooting up to the place Remus imagined Tonks was sitting.

He turned to Remus suddenly, his real eye lining up with the magical one.

"What's on the third floor that would get her so determined?" He asked quickly. Remus took only one second to glance at Sirius before the two men apparated upstairs to the door on the left. The boggart room.

Remus grabbed the handle but found that it was locked.

"Tonks! Stop!" He called into the room, knowing she was beating herself up for taking Snape's memories. He didn't know why, but he would do anything to figure it out so he could help her.

"Go away." She called back. He could tell by the tone of her voice that she had been, or was currently crying, he knew she wasn't an emotional girl, but she was so young and dealing with so much pressure, it would sit heavy on anyone. Sirius shook his head, transformed to his animagus self, and crashed into the door. Remus was not surprised when it flew open, figuring Tonk's spell casting wasn't at it's best with her current state of emotion.

Sirius was back to his human self, rushing over to the woman who was sitting against the closet door, which was thankfully shut.

Tonks looked up.

"They're gone." She said softly, pointing with her wand to the door behind her. Remus chose not to ask any questions on the matter in that moment, thankfully Sirius remained quiet as well. How she got rid of them was not important in that moment, though he was dying to know how she did it, as well as dying to forget the pain it probably put her through.

The girl took a slow, steady breath before looking at the two men in front of her.

"Memory spells have always been a special talent of mine. Which sucks, because I hate them more than anything in the world. I think I'd have rather used and unforgivable than…" She shook her head, Remus noticed how reluctant she was to show emotion most of the time. "Memory charms should be unforgivables. Because you can't take it back…"

Sirius walked over and sat next to her, resting his hand on her knee.

"I'm sorry you have to do that Tonksie. It's not fair to you." Remus wondered if there was another time that Tonks had to erase a memory that hurt her so bad which made this time feel even worse, but again, it didn't feel like the right time to ask.

"Snape, for all the awful that's in him, knew love because of Lily. What's it going to mean now if we took that one taste of real love from him? What if he's someone totally different because of the things I took from him? Because of the feelings I took from his brain?" Her voice was harsh and heavy, yet a whisper that both men had to strain their ears to truly hear.

There was a gentle knock on the only half closed door, and James Potter walked in cautiously.

"Hey." He said uncertainly, looking down at the three wizards on the ground. He then made direct eye contact with the two men. "Can I have a minute please?" He asked. Remus felt Nymphadora tighten beside him, but knowing James the way he did he felt himself standing; Sirius following suit.

"Remus…" Tonks began, reaching up to him. He pulled her to her feet, looking directly into her eyes.

"It'll be okay. I promise." He said, squeezing her hand, before turning and walking out with Sirius, pulling the door closed just enough that she could still see out, and see him standing in the hall waiting for her.

He watched as James slid to the ground, pulling her with him. Remus felt himself smiling for the millionth time with appreciation that his best friend was really back, remembering countless moments in school where James knew exactly how to help someone.

"Do you mind?" James asked gently, looking into Tonks' eyes carefully. She shook her head, before flicking her wand toward the door much to the surprise of Remus. It closed gently in his face

"You are a mystery, Tonks." James said with a smile, confused by her nearly all the time. "But that's not why I'm here. I'm here because I figured I could talk to you for a minute."

The pink hair bobbed as she nodded, ushering him to go on.

"Memory charms were my thing in the beginning too. I don't know if Mad-eye ever told you that. But as far as things in the order are concerned it was my thing. And I can't think of anything that has the ability to hurt a person more than taking away the memories of another, especially someone as feeling as I believe you are.

"I don't have big words of encouragement of supreme helpfulness. I wish I did. I wish I could give you the key to getting over the pain of what you didn't want to do but had to. But I can't. All I can do is sit here and thank you for hurting your heart for the sake of Lily and I, two people you don't even know and have no reason to care about. I can also sit and tell you that I really do understand what you're feeling, and tell you I'm sorry that you have to feel it." He glanced down at the woman next to him.

"Thank you." She said plainly, as he had figured she would. He didn't pry for more information, because really it didn't matter why this was so hard for her, just that it was and that he understood. He stood up, not offering to help her believing she wouldn't accept it anyway, and opened the door. Remus stood when they entered the hallway, smiling at James.

"Moody said to come down at six thirty to eat, we'll fill you in on any essentials of the meeting at dinner." James said, nodding Remus once, before turning to go down the stairs, Sirius following suit, much to Remus's surprise.

He tugged at Tonks finger, walking into his room with her, sitting down on the edge of his bed. She flopped down next to him, quickly falling on her back with a loud huff. He let the silence hang for a minute, finally getting ready to speak when her gentle voice filled the space.

"James is cool, by the way, I see why you guys were friends. I mean I saw before because of all the good you had to say about him, but now it almost seems more clear to me." She said, looking at the back of his head from her place on the bed. He nodded, agreeing, but his thoughts were elsewhere. Without full thought he blurted the question he had been pondering.

"Have you ever used legilimency on me?" He asked, making sure to keep any form of accusation out of his voice, but wanting to know anyway.

She hit his arm gently, but he could feel the frustration in the action. "Moody mentioned that did he? No, never. You're just unnaturally easy to read. But I don't just invade people's privacy for fun." He nodded, setting his hand on her knee.

"That's good to know. Thank you. You can read my mind any time. But I'll have you know, for as weak as I am in legilimency I make up for in occlumency." He looked over just as she cracked a smile.

He tugged her wrist so she was sitting up next to him.

"Tonks about earlier today. I think my… actions… were a bit… a bit rash…" Remus said, thinking back to the fact that he kissed her.

 _As if she would want anything to do with a werewolf. She deserves a life far better than that._

"Remus. I don't expect you to marry me just because you kissed me. I'm used to it at this point." She said, her voice holding a harshness she hadn't intended but wasn't going to apologize for. He looked at her quizzically, feeling suddenly like they were saying two very different things. He watched the walls go back up in her grey eyes and realized quickly she was thinking the opposite of what he was saying.

"No, Dora. Don't get the wrong idea here. I didn't just kiss you because I want to use you for physical... advancements," He shuddered at the thought of anyone wanting to use her like that. "Please don't ever think that." He added, tilting his head so he could catch her eyes with his own. She simply nodded, a sad smile tugging at her lips which she was trying to hide.

Her eyes were still closed off to him. He had so many questions he wanted to ask her, so many things he wanted to know about her that were becoming greater mysteries to him every second. But he held out on bombarding her with anxiety ridden thoughts. He was trying to figure out how to explain what he was trying to say when she changed the subject.

"We're going to see Harry tomorrow." She said quickly, masking any negative emotions with the joyful thought. Remus couldn't stop a smile from spreading over his lips. "How do you think he's going to take James and Lily being here?"

"I don't know yet. I mean I know he'll be excited and everything… But I also know he'll be angry and maybe even afraid. And I think that his responses will impact Lily and James a lot too. So I'm just hoping we'll all be okay to take it minute by minute." Remus said, tugging her hand in his own.

"I still have a bad feeling." She said back, twisting her fingers through his hand absentmindedly, as if it were something she had done all the time.

"It's probably dinner time." He said back, working his way to standing up. She stood with him but shook her head.

"You go. I think I'm going to just head to bed. I have work tomorrow before we head out for the mission. But I'll get all the info from Mad-eye tomorrow, don't worry." Her voice was thick with hidden feeling.

"Alright, will you be staying here tonight?" He asked, trying to keep the question neutral. She shook her head.

"I forget what my flat looks like. I ought to go home for a night." She said the words with a smile which calmed Remus's anxious nerves a bit. He nodded, and walked her down the stairs to the front door where she was going to apparate out. He knew she wouldn't want to say goodbye to anyone and make a scene. He would just explain when he got in the kitchen where she went; and he would hope everyone would understand and not give her flack about it later.

"I'll see you tomorrow then, okay?" He asked her, letting her know with his eyes that she could tell him anything. Fighting the urge to kiss her because he couldn't do that to her again.

She gave a quick nod, and pushed the door open with one final squeeze of his hand. "You will. Tomorrow afternoon, I'll be here early before we take out to get Harry." He smiled at her once more, and stepped back so she could disapparate. One look back over her shoulder and she was gone.

The night felt impossibly long without her pink hair to brighten up the dark house. Although having Lily and James back made it feel a bit more comfortable. But then danger was looming over all of them, and suddenly, what with his best friends sitting next him him and the woman he loved nowhere near him, it felt like there was a lot more to lose.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey hey! Thanks for popping in again and reading. There's a portion of this chapter taken directly (mostly) from OOTP you know what it is, and you know I didn't write it. Feel free to review with critiques, questions, or support! It feels really good to know people are actually interested, but it feels equally good to have people tell me how I can improve. Hope you enjoy - bea. (pronounced like bee, short for Beatrice)**

Tomorrow afternoon, it turns out, meant much later than Remus had initially anticipated. He spent the morning with Lily and James and Sirius periodically eyeing the door, waiting for the young witch to walk in at any moment.

"We really get to see him tonight." Lily said, while fixing up sandwiches for the four of them, with Remus's help. Sirius and James had gone up to check all the rooms one more time while the Weasley's brought the rest of their essentials from the burrow.

Remus nodded, smiling, realizing how much he had missed the old times, and even though a great deal felt different in that moment, it was close enough to the past to bask in it.

"I missed you guys so much, little flower." He said to the woman next to him, getting an unexpected hug in return.

"Me too, Remus. But we're here now. And we can finally keep living." She said, setting two plates aside for the men upstairs. "Anyway, are you sure you're up to going out tonight with the full moon so close?" She asked, looking at him in the special way she always did.

"I can't imagine not being there tonight, Lil. Especially being that of the four of us I'm the only one currently allowed out of the house. I have to go." She nodded her agreement, and they sat down with the plates in front of them.

Remus was just about to take a bite when he heard a loud crash from the hallway followed by a shout from Tonks. Much to his surprise the portrait did not start screaming. Lily simply laughed knowingly, having already seen the clumsy side of Tonks that was always present.

The usually pink haired woman entered the kitchen pale cheeks blazing red, hair a distinct shade of purple Remus had yet to see.

"Quite the entrance." He said to her, smiling as she blushed even deeper. He pushed the chair to his side out with his foot and motioned for her to take a seat. She collapsed with a huff, shaking her head.

"How was work?" Lily asked, pulling her sandwich in half and handing the extra piece to Tonks who took it with a thankful smile.

"Paper-worky." She answered, taking a bite, and smiling even larger if that was even possible. "Everyday it seems like there's more garbage to work through. Dark- arts leads that seem like decoys from real issues. All because the minister is a bimbo who won't believe that you-know-who is really back." She shook her head in frustration and looked to Remus.

"Oh right. I didn't ask you a security question…" She said, trying to think of something.

"Don't worry, Nympha-" She shot him a look.

"Yeah okay. It's you." He saw the smirk playing at her lips despite the frustration he caused her. Security questions were becoming more common as everyone in the order grew a little bit more on edge. That and Tonks had taken to asking Mad-eye one every time she saw him out of fear of past situations coming back to haunt her.

The front door opened again and Tonks stood with a jump, her wand ready. Much to her surprise and disappointed James Potter walked in, not Moody. Remus laughed at her face again.

"Sorry to disappoint there Tonks, I was just throwing some garbage outside." He said standing behind Lily and rubbing her arms. Sirius entered the kitchen just moments later, shaking out his too long hair.

"The house is officially dark arts clean." He said, although they all knew there was still a great deal more to be done, it was as good as it's getting,

"There's lunch for you two on the counter." Lily waved her wand and the two sandwiches floated over as the men fell into their seats. Sirius bit into it with a contented sigh.

"I missed sandwiches from Lily so much." He said wistfully. James smiled but it almost seemed tight. Remus knew he was thinking about how hard things must have been for Sirius. Remus had been trying not to think about the difficulties their friend faced when the whole time Dumbledore had known the truth.

The front door was tossed open again and within seconds Mad-eye Moody was standing in the kitchen, Tonks not nearly as prepared as she had been the last time he entered.

"You're getting soft." He called to her, taking aim at her chest.

"Not soft, just tired." SHe said, her wand also aimed at him. "And- what was the reason you told me as to why you had to mentor me. The fake reason?" She asked half-heartedly, because she already knew it was him.

"You're skill as a klutz." Moody said with an unfamiliar chuckle. Remus enjoyed watching their interactions a great deal, because they always caught him off guard a bit more every time. No one besides Dora seemed able to get those more soft sides of Moody.

"Everyone's arriving in an hour. We take off fifteen minutes after that." Mad-eye said, getting right down to business. Remus nodded excitedly, watching as Moody left the kitchen and clomped up the stairs. Tonks shrugged and rolled her eyes as he went, as Sirius began to tell stories of the first war, while they all pretended not to dread what was coming.

Exactly one hour and forty three minutes later the group touched down in front of number four privet drive. Tonks smiled up at the house as the front guard slipped in the front door and sneaked their way upstairs.

It wasn't until Tonks broke a plate that Remus heard Harry's nervous, heavy breathing from the room he now had. The group was not doing their best to be quiet and Remus could imagine how that would terrify the poor boy who was up for expulsion.

They reached the bottom of the hallway with Harry atop the stairs, his wand pointed at them.

"Lower your wand, boy, before you take somebodies eye out!" Moody growled good naturedly, yet one hundred percent serious from his position. Remus heard Tonks chuckle at his side.

"'Professor Moody?' Harry asked uncertainly.

"I don't know so much about "Professor",' growled the voice, 'never got round to much

teaching, did I? Get down here, we want to see you properly.'

Harry lowered his wand slightly but did not relax his grip on it, nor did he move. He had very good reason to be suspicious. He had recently spent nine months in what he had thought was Mad-Eye Moody's company only to find out that it wasn't Moody at all, but an impostor; an impostor, moreover, who tried to kill him. Remus reasoned in his head before knowing Harry would like to see him.

"t's all right, Harry. We've come to take you away." Remus said up to Harry, hearing the boys breath catch in what he hoped to be excitement.

"P-Professor Lupin?' he said disbelievingly. 'Is that you?" Harry stuttered in response. Remus imagined Nymphadora smiling next to him at the title of professor.

"Why are we all standing in the dark?" She suddenly asked illuminating the hall quickly. Harry took in the group with wide eyes.

People took their turns commenting on Harry's appearance, which Remus knew he hated and much hoped someone would move forward with the plan.

"Are you quite sure it's him, Lupin?" Moody suddenly growled. 'It'd be a nice lookout if we bring back some Death Eater impersonating him. We ought to ask him something only the real Potter would know. Unless anyone brought any Veritaserum?'

"Harry, what form does your Patronus take?' Remus asked trying not to shake his head at Mad-eye's antics.

"A stag." said Harry nervously.

"That's him, Mad-Eye," Remus affirmed quickly, catching the eye roll from the woman to his side.

Very conscious of everybody still staring at him, Harry descended the stairs, stowing his wand in the back pocket of his jeans as he came.

"Don't put your wand there, boy!" roared Moody. "What if it ignited? Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!"

"Who d'you know who's lost a buttock?" the violet-haired witch asked Mad-Eye, getting a smug look from Remus at the sass dripping from her tone.

'Never you mind, you just keep your wand out of your back pocket!' growled Mad-Eye. 'Elementary wand-safety, nobody bothers about it any more.' He stumped off towards the kitchen. 'And I saw that,' he added irritably, as the woman rolled her eyes towards the ceiling, getting a nudge to the side from Remus, who did not feel like dealing with an angry Moody on the ride back.

The introductions went forth without a hitch, minus Tonk's mild display of anger with the introduction of her first name. But Remus firmly believed she secretly liked it when he called her that.

Mad-Eye, vigilant as ever refused to give Harry any answers, which was probably for the best being that there was no good way to tell him his parents were actually alive; a thought that still gave Remus chills of confused joy.

Remus's thoughts were pulled from his joy of his currently living best friends as Alastor's magical eye became stuck, focused on the ceiling.

"Damn it," he muttered angrily, putting a hand up to the magical eye, "it keeps getting stuck-ever since that scum wore it-"

And with a nasty squelching sound much like a plunger being pulled from a sink, he popped out his eye.

"Mad-Eye, you do know that's disgusting, don't you?" said Tonks conversationally, taking advantage of being one of the only wizards in the world who could call Mad-Eye Moody out for something. True to character, he ignored her.

"Get me a glass of water, would you, Harry." requested Moody. Harry crossed to the dishwasher, took out a clean glass and filled it with water at the sink, trying to ignore the stares from the more obvious members of the Order.

"Cheers," said Moody, when Harry handed him the glass. He dropped the magical eyeball into the water and prodded it up and down; the eye whizzed around, staring at them all in turn. "I want three hundred and sixty degrees visibility on the return journey." Moody said in explanation, ignoring the look of disgust Tonks handed to the glass.

"How're we getting-wherever we're going?" Harry asked.

"Brooms,' said Remus. "Only way. You're too young to Apparate, they'll be watching the Floo Network and it's more than our life's worth to set up an unauthorised Portkey." He chuckles to himself at his joke, watching as Tonks rolled her eyes again at him, good naturedly of course.

"Remus says you're a good flier." said Kingsley, his deep voice a contrast a Remus's softer one.

"He's excellent,' said Remus, checking his watch. "Anyway, you'd better go and get packed, Harry, we want to be ready to go when the signal comes."

"I'll come and help you." said Tonks brightly, following him up the stairs with a bounce. Remus knew she wanted to get on Harry's good side, but not for the reasons of his fame. She wanted him to feel comfortable around her, because she knew what it felt like to be different.

A few minutes later Tonks was levitating Harry's trunk down the stairs, ready to go.

"Excellent," said Remus, looking up as Tonks and Harry entered. "We've got about a minute, I think. We should probably get out into the garden so we're ready. Harry, I've left a letter telling your aunt and uncle not to worry-"

'They won't,' said Harry. Remus ignored him and tried to continue

"-that you're safe-"

"That'll just depress them."

"-and you'll see them next summer."

"Do I have to?"

Lupin smiled but made no answer, he had hopes the answer would actually be no.

"Come here, boy," said Moody gruffly, beckoning Harry towards him with his wand. "I need to Disillusion you."

"You need to what?" said Harry nervously.

"Disillusionment Charm," said Moody, raising his wand, giving no actual explanation to what he was doing. "Lupin says you've got an Invisibility Cloak, but it won't stay on while we're flying; this'll disguise you better. Here you go-" And he performed the charm on a very scared looking Harry.

They all stepped outside at Remus's suggestion, waiting for the signal.

"Clear night," grunted Moody, his magical eye scanning the heavens. "Could've done with a bit more cloud cover. Right, you," he barked at Harry, clearly forgetting Remus's other suggestion to not scare him. "we're going to be flying in close formation. Tonks'll be right in front of you, keep close on her tail. Lupin'll be covering you from below. I'm going to be behind you. The rest'll be circling us. We don't break ranks for anything, got me? If one of us is killed-"

"Is that likely?" Harry asked apprehensively, but Moody ignored him, Remus felt himself sigh.

"-the others keep flying, don't stop, don't break ranks. If they take out all of us and you survive, Harry, the rear guard are standing by to take over; keep flying east and they'll join you."

"Stop being so cheerful, Mad-Eye, he'll think we're not taking this seriously," said Tonks, as she strapped Harry's trunk and Hedwig's cage into a harness hanging from her broom. Harry cast her a thankful, fearful, and clearly uncertain glance.

"I'm just telling the boy the plan"' growled Moody. "Our job's to deliver him safely to Headquarters and if we die in the attempt-"

"No one's going to die," said Kingsley Shacklebolt in his deep, calming voice.

"Mount your brooms, that's the first signal!" Remus called sharply, pointing into the sky, thankful for a reason to shut Moody up.

Far, far above them, a shower of bright red sparks had flared among the stars. Everyone mounted their brooms.

"Second signal, let's go!" said Lupin loudly as more sparks, green this time, exploded high above them. And they were off.

The flight back was utterly freezing, but not unmanageable. It was entering the house that Remus was most nervous for.

They were late for the meeting. So Molly, acting as if there was nothing out of the ordinary ushered Harry up the stairs to Ron and Hermione. Remus tried not to think how Harry would take it when he found out Ron and Hermione knew about his parents being here days before he did.

"They'll find a way to tell him Remus." Tonks said, as she stumbled over a loose floorboard and into the kitchen with a cautious look back over her shoulder.

The meeting felt like it was going on for ages, James and Lily felt the same way, their eyes shooting up to the ceiling, where Harry's room was, every couple of seconds.

Finally Dumbledore adjourned them, and Molly walked out to get the kids. Remus, Tonks, and Mad-eye waited for them in the hall, having a plan of distraction to get Harry in the kitchen after everyone else.

The umbrella stand had a different idea.

"Remus do you think that-" She didn't get to finish the sentence as she went flying, crashing to the floor with a thump that seemed far to hefty for someone her size. The kids rushed down the stairs to see the drama ensue as the portrait of Walburga Black started screaming.

Sirius rushed out of the kitchen, James and Lily chasing after him without thought. Tonks rolled out of the way as they three of them ran towards her. From the ground she looked up at Remus, eyes wide.

 _This should be fun_. He glanced at Harry, who was looking at the three adults wrestling the picture, his eyes a mixture of angry and utterly confused.

The curtains were shut and silence filled the room.

"Harry. There are some things you need to know." Remus began, speaking slowly and walking toward the boy, whose eyes were trained on the two people he knew to be his parents.

"Miss Tonks, you do always have a way to make the situation a bit more interesting." Dumbledore walked through the swinging door from the kitchen and into the hall. "Pardon me Lily, James." He slipped by them taking a step toward Harry, who jerked back instinctively. His eyes stayed trained on Remus. He looked scared.

"P-professor. What's happening?" He asked nervously. It dawned on Remus that he may have thought it was the ghost of his parents, who were both crying, and not moving, he also didn't miss the fact that he was the first person Harry addressed.

"Vitarme Kedavra." Remus began, walking toward Harry, and sitting on the step, ushering the boy to sit beside him. "What do you know about it?" Harry looked over to Hermione who had a small smile on her lips.

"C'mon Harry." She urged with a smile. "Think of-" She stopped suddenly her eyes growing wide at all the adults listening to her conversation. "Think about…. Third year substitute library… books…" She said nervously. Recognition dawned in Harry's eyes and he nodded. He then shook his head. Tonks chuckled at the realization that they were sneaking around reading books they shouldn't have been, before sombering with the moment.

"Hermione, I don't remember anything about- wait." He cut himself off looking at Remus. "Vitarme, like... love and life or something? Wandless magic. Right?" Remus nodded, and waited for him to keep going. "That's all I know about it." He said in defeat, decidedly not looking at his parents as Remus patted his shoulder.

"This is going to be a lot to take in." He warned Harry, before ushering James and Lily over to them. Harry didn't move toward them, but thankfully didn't shy away, keeping his eyes on his shoes.

Tonks watched Remus interact with Harry, a smile on her lips. She tried to shake away thoughts of her feelings for Remus. But times like this made it so much harder. Remus explained the spell to Harry, what really happened the night he got the scar. How they survived this long, why no one was able to tell Harry. How things had been going since they'd gotten here, and what was going to change from the future on out. Harry stayed quiet throughout the entire explanation, finally looking up at his parents when Remus was done.

"So… you're alive?" He asked, his eyes pinched just a bit. Lily nodded cautiously. Harry stood, and Tonks tensed thinking he was going to run, or punch someone.

He threw himself into his father's arms. Tonks felt her own eyes sting, but she pushed back the tears watching as everyone in the room cracked with the emotion of the moment. Remus slipped by the reunion and entered the kitchen. With one glance back to everyone with the Potter's, Tonks followed him quickly.

"Remus?" She called when she walked through the door. She found him, sitting in a bar stool seat, his head in his hands. "Remus!" She rushed over to him. "Are you alright?" She saw his shoulders shaking, and quickly realized he was crying. Instinctively she threw her arms over his shoulder and pulled him into her, very confused.

He lifted his head after a minute. "I spent years, years longing for the day Harry would get to see his parents, Tonks." He rubbed at his eyes quickly, shaking his head with a smile. She realized he was crying with joy. "That was everything I dreamed of but told myself was impossible." She grabbed his hands in hers and squeezed them.

"That was amazing." He said again. His head still shaking. "Everyone needs joy in times like these… and that was everything we all needed." She nodded in agreement, standing as the rest of the group entered the kitchen, Harry, Ron and Hermione filling James and Lily in on the last fourteen years of life.

Remus tried to rub at his face once more before smiling at the scene in front of him. Sirius walked over, setting his hand on Remus's shoulder.

"Can you believe it Moony? It feels like everything is finally coming together. Even with the war." He said, his own eyes shining along with his friends.

Tonks stood to the back and watched the joyous scene play out in front of her. It was times like this that she was thankful for all the people in her life. Specifically the people in this room who would do anything for eachother.

She watched as Remus and Sirius spoke together, laughing about something Padfoot had said. Molly set the food out on the long table and everyone quickly filed into their seats.

"Okay, tell us about these dementors." James said, and soup was ladled into bowls and passed around with warm bread.

Harry went on a passionate story of how the dementors found him and why he used the patronus even though he knew it was wrong. Remus saw the fear on Harry's face as he went through everything, but even the anxiety in the boy's eyes relaxed as he looked to his parents.

"There's safety's for using magic in self defense Harry, they ministry will hear you out." Tonks said from across the table, twirling a strand of hair in her fingers.

The rest of the night continued in the fashion of joyful reunion and laughter about old stories that could finally be told without the pang of loss that usually accompanied them. Remus watched Tonks smile with the people he considered his family, and for the first time ever felt whole.

Months passed, and the kids slowly went back to school without much of a fuss. Molly moved back to the burrow, because she understood Sirius would have enough company with James, Lily and occasionally Remus and Tonks staying in the house.

Mid way through October, Tonks arrived late to a meeting, limping into the kitchen as quietly as she could. Remus raised a single eyebrow at her but got only a shake of her head in response. He couldn't ignore the black bags sitting under her eyes, or the way her pink hair was seemed to be a little less bright every time he saw her. Throughout the course of the summer through September Remus and Tonks had many a conversation about the possibility (or lack thereof) of their future together. Tonks wanted to be with him, she had made that much clear. But he knew he would be wronging her by being with her, even if it was what he'd wanted as well.

Every Time they spoke she grew more and more hysterical about it, and he felt more and more guilty. He knew she wasn't sleeping, because Sirius made sure to mention it any time she came up. He knew it was his fault and that she couldn't help the way she felt for him. But he knew that he couldn't give in because one day she would resent him for it. There was no way she'd actually want to be with someone like him.

Snape was drolling on about some new plan that he had overhear that would likely be just as useless as the last ones. Remus tried to be respectful but he was losing the ability to focus on anything but the woman across from him.

He thought back to their last argument, the thing he thought of every time he'd seen her since.

 _He was sitting at the table of grimmauld Place waiting for Sirius to come down from looking for a chess board in the attic. James and Lily had made some polyjuice potion from some muggles, and were roaming through diagon alley as apparently they had frequently done while in hiding._

 _Tonks pushed open the door to the kitchen, falling into the chair with a huff._

" _Are you alright?" He asked her, trying to keep the smile from his voice at the sight of her. He knew he had feelings for her, and she knew too, but he was trying his best to pretend._

" _I'm fine Remus." She said tersely, as she had taken to anytime he asked about her feelings since he had previously denied her attempts for them to be more than friends. He knew he led her on by accidentally kissing her, but he had hoped it wouldn't still be on her mind._

" _Nymp- Tonks." He caught himself from using her full name, which he knew she hated when anyone but he used, but in these moments it seemed to pain her more when he called her by her name, even if she did love it. "I know that you don't like this but I just need you to try to understand-" He was prepared to use the same arguments he had been before she cut him off angrily._

" _Remus! Maybe you need to understand! Just listen to me! I don't care about lycanthropy! I don't care about money! Why don't you understand that! It's not up to you to decide what's best for me when I've been spending all my time saying that it's you!"_

 _He stayed quiet, not because he felt obligated to, but because he had nothing to say. She waited a beat then let out a bitter laugh._

" _Nothing to say when it makes so much sense." Then her hard eyes softened and she looked up at him. "Why won't you just let yourself be happy?" She asked, as he watched her fight back tears._

 _He resisted the urge to reach out to her._

" _I'm sorry." He whispered. She stood and shook her head._

" _Tell Siri I stopped by. Sorry I missed him."_

 _He watched as she stormed out the door, feeling like a bigger idiot than ever before._

Dumbledore brought his hands together in a final goodbye, snapping Remus back into reality. When he looked up Tonks was rubbing at her wrist, a wince clearly present on her face. Everyone stood as Molly invited them to stay for dinner. Remus was just about to walk over to Dora when he saw Lily beat him to it, and the two women slipped out the kitchen door and up the stairs.

"You know Moony you're kind of a git." James came and sat on Remus's other side, looking to Sirius for back up. The black haired man nodded.

"Thanks guys. Really appreciate the vote of confidence." He said, trying not to look upstairs as if he could see Tonks the way Mad-eye Moody could.

"Why won't you just let yourself be happy?" James asked him, unknowingly echoing the words the pink haired woman had spoken to him just days before. Remus tried not to wince at the memory.

"It's not that easy." He felt himself saying, even though he knew they had heard it all before and were bound to have some compelling argument for the other side.

Sirius hit the table with a force that made Remus jump.

"It is that easy!" He hissed as to not draw attention to them, yet get his point across effectively. "It is that easy, because you got yourself into this, and you don't just get to walk away. That's my cousin Remus, and I will not watch you break her apart." Remus felt himself shrink back at the venom in Sirius's words. "So you get your sorry ass up there and you help her." Remus looked at his friend, waiting a beat.

"Drop the reservations Remus. For once in your life, think about yourself. Do something crazy, and damn the consequences." James said, setting an encouraging hand on his shoulder.

Remus stood up, shaking his head. "I'll go, but I don't think she wants me up there." He said with warning, pushing through the kitchen door and walking toward the stairs. He was looking at his feet in his nervousness, so he didn't see Lily as she rushed down, missing crashing into her by a hair.

"Remus! Good!" She grabbed his wrist without any explanation, and pulled him up into the room where Tonks slept on the rare occasions where she stayed there.

He looked at the woman lying on the bed hardly moving. He felt his eyes widen as he looked Lily straight in the face.

"What's happened." His voice was monotone, and Lily, to his confusion, cracked a smile.

"I should have told you. She's not dead." Remus felt himself breathe out as he walked over to the bed and sat on the edge of it. He looked back up at Lily.

"What's happened?" He asked again, much calmer, but still concerned.

"She overworks herself. Makes herself sick with busyness. And stress." She added the last part quietly, glancing at Remus quickly.

"Stress of work?" He asked, thinking he knew the answer but needing to hear the clarification anyway.

"Stress of you." Lily stated, the stern tone that he was used to coming out. She took a step closer, and pulled the covers just slightly away from the sleeping witch on the bed.

"Look at her hair Remus." Lily said gently. He glanced over, catching sight of the brown hair that sat atop her head. He held his breath as the woman stirred in her sleep mumbling something he couldn't understand.

He looked at Lily. "She was so tired she couldn't hold her morph?" He asked, his tone frustrated. Angry at himself for not seeing it, angry at Dora for letting it get so bad.

"Right. And the problem is, the reason I needed you, is because she's been having these nightmares… And they're… really bad. And I think it would be more effective if you were in here when she woke up." Lily said quickly, as if she didn't actually want Remus to hear what she was saying.

"Wait. How do you know how she's been sleeping?" He asked, thinking that Tonks had been staying at her own flat.

"She... Tonks... well, she... apparateshereafteryou'vegonetosleep. Usually rather late." Remus felt his shoulders slump in shame as he realized the weight of the impact he had on Tonks's life. She shifted in her sleep again, faster this time.

"Okay." Remus resigned, looking at Lily. " I'll stay with her." Lily smiled at him, nodding her head, walking over to sit in the arm chair across the room. Remus reposition himself so he was sitting on the bed next to Dora, his legs out straight in front of him.

He heard her whimper once, and looked up to see a knowing look from Lily. "She's going to start screaming in a minute." She warned. He quickly threw a silencing charm over the door.

"No!" Tonks thrashed in her sleep once calling out softly. He looked at Lily again who was now watching Dora intently. "Please!" Her voice was more strained, he resisted the urge to pull her into his arms before she woke up. She thrashed again hitting him with her arm.

"No! NO!" Her voice was higher pitched, her eyes pinched shut. "REMUS!" She screamed louder than he anticipated. He jumped once in alarm before shaking her quickly.

"Tonks!" He wrapped his arms around her. "Dora!" He called her again.

"Ah!" She jumped as her eyes open, unmorphed and just as large as he remembered from the boggart incident. She looked at him, dead in the eyes for a split second, before bursting into tears. He pulled her into him, cradling her smaller form in her lap, rubbing her back. Lily nodded at him from across the room, watching as he held her. He gave her a few minutes to get out her tears, to feel all the pain of what she just saw in her mind. He then leaned down so his lips were near her ear, keeping his voice gentle.

"Dora… I'm right here." She clutched his shirt, burying her head in his neck. "Tell me what you saw." He chided, adjusting her so that she was even closer to him if that was possible.

"G-greyback." She stuttered in her sleepy and emotional state, laying her head on his shoulder, wetting his shirt with the stray tears that she didn't bother to catch. "Greyback at the department of mysteries." Remus watched Lily lean forward slightly with interest, and realized Tonks may have never told Lily what she was dreaming. Remus wondered if all her dreams affected her this much

"We're on guard duty… together, like we used to. And he comes in. He runs in, and comes to me. But you don't let him… Y-you two fight. And you t-tell me to run. I d-don't listen at first because I don't want you to get hurt. But it gets worse, and you say it again, louder, more serious. But now my feet won't move and I try to help you in the fight…" She began to shake, and he pulled the quilt up over the two of them, trying to warm her. "Greyback gets mad, pulls out a wand. He crucios me and tells you that if you don't stop fighting he'll kill me. As you fall to your knees in surrender he turns his wand on you…. And then he…" She didn't finish, but Remus nodded to let her know he understood how it ended. She didn't have to spell it out for him.

"It's fake Dora." He said slowly, adjusting her so he could look into her eyes. "It's not real, and I am right here. I am right here, and I am not leaving you alone." Her eyebrows pinched together as he said it. He nodded his head. "I'm right here." He said again for good measure.

Lily slowly stood from the corner of the room and slipped out the door, giving Remus a smile and a nod as she did.

"Now why don't you change into something more comfortable for sleeping. And I'll tell Kingsley to inform them you're sick for work tomorrow. And I'll get some dreamless sleep potion." He made moves to stand up, and she grabbed his cloak.

"You don't have to do this Remus. I'll be fine." He heard the empty tone come back into her voice, and he made sure to keep his voice level, his eyes looking right into hers.

"I am here to help you, Nymphadora. Because I care about you a great deal. Please don't deny me the joy of doing for you what you so faithfully do for me during the full moon." He pretended not to know it was her who dropped wolfsbane on the front steps every few days before the moon. But he found out after waiting outside disillusioned one day in an effort to find out if it was really her. He watched her blush as she realized he knew, and she nodded. He took a minute before standing again, and walking to the door.

"I'll be right back. I expect you to be wearing sleep clothes and ready for bed when I come back." She nodded, the unusual brown hair flopping with the motion.

Remus felt his feet move faster than he planned as he rushed into the kitchen, and without so much as a word to anyone sitting in it he grabbed the potion he needed, some tea from the cupboard, and scribbled a note to Kingsley telling him Tonks wouldn't be in tomorrow. He ignored the amused, yet curious looks from his friends, got a knowing smile and nod of approval from Lily, and was up the stairs before anyone could even get out the question 'what are you doing?'

He knocked once before gently pushing open the door with his foot. "Dora?" When he opened is fully he saw her standing in front of a mirror, trying to change her hair color to no avail. He set the items on the dresser before walking over to her.

"What's the matter?" He asked trying to pretend as if he didn't know she was fully unmorphed.

"It won't work. I can't change anything. I can't control any of it." She sounded more upset than he anticipated, so he tried a new tactic.

"You look different. But this is who you are. You're a bit shorter than I initially knew. And your eyes are even bigger, which is so special because those are how I know what you're thinking. Your eyes say a lot about you. And maybe your shoulders are a bit bonier. Which just says that you're a bit smaller. Which is good because now-" He picked her up and carried her over to the bed. "We fit perfectly this way." He said throwing caution to the wind and not thinking about the future impact of his words.

"And you're hair is beautiful all the time. In every light, and every season." He slipped her off of his lap and onto the bed, grabbing the two mugs, and filling them with water using his wand, he let the tea bags steep properly, opening the third drawer of her dresser where he hid chocolate.

"Here." He broke her a piece, before levitating the mugs and the potion over to her, before climbing into the bed next to her. "She took the chocolate piece from his hands with a smile, glancing down at the mugs.

"Remus…" She said softly, her voice thick with emotion she had yet to express.

"Drink the tea. Warm up, then get some sleep." She took the cup obediently, smiling at him as she did.

"Yes professor." She whispered with a smile that didn't reach her eyes but was better than the pain etched on her face moments before. She drank the tea in record time, and he unstopped the flask before handing it to her.

"Sleep, Dora. I will be right here. The whole time." He promised her, setting the mugs on the side table, and snuggling her into him.

"Are you-"

He cut her off with a look. "I am sure. Sleep, Nymphadora. You will feel better when you wake up." He then leaned forward and kissed her head and she sipped back the last of the potion. He watched her eyes flutter immediately.

"W-what was i-in there?" SHe asked, exhaustion slurring her words. He shook his head.

"Dora, go to bed."

She giggled into his chest, before looking up at him, her eyes nearly shut. "R-remus?" She asked. He decided to humor her.

"Yes, Nymphadora?" He looked down at her.

"I love you." She whispered, tracing her fingers up his chest. He nodded, smiling even though she couldn't see.

She tapped him twice, "Re-Rems?" She said, struggling to hold her head up because the potion was so powerful.

"Nymphadora. Sleep now" he said. She mumbled something else incoherent before setting her head on his chest and slipping into a sleep that he hoped would fix all her ailments. He waited until her breathing evened out.

"I love you too, Nymphadora." He said, adjusting himself properly so he could read his book while she rested on him.

Hours passed, and long after the sun had set there was a gentle tap on the door. James Potter pushed it open with his foot, holding a bowl of soup in his hand.

"You want some dinner?" He asked Remus, pushing the door shut behind him. Remus gave his friend a grateful smile before nodding his head, and adjusting Tonks so he could eat while she slept. James pulled a chair up to the bed, sitting across from Remus, handing him the soup bowl.

"Glad Lily finally told you about the dreams." James said. Remus was not surprised James knew, though slightly annoyed by the truth that he was the only one out of the loop again.

"I gave her some dreamless sleep potion. Hoping it'll keep her out until morning." Remus explain, taking a spoonful of Molly's beef stew.

"You relax her, Moony. Anyone with two eyes would see that. Even when she wants to hate you she visibly relaxes when you walk into a room." James said, causing Remus to again realize how much he'd missed his friend.

"I know, James. I do. Even if it took me a while to figure it out. But there's more to consider that just how I make her feel calm. Dumbledore asked me to-"

"He told me about the wolves, Remus." James said, cutting his friend off. "And I told him that I firmly believed you would decline, at least for now. I asked him to give you more time. Asked if there was a way to wait and see if the need became more urgent. And he approved of the idea." James looked at Remus pointedly. "I just got you back, Moony. I'd like it if you stuck around for a bit."

Remus couldn't help but smile at James, shaking his head. "You really thought this one out, didn't you?" He asked, glancing down at the sleeping woman in his arms.

"I had a lot of time. And I just want you to be happy. That's all I ever want really." Remus finished the last of his soup and set the bowl aside.

"She makes me happy, James. A happy that had become so foreign to me…" He involuntarily pulled her closer to himself, smiling as she snuggled closer to him in her sleep.

"I know, Remus. So stop pushing her away. Because for as long as I'd known you, I've never seen the look you get in your eyes when she tells a story, or falls down the stairs." The two men laughed at the imagine, and the countless memories of Nymphadora's follies.

"I don't want to hurt her." Remus continued to confide in his friend like old times, only wishing Sirius were in the room, but also thankful he wasn't; because he had the unique tendency to get very defensive of Tonks' emotions.

"Hurt is a part of love, Moony. But it's always worth the risk. And if it's any help, I think you should take it. I did…" He finished with a wink.

"I'll think on it…" Remus said, although he was already far closer to an answer. "Go spend time with your son. Thank you for dinner." He said, with a smile. James nodded and stood looking at the pair in front of him.

"You look good together, Remus." He said with a won before snagging the empty bowl and ducking out the door.

Reus felt himself laugh, before locking the door with a flick of his wand, and laying back against the headboard. He wanted to stay awake in case Dora had a dream; it was unlikely, but even the best potions had cracks.

Like wolfsbane…

He shook the thought away, letting his mind wander to better things, warmed by the presence of the colorful witch at his side.

He woke with a start, feeling her breath tickle his chest, yet trying not to move for fear of waking of her. He stirred, almost involunatarliy, trying to stretch his shoulder before realizing that at some point during the night he had slid down and pulled the woman even closer to him.

When he looked down he saw her eyes fluttering open.

She took a long breath in through her nose and looked up at him.

"Good morning, Tonks." He whispered to her, wondering what time it was, trying to see through the dark curtains if the sun was yet up.

"Wotcher Remus." She said, her voice equally hoarse from the sleep. She took a long yawn, rolling to the side to stretch her arms, before turning right back into him.

"How do you feel?" He asked, rubbing his hand in small circles on her shoulder as they lay.

"Like I finally slept…" She said softly. "Let's see shall we?" With a pinch of her face he watched as her hair changed into the brightest orange he had ever seen. He felt his lips jump into a smile as he saw her.

"That's quite a change, Dora." Remus said, adoration thick in his voice. Her cheeks pinkened slightly as he did.

"Thank you for staying with me, Remus…" She took a deep breath as she said it. "I won't bother you to do it again." She added, her eyes downcast even as she said it.

"Nymphadora," Remus began, loving the way her name sounded, especially when she was lying next to him in bed as he said it. "I made a lot of mistakes in my life. Coming here to make sure you were okay was not one of them. And if it's okay with you it's something I would like to start doing more often." He watched her eyebrows pinch together, then her unmorphed, grey eyes locked into his.

"Wait- what?" She asked, not hiding she excitement in her tone.

"I surrender. I want to be happy, Dora. And if it's okay with you… you make me exceptionally happy." He worked to find the right words, and by the look on her face he was pretty sure it worked.

"Remus… I don't think I understand…" He simply looked down at her, decidedly loving her unmorphed eyes, and nodded.

She threw her arms around his neck, and he couldn't help but reciprocate the action, pulling her closer to him by her waist.

"Look at what I can do." She whispered in his ear sounding to him like a small child excited to show a new trick. He pulled back so he could look at her. She jumped up off the bed, and he reached out and grabbed her wrist without a second thought, knowing she was going to morph herself.

"Wait." He said, jumping up to stand behind her. He walked with her over to the mirror she had been staring into hopelessly the night before.

"Change your hair Dora." He said kindly. He watched as her eyes grew slightly guarded. He realized instantly the misunderstanding they were having. "No, no. Don't confuse my words. I should say 'un-change' your hair." He wrapped a pink strand around his finger, watching as her face pinched up, and her hair shifted to brown.

He looked at her reflection in the mirror, locking eyes with her. "I want to see the real you." He whispered into her ear, feeling her shiver in his arms, which were wrapped around her midsection from behind.

She looked at him for just a moment, before shaking her head.

"How d'you know this isn't it?" She asked, a little smirk playing at her lips as she tugged the bottom of his ratty cardigan.

"Because I know you." He said with a shrug. "And I felt you shifting everything this morning just before you realized I was awake." She grinned at him sheepishly.

"What if you don't-"

"Nymphadora." He chastised her lightly. "If you were about to question whether or not my affection for you is purely based on looks then maybe I should be the one threatening to hex you. On the same thread if you were to question whether or not I would still like you physically in your natural state, then I don't think you understand the depth of my feeling for you." He caught her eyes in the mirror again, trying to read the look in them. "But," He sighed, rubbing her arms affectionately, "I will not make you do something you do not want to do."

He kissed the top of her head, and made to move away.

"Wait." She whispered, her mouth showing hints of a smile.

Her face pinched up slightly, and he watched as she shifted to her normal state of self. Her grey eyes grew rounder, her heart shaped face more defined. She stood about one or two inches shorter, her whole frame smaller, yet maybe more muscular.

Her small hand reached for his as her brown hair fell to her shoulders.

"Nymphadora." Remus had to bend down to reach her ear now at her normal height. "I think you are absolutely beautiful."

She shook her head.

"Can I morph now?" She asked bouncing on her toes a bit as she asked.

"Can I ask you a question, a favor, I may say?" She nodded her head slowly.

"Leave one thing real." He said, hoping she would choose her eyes.

She nodded her head. "I'm going to change into my robes now, alright?" He nodded taking his cue to leave the room, realizing it would be wise to change into fresh clothes himself.

He slipped out the door, biding his time on asking her why she felt the need to change her appearance for everyone.

Down the hall he ran into Sirius who was just leaving his room.

"Morning Moony!" He called, sounding far too chipper for a normal day. Remus decided to leave the questions unasked, and simply smiled at the unusual state of his best friend. "Everything work out okay?" He asked with a wink gesturing to Tonks' door.

With a shake of his head Remus felt himself laughing along with Sirius at something that shouldn't have been as funny as the two men found it to be. LIly cracked open the door of her room with James.

"What's got you two so giddy?" She asked, twisting her long red hair up and sticking her wand in it to keep it up.

"Everyone needs something to smile about, especially in times like these." Sirius said through a gasp of breath as he clutched his side.

James slipped out the door next, throwing his arms over Lily's shoulder with a smile.

"Look at this lot. Just like old times." He said with a wide smile, kissing her on the head.

"Just like old times…" Sirius trailed off, growing less jovial quickly.

"Except I went to Azkaban, and Peter is on the run, and-"  
"I told you… we're working out a plan." Lily said, cutting Sirius off in a tone that much reminded Remus of Hermione when she was proving Ron or Harry wrong in some way or another.

He didn't understand what she meant, but figured it wasn't the time to ask as Tonks pushed open her door.

"Hey there sunshine." Sirius called to her, commenting on her yellow hair with just a nod of his head.

"Wotcher guys." She responded, unmorphed eyes lingering on Remus a beat longer than the rest. He held in his smile unsuccessfully as he looked to his friends.

"How about we make some breakfast, all together?" He asked, an unusual warmth filling his heart at the joy that surrounded them even in the time that was starting to feel so dark.

"I have been absolutely dying for pancakes." Tonks groaned, walking down the stairs a step ahead of the men starting to whisper something with Lily.

"Pancakes it is then! Do you boys remember the secret recipe?" James asked as the men ventured after them.

"I was so hoping you'd mention that." Sirius began. "And when we finish eating we ought to respond to Harry's letter again. I swear the boy send them daily whether you answer or not James." They laughed entering the kitchen, having no concerns for what lay ahead.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey there! Hope you're still around, sorry for the delay, enjoy!**

The next weeks passed by with Tonks and Remus attending guard duty in the Department of Mysteries, and working through with lily and James exactly how to prove Sirius's innocence, without letting Voldemort know the truth that they were alive.

It was on the seventeenth of December that everything began to change. Around the middle of November Harry's letters had taken an alarming turn, and he confided in his parents about terrible dreams he had been having. They asked Remus of his thoughts on the matter but he had no way of understanding. He knew there was a special draw between Harry and Voldemort, but he had no way of understanding the depth of it.

The Order met in the kitchen of Grimmauld place late on the evening of the sixteenth, planning out the next few days of guard duty before the kids came home for holiday break. Mad-eye Moody stood at the head of the table, writing with plain parchment and paper, making a hard to read chart of who was set to guard and when.

"Nymphadora." He called to her ignoring her cringe and Sirius's snicker as he used her full name. "I have you set for the night of the eighteenth." She pinched her eyes together before speaking out.

"Actually Mad-eye I have a assignment then for work. Is there anyway we could change that?" She stood, tripping over her chair but making it to him anyway.

"I think I could do it for you Tonks." Arthur Weasley said, looking to Moody for approval. Tonks was leaning over him reading the chart, ignoring the harsh look he was giving her. She nodded at the paper, and Mad-eye gave Arthur a gruff okay, before handing the meeting back over to Dumbledore. He closed the night out with well wishes for the holidays and a rough idea for when they would be meeting again.

Molly began to ship together things in the kitchen for dinner with the help of Lily, and Remus wandered up the stairs to his room, thinking about the soon to be arrival of the kids for Holiday break, and the fact that if everyone stayed here like they were initially planning, Tonks would be kicked out of her room again. He entered his room and glanced out the window, watching for a moment as the first snow began to fall. It was cold, that night in London, but the high spirits of the Christmas season were enough to make the people in number 12 Grimmauld place feel a bit warmer. Even with all the danger looming on the horizon.

There was a knock on his door, and Sirius pushed it open.

"Hey Pads." Remus called over his shoulder, still watching the falling snow as he did. "Dinner almost ready?" He asked, wondering what brought Sirius up here when everyone else sounded like they were having such a good time downstairs.

"Yeah, it is." He responded quickly, sounding troubled.

Padfoot walked over and was standing next to Remus, looking out the large window.

"Harry'll be home soon." Sirius said, touching his hand to the icy glass before pulling it away quickly, leaving a fogged up handprint on the window. "I don't want him to go back, what with that prejudice bat Umbridge working as the DA professor. They musn't be learning a thing, and this is a time where defending yourself is most important." Remus nodded, being the listening ear his friend needed.

"This is Harry we're talking about, Padfoot. The boy who against all odds 'won' the tri-wizard tournament, as a 14 year old boy. The kid who stopped voldemort in his tracks, whether he intended to or not. Harry is very wise, and very powerful. I have no doubt that he is doing whatever he believes needs to be done in order for his friends to be most prepared for what is coming." He set a hand on his friend's shoulder, feeling himself sigh at the thought.

"But like you said, he'll be home soon," Remus continued. "And when he's home we'll need to remind him that we are behind him, that the whole order, and his _parents_ are behind him." Sirius nodded, his black mane shaking as he did.

"Thanks Remus." His old friend said. "I think being locked up in here is making me crazy." He said, shaking his head.

 _We're going to find a way to prove you innocent._ Remus vowed to his friend silently, figuring it wasn't the best time to mention the plans he was forming in his head to make sure everyone knew that it was not Black who killed anyone, while still allowing Lily and James's living to remain a secret.

"It'll all work out in time, Sirius." Remus said instead, turning slowly to face the door. "Let's go eat." He said, walking down the creaky stairs as quietly as he could working not to wake the screaming portrait in the hall.

James looked up at them with questioning eyes when they got into the kitchen, but didn't say anything. Tonks and Moody were talking by the door in hushed tones, Remus left them be believing she would tell him whatever he needed to know.

"Alright, we'll see everyone at the next meeting." Mad-eye said gruffly, patting Dora once on the shoulder before he left, then slipped out the door as quietly as a man missing one leg could. Tonks skipped over, stumbling into a seat next to Remus and Lily. Molly looked at her with a mixture of amusement and frustration as she dropped in the chair.

"I like the color today Tonks," Kingsley, who had finally been given enough time to sit with them for dinner, commented with a wave of his spoon. "I heard noise from the newbies in the department when I was dropping out some paperwork about the 'color haired witch with the alarming ability to fall at any given moment.' I imagined they were just shocked by the pink." He added with a laugh, eyes trained on the vivid green color that framed her heart shaped face.

"I decided it was time for a change. I think I'm going to keep it like this for a little while." She said with a wink, noticing the wide eyed glance Sirius and Remus shared.

"Kidding!" She called, gently nudging him with her elbow. "It gives me a headache every time it falls into my eyes." With that she pinched her face and her hair changed back to the calming pink Remus had grown to love so much.

"It's almost time for the kids to come home!" Arthur said, changing the course of the conversation with an excited clap of his hands. Molly's face cracked into a very excited smile.

"Christmas is almost here." Lily sang, her green eyes glowing with excitement. "Remember Harry's first Christmas?" She asked James with an added glint in her eyes. He let out a boisterous laugh that caught Remus and Sirius quickly as they all remember the toy broom, and small flat filled with gifts for the boy.

Molly and Tonks watched with fondness as the friends remembered old times, which they did frequently, bringing everyone into the memory with their animated storytelling. Dinner passed by far too quickly for anyone's liking, and slowly the friends become family began to clean the kitchen, as Kingsley made his leave.

"May I head out with you King? I figure I should stay at my flat tonight with all the at-home paperwork I was given." Tonks asked with a huff, standing slowly, her actions quieted by exhaustion.

"Of course, Tonks. I can apparate there with you to make sure everything is safe on the inside." He added, smiling at her.

She walked to his side, grabbing her tan, long strapped bag and tossing it on her shoulder. "Alright everyone, I'll see you soon. Thanks for helping with that guard duty Arthur!" She said, heading toward the hallway behind Kingsley. Remus made to follow her out, telling everyone he'd be right back.

He didn't even make it to the door before he heard the woman crash to the ground, and the portrait began screaming. He and Sirius rushed into the hall in an effort to get it quiet as Tonks rubbed at her elbow apologizing profusely as she always did when this happened.

Silence filled the hallway when the curtains were jammed shut. Remus held his hand out to the woman and pulled her to her feet quickly.

"How about I aparate to your flat with you. You're mighty tired, and I'll make sure every works out okay?" He asked her quietly, getting a tired smile and a nod in return.

Kingsley seemed to understand what was happening, and looked at the pair with a nod. "I'll see you at the next assignment then Tonks." He said, throwing a wink her way before closing the front door and apparating with a quick _pop._

"Okay Padfoot, I'll be back soon." Remus said, walking out with the woman and sidelonging her to her flat, fearing she would splinch with how tired she was starting to look.

She quickly worked to undo a few wards set up outside her apartment, before pulling him in with her and shutting the door with a click behind her.

Without words she walked him over to the couch and sat down, pulling him with her. He set his arm over the top, letting her rest her head on his chest.

"What were you and Sirius talking about upstairs?" Tonks asked quietly, her hand set on his stomach she she leaned against him.

"The new Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts." He responded honestly with a discontented sigh. "She's ruining the school…" He tried not to dwell on it. "How about you and Moody?" He asked, figuring she wouldn't mind.

"The same thing." She said, her voice equally as somber as his. "Dumbledore fears his position as headmaster is in jeopardy. He also believes the kids are running something under the radar to learn real spells. Moody wants me to figure out what I can in order to make sure no one gets hurt in the long run." She yawned again, snuggling herself further into his side.

"What's your plan then?" He asked her, hoping to talk to her before she fell asleep.

"I'm thinking I may just ask Ginny. The next few days are full of paperwork for me, so I can logically bring it all back her, sort it out quickly, then head to the castle… But with that pink toad there it won't be as easy as it has been in the past…" She rubbed her cheek thoughtfully with the hand that wasn't now holding Remus's.

"Paper work here seems like a good idea. I don't like the thought of you in that building with so many people denying the truth of Voldemort's return." He said, adjusting his position so she was more laying down on him.

"Remus are you trying to force me asleep?" She asked, her voice already thicker with exhaustion.

"Yes." He responded with a smirk she couldn't see, but must have known he was wearing. He began to subconsciously rub circles on her arm, feeling his own eyes growing heavier.

"It's working." She said, taking a long breath in.

"Good." He said, looking down as her eyelids were falling closed. "Goodnight Dora." He said, leaning forward to kiss the top of her head thinking she was asleep.

"Will you stay?" She asked, her voice sounding completely alive, yet her eyes still closed. Remus shook his head. Of course she was awake.

"Sleep now." He said softly, not answering her question because he didn't know for himself. She nodded against his chest, either understanding his conflict, or forgetting she asked anything in the first place.

"Goodnight Remus." She whispered.

Before he knew what was happening his own eyes were drifting shut and the two fell into a peaceful sleep for the night, wrapped in each other on the small couch in her warm flat.

Two nights later Remus and Tonks were sitting at the kitchen table of her flat where both had slept the night before, she was working on filing papers for mission she had just returned home from at her table, he was laying in the chair with a book. Neither were too concerned when Moody's patronus floated in.

Then the message was relayed.

Remus rushed over to her, and without words side-longed them to Grimmauld place. Standing and waiting at the door were James and Lily. They pulled their friends into tight hugs, letting the tears fall.

"Dumbledore has Harry now." James explained quickly, rushing everyone into the kitchen. Were going to check on Arthur." He added. Remus nodded knowing that he and Tonks were included in that mission.

"No time to waste." Moody barked, walking in the door behind them. "Get over there before someone else does." Without any more words, the four apparated as close as they could to the ministry, disillusioned themselves and ran inside.

Tonks threw her hand over her mouth at the sight of all the blood. They worked to clean everything up quickly, without words, because there was nothing left to say. There were no assurances that Arthur was alive, just the understanding that Dumbledore had a plan, and Moody was bringing him to the hospital.

When the aurors started rushing in the crew of four slipped out, disapparating from the outside back to Tonk's flat.

Taking the disillusionment charm off themselves, Remus was able to really take a look at his friends. James and Lily were both wide eyed and clearly alarmed. The weight of the situation was becoming real again. The war was really starting.

His eyes traveled to Tonks, who was standing dead still in the middle of her living room, arms wrapped around her waist, huge eyes trained on the floor. Lily slowly walked over.

"Tonks… Are you okay?" The trio were all equally confused at her response, knowing she didn't hold this fear of danger or blood for that matter, because as an auror you couldn't.

She didn't move, and Remus took a step toward her, watching Lily's eyes pinch in confusion. He watched the pink haired woman with her suddenly shaking hands and eyes that, if Remus didn't know better, he would say were filling with tears. He pulled out his wand, tapping it to her shirt, cleaning off the small stain of Arthur's blood she got on it in the clean up.

"Tonks…" Lily said again, walking around Remus and setting a hand on her shoulder, ignoring the woman's jump as she did so. The room fell still again as a patronus from Kingsley rushed through the room. _I got you covered for the assignment today, no need to come in. Get some of that filing work done that should be on your table soon. Stay safe, Moody will be in touch._

"We have to change, I imagine the kids are at headquarters, and clearly at least I will be expected to go to Mungo's with Mad-Eye later." She spoke, but her voice held no emotion. _Come on Dora, talk to me._ Remus asked quietly in his head, willing her to open her shell. Lily whispered something to James, and they began to walk back to the door.

"Erm… Lil and I will apparate back to Padfoot now… then we'll see you both in a few minutes then? Patronus with any info." They were giving Tonks and Remus some space, and even a little time. Remus nodded silently, waiting until they popped away to look at the woman next to him.

"December 18, Remus." She said, her eyes still staring at the ground, without further words she fell to the ground and pulled her knees to her chest. "Dammit." She said softly, shaking her head. "Dammit!" It was louder this time, and Remus dropped to the ground next to her. "Dammit, dammit, dammit!" She was crashing her hand into her leg with every shout, growing hysterical each time.

"Tonks." He tried, wrapping his arms around her. "Nymphadora." He used his teacher voice on her, not expecting her to stop all thrashing and fall into his arms.

"Dammit Remus!" He still had no idea what was happening. "It was my guard duty." She said, speaking into his shoulder. "Shit Remus. It was mine. It was me, it was supposed to be me." He felt her shaking again, wondering how she was holding back tears he knew should have been falling.

"Dora, it's alright. It's okay. He's going to be okay and-"

"What if he's not? What then? Then seven kids lost their dad, and I live on fine." She shook her head against him, rubbing her hands over her face.

"Tonks. You need to listen and listen well. Arthur will be okay, and yes, maybe initially it was you, but no matter what, I am beyond thankful that right now you are next to me, in my arms. And I know how selfish that is, and how wrong. But Nymphadora Tonks, I am so thankful that you are here." She turned, her eyes finally damp with unshed tears, and dropped the sweetest, lightest kiss on his lips she had ever given before.

"Dora, go change. Please." He said, pulling away slower than he intended, but knowing he had to. She slid out from his embrace, quietly stepping into her room and pushing the door shut. Remus took the time alone to let out the heaviest breath he'd been holding since the moment the patronus first came through. To think that could have been the woman in that room. It could have been her in St. Mungo's, bleeding and scared. Sick and hurting. He fell into the couch, putting his hands over his face.

 _One work assignment. That's all it took for me to almost lose her. That's how close she was_. Lost in thought he didn't hear her come out and set herself on the couch next to him. She pulled his hands away and held them in her own, grabbing his green eyes with her large, unmorphed, grey ones.

"I thought we weren't going to worry." She said, a small smile tugging at her lips, small but sad. He nodded.

"I'm trying. I am." He stood , pulling her with him, suddenly feeling his age again as his joints cracked. "Let's get to headquarters." He walked with her out the door, re-setting the protection wards and apparating together to Grimmauld place, not knowing what to expect when they arrived.

Just about one month later Remus, Lily, and James were sitting at the table in headquaters. Sirius was in the basement re-setting wards for the full-moon which was only two days away. The last days of January were upon them, the kids just recently went back to school, Harry was taking his occlumency lessons with Snape, giving back mostly negative reviews.

"Listen, Remus," James began suddenly, talking quickly in a hushed whisper, constantly watching the basement door to make sure Padfoot wasn't coming back up, "before Sirius gets back up… Lily and I have some thoughts on how to prove his innocence… but it could get a bit dangerous. And bad for you if it doesn't work so what do you think of-"

"Moony, this is going to be the best wolfsbane free full moon you ever had." Sirius shoved the door open, making a grand entrance back with everyone. James gave Remus a quick shake of his head and looked at Sirius grimly.

"Wolfsbane free." He muttered in frustration. "Why couldn't any of us have been the potions master we need to be in order to help our mate out?" Lily smiled sadly and rubbed his arms. Snape refused to make him the potion this time around, and this was the one time he really needed it.

"It's not like you haven't handled it before. It's always worked out." She caught Remus's eyes with her own, not failing to see the pain and concern in them. "Everything will be fine. It always is." She pulled her hair behind her neck. She didn't understand. This moon was different. A once in a lifetime moon that was nothing like the other ones. He'd never handled this before. "Plus Tonks and I will be upstairs waiting, and have tea ready for you all in the morning." She chirped with a smile. Remus felt the anger rise up, defensive of something he didn't even know.

"No chance." He said quickly, his voice holding more venom than he intended. James set his hand on Lily's protectively, as her own eyes flashed with her anger. Sirius stopped what he was doing, his eyes on Remus."The two of you will not be _anywhere_ near this house on that night. _At all_." Lily opened her mouth to speak, but Remus beat her to it. "Lily! This is non-negotiable! The risk that's involved with either of you being near me even when there is wolfsbane-!" He couldn't even finish the sentence, the thought made him sick that he allowed them so close simply because he had a potion that was supposed to help. "Without?! It's too dangerous. I cannot-"

" Risk hurting my very capable auror girlfriend, and best mate while under the control of my other two best mates, while warded in a basement, with steps that will be taken away during the night, leaving me with no way out! 'I'm too Dangerous!'" Tonks burst in the room, mocking and interrupting him in stride, "And another thing. What's with all this 'wolfsbane free?'" Her face pinched as she said the words. "Lily you're mad, absolutely mad." She walked over, standing across the table from the man staring him straight in the face. "But anywho," she continued, pulling to vials out of her bag. "I got the potion."

Remus took in a slow breath, swallowing his frustration before looking at the now blue haired ray of sunshine in front of him. He raised his eyes slowly to look at the potions sitting on the table, before looking at James, who was still watching him cautiously.

"Merlin, Moony, you're awfully temperamental this time around. There a new moon phase or something?" James asked. The joke was there, but the question was serious. Remus had yet to tell any of them, but the moon was different this one month, as it was every forty-eight years.

He rubbed his hands over his eyes, pretending to laugh along with James, who wasn't laughing. "Nothing special about this one, just a tiring week I guess." He convinced his two friends quickly, but didn't miss the way the women watched him with suspecting eyes.

"Take some rest. We have a meeting tonight." Sirius said, patting his friend on the back.

"Moved to tomorrow." Tonks sang at him, tripping over her boots as she walked to get a butterbeer. "Which reminds me… do you lot get the prophet here?" She asked, sticking her head in the cabinet getting a cup.

"Most certainly not. There's nothing worth reading in that sack of nonsense." James answered quickly, walking toward her and grabbing a mug just as it slipped from her hand. "Why do you ask?" He said, setting it on the counter with a smile.

Tonks glanced up at him nervously. "Just wanting to catch up on the news." She said lamely, Sirius pulled out his wand.

"We can get it if you-"

"No need." SHe cut him off quickly. "I'll read it at work tomorrow." She poured the butter beer and walked to the kitchen. "Anyway, I think I'm going to shower off. Is it alright if I stay here tonight?" The question was casual, but Remus knew she was hiding something. It was also pointless. Everyone loved when she stayed the night, so she didn't even wait for an answer before continuing her way upstairs.

 _Ironic, we both harbor secrets from the other right now._ He felt guilty with the realization, and without thinking moved to follow her up the stairs to her room when she stayed. He pushed the door open quietly, surprised that it made not even a creak. She was sitting on the bed, her back to the door, fiddling with something in her hands.

"Dora." He called gently. She spun to face him, her lips spread up in a smile at the sound of his voice. "Something on your mind, love?" He asked, feeling the familiar pain and guilt jump in his stomach as he called her the one thing he had no right to call her.

"You're lying to me." She said, patting the spot beside her. The invitation to sit was tempting, but he walked around and stood in front of the window watching her eyes.

"Nympha-" Her eyes grew wide in anger, and his words fell away.

"You don't get to do that, not if you're not being truthful." She looked up at him, pained, and he felt the anger swell in him again, uncontainable.

"What for you?" His voice was sharp, and he watched her pull back from him just a bit as he said it. "There's something you're hiding too. About the prophet?" He couldn't stop himself. This was who he was. This rare in a lifetime moon was there to remind him what he was capable of.

"The prophet doesn't matter, what's going on with you?" She asked, standing up and looking at him hard. He wanted to fight the anger that was so out of character. But it was too easy to give in. Too easy to let it all out in one moment of misunderstanding between the pair.

"I know what it means when you say it doesn't matter!" He felt his voice rising. Felt the anger of what was called the red moon filling him. He'd only read about it, and now he knew why it was so dreaded. He could have hit her with the anger he was feeling; the only thing stopping him was the years of self control he'd worked to build up.

 _Calm down, don't hurt her. It really doesn't matter._ His rational brain tried to stop him, but instead he found himself shouting. "What is it? A new wolf legislation? Unbridge news?! What do you gain by keeping me in the dark from the world? You don't get to decide what I can and can't hear you don't get to-"

"Stop yelling at me!" She shouted, her voice jumping over his. He knew everyone downstairs would be able to hear them. He didn't even care.

"Am I not allowed to be hurt that you don't trust me?!" He took a step toward her toward rushing across the room for fear of hurting her.

"What are you talking about?!" She walked toward him, not realizing the danger she was putting herself in. "What is happening?" Her hair jumped red, and he saw a mix of what he thought was fear and pain in her eyes.

"This is what I am, Tonks." He felt the venom in his voice, realizing he had no control over himself anymore. "The prophet knows it! Which why you've been so insistent on going anywhere muggle recently. Your mum probably knows it which is why you won't let me see her again. You know it. You disappear more and more these days. And I pretend not to be hurt by the men I know you're with because you deserve so much better! Go be happy!" He was raging with unbridled emotion, shouting louder than he probably ever had before, he knew it was only seconds before Sirius came up if they didn't quiet down soon.

Tonks voice was deadly low, which made it even more alarming than the sudden loud of Remus, "Other men?" She spit the words out like acid. "How _dare_ you." She rushed toward him so she was just one step away from his face. "You even think I think about anyone else except you? Every day, I'm at work, worried about you. About what's coming. About what we're facing. About war." She looked as if she were going to hit him, or cry. "There is no one else."

 _Maybe both._ He realized with another pang of guilt.

Suddenly she was shouting again. "You keep secrets because you think it makes things better?! Plot Twist- THIS isn't better!" She ripped a shaky hand through her hair. "What is your problem?" Her fist was clenched at her siode, he couldn't contain himself anymore.

Without thinking he felt his hand collide with the wall behind him. He watched her jump in alarm and step away, yet still holding firm in anger. He heard their three friends rushing up the stairs, but didn't stop his tirade. He had lost all control of himself; he was letting the wolf take over completely.

"You keep secrets, Nymphadora." He'd never said her first name with such venom. It felt wrong to let it out that way, but he couldn't take it back. "It's how you live right now. In a world of secret keeping and lies you don't even tell the truth about your physical-" He knew he was going farther than he should. He simply turned and hit the wall again, harder this time than the last.

"Two nights ago," her voice was a whisper, and he fought everything not to run to her. He couldn't be close to her. He saw James and Sirius standing in the doorway, he couldn't look at them either. "Two nights ago there was a mass break-out. From Azkaban." She whispered it, not looking at him when she said it. "You want to know my secrets Remus? Yeah. Right." Her hair dropped to brown and he saw the pain in her eyes that she morphed back to how they usually were.

He couldn't stand it, he turned toward her taking a step closer. "Nympha-"

"Don't." She said, one word, were voice so level, yet so sharp he physically pulled back farther from her. "What the hell, Remus?" He took a step toward her, trying not to flinch when she pulled away quickly, clearly afraid.

"Who got out?" He whispered back to her, trying to keep his voice level, not even caring that it held a dark bitterness as he tried to reign in his emotions.

"I'll let you guess." She said, equally as level, equally as black, watching his eyes and his hands with an intensity he wasn't used to. He heard someone gasp behind him, guessing it was Lily. He didn't bother to acknowledge their audience.

A shudder of anger went through his body, and she stepped back again, he hated that he was scaring her; even if she would pretend she wasn't afraid he knew she was. He felt his defenses break as he let the anger subside, as he became himself again. It would only get worse as the moon got closer.

"Remus?" She asked, changing her mind and deciding to move closer to him.

"What do you know about the red moon, Dora?" He asked her quietly, almost hoping she wouldn't hear it. But she did, and he watched her eyes widen in understanding. She then rushed toward him and tossed her arms around his neck. He all but forgot about the three people standing behind him as he pulled her into his chest clinging to her as a lifeline to keep himself sane.

"Is that now?" She asked, thinking back to the first conversation they'd ever really had about his lycanthropy, and feeling guilt rise in her because she didn't even consider. She had fueled him with her own ager.

She had feared him for something he couldn't even control.

"Remus." She chided when he didn't answer right away. She tried to pull away to look into his eyes, but he tightened his arms around her waist, using her to keep himself grounded. He nodded into her brown hair, breathing deeply to take in her scent.

"What can I do?" She asked. Her heart was breaking for him as she thought about all the awful things she'd almost said to him. But then it hurt worse to think over the awful things he'd actually said to her. Did he mean all that?

"Keep me in the basement until it's over." He said, knowing she would hate the idea, bu really belieiving it was right.

"You're not a dog Remus." She said indignantly, shaking her head. "I'm not going to lock you up." He pulled away from her slowly, taking a breath to make sure he wouldn't lose it on her again.

"Tonks I could have hurt you." He saw pain flicker in her eyes and tried not to think about the horrible words that had come from his mouth. "I could have physically hurt you." He said, but he realized that it would have been preferable to her if the wounds he inflicted were physical. Hard as she tried he knew she had a fragile heart. He knew his words were ripping it apart, even though he'd meant none of them. "According to what I've read it'll only get worse. Harder to control. And I can't imagine anything being harder to reign in than that." He didn't want to think about the anger he had just felt.

"So it is different." James said, taking that moment to walk in. His tone was no accusatory. It could have been, Remus knew, but it wasn't. He was concerned.

"Once in a lifetime. If you're lucky." The bitter tone fell into his voice, and he saw Tonks' eyes cringe just slightly when she heard it.

"Once in a blue moon, if you will." She muttered. He couldn't help but crack a smile, working to break some of the tension.

"But really, what do we do?" Sirius said, standing behind James. Lily walked in last, her expression sad. He knew she'd read about this. He knew she would agree with him.

"Lily?" He asked her, she shook her head. "Lily, you know what we have to do." He said. "I cannot beat this." She shook her head again, red hair flying around her face.

"You can." Her voice shook. She was unsure and everyone knew it. James looked from her to Remus before understanding.

"The best advice out there is really to lock you up? Before the moon even comes?" James was incredulous, it never failed to surprise Remus how much his friends actually cared for him.

"Can you explain it to us idiots?" Sirius said, not having any idea what was happening. Ily huffed impatiently, setting her hand on her hip as she often did she was annoyed.

"The red moon is a dark moon that comes every forty-eight years. It rises early, but no one knows exactly when, so the transformation is much slower, harder to trace and…" She looked at Remus sadly, "Much more painful. Symptoms that impact those who change are bouts of undeterrable anger, exhaustion beyond normal, change in appetite, emotional numbness, and some other things." He swore he saw her blush but couldn't remember anything else that would be hard for her to say. " The best advice is to prepare for the fullmoon up to two days before, but it is said that you will know when things get out of hand because physical transformation will begin slowly, even if the mind doesn't change right away." He shuddered at the thought of being partially wolf, with still his human mind. Would he know he was changing? Would the pain knock him out?

"You're forgetting the most important part." He said, realizing again he let the anger slide into his tone. Lily glared at him for a moment.

"Wolfsbane won't help as much as normal. It's unknown whether it even helps at all." She hardened her eyes. "You're still going to take it." It was an order, not a request. He nodded. There was no point in arguing, she would win in the end anyway.

"The moon is in two days-" James began before Remus cut him off.

"One and a half. And clearly I'm a bit dangerous to have walking about." He gestured wildly to the two holes he had hit into the wall. Is three friends had nothing to say to that. He tried not to let their silence hurt. He knew it was best.

Tonks tightened her arms around his side as he tried to stand up. He'd nearly forgotten she was there.

"Tonks," He began, sliding himself out from her grip so he could look at her. "Take Lily, and you two go to your flat, okay? James and Sirius will call you when it's all clear." She shook her head and opened her mouth to protest. His defeated sigh cut off her words. "Nymphadora." She worked to mask a cringe as she remembered the way he'd last said her name, but he caught the front of it. "Please. Just this once, can we do this my way? I have no way to know what's going to happen. Right now I'm not even sure I want Padfoot and Prongs with me." She saw the fear in his eyes. He hated admitting to fear. Gryffindor pride.

She waited a long moment, before slowly standing up, nodding. "Alright." She conceded to his wishes, walking over to stand by Lily. "We'll leave after dinner." Remus's fists clenched and he closed his eyes against the frustration that was boiling again.

He felt James watching him, but said nothing.

"Tonks I think it's best if you go now." _Do you now?_ Rage was filling Remus again even though he rationally knew that everything James was thinking was right. _He knows you're dangerous. He cares more about his wife than you. He care more about Tonks than you._ He opened his eyes to see his two friends staring at him. He had to calm down.

"Basement." He uttered the word. "Tonks, you need to leave." He knew his voice was dark. It was both a way to mask the fury of the wolf and the worry he felt for the two women he loved most.

Lily grabbed Tonks hand, and slowly they trudged to the door. Remus fought with himself for one moment before rashly calling. "Dora." Much to everyone's surprise his voice was soft. She turned slowly, grabbing him with her huge grey owl eyes.

"I…" He had never said I love you to her in front of anyone else. He realized how big of a step this would be. He wasn't sure if they were ready for that.

She winked, as if reading his mind. "I'll stay safe Remus. Don't worry. You will too. Take the potion." James fought a smirk from next to him, never failing to be surprised at how well the young witch handled all of Remus's antics. Lily shook her head with a chuckle, and the two women disapparated from the hallway.

Remus looked at his two friends, his face hiding the remaining traces of a blush that had crept up on him as Tonks left. He then turned serious. "I mean it guys, basement. We gotta go." Without words they walked down all the steps, helping Remus down as his body protested the motion and physical strain.

This would be fun.

 **So I'm not sure how people are feeling with this, I'd love some reviews or messages with thoughts on how you think of it. I also love knowing who's reading what I write, so please please please review!**

 **until next time, ~Bea**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey hey! I'm the worst, but it's written through roughly to the end, so I'll try an** **update** **weekly! Please please please review and let me know what you think !**

The sun rose early two days later; an effect of the moon rising so early. Lily and Tonks were ready, having apparated into her room at headquarters just moments before it crossed the sky.

As they rushed down the stairs into the kitchen, James turned the corner, thankfully having heard them he was not startled. He grabbed his wife quickly and Tonks skidded to a precarious halt. He looked exhausted. Lily's heart broke.

"It was that bad?" She asked him. Tonks held her breath.

"Not exactly. It was long. Very, very long. But once he was all wolf the anger died out." Lily worked to follow the things her husband wasn't saying. "Leave him there for a bit." He said, walking them into the kitchen and pulling out cups for tea. Tonks wasn't having it. She had to see him, to know he was okay.

"James I-" He cut Tonks off gently with a wave of his hand

"I know Tonks. I do. And I know you don't want to be told what to do, and that you have every right to go down there. And I won't stop you. But I think it would be better for you and Remus if you stayed here for a minute. Please." Something about the tone in his voice caused her to sit down and listen.

"Just tell me if he's okay." She begged, as Lily wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulder. James was at a loss for words. He couldn't lie to her, but he couldn't tell her the truth. He made a compromise.

"He actually, physically, has no cuts or anything. I think the transformation was more painful; well I know it was. We heard it. But it happened so early… he didn't want us waiting down there. And then by time it was real… we just barely got there in time to make sure he didn't hurt himself. But i don't think the potion did anything. But he's not hurt. And we're fine." Lily saw right through him, he prayed Tonks wasn't as observant.

She was.

"So he's down there beating himself up mentally about something?" She asked. James hesitated a moment too long. Lily let out a discouraged breath. He was beating himself up for hurting her, wondering the damage he would have inflicted if he'd hit her instead of the wall.

"Oh." Tonks rubbed her hands together, her eyes locked on the table. "Should I leave?" The question was a whisper. James turned his back to her as he made tea, he didn't want her to see the pain in his eyes. He knew what Remus was going to do. What Sirius was trying to talk him out of doing.

"I'm sorry Tonks, I don't know." The defeat was evident in his voice. She nodded her head. Chewing on her lip for a moment she looked at Lily.

"I don't know how to do this." She said, her eyes letting Lily in to the parts of her spirit only Remus had really ever seen. "Is it me?" She asked both the Potters, yet no one in particular. James ran a stressed hand through his messy hair.

"Tonks I'm sorry I don't know. I can't figure it out either. I've known him for so long and he's never-" A crash from downstairs cut him off. They all hesitated only a second before James threw the door open, wishing at the same moment he hadn't done it.

Sirius's shouting prevented the men in the basement from hearing the audience they'd acquired. So Tonks, Lily, and James stood at the top of the stairs and listened.

"... Do it then! Break her heart and break yours in the process! Ruin your friendships and run off on some dangerous mission because you think you're so able to save the world. Go be a Gryffindor! But so help me Moony if you die out there I will not be the only one to resurrect you just so we can kill you again!" Remus stared his friend down, letting the weight and the truth of what Sirius was saying sink in.

He was being a Gryffindor prat as Dora would call it. But he was too far committed to back out now just because Sirius said some true words.

"I have to do this. Did you see the pain I caused her? Sirius I took her darkest fears and spit them in her face. And I didn't even care I didn't-"

"Forty- eight years Moony. Forty-eight years until this moon comes again! You think that one slip up into anger is enough to deny your ability to care for her? That it zeros out all the years of perfection you've had?! I've said worse to you and James, and Lily! What's my excuse? I just have an alarming ability to be a fat git, but I guess now it's your turn if you're just going to give up on her that way." Sirius was livid.

"I have to do this, padfoot. I have to go to the colony, and I have to do it now. The red moon passed. This is the only way." Remus slipped back into his old ways. Into denying himself happiness, into disregarding any logic his friends had for him.

"So that's it then? When do you leave?" Sirius was giving up, he knew it was futile now. Remus would just have to see for himself.

"Four days. You heard the patronus just as well as I did." As he said the words Lily gasped from the top of the stairs, giving away their poorly concealed location. Remus choked on his next breath as both men peered around the corner.

Sirius cursed loudly, Remus froze.

The look in Dora's eyes could have killed him. Maybe she wanted it to. James tried to mask the disappointment in his own eyes, but Remus saw right through it. He was letting everyone down, and he couldn't bring himself to care enough to stop.

Throwing caution to the wind Sirius looked up at Tonks. "Can you try and talk some sense into him? Because he won't listen to me." Remus could have punched the man next to him.

"Come with me." Tonks said, and without waiting for his reply she walked away, he heard her going up the steps. Remus waited, considering his options, before following her anyway.

"Don't hurt her." Lily whispered desperately as he passed by.

"I have to do what's best for her." He said, slowing down.

"Maybe what you think is best, isn't actually what's best." James countered. Remus just shrugged, walking up the stairs, into her room where she sat on the bed, her back to him, just like she had a few days before.

"Do I get to say anything?" She asked, not turning around. He left the door open, he didn't want her to think this would be a long conversation.

"You can say anything, Nympha-" She spun to glare at him. He caught himself with the fire in her eyes. "Tonks," He corrected, his voice too soft "You can say anything. You know that." He didn't want her to hate him, but then again that may be the only way to get her through this without giving her false hope.

"But will it change anything? Will I just be wasting my breath?" She was so angry. He could taste it in the air. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to give her what she wanted, everything she wanted. But he couldn't.

"I have to go on this mission, Tonks. It's my contribution to the-"

"Dammit Remus!" She hit the bed, he stood firm, wanting to wrap his arms around her in comfort. He couldn't give in. "You don't have to. You're choosing this. Because you think this is what you deserve. You beat yourself up for making a stupid mistake, and wallow in your self pity until you find a cause just enough for your own opinions on self-punishment. You do not have to do this, and dumbledore is a fool for making you feel like you do." He knew she didn't mean the words about the headmaster, he hoped she didn't.

"You think far too highly of me." He resigned to saying, knowing he was setting himself up for an argument.

"You should try it sometime." She shot back, standing up and walking over to him. "I love you." She said desperately, looking into his eyes. He had to look away.

"I can't." He whispered, bracing himself for the hit he hoped she would take at him. To his horror she stepped back.

"This is not over." She said, he knew what she was saying, he knew she wasn't the crazy ex girlfriend type. He knew she realized he loved her too.

"I leave on Saturday morning, six o'clock to catch the pack before the head off to their new location. I'll be leaving my wand here, and won't have an easy way to communicate. I can't leave you here worrying about some foolish old werewolf who shouldn't have given you such hopes for a positive future. This _is_ over." He said the words, letting them cut straight into his heart. The pain was maddening, heavy, and dark.

She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. There was a beat of miserable silence, and then she apparated. James ran up the stairs when e heard the pop, telling Lily to go to Tonk's flat. He figured it wasn't Remus that left. He rushed into the pink witch's bedroom, seeing his best friend standing hopelessly in the middle of it.

"Remus." He began, walking over and setting a hand on the man's shoulder. "You don't have to do this mate. You were happy. Be happy." He begged with the man, knowing it was futile. His reason for joy just left him standing alone in her bedroom.

"I can't. It has to be this way." James shook his head, but remained silent.

Four days later three friends stood at the door of Grimmauld place. Nobody said anything about the absence of pink hair, but they all felt it. Just as Remus gave one last hug to Lily, she slipped a piece of paper in his hands.

"Come back to us." She whispered.

He nodded to her. "Three weeks. I'll see you at the meeting in three weeks." He reminded them, and himself. He could handle the small increments of time. Three week spans away from his best friends, from the woman he… _don't think about her. Not now. She deserves more._ He took one more steadying breath and pushed away from them all, with a loud pop he disapparated to the forest, where he stood alone and opened Lily's note.

 _Remus,_

The curling script was not Lily's and not what he expected to see. But it was writing he knew well. It's beauty did not match the clumsy had that owned it. He felt his eyes prick with tears as he saw her writing form his name. He kept reading.

 _I missed the chance to see you off. I didn't want to make it harder for either of us. It has taken me four days to figure out what to write here. But I still don't know. I don't know what you want me to say. So instead of starting an argument we would never get to finish, here:_

 _Come back alive. Whether you come back to me or not. I do not want to exist in world you are not in. Stay safe. Stay in touch with James when you can. And whether you want them or not, expect more letters._

 _You tried to return it, but I'm leaving my heart with you._

 _~ Tonks._

She had a point, he did try to return it. He folded the letter and set it in his coat pocket. The woman was relentless, and since she wouldn't be seeing him anytime soon he let himself smile. She wrote to him. All the pain he put her through and she still cared for him.

He hated himself for it.

Pressing on into the woods, he tried to shed the personality he put on himself over the last years. Every step pushed him farther away from normal life, from real love, from simple living. It all had to stay behind him. He slipped into the darker parts of the woods, keeping his breathing even, his steps slow. There was no rush. A twig cracked in front of him, he resisted the urge to reach for the wand he knew he didn't have. He saw the figure behind the tree's and heard the dark chuckle. _Victory._

"Greyback." He called into the darkness. "I come needing a pack." He heard a snarl from behind the trees. He couldn't imagine the mans anger during the red moon.

"What, your precious leader wasn't good enough for you?" Greyback stepped out, taking a few steps closer to Remus.

"No, he decided I wasn't good enough." Remus spat the words, hating that he had to say them outloud, knowing he would have to continue. "The bat just doesn't understand. I left him, but he doesn't know I'm here. I'm willing to work for you, as a spy to him if you will give me safety in a pack." It was a long shot, he knew it. But If Greyback said no all he would have to do would be to wandlessly apparate back to Grimmauld.

"You'll tell me everything I need to know about him and his little army?" Greyback's interest was peaked. _Am I that believable?_ Remus nodded, keeping his face as impassive as possible.

"Anything you need." He lied easily. This was his life. Lying to people. Lying to Dora. _No._

"Come with me." Greyback turned and walked deeper into the woods. Remus shuddered one last time, setting his hand on the note in his pocket and marching deeper into the woods.

The weeks passed by quickly, and before he knew what was happening he was six weeks in. Greyback had yet to allow him to leave for a meeting. He had gone six weeks without interaction with his friends, instead of the three he thought it would be. He knew they would be worried sick. The letter's from Tonks had all but ceased, and he'd had no idea how she managed to get them to him. He was sitting on his bunk in the tent, when he pulled them out.

 _Remus,_

 _If you have things to say write them and leave them where you found this letter, I'll get them. Don't lose hope._

 _Tonks_

Don't lose hope, she said, like she knew he would be fighting to keep every human part of himself no matter how hard it would be for him. She knew him so well.

 _Remus,_

 _Harry keeps writing. He asked us about you, why you weren't giving your insight in the letters anymore. I lied to him. Come back home._

 _Tonks_

She was using the boy he loved to try and bribe him into changing his mind. He hated and loved her for it. He wrote back asking what Harry needed help with, her next letter ignore his question.

 _Remus,_

 _See writing back wasn't so hard. I may hate you, but I was glad to know you're still okay. Any women from the pack catching your fancy? Just kidding, I mean I hope you're happy, but I don't think you are._

 _You don't write enough for me to believe that._

 _Tonks_

He began to crave the friendship her letters made him feel, brushing over the part where she mentioned hating him. He couldn't imagine the pain it was causing her to write him these things after he had treated her so poorly. He couldn't let her hang onto hope he would come back to her. It wasn't right. He couldn't be that selfish. He did the only thing he knew do to.

He wrote back

 **Tonks,**

 **Please, don't keep writing. I can't have you hurting yourself this way. You know I'm not for you. Find true love, someone who will treat you the way your deserve. Please pass on greetings to everyone.**

 **I'm sorry. I truly am. But you deserve better.**

Her response was very quick, and enough to crush him again. Yet he kept the letter, and read it anytime he needed to feel close to her.

 _I know you're alive, because the letters disappear. But I'm worried about you. I received your last letter. And I guess I'll listen. If you want me gone so much, I'll stop. I'm sorry I bothered you for so long. It won't happen any longer._

 _Please, just don't die._

He hated himself for writing back to her the way he did. He loved her, and he hated himself for that too. He felt Andrew shift in the bunk under him.

"Reading again?" The young boy called up. Remus had taken a liking to the kid. Andrew got pulled into all this pack stuff just about a year ago, but he wasn't darkened by it. Not yet.

"Just thinking." Remus replied. Andrew didn't understand why someone would write letters to a wolf, Remus was thankful he could show the boy that there was still good in the world. But the meeting was coming up, he was waiting for Greyback to give him permission to leave for a few days. Apparently the decision would be made today.

"Think he'll let you go?" Andrew asked, reminding Remus of Harry and Ron with all the questions he had. Remus shrugged, knowing the boy couldn't see him.

"I hope so." He said, just as the tent opening was tossed open, and the man himself walked in.

"Okay Lupin." Greyback said. "You get four days. If you fail to return I _will_ come for you." The threat was left incomplete. Remus knew it was his life on the line. He nodded. "Go. Now." Greyback said.

The full moon was in six days, so he would come back just before it hit. He could handle that. Four days with his friends. He threw a goodbye to Andrew he waved with a sad smile, and rushed through the tent door. He walked briskly through the woods, not thinking about anything except a warm shower and his friends as he disapparated back to Grimmauld place. It wasn't until he was standing outside the door he realized it was five in the morning, and everyone would likely be sleeping. He knew the door would open to his touch, but he wasn't sure he wanted to startle everyone by walking in to early. He stood on the porch, debating, but the rain that had begun to pour down made the decision for him, as he pushed the door open and stepped gently inside.

The hallway was empty as he expected, but he heard voices from the kitchen. He did not see the brown haired witch at the counter, and could not make out the words of padfoot as he spoke to her. Remus didn't know she fell asleep on the counter, and didn't know the conversation that had happened between Tonks and Sirius as he stood outside

Just moment before Remus opened the door Sirius walked down the stairs, leaving James and Lily asleep. He appreciated the quiet time in the morning, but when he got to the bottom he saw his cousins black coat resting over the railing. Seeing her sleeping on the counter he made sure to be quiet until he knew she must wake up to get to her missions. It was her day to patrol the hogwarts grounds undercover, as dumbledore had recently left and couldn't leave it unprotected. Sirius shook the woman's shoulder after getting her a mug of coffee.

"Dora." He called gently, knowing the speed of her reflexes. Without lifting her head she had her wand pointed directly at his face. Sirius stepped back, hands up, knowing she wouldn't blindly jinx him… hoping she wouldn't blindly jinx him.

The mop of mousy brown hair lifted from the counter, and tired grey eyes looked up at him. Her wand dropped, and she cracked the tiniest of smiles.

"Sorry Sirius, didn't mean to knock out there." She said, running a thin hand through her hair and standing up. She gestured at the white mug on the counter. "One for me?" Sirius pushed it toward her and she nodded, thankful.

"Apparate to the gate then go patrol from there?" Sirius asked her, referring to the mission ahead of her. She gave a small nod still holding the mug as if it were a life raft. Sirius didn't ask any other questions, only watched her eyes stare blankly at the floor as they had for weeks now.

"Padfoot, you awake?" He heard Remus call up the stairs, trying to hide the surprise in his face. He watched as his baby cousin's eyes went from hopelessly broken, to intentionally guarded in a second. She tugged at the shirt that fell off her too thin body waited for Sirius to speak.

"In the kitchen Moony." He called uncertainly. "Didn't expect you to be back today." Sirius called, keeping his voice level, watching as the woman in front of him quietly tossed papers in the bag she carried with her. She was preparing to leave, Sirius reach toward her.

"Stay cuz." He whispered, hoping she could feel welcome here still, wishing she wouldn't run out like she was planning to. Her eyes darted up to him as the door was swung open, Remus didn't see her right away because of where she was standing, Sirius noticed the dead look in his eyes that matched the one in hers.

"Yeah well things weren't going well with the wolves, and the coming of the full moon I just needed to come- what are you looking-?" Remus's words fell short as he turned and saw his Dora, _no not his Dora - Tonks_ \- standing behind him, bag on her shoulder ready to slip out. He drank in her figure, the hair that she couldn't morph, the eyes that she kept guarded, and the clothes that fell of her too thin form in every way they shouldn't.

"Nymph- er, Tonks…" He didn't know what to say, he felt his heart falling. He felt his world crashing again over his head. She looked at him expectantly eyebrows raised.

"What Remus?" She asked, waiting for a completion of the sentence he never meant to start. The man's head was blank, and he stumbled over words as he tried to think of something intelligible to say to her.

"I… uh I didn't know you had a mission today." She tossed hair over her shoulder, glancing at Sirius, obviously annoyed.

"I do go on missions Remus yes." She had to take the edge from her voice, it bit through him every time she spoke. "You're home from your wanderings then?" She said it with more venom if that were even possible, but everyone in the room knew what she really meant: don't go back, you're safe here.

"Just for a few days." Remus responded, ignoring the break he saw in her eyes. Translation: I'm not staying, I'm never opened her mouth as if to argue like she normally would. Lupin prepared himself for the fight, so when she snapped her mouth closed and dropped her head he was in no way prepared for the second wave of nauseating loss that rolled over him. Nymphadora Tonks never gave up. Until that moment.

She simply shook her head and turned to walk out.

"Dora!" Sirius called, louder than necessary to get her attention. She stopped but didn't turn. "Come back here tonight, we have a meeting." He reminded her lamely. Both men watched as she took an angry breath. "Of course Sirius." She said.

"I'll clean out your bedroom so you don't need to sleep on the counter." He said, grasping at straws with her.

"I don't think that's necessary." She said. She would not be staying, not if she could help it.

"I'm going to do it anyway. You're always welcome here." He said. She nodded, and pushed through the door. There was a familiar crash that sent Remus just inches away from the door before Sirius grabbed his arm and pulled him back, slipping out the door himself.

Remus would have sworn he heard Dora crying, but the door swung shut again, and he was sure Sirius charmed it so he couldn't hear anything.

He walked around the island, and opened the hidden chocolate drawer that Lily must have continued to fill for him, trusting he would return. He would forever be indebted to that woman. He ate small bits of chocolate as he waited for Sirius knowing that no matter how badly he wanted to he could not push through the door and embrace the woman on the other side. She deserved better than that, he never meant to see her here, he would have to start being more careful about when he came around. He hoped Greyback would give him more chances to come back. But if every time would be this painful maybe it would be better to stay away. Sirius pushed through the kitchen door angrily, not looking at Remus as he did so.

"Padfoot is she-"

"That's my baby cousin. You know that Moony?" Sirius was livid, Remus wasn't anticipating this. He knew better than to interrupt, letting his friend continue on the rant. "That's my baby cousin and you just break her heart and walk all over it. And the ridiculous part is that you love her so much it's breaking you too!" Sirius was shouting, looking like he was ready to reach across the table and kill Remus with his bare hands. "What if she dies out there Remus?!" Sirius shouted, throwing his hands up. Remus couldn't stop the swell of anger that filled his chest at the thought, he lost control.

"Don't say that!" The horror filled him at the thought of his Dora, dead. "Don't you ever say that Sirius! She cannot die!" Sirius wasn't done though, almost as if he hadn't even heard Remus speak he continued shouting.

"She- Nymphadora Tonks, my little cousin could die! Alone and broken because you're too big of a bloody prat to realize you belong with her! You love her Remus!" Suddenly more enraged than before Remus stood, and chair falling behind him.

"Of course I love her!" He shouted back at Sirius, no longer allowing self control to rationalize his words. "Who wouldn't love her?! She's brave, beautiful, strong, fiercely loyal! She cares so deeply for everyone around her! She cares about me! ME! She fights for what she believes in, she doesn't let the anything bring her down… she's amazing padfoot…" Somewhere along the way he had stopped yelling. "She's amazing and she deserves so much more than what I can give her." Sirius simply looked at his best friend, and tried not to let his jaw drop in the much deserved surprise when the kitchen door swung open and his cousin walked in.

Remus's eyes grew like saucers before he even turned around, as if he could simply feel the fact that she was in the room, which he kind of could.

"I forgot something." She mumbled weakly, walking over to the counter and slipping a stray sheet of paper into her bag. Remus didn't move, Sirius wasn't even sure he was breathing. Tonks looked up at him wordlessly before slipping out just as silently as she came in, never more thankful for not tripping than that moment.

Remus looked at Sirius. "This is not good."

For once Sirius agreed.

The shouting had woken James and Lily up, and they both came downstairs just seconds after Tonks left. Lily embraced Remus in a long overdue hug, and James looked at Sirius hard.

"I take it Tonks was here again?" He asked. Sirius nodded, gesturing to the still full mug of coffee she had left sitting on the counter.

"Remus, don't go back there." Lily begged, taking a card from Moll's book and forcing him to sit in a chair while she made him inordinate amounts of food.

"I very much have to this time. Greyback made that clear. If I want to leave I'm going to have to leave of my own accord, or get kicked out." He admitted. He had considered it multiple times. But he couldn't. Not yet.

"Then do it. Get kicked out. Please don't stay there." She pleaded with him, as she warmed up the soup over the fire. "Please. It's not the same without you." He heard what she really wanted to say: _Tonks is not the same without you._

"She can't even morph." Sirius whispered, clearly worried about the woman. Remus felt the tension in his neck as he remember the look in her eyes when he finally saw her. She looked like someone had died. Maybe a part of her had died. He killed her.

"I have to do this." Remus argued lamely, believing the words less and less every time he said them. It wasn't true, and they were all coming to know that. He didn't have to. It was a choice. And it wa quickly becoming more difficult to make.

" There are ways. But not if you're unwilling." James said, setting a hand on his friend's shoulder. "We can get you out if you would let us."

He looked at the faces of determination on all his friends. He felt his walls breaking. Tears pricked his eyes.

"Let's talk to Dumbledore." Sirius said gently, getting a nod from Remus.

"Will she be okay?" Remus asked. Lily let out a sad sigh, and James nodded.

"She has to be."

That was not exactly what Remus wanted to hear.

"Molly will be here soon to prep food for tonight. Why don't you go upstairs and rest. You probably haven't gotten proper sleep since you left." Lily encouraged. She was right, he hadn't. He nodded, standing slowly, and pushing through the door.

He couldn't live like this.

The sound of people downstairs woke Remus up, and he quickly composed his exhaustion before making way to the steps to go down. He hit the top step when the door opened again. He waited in the shadows not feeling ready to greet anyone warmly just yet.

"You have to at least tell Mad-Eye." He heard Bill Weasley's voice fill the foyer, followed by a huff he knew all too well.

"Listen Bill, if it happens again I'll tell him. But it's my job to do this. I'm still shocked it wasn't a fake lead. Maybe the Minister is finally putting some truth to the claim the he's back." Tonks argued, draping her robes over the edge of the railing as she always did. Remus watched the shadows as Bill Weasley pulled her into a hug. She wrapped her own arms around his waist, Remus fought the urge to tear them apart. Of course she moved on. Why wouldn't she?

"I'm glad you're okay." He said to her quietly. She nodded into his shoulder.

"Me too." They pulled apart, she brushed off her robes. "Shall we get in there then? I don't want everyone to turn when we walk in." Bill grabbed her arm as she pushed forward.

"He'll be here tonight, Tonks." Bill said. _Me. He's afraid for her to see me?_ Tonks nodded at him.

"I know. Which is why I'll be leaving immediately." Remus cringed at the anger in her tone. She really didn't want to be anywhere near him.

"You should just tell him Tonks." Bill said _Tell him you're together now._ He saw Tonks shake her head.

"It wouldn't matter anyway. He doesn't care anymore. He told me as much." She huffed, and Remus was suddenly very confused. If she was with Bill why did she care what he said to her.

"Yeah but I know if it were Fluer I was trying to protect I would want to know how she felt even if she figured I didn't want to hear it. Even if I told her I didn't want to hear it." Remus felt guilty for eavesdropping. This was a conversation he was definitely not intended to hear. But he couldn't stop now.

He watched Tonks grab Bill's hand silently and lead him into the kitchen. He waited a long beat before descending the stairs after them and hoping James could convince Dumbledore that he could no longer continue on the mission with the wolves.

He walked into the kitchen casually, dropping into the seat James had pushed out for him. He was thankful for the way his friend always seemed to know exactly what he needed. Mad-Eye started immediately upon his entering, and he knew the headmaster was giving him space from the onslaught of questions that was sure to follow his sudden return. It was in that moment that Remus realized the old headmaster would not be here as he was in hiding rfom the ministry. That meant it was up to Remus and Mad-Eye to decide when it was too dangerous for him to continue the mission. Mad-Eye would never relent to his wished, Remus believed, not when he thought there was still so much that could be done.

Six weeks, yet it had felt like a lifetime. He leaned back, not hearing the words Mad-Eye said about guard duty at the department. He realized they must have upped the numbers to three people on certain nights. They were exhausting themselves, but they had to. Voldemort couldn't get his hands on that prophecy.

Remus's attention was only peaked when he saw Tonks stand up to give a report.

"Things at Hogwarts aren't going great. Umbridge is destroying education. But the kids seem safe… enough. They are watching their backs. Though I'm really not sure what to make of this whole 'Dumbledore's Army' thing. We can't do anything about it now. They are learning defensive spells, and that's all that matters. They'll be back for easter soon enough. And if we have anything to ask them then, we can. I think they are safe though. I would caution to say it ay be putting them and us in more danger by having anyone there." Tonks gave her opinion to Mad-Eye before sitting back in her chair.

Moody gave her a nod of agreement, they locked eyes for a minute, and she nodded again.

She stood from her seat and pushed out the door without looking back.

"Miss Tonks had some work business to take care of." Mad-Eye explained, and then continued on with the meeting as planned. He skipped over asking Remus any questions, which the man was unspeakable thankful for. The meeting was adjourned, and with a speed none knew he possessed Alastor marches over to Remus and all but dragged him to the library.

"You're done." He said as he tossed Lupin into the couch where he once spent long afternoons reading with Dora in his arms. He tried to quell the memories as Moody's words sunk in.

"What?" He stuttered, looking at the man in shock and confusion.

"You do whatever you have to do to get out of that colony. I'm not going to watch you kill yourself for nothing; and kill that girl for less." Even Mad-Eye knew that Tonk's struggles had to do with him. Who didn't know?

"Everyone knows. You're done. I don't give a rats ass what Dumbledore has to say about it. You go and get out. If you think it's safe enough don't even go back." The question was there. _Is it safe?_

"He threatened me, if I didn't go back." Remus began, but he saw Moody's careless shrug. "But I don't know if he'd really make good on it. He's no idea where to find me. But I don't think it does anyone any good for me to go into hiding." Alastor nodded, his magical eye whizzing around as he did.

"Did he let you in on any pack secrets?" Moody asked. Remus realized where this was going, and shook his head with a ghost of a smile on his lips.

"No." If he didn't know any better he would say Mad-Eye smiled too.

"You're officially off the mission. You start guard duty after the full moon. I'll add you to the chart and get you the information you need." He walked out, his fake leg clomping the ground as he did.

Remus fell against the couch with a sigh. He felt a weight come off his shoulders. He knew this wasn't over. Dumbledore _would_ want him back if things escalated. But for now he could breathe.

James pushed the door open with a smile.

"That was easy." He said, Remus could only nod. "People are leaving, we'll see them out then come get you when it's just the ones that matter." He said with a wink. Remus was again thankful beyond words for the way his friends cared for him.

When everyone was gone he sat at the table with his friends and the Weasley's, consuming more of Molly's soup in one sitting than he had in probably his whole life time. They spent the evening filling him in on the various activities he had missed in his time away. He tried to ignore the confused looks Bill gave him periodically, and worked to just be thankful that the pack was temporarily behind him.

Time went by much faster than nay had realized, and soon they were all stifling yawns, and bidding one another goodnight. Remus followed the Potters and Sirius up the steps, thankful for the easy routine they fell back into.

The next four days flew by and Remus nearly forgot he was supposed to have been going back to the pack already one day ago. The full moon was the next night, and he was beyond eager to spend it in the basement, even if it was wolfsbane free.

He sat with Lily at the table, James and Sirius working in the basement to clear everything out for him.

"Harry wrote again. Things are still hard for him… but do you think there's something going on with he and Ginny?" Remus cracked a smile. Of course there was, but James and Lily were still new to watching them interact. "Oh my!" Lily clapped excitedly at the look on his face. Her excitement died quickly when a large patronus bound into the room.

 _Set the wards!_ The announcement was a cry of terror coming from the animal, one that sent Sirius bounding up the stairs. There was a pop of apparition up stairs and without thinking Remus worked with James to set an anti apparition spell before the friends rushed up the fight the intruder, wands ready.

They ran with reckless abandon all the way up to the attic. The attic where Remus first realized he loved Dora, and where James loved her too, but differently. The attic where his deepest fear changed.

"Wait!" Lily called them all back, the terror in her voice freezing all three men to the floor. She pushed ahead of them, dropping to her knees next to the figure who had collapsed on the floor in a sobbing heap. It took Remus a beat too long to figure out who the own of the mousy brown hair was. And why her robes seemed stained with red paint.

"Oh my…" James didn't even finish. Lily was already crying. "Get my some dittany. Anything!" She was hysterical. "NOW!" that was enough to jolt Sirius awake. He rushed to the washroom to get what Lily needed. Remus couldn't move.

Lily rolled Tonks onto her back, taking in the torn clothing that hung from her body, and the four, very deep cuts that ran up her stomach. Tonks appeared to be passed out, her breathing shallow, her face pale. Sirius threw the vial to Lily who caught it quickly, and began to mutter healing spells.

"Call Mad-Eye." Lily ordered, and again Sirius was the only one who seemed coherent enough to comply. He sent a non corporeal patronus to the man, telling him to get here as quickly as possible.

Finally James came to it. "What's happened?" He asked, his voice dead as he took in the sight before him. Before Lily had a chance to answer Mad-Eye appeared in front of them. His eyes took in the sights before he rushed to the girl on the ground.

"What spells have you done?" He asked Lily urgently. She answered as best she could, fighting through tears; Alastor nodded, leaning over the brown haired woman and continuing to do spell work. He didn't say anything to anyone, but worked tirelessly for what felt like hours but could have only been minutes. Tonks' head rolled to the side, and her breathing evened out. If it wasn't for the gentle rise of her chest Remus would have believed she was dead. Mad-Eye leaned back against the wall, hanging his head.

"What happened to her?" He asked. Nobody had an answer. Mad Eye hit the floor. "How the hell did she get here like this?" He shouted. Lily ran a hdn over her face and took a steadying breath.

"She patronused, telling us to set the wards. Almost at the same time she apparated up here. By time we got up here she was like she was when you came in. I wasn't able to ask her. She passed out." Mad-Eye nodded, he waved his hand in her direction, gesturing to her stomach

"They look like scratch marks. But they are wand slices. Someone was trying to kill her I believe, and she must have put up a damn good fight. You move quick Lily, good job. Anyone else and she probably would have died." Remus's breath caught with Moody's words. "We'll get to her flat when she wakes up. Check the damage. She's got a room here?" He asked. Sirius nodded, and moved to pick her up.

"Someone stay in there with her incase she wakes up." Moody said. "I have to get back. I want to be the first to know when her eyes are open." Lily nodded as he left.

"I'll stay with her." Lily said as the group walked with Sirius into Nymphadora's room. He set her on the bed and nodded.

"We'll be downstairs, call us when she wakes please." James said, he and Sirius made to the door. Remus hesitated, looking at the woman on the bed who would appear to be sleeping peacefully if not for the drying blood all over her body, and the tears of her clothing. He could not figure out for the life of him what happened. With a sigh, he turned to the door and followed the men out. They walked down and into the basement, setting wards on the walls so nothing would be too greatly damaged during the transformation. They worked slowly, and had to do the spells over multiple times, because their minds were upstairs in that bedroom with the women. Nobody said anything; it was hard to figure out what to say, especially when there was no way of knowing if she would really be okay. Remus wondered for the hundredth time if they should have taken her to Saint Mungo's, where she could have gotten certain healing, but Mad-Eye must have known something they didn't, because if he thought that was best he would have done it… right?

Lily's stag patronus rushed around the room, and without words summoned the men upstairs. The importance of setting the wards forgotten they rushed up the flights of stairs and into the room, where Tonks was leaning against Lily, whose eyes were filled with tears. Tonks' face was blank, an expression Remus knew they'd all gotten used to, but one that still caught him off guard.

"Tonksie?" Sirius asked, taking in the sight before him. Her eyes trailed up to him, almost as if she didn't even see him when he first walked in. A smile ghosted her lips, but it wasn't real, and it wasn't strong.

Moody apparated in. His eyes narrowed as he looked at the girl.

"Again, Nymphadora?" He asked her walking over. James was very confused, but knew better than to ask for clarification when Mad-Eye was like this. "It was worse this time." Moody added. If Jeames didn't know any better he would say Alastor almost seemed worried. He wondered if Mungo's was going to be in Tonks's future, he hoped not.

Alastor dropped into the chair that was next to the bed, and looked at the woman.

"What happened?" His voice was far gentler than anyone had ever heard from him before, and Remus felt himself drawn to it. Nymphadora didn't even look his way. Her eyes were cloudy, almost like she needed sleep. Mad-Eye patted her arm to get her attention. He asked again. Tonks nodded, her head trailing up to his slowly, she blinked to clear her head then looked more firmly at Moody.

"Greyback found out how to get into my wards. Said that one of his pack members spoke in their sleep. But that doesn't… I don't know how he knew." Remus felt all the warmth drain from his body, feeling his legs give out. Sirius was there and helped him slide to the floor. Tonks didn't notice. "He came in unannounced, and I was ready. I was! But I wasn't ready enough. They're wards! Only four people even know how to get through them. I set them myself Mad-Eye. You know they're not easy. But he did it. And he was standing in my kitchen when I rounded the corner. I hesitated just a second in confusion. All I saw was the back of his head, and I didn't understand what was happening. But he was ready. I'm not even sure what spell he used. But then he said…" she took a shuddering breath, and looked down. Lily seemed to know what was coming next, as she leant down and whispered something to Tonks who shook her head.

Mad-Eye watched, ever patient. Remus needed to know how this story finished so he could go kill the wolf.

"I can tell it." Tonks whispered to Lily, then looked back at Alastor. "He kept saying Remus was a traitor to two sides, and that if Dumbledore was already punishing him, the pack had to find a new way to ensure justice was paid. He asked me where Remus was, and I really didn't know. So then… well you know what happened." She looked at Moody sheepishly. _I don't know! Say it!_ Remus screamed in his head.

Moody locked his eyes with Remus, even his magical eye grabbing the man's stare as if he could feel the panic welling inside Lupin's brain.

"He crucioed you." Moody said, looking at Remus. Dora nodded. Lily wiped a tear again, Ramus slumped further in on himself if that was even possible. "A long time." Moody said. It was almost a question, but he clearly knew the answer.

"Nothing I couldn't handle." She said with a shrug. But Remus heard the fear in her voice. It was a close call.

"You shouldn't have tried to apparate. You should have splinched." Moody chastised her.

She huffed, Remus imagined her eyes rolling.

"I've never splinched before. Can't say I've been in worse situations, but I made it. Had I stayed he _would_ have killed me." She said it casually as if it wasn't her death they were discussing but the weather.

"You gave him information? He must have stopped the unforgivable if you're here." Moody questioned again. Tonks nodded.

"Yep. I realized what he thought was happening. Then I realized Remus must be-" she cut off with a gasp, looking at Lily. Without saying anything she slowly turned until she was looking at Remus who was set on the ground, supported by Sirius. His face was a mask of pain and terror that cut through both Lily and Tonks.

"Oh." The young witch said. She rubbed her hands over her face before turning back to Moody.

"I… I realized he must have left the pack, without warning. And then remembered that his way in was agreeing to be a double agent. So he was feeding greyback false info, while making him believe it was real. So once I figured out all that, I was able to run with the story. He showed up to the meeting, and Dumbledore being such a powerful legilimens was able to figure out Remus was two timing us. So he was getting his due back at headquarters - which I didn't mention a location of, or the secret keeper. But anyone could figure out based on what I didn't say. He seemed satisfied. So he cut me three more times, played around with unforgivables a bit. But he got cocky, his spells got weak, so I got the upper hand. Meaning i got my mind enough to cast one spell and get out." Moody looked at her, pride in his eyes.

"You had a wizard, slicing into your skin with magic, twisting your brain with a curse. And you are able to stay coherent enough to fabricate a story, cast a patronus, and apparate without splinching." Tonks nodded. "Well done Nymphadora!" He praised her, clapping his hands on her shoulders.

"Amazing." James whispered from Remus's other side, the latter who was still trying not pace his breathing, as he had begun to feel like he was going to pass out.

"Can you stand?" Moody asked her, his voice a gentle tone that would only ever come out with the young witch sitting there.

Her brown hair bounced as she nodded her head slowly, almost uncertainly. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed and set them on the ground. Rising to her feet shakily she looked at Mad-Eye.

Remus heard her breath catch from across the room. Thankfully Alastor was ready, and he stood up, pulling the woman into his arms as she fell into tears again. He held her tightly, as she cried into his shoulder clinging to him. Lily slipped off the bed and rushed over to James who held her tightly. Remus blinked away tears.

Tonks composed herself quickly, and looked up at Moody. "Alright. I'm okay now." She said. He nodded, clearly not believing her, but not arguing.

"You'll be staying here for a while. I'll go to your flat and check everything out. Write your parents. Tell them you're staying out of town for work and not to owl your flat. They can send anything to me and I'll be sure to get to it you." Moody went on authority mode. Tonks just nodded to him.

"Do you still have clothes here?" James asked her. She looked up, thinking for a moment before nodding slowly.

"Yes, I'll be fine with what I have." Moody nodded, and Sirius stood up walking over to her.

"I'll go now, and be back tonight after dinner with essentials. Owl Molly to while you're at it. She should know you'll be here." Tonks nodded again. Moody patted her shoulder once before walking out the door and apparating out.

Silence filled the room. Remus was still frozen to his place on the floor. He watched Tonks drop her head so it rested on Padfoot's shoulder. He wrapped arm arm around her and pulled her into him. Nobody spoke for a very long time.

Tonks shifted. "Could I shower off in the washroom? I just feel…" She didn't finish. Remus tensed, thankful when James was brave enough to ask what they were all thinking.

"Did he hurt you... " He trailed off fighting to find the words. "Beyond the cuts? Did he… come on to you?" Tonks spun around her eyebrows up in surprise, shaking her head quickly before wincing at the wicked headache the motion caused.

"No no!" Then the smallest of smirks twisted her mouth. "He tried I think." Remus failed to see why that was funny. "So I jabbed him with a fork." She chuckled weakly at the memory. "You would have thought I stabbed him in the heart."

Sirius leaned forward in interest. "Well where'd you stab him?" He asked. Her back was to Remus, but he still saw her shoulders shake once with another chuckle.

"Right by his eye I think. Mine were closed, so I couldn't see. But I think there." James shook his head.

"Only you Tonks." He ran his free hand through his hair, standing and pulling Lily up with his other hand. "Go rinse off. Lily and I will polyjuice and go get some food for us all for dinner. Sound good?" Tonks stood up, grabbing Sirius for support as she swayed. James watched her cautiously but didn't say anything.

Then very quickly before Tonks could turn around James grabbed Remus by the shoulder and drug him to his feet.

"Pull it together. Don't scare her more." He whispered tightly into Remus's ear. Tonks turned, rubbing her tired hands over her face, stifling a yawn. Her face faltered when her eyes landed on Remus. She walked up to him slowly.

"I can stay at the Weasley's if you don't want me to stay here." She said slowly, trying to figure out why he looked like he had seen a ghost.

"Nymph-" He caught himself remember the way she snapped at him last time he said her name. "Tonks," He began again keeping his voice gentle. "Of course I want you to stay here. But…" He took a deep breath. "The full moon is tomorrow night. You were just attacked by a werewolf… I…" His chest hurt, it ached to realize how much she would hate him now. "I don't want to scare you." He watched her unmorphed eyes change with her emotions. The dark rings from not sleeping making them seem even larger than they normally were.

He saw confusion, sorrow, frustration, more sorrow, anger, fear, then back to confusion.

"I'm not afraid of you, Remus." She said slowly, as if he was the one who needed the comfort. She made sure to hold his eyes in hers when she said "You're not greyback, and you never will be." She waited a beat, taking his silence as a resolve not to fight, and she walked out to shower.

"Moony, remember that time you said you would never deserve someone like her?" Sirius asked, walking over to his best friend. Remus simply nodded, unable to form words.

"You were right." James began. "But you better pull it together and fight for her, because that's all you'd have to do to deserve her. Remind her what she means to you." James and Lily walked out slowly, leaving him with his thoughts, and Sirius who didn't seem to know how to feel.


	7. Chapter 7

**Trying to get a little better at this! Anything you highly recognize comes directly from OOTP during the battle at the department. I didn't think I had any business trying to rewrite something JKR made so perfect.**

Remus and Sirius slowly made their way downstairs into the kitchen, where they continued their silence over tea. The water continued to rush upstairs, and neither man knew what to say. But finally Sirius broke the silence.

"She's been up there a while. Do we go make sure she's okay?" For the first time in his long life Remus wished he had the ability of Alastor Moody, so all he would have to do was look up and know of the woman was safe.

"Maybe we just call through the door and ask. I don't want to make her nervous." Remus said. Sirius rolled his eyes and his friends inability to believe he was not scary, yet went up with Remus anyway.

Remus tapped once on the door. "Dora?" He didn't catch his slip, Sirius did, and smiled. "Are you alright?" There was a long pause that caused Remus's heart to pound. _Come on Dora. Tell me you're okay._ He begged in his head.

"Is- is Lily back?" Her voice cracked as she called out. He breathed a sigh of relief before hearing the pain in her voice. Sirius tensed beside him.

"Not yet." Remus didn't give himself time to be rational before he pushed the door open with his foot.

"Are you alright?" He was still standing in the doorway; he didn't have to shout, but he also didn't feel like he was completely invading her privacy.

"I- I didn't notice before…" She began. "Hold on." She stuck her hand out and grabbed her wand before muttering something. I black object flew through the door almost hitting Remus, before dropping behind the curtain. "Shut the door Remus." She said.

He shot one glance back at Sirius before his best friend smirked just slightly, his eyes still shadowed with concern. But he pulled the door closed anyway.

"I didn't notice this before, I don't know why I would see it really. But I need your help." The pushed the curtain back and Remus had only a second of heart pounding shock before he realized the black object was a bikini, and that was was not standing before him naked.

Almost immediately the shock returned when he saw a wide open gash on her leg, still bleeding enough that he was wondering how she hadn't passed out yet.

"Every time I try to heal it… it, well, it gets worse." Remus cursed under his breath knowing she couldn't hear him. He wracked his brain for every dark spell Greyback could have used, and working through the counter spells. He looked at the size and shape of the cut, the depth. Then he thought of something else.

"That must hurt a great deal?" He looked at her eyes for the first time since walking in. He saw the tightness, an attempt to mask the pain. She nodded.

"Okay, I'm gonna try this then." He prepped, before taking in the scene before them. "Grab my arm." He commanded, she set her wet hand on the sleeve of his sweater, gripping tightly. He nodded, and then with a flick of his wand watched in relief as the wound began to close. Tonks hissed through her teeth at the pain, nearly slipping down. He threw his other arm under hers, holding her up, before deciding to use all the strength he had before the moon and puledl her from the shower all together. He quickly lowered them both to the floor so he wouldn't worry about dropping her the way they were positioned.

She reached over him, shutting the water with a tap of her wand, before dropped her head against his chest. He had her cradled in his lap, the water from her boy soaking through his clothes. He couldn't even bring himself to care. Her breathing was quick, quick enough that he knew the pain had not completely diminished. He waited until it had evened out, until her head dropped against his shoulder, until her soaking wet brown hair spread over her face and onto his neck. Then he spoke.

"Are you okay?" He asked her, ducking his head down so his breath tickled her ear. She tried to repress the shiver that worked its way down her back, and then nodded.

"Thank you." She whispered back, turning her head up, getting water on more of his clothes. He made no move to get up, so neither did she.

He began to twirl her hair through his fingers, brushing out some of the knots, twisting strands into little curls. Her breathing hitched again, and he looked down as her hands flew to her temples and began to rub them.

"Tonks?" He asked, waiting until her hands slowly lowered to continue. "How long did he hold that unforgivable on you?" Remus asked her, knowing that the headaches were an after effect of the curse, and that it was probably worse than she was letting on.

"It's okay. It'll pass." She avoided the question, just as they heard the door open downstairs. James and Lily must be back. He watched her face darken with a blush as she quickly stood up.

"We should change." She said, pulling him to his feet. He smiled at her, waving a drying charm over his clothes, before winking.

"You change. I'll meet you down there." She shook her head at him, a small smile playing at her lips, but nodded anyway, and walked into her room, shutting the door tightly. He debated waiting for her for a moment, before deciding better and walking down to find his friends again. Sirius didn't say anything, his face seemed concerned though.

Lily and James were holding containers of chinese food, the smell practically intoxicating, they dished out quickly, everyone adding their favorite thing to the plate they were making for Tonks. They filed into the study and took their place on various couches and seats, Tonks walked downstairs, her hair twisted up into a bun held by her wand, entering the study Sirius summoned her over, strategically placing himself so the only place for er to sit was sandwiched in between himself and Remus. She hesitated before shrugging and taking the seat. He handed her the plate and she dug in with vigor.

Remus had not known Tonks as one to be fearful. Her response to this attack by Greyback had him baffled. She appeared so emotional when she returned back to headquarters, and Remus knew there was more to that than just her feeling violated by having that animal in her home. She looked much better now, having color returned to her cheeks _and her hair…_ He tried not to dwell on that train of group ate in silence for a bit, a peaceful kind of silence that nobody was willing to break. But Sirius could only last so long in peace.

"I talk to Andy the other day, Tonksie." Sirius said, stabbing a piece of broccoli with his fork. "She told me to yell at you for your inability to keep in touch, and for not bringing me around yet." He winked at his younger cousin, who let out a huff.

"You know the only reason I don't bring you around is because I'm scared they're going to decide they like you more then me. Then where would I be? On the streets I bet." She laughed easily with him. "But really, I think I can get by with a short day next week at the ministry, maybe we could go see them then." She smiled at him. "It's hard to keep so many secrets from them though, but I'm sure they know more than they let on. They don't ask many questions anyway." She said. Sirius laughed boisterously.

"That's because they're afraid of hearing what Mad-Eye may be torturing you with this time. She chuckled again, clearly thinking of some comical story the other three were not informed on.

"God Tonks, I remember the first time Mad-Eye came after we told you all. He walks in and you point your wand at his face. I thought he was going to kill you." James said. Remus couldn't stop himself from laughing, remembering his own memory of Tonks doing the same thing, the first time they met.

"I'd rather go down dueling him than let him catch me off guard. It tooks months of training for me to be as quick with him as I am. Plus I learned that he will mercilessly hex me if I'm not ready, but as long as I stand strong, wand up, he lets me by." James shook his head, still visibly impressed.

Lily laughed then, "And remember that first night? When we all thought you were going to take Dumbledore out?" Tonks choked on the butterbeer she was sipping as everyone burst into laughter.

"I have no idea what I was thinking!" She cried, her eyes huge.

"I bet you could take him." James said with a wink. TOnks rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"He really didn't know what to do when you walked down. I don't think he was expecting you to be on guard so quickly." Lily said, still smiling at the memory, that was much funnier in hindsight then it was in the moment, Remus decided.

"Well I had no idea what to do. Security questions are something I really only held on to for Moody, so I didn't have one on hand for him. But when I saw you two- you must get better at not moving when disillusioned, by the way- I saw you, and I had no idea what I was going to do." She was speaking with wild animation, Remus watched her fondly before remembering what happened next.

"It was then you called me down right? You sounded so calm yet nervous in your tone, I figured you'd broken an important plate or something. Then I get down there and you have your wand aimed at Albus's face. I thought you had lost it!" He watched a blush creep up her cheeks before she morphed it away.

"It would be mildly in his character to have just bound me or something too. At least he made me feel good by letting me think I had a shot." She added, getting a new chorus of laughter from Lily and James.

"He was surprised though, you were quick. I've never once seen the man uncertain, and in that single moment, he was. Even if it was just for a second. It was enough." James shook his head, his dark, messy hair flying with the motion.

"Moody will be back soon I imagine." Sirius said, standing and grabbing the plates from the rest of his friends. "Be ready." He added to Tonks with a wink.

She stretched her arms over her head, yawning hugely.

"Maybe he'll give me a by tonight, I'm so tired I don't even know if I would hear him come in." She snorted slightly, knowing that wasn't true. You could hear Mad-Eye's wooden leg from a mile away.

"He probably will. What will he be bringing over you think?" Lily asked, taking Sirius's spot on the couch, James sitting on the arm of the seat next to her.

"Probably my work robes, the potion I was brewing, any documents from work I left… I can't imagine what else, but knowing Mad-Eye he'll decide that something else was unspeakably important. And change all the wards." She rolled her eyes, as Lily nodded.

"You're obviously going to stay here for a while though." James said, his tone sounding like that of an older brother. Tonks rolled her eyes again. _Keep doing that and they'll get stuck that way._ Remus bit his tongue to keep from saying the words out loud.

"I'm really fine guys. He got in, and I got out. I can't imagine this is the last time it'll happen. And I can't-"

"Tonks." Remus cut her off quickly, catching the attention of everyone in the room. "Please stop talking." He said. He knew she would understand what he was trying to say: _I don't want to imagine people breaking into your home and trying to kill you. It's better if we don't mention it, even if it is likely._ She raised one eyebrow slowly, but nodded at him anyway. He caught the end of Lily's smirk before Sirius came back in.

"James, fancy a game of chess?" He asked, sitting at the table in front of the fireplace. James beat him most times, so naturally he nodded and walked over.

Tonks settled into the couch, leaning her head back and letting her eyes close as they began their game. It wasn't long before her head started slipping, her breathing even as she slept. With no forethought in the action, Remus draped his arm over her shoulder and adjusted her so she was leaning on him completely, her back resting over his chest. Lily watched the gentle way he handled her resting form, but pretended to be completely engaged in the game Padfoot and Prongs were partaking in. Mad-Eye came in a few minutes later, and much to everyone's surprise he did move through as quietly as he could. He pushed open the door to the study and set Tonk's bag on a table.  
"Good thing she's sleeping." He said gruffly, eyeing Remus in a way that made him feel like a student being rebuke by the teacher. "I put her clothes in her, and reset the wards. Tell her they're the same as my house but for her. She'll understand. And don't tell her I came in and let her sleep. She'll think I'm getting soft." Remus practically felt Sirius biting his tongue to hold back the sarcastic reply.

"She has work in the morning. Make sure she gets there." He said to Lily. Then without so much as a goodbye he was walking out of the room.

"He's always so cheerful." James said when they knew he was gone. Pick on him as they may but it was clear they all had a soft spot for the man.

"I never knew him to be caring for anyone really. I knew he would die for all of us, but the way he loves her, it's like she's his child." Lily said, looking at Tonks with a fond smile.

"I think there's a lot about Moody's story that remained unknown to us." Remus found himself saying. He often caught that idea from the cryptic words Tonks would say in defense of her mentor when their roasts would get too much for her. She knew more about him than probably anyone in the order save for the headmaster himself, and Remus wanted to credit her that. The rest of the night moved forward until everyone settled in for bed. Nobody mentioned the werewolf, or the pink haired witch whom they had left sleeping on the library couch.

"Just a few days and the kids will be home!" Lily sang her way through Grimmauld place early on the morning of June eighteenth. Molly was rubbing off on her terribly, but nobody seemed to mind. Nothing about this year was normal, and Remus was thankful for the light his friends brought to the otherwise dark home. There was one question that remained unanswered: where would Harry be staying. Everyone knew he figured it would be at Grimmauld, but for his own safety, Dumbledore was considering sending him back to his aunt and uncle's house. James and Lily didn't know that though, and Remus couldn't bear to tell them until the decision was finalized.

He sat at the table flicking through a rubbish copy of the daily prophet, which they started receiving after Tonks had to be the one to inform them of the mass Azkaban breakout. As per usual there was nothing worth while in there, but at least if there ever was they would be ready for it.

Tonks had Sirius at her house, and by permission from Mad-Eye James was roaming the area as a stag. Remus was thankful for the silence, it was the first time in a long time things had been this quiet, and he loved Lily enough to never mind talking to her.

"Lily?" He began, wanting her full attention. "A while back you and James mentioned a plan to get Sirius's name cleared, but I never got to hear what it was. Would you be able to explain it to me?" He asked, knowing they would be able to drop the conversation the moment they thought their friends would be back.

Her eyes grew a bit wider, and she pulled out the chair next to him. "It involved Wormtail." She said, using his Marauder name with a shudder. She hated saying Peter, and Remus understood. He did too. They hardly ever used his real name when he came up- which was rare in and of itself.

"That doesn't sound good." He said to her, knowing they couldn't trust him to help them at all, or do what he said he would.

Lily looked at him, her eyes holding a deep understanding and anger he had never seen from her. She did not like this plan.

"James says we should write to him, because he would never believe it was us enough to actually say anything to anyone. They all think he's crazy, snape has said that much," He didn't miss the tension in her face when she mentioned her old friend. The day Tonks took his memories of Lily was a dark day for them all to discuss, but sometimes the way Severus looked at Lily… Remus wondered if Tonks really took everything she said she did.

"SO he'd keep it quiet. I don't understand what you writing letters to the traitor would help anything." Remus was usually good about following his friends crazy plans.

"Well once he got nervous enough, which we all know wouldn't take long," They both scoffed, then chuckled together. "We'd start, sort of blackmailing him. We know enough about him to make it hurt, but we can stay anonymous enough that he could think it was you or Sirius doing it." She checked his face as he was brought into the plan indirectly. He tried to hide the wince, knowing his role would become larger as time went on.

"So when we finally have him shaking we get more people involved." She checked again, he cracked a smile.

"You involve them after you're in this deep so they can't tell you it's a bad idea?" He asked, she nodded, confused at why that was so funny.

"That's how James and Sirius got me in on everyone of their stupid, or even some of the more hurtful, pranks." He smiled larger, before getting serious again. He ushered for her to continue.

"Then we arrange a meeting. But we play the power card. We have order members crawling, with Snape making sure he doesn't utter a word of it to any death eaters. Then we just… nab him." She said the last part sheepishly, as if realizing for the first time the fallibility that came with hoping he would just come.

"The idea here is that you prevent him from changing to his rat form… then you force him to." She said, her eyes downcast.

"Why me?" He asked, without thinking his tone through.

"You're the best with those kind of spells, and James and I are going to be there, standing, so we can't do it. And the whole point is to get as far into this as we can without Sirius knowing-"

"He's going to hate that when he finds out." Remus cut her off. Her eyes flared slightly, and he couldn't help but feel an irrational joy at her anger he missed so much.

"Yeah well I bet he won't mind too much when he can show up at Harry's Hogwarts graduation not as a dog." She snapped, with no remorse. Remus nodded.

"Who's to say he won't run when he sees me." Remus asked.

"He won't see you." She replied, as if it were the most obvious idea ever.

"Right, of course." He said sarcastically, mocking her tone. She gave him a wry smile before standing up and throwing her arms around him.

"I missed you so much." She whispered in his ears. She seemed to remind him of that truth any chance she got. He didn't mind, it was comforting to really know his friends cared for him as much as he did for them.

They sat like that for a while, Lily leaning against Remus, just enjoying the nearness of the others company for a while. Remus was slowly letting his guard down. Yes he knew there was a war pending, but how could one not feel relaxed when sitting with their best friends?

He shouldn't have been so stupid.

"Sirius!" Dumbledore's voice rumbled through the house, ripping the two friends apart in its intensity.

"Sir?" Remus called from the kitchen, knowing Dumbledore was fully aware where Sirius was, and that was not in the house.

Dumbledore burst into the kitchen, his face a mask of frustration Remus had never seen before.

"Get them back here!" He ordered, and without question Remus sent an urgent patronus to Tonks and James. Lily frantically asked Dumbledore what had happened, and Remus felt a sinking fear in his own stomach. Seconds later their friends rushed through the door, Mad-Eye and Kingsley following behind.

"Department of Mysteries?" Moody asked, Dumbledore nodded once. Before Remus even had time to ask what was happening Alastor was dragging him and Tonks out the door to apparate. He didn't stop to wonder what Lily and James were doing, it was too dangerous for them to be out.

"Harry and his friends are there. Death eaters came, probably _him_ too." Tonks spit the words as they rushed forward, Remus taking in the order members around him.

"Potter and the kids are top priority. Then we make sure they don't get the prophecy!' Mad-Eye barely gave them all time to breathe before he shouted their take off.

They all disappeared, and before Remus was even finished blinking they were in the department of mysteries.

Things we not good.

Much to Remus's shock and fear Sirius was standing next to him. But there was nothing to say of it now. They had a battle to fight. There was a great deal of shouting happening around the room, and Tonks jumped right in the middle of it firing a stunning spell right at Malfoy's back, then rushing down the steps to the middle of the battle to help the kids. Remus tried his best to keep tabs on everyone that was fighting, but he had to give almost his full attention to the death eater that was in front of him. Thankfully he was easy to fight off, the mask making him unidentifiable. He took a moment to breathe, scanning the room for the others. He caught a glimpse of Sirius, holding his own well enough. He caught the edge of an image that stopped his heart as Tonks tumbled down the concrete steps, Bellatrix laughing victoriously. His mind scream at him to help her, but Remus instead ran to Harry's aid right as Lucious got too close again.

"Harry, roundup the others and GO!" Remus shouted to the boy over his shoulder, parrying away a spell he did not know the owner of. That model continued as Remus went from dueling one person on the offensive, to fighting off stray spells defensively, trying to hold his own.

It was when Dumbledore finally appeared Remus felt himself calm down. Everyone froze except for Bellatrix and Sirius, who were dueling madly. It was like Sirius was taking all the anger he had pent up from inside Grimmauld place and was throwing it at the woman in force. Then time slowed. Remus watched as the woman aimed a perfect stunner right at his chest. It was a simple spell really, one that he should have simply been able to recover from, that is if he wasn't standing so close to the veil. Remus's feet were pulling him toward his best friend, even though he knew no matter what he did there would be no way for him to reach Padfoot. Instead he was able to get to Harry, as Sirius disappeared behind the veil forever. Remus's mind went on autopilot as he grabbed Harry, holding him back from rushing after his godfather. It took all of Remus's restraint, all of his self control, all of his emotional hardening to grasp Harry, to hold firm himself.

 _We were going to set you free Padfoot. You could have been free. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry._ Remus screamed to his friend in his head, even though he knew it wouldn't change anything, and no trick from Dumbledore could prove this terror false. Sirius was really gone. Dumbledore had most of the remaining Death Eaters grouped in the middle of the room, holding them with body binding spells Thankfully Moody crawled across the room to where Tonks lay, and was attempting to revive her; behind the dais there were still flashes of light, grunts and cries-Kingsley had run forward to continue Sirius's duel with Bellatrix, Remus wished for a moment he could join the man, before remembering the boy in his arms.

'Harry?' Neville had slid down the stone benches one by one to the place where Harry stood, with Remus's hand still protectively on his arm.

Remus tried not to listen to the words the friends exchanged, opting instead to help Neville's crazy legs.,

"Here," said Lupin quietly, and pointing his wand at Neville's legs he said, 'Finite.' The spell was lifted: Neville's legs fell back to the floor and remained still. Remus felt physically sick, but he had to hold fast "Let's-let's find the others. Where are they all, Neville?" He managed to stutter out turning away from the archway as he spoke. He barely heard Neville's answer as Kingsley cried out, and Bellatrix began to run away victoriously. Harry was rushing out of Lupin's grasp before the man even realized what was happened.

"Harry-no!" Remus shouted, knowing there would be no way to ever face James and Lily again is Harry died here with Sirius.

"SHE KILLED SIRIUS!' bellowed Harry. 'SHE KILLED HIM-I'LL KILL HER!" Dumbledore gave Remus a stern nod, before pursuing after the pair. Neville, unsure what to do, seemed all too eager to lead Remus to the location of his friends.

Hours later, word arrived to the hospital wing that Harry was all right, Dumbledore was with him, they were back at the castle. Remus felt his shoulders slump with the weight of the evening's events, and barely even looked up when her heard Ginny's small voice.

"Professor Lupin?" She asked softly, so soft he probably could have pretended he didn't hear her. But he couldn't do that. He looked up.

He watched her eyes break, and realized in that moment that he was crying. He heard her whisper something to herself, before waving him over and patting the seat next to her bed, he got up and numbly walked over to her, setting himself in the seat. He wondered for a moment if she might be like her mother, and dote on him in such a way that would probably make him feel worse; but much to his shock and relief, she didn't utter word. She simply grabbed his hand and held it in hers as her own tears fell. He heard the door open again, and not a moment later Ginny released his hand, and Lily Potter walked up, no protection. She took one look at his face then paled.

"Where's Harry." Her voice was bleak. Remus quickly shook his head.

"With Dumbledore, he's okay." She seemed only mildly relieved, before something else dawned on her.

"Tonks?" She asked, grabbing Remus's hands. He shook his head again. Lily looked absolutely confused. "I don't understand Remus. Everyone's alright, what's…" She looked around taking in the faces of the kids and the tears that marked their cheeks. She took in every face and person before her eyes landed back on Remus, understanding mixed with uncertainty.

"Remus…" She whispered, her voice cracking.

"Where's James?" It was hardly a question, his voice was raw.

"He's on his way." She said, not turning as the door was shoved open in a timely manner. James Potter walked over briskly, looking at the two before explaining that Dumbledore had Harry. Remus nodded numbly as James scanned the room the same way Lily had.

It was then he noticed Remus was crying, at this point he wasn't making any effort to stop the tears either. He didn't have the energy.

"Moony?" James whispered, his own heart accelerating at the uncertainty. Lily leaned into James, before looking back up at Remus.

"Where's Padfoot?" The words were thick with emotion, and Remus didn't even have the willpower to give a reply. He felt physically sick. He watched James grow paler and paler. Madame Pomfrey pushed a chair over, and gently pulled James down into it. He didn't protest, then Lily sat into his lap.

"Moony…" James said again. Remus didn't move. "Please Remus!" James sounded hysterical.

"He's… damnit." Remus couldn't get the words out. "Dammit!" He didn't even regard that he was shouting in front of his old students, or that we was likely scaring his friends. "He fell through the veil." Remus groaned out, falling back into the seat next to Ginny's bed, his face in his hands.

"There's nothing we can do now James. He's gone."

Dumbledore chose that moment to make a very dangerous entrance, Harry rushing behind toward his parents. James jumped to his feet glaring at the headmaster, as Lily embraced Harry.

"How could you let this happen?!" James roared in such a way that caused Poppy to back up in alarm. Dumbledore remained frozen, his face impossible to read. "You let him go in! You let him die!" James took a step toward the man, Remus leapt to his feet to stand behind James in case things started to get further out of hand.

"James, there was nothing I could-"

"You _could_." James cut him off, his voice venomous. "You could, and you know it. You let him _rot_ in Azkaban, you let him _die_ tonight. You let them go years thinking we were dead. You have your reasons, sure." His voice was bitter to a cutting point. "But you _could_ have stopped this." As if without thinking James shoved out of the hospital wing, the doors falling shut behind him with a slam. Lily looked after him longingly, Dumbledore made move to follow.

"All due respect sir," respect was the last thing Remus wanted to give the man, but he had to hold his head. "I really think you should let him be for a moment." Dumbledore regarded Remus with a cautious look before nodding.

"I have some things that need sorting. I'll be back to check on the kids soon." Remus nodded. "Oh." The headmaster turned around slowly, his eyes downcast. "Until we know the owner of headquarters, I caution you not to go back. I will send Alastor to get the essentials for your living. If you need help working out the living arrangements let me know." With a flurry of his deep purple robes he was gone from the room.

"Will dad be alright?" Harry asked Lily, looking at the doors. Lily nodded her arm over Harry's shoulder.

"He will be. He just needs a minute. This was common when things would go wrong while we were… away. It was hard." She then turned to her son. "But are you okay?" She set a hand on his cheek.

He nodded ever so slowly. "I think so." He was lying. She knew it, Remus knew it. But she nodded.

"Oh Harry. How we've missed you." He let her pull him into a tight hug, just as Mad-Eye pushed open the hospital wing doors. Remus almost smiled at the old man's resolve.

"Shouldn't you be in St. Mungo's?" Remus asked him, watching as he walked over to them. Moody grunted his answer. Clearly 'doctor's orders' held no meaning to the man.

"Nymphadora's there. Should be waking soon." Alastor said the words casually, but Remus was quick to catch the hidden command. He was to be there when she woke. He had to tell her about Sirius.

Harry looked up at Moody. "She'll be okay then, Tonks will?" Concern was dripping from his voice, he felt responsible. Mad-Eye nodded.

"Back to normal in a few days. Anyone that falls as much as that girl will survive a tumble down a few stairs." Harry looked skeptical, probably thinking about how flying down feet of concrete was not simply a few stairs. Both kept their mouths closed.

"I best be off then?" Moody nodded to Remus. "Will you two be alright?" Remus asked Lily and Harry. Harry nodded, surprising the man by giving him a hug.

"Thank you, professor." Harry said, squeezing him.

"I'm glad you're safe." Remus said back. He then looked at Lily.

"Try and send James back, alright?" She twisted her red hair in her finger nervously. Remus nodded.

"I'll see you soon. I will work out living situations. You don't worry." He said, walking out. Again the unsure denominator was Harry. Where would he end up? After the unimaginable events Remus couldn't imagine James and Lily letting him out of their sight for the whole summer. But if it was safest…

He shook his head trying to rid the thought as he disapparated to St. Mungo's. As he did he realized the danger involved in the action at this point. Voldemort was openly back. Things were going to have to change very quickly for their level of comfort.

He went to the desk giving the witch there Tonk's name. She gave him a confused smile and said. "You're Remus?" He nodded, feeling his cheeks redden a bit. "She's been asking when you'd arrive. Only been up for a few minutes, best hurry." He didn't have to be told twice rushing to the proper wing, and searching the doors. He pushed her door open, hoping it was the right one, feeling his face brighten when he saw her lying there, her hair not it's natural brown, but not pink either. He wondered if she knew something was wrong.

"Remus." She said, smiling. He tried to push away the guilt that said she should not be that happy to see him. He was wrong for letting her. But if it's what she wanted, who was he to deny her happiness? _Selfish, selfish, selfish…_

"Dora." He felt himself say back, smiling down at her as he fell into the seat next to her.

She brought her hand up to his cheek, setting it there. "What's happened?" She knew. She could see it in his eyes. "Harry?" He shook his head, feeling the tears sting again. _Traitorous tears_.

Yet Tonks, unlike Lily, seemed to know right away what happened. She gasped, and her hand shook against his face. He placed his larger hand over hers, holding it there, watching as her grey eyes filled their own pain.

"No." She whispered brokenly. "No, no, no. Please Remus. Not him." She knew. On one hand he was beyond thankful he didn't have to say the words again, on the other watching her heartbreak in front of him was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do.

"He... " Remus took a shuddering breath. "He fell through the veil. There was nothing… We couldn't do anything. It wasn't even a killing spell. It was stupid." He said the words, feeling the same body aching pain he'd felt when he said them to Lily.

She leaned her head back on the pillow, her eyes closed, as she heaved in a deep, painful sounding breath. She let it out in a groan that cut through Remus in a deeply physical way. He'd seen her cry before, but this was different. Her tears fell in total silence, almost as if she didn't even know they were falling. Without thinking about it he stood from the chair, lifting her body, and setting himself in the bed with her. She curled into him, wrapping her arms around him, seeming to know he needed some way to be held together.

She was holding him together.

Hours later, they hadn't moved, and every once in awhile he would feel a stray drop wet his shirt. He held her, as she held him. There weren't words to make it any better. He didn't even realize when he fell asleep. But she did. She was sure not to move too much as to not wake him, and when Lily pushed open the door, Tonks made sure to gesture for quiet. James followed in slowly behind her. Thankfully Harry stayed back at the castle.

Lily smiled at the sight before her, taking the seat that Remus first occupied when he came in.

"He's been out for a little while." Tonks said to the Potters softly. "I think it's going to be a long road." She added, trying to step around the truth of her own pain. James nodded, looking down at his hands.

"Tonks, we actually had a question for you." He began looking at Lily with what appeared to be excitement; as much excitement as one could have given the circumstances. "We have to move from Grimmauld place. Because we don't know whose possession it's in. And Lily and I were thinking- with your flat being compromised and everything, what if we all got a flat together…?"

Tonks looked back at Remus, and nodded. "That seems like a good idea. Harry too?" She asked them.

They shared a cautious look before Lily said "We have to work that out with Dumbledore, but James wasn't in any state to talk to the man rationally, so it'll have to wait until later." Tonks couldn't help but smile at James embarrassed face. He caught her eye and scowled, which only caused her to laugh more.

A second later Lily joined in, which only surmounted Tonks' joyous sound, and at the sight of his wife double over in chuckles, James felt himself give into the laughter too. Tears streamed down their faces as they found everything and nothing to be the funniest things of the day. They didn't even notice when Remus woke, until he spoke.

"What in the hell are you laughing about?" The words could have sounded angry, but there was a jolly glint in his eyes, that allowed Tonks to continue on her happy hysterics. Remus joined in until finally the sound died down and the four were gasping for air.

"We're going to be okay." James said, nodding his head. "Padfoot would want that." Tonks head was resting on Remus's collar bone, both agreeing with James words.

"I still want the world to know of his innocence." Tonks said softly. Lily sighed, wondering if it would be worth the danger now.

"They will, one day." Remus began. "This war will end. And everyone will know that Sirius was innocent."

"And that the Potter's live." Tonks added with a wink.

"And that werewolves are people too." Lily said, her voice holding a passion that touched Remus's heart more than she would ever know.

"One day." James said, pulling his wife into him.

Many hours and many stories later a healer came in with some sleeping potions. After some jokes and pleading from Tonks, Remus was given permission to stay overnight with her. James and Lily promised to come back as soon as they could. The healer set the potions on the table next to the bed and walked out after TOnks (and Remus's more convincing) assurances she would take them. The door was pulled closed and Remus turned on the pink haired woman.

"You are going to take those." He said, trying to sound menacing. She cracked a smiled and nodded.

"Of course, Remus. I should be out by tomorrow if I do." She said with a smile. It was the same smile that never failed to jolt Remus's heart, but he could see today how it still held pain. He wished for the millionth time, and certainly not the last, that he could protect her from the pain of war.

"Dora." He began after a pause, trying to sound casual.

"Mm?" She said, slidin over so he could sit in the bed next to her.

"I just wondered… Your flat was broken into and all, and I have to leave Grimmauld, and I have a small cabin out in the country. But that doesn't necessarily seem like a wise place to live when I could be needed at any moments notice. So I had been thinking about how to make everything work and I was figuring it would probably be safer for you - now I know you can handle yourself, don't think for a second I don't - but I don't like the idea of you living alone now anymore than I did on those nights when you didn't stay with us at -"

His words got cut off as the woman placed her hands on his cheeks and dropped a fleeting kiss on his lips.

They hadn't kissed in a very long time, even though he had relented months back and said that, yes, they could be together. Because of that he was not at all bothered by the interruption it posed.

"You were rambling, Professor." She said with a wink. He shook his head trying to get his bearings straight, thankfully she was the one keeping her head now. "And yes, I want to live with you. And Lily, and James." He felt his face break into a grin. Just hours before he wasn't sure if he would ever smile again. But now he was able to think about living with his best friends. Sirius's absence would be felt, but this was better than he could have hoped.

In the place of words, he decided he would simply kiss her again. If he was going to drop all of his reservations he may as well make her happy while doing it. She giggled against his face, pulling away and burying her head in his neck.

"Bloody Hell you kiss like…" She didn't even finish, dropping her head on the pillow and huffing. He felt himself getting worried about what she meant, when suddenly she hit his arm. "Trust me, it's a good thing. But listen, I can't pass out Remus, they won't let me leave." She tilted her head his way and smiled, a bit brighter this time.

"Now pass me those potions like a good healer, because we've got some house hunting to do tomorrow." Being with her, talking about houses and friends. It was almost like he could forget he was a werewolf, like he could be normal wizard with a happy life. _Don't think about it now. She's happy._ He picked up the tray of potions and held it out to her. There were four there, and he was certain there was some order to it. Without words, or even a true breath in between she grabbed them each with purpose, and downed them quickly.

"I'll be falling asleep any second now." She grumbled.

"Good." He kissed the top of her head. "I love you, Nymphadora." He said to her. Moving to sit on the chair so she didn't have to squish to the side of the bed.

He slept in the chair that night, but it wasn't just the chair that made it a horrible rest. He had continued dreams Sirius dying. It was like a broken record playing over and over in his head. But it was better in the morning, when true to their word Lily and James came back, bearing pastries, and smiles that told Remus there must be good news. Tonks caught on too.

"You talked to Dumbledore then?" She asked, breaking her cinnamon roll in half and handing the other piece to Remus.

"We did. And he says, with Voldemort being in the open now, we may as well jump the gun too." James said. They had been charmed so that people wouldn't be able to recognize them.

"Isn't that a little crazy?" Remus asked, thinking that if Voldemort knew Harry wasn't under the protection they all thought he was, then it would be much more dangerous for all of them.

"It's totally crazy. But who is actually going to stop us on the streets right now to ask if we're Lily and James potter?" He had a point. "No one." He answer his own question followed by an eye-roll from his wife. "We have to change our look up a bit, but I think it could work." Tonks nodded, seeming to be expecting another ianswer.

"And Harry?" She finally asked, looking at them with wide eyes. Lily smiled.

"He's going to be living with us… but also living with my sister." James scowled, but didn't say anything.

"We're going tomorrow to tell them we're alive, and we expect that things won't go over well, but I do have hope that she will be at least a bit understanding and willing to help. Remus remembered the few times he'd met Petunia, very few when Lily was actually living.

"If she doesn't?" He found himself asking before considering the implications.

"Then Harry just stays with us full time." James said with a shrug, obviously hopeful that would be the outcome. Lily rolled her eyes again, but remained silent.

She continued in her silence, but gave away the joy with her eyes, as she watched Remus rip his own fruit pastry in half and hand a piece of it to Tonks as she just had moments earlier.

"I should be free today. Shall we find a flat?" Tonks said excitedly, biting into the breakfast sweet. "I like the cinnamon better." She added to Remus as an afterthought, he merely smiled down at her, intentionally ignoring the telling glances Lily was giving him.

"Sounds good to me. Just one favor." James began. "Could we try and stay in-"

"Muggle London?" Tonks cut him off easily. He nodded in surprise. "I already thought that one through actually. My parents are there, and I realized how safe that is for them right now with everything going on. Plus then you two could go out much easier, and as long as we find a way to rig up the fireplace we have instant access in and out of anywhere we need to be. It's great really." James gave Remus a nod of approval before looking to TOnks.

"Exactly what I was thinking." He said.

In unusually perfect timing the healer walked in. She gave quick instructions for Tonks, though she seemed to be talking to Remus understanding he was the more responsible one with her healing patterns, before telling her she was free to go. James sent a Patronus to Mad-Eye telling him of their whereabouts and flat hunt, before they were all off the muggle London, hoping to have everything worked out in a speed unknown to most people trying to move somewhere. But it worked. Remus had past knowledge of his time in the muggle world, as well as a few connections to speed up the process. They had found the place by lunch, then they simply had to get the proper amount of money transferred over, and they would be set to go. Tonks gushed about it over hot drinks at the local cafe Remus remembered.

"It's perfect. Absolutely perfect. It's secluded, lacking neighbors with reasonable suspicion. We could probably let the owls fly with no questions nd-"

"Tonks," James interrupted her with a smile tugging at his lips. "You could do anything you want without question there. The old lady neighbor was looking at you like you had six heads. Your hair is pink, you fell down the stairs _twice_ and dropped the keys just trying to open the door." He had Lily and Remus laughing as he retold the events of their morning. Thankfully Tonks was a good sport.

"Well good then. Three bedrooms, a place to floo, and I have furniture we could bring in." She clapped her hands together, not seeing the way Remus smiled down at her excitement. It was almost possible to forget for a moment that Sirius should have been there with them. Almost possible. He decided not to bring it up. There was no need to acknowledge that everyone was feeling the same burden of the missing piece that he was.

Tonks set her head on his shoulder as they sat. James filled them in on his conversation with the headmaster. His face turned red with anger when Albus explained to James that he told Harry why Voldemort tries to kill the Potter's in the first place. He explained Harry's rage at Sirius's death, his fear at having to go back to Privet Drive. Harry's anxiety about being away from his parents for too long again, as if this were all a dream that could disappear at any moment. James then explained how Harry had continually beaten death, and how Dumbledore believed that no matter how obvious they were about their being alive that Voldemort would have no ideas the Potter's were okay, because he was so focused on Harry and trying to kill him.

He explained how Harry often felt alone, because there were things people wouldn't understand, like why he cared so much for Sirius, and how it was possible that he could fight the darkest wizard and not die. They didn't understand why privet drive was so bad, and why Dumbledore seemed to have such a special place for Harry. There were so many questions the young boy had, and no answers.

"That's why we want him to live with us this summer. Even if it's dangerous. I don't think Voldemort is strong enough to send people to Privet just to check on Harry. He trusts that's where Harry will be, and he knows about the supposed binding spell that's on him." Lily eased her perspective into the conversation easily.

"It does seem like a lot resting on chance and assumption though, don't you agree?" Tonks asked, looking cautious.

"Definitely." Lily said, seeming unfazed. "But this is fifteen years we're trying to make up for. I can't just not fight to have him under my roof. He's my son." Tonks nodded, letting her eyes wander the shop in front of them, watching all the people bustle around.

"So much ease here." Remus said to her as he watched her, and the people. She nodded.

"They don't even know they should be afraid." She said, sounding deeply troubled. "THey don't realize what's happening all around them. How their lives are hanging in the balance. It kills me." He nodded, his chin brushing the top of her head.

"That's why we have to fight, Dora. Because their lives do depend on it." He then noticed James was watching them, listening. He nodded at Remus's words.

"I think it's better that they're kept in the dark, but I don't want to imagine what would happen if-"

"James stop talking." Tonks said, not realizing how much she sounded like Sirius when they were all in school. James took a quick breath in, looking pained for a moment, before he broke into one of the largest smiles Remus had seen in days.

"You are certainly his cousin. Spitfire just like he was." James said, as Tonks, for probably the first time, let herself blush without trying to morph it over. It was of the highest compliments she could receive, which is probably why he handed it to her so quickly.

"So how do we tell your sister that you're taking Harry?" Remus asked, figuring that the kids would be done in less than two full days, so this was an important thing to figure out.

"Oh, we have a great plan…" James smiled deviously.

 **Thank you thank you thank you! Editing the next chapter now. Please review and let me know your thoughts! Until next time - Bea**


	8. Chapter 8

Not but two days later Remus, Tonks, Mad-Eye and the Weasley's all stood in between the platforms waiting for the train to arrive. They saw the Dursley's from where they were standing, but made no move to approach them, not yet. The train rolled in, and a very glum looking Harry stepped out with Ron and Hermione close behind.

"He plays the part well." Tonks whispered in Remus's ear, who tried not to smile as he pushed her down. Harry did seem genuinely surprised to see them, as he walked over with his friends on either side of him.

"Hi." He began cautiously, taking in the sight of all of them standing there. "I didn't expect… well what are you all doing here?" He finally asked. His eyes stayed on Tonks and Remus the longest. Lily and James mentioned they'd all be living together. Remus didn't know how much Harry knew.

"Well," said Remus with a slight smile. "we thought we might have a little chat with your aunt and uncle before letting them take you home." Harry looked even more confused and maybe fearful at the idea.

"I dunno if that's a good idea." said Harry quickly.

"Oh, I think it is," growled Moody, who had limped a little closer, despite Tonks's warnings not to scare him; or anyone else for that matter.

Mad-Eye pointed back at the Dursley's making sure with Harry it was really them

"Not death eaters in disguise then?" Tonks stage whispered to Remus who had wipe his hands over his face several times to stop the laughter.

"Ah, Harry!" said Mr. Weasley, turning from Hermione's parents, who he had just greeted enthusiastically, and who were now taking it in turns to hug Hermione. Remus wondered what they made of the wizarding world, and the unusual bunch of people standing before them. "Well- shall we do it, then?"

"Yeah, I reckon so, Arthur," said Moody.

He and Mr. Weasley took the lead across the station towards the Dursleys, who were apparently rooted to the floor, even if there weren't any heightened senses in him because of what he was, Remus still could have felt their fear from a mile away.

"Good afternoon," said Mr. Weasley pleasantly to Harry's uncle as he came to a halt right in front of him. "You might remember me, my name's Arthur Weasley."Remus immediately wanted to know the story of that, and made a mental note to ask Harry later. Based on the face Tonks made she was doing the same. It must be something good to make the man turn such a deep shade of puce. Lily's sister looked both frightened and embarrassed; she kept glancing around, as though terrified somebody she knew would see her in such company. Dudley, the one Remus couldn't decide if he should hate or pity, seemed to wish he was invisible in that moment.

"We thought we'd just have a few words with you about Harry," said Mr. Weasley, still smiling, though the aggression in his tone was not concealed.

"Yeah," growled Moody. "About how he's treated when he's at your place."Uncle Vernon's moustache seemed to bristle with indignation. Possibly because the bowler hat gave him the entirely mistaken impression that he was dealing with a kindred spirit, he addressed himself to Moody, that was a mistake. Remus heard Tonks sigh to his right, watching as Petunia's eyes widened every time she looked at the pink haired witch.

"I am not aware that it is any of your business what goes on in my house-" Vernon was digging his grave.

"I expect what you're not aware of would fill several books, Dursley," growled Moody.

"Wait 'till you see what's on your couch." Tonks muttered. Remus, failing to conceal his smirking again, wondered if she even knew when she did that adorable 'mumble under her breath' thing.

"Anyway, that's not the point," interjected Tonks so everyone could hear; her pink hair finally seemed to offend Aunt Petunia more than anything else, so the woman closed her eyes tightly as if she couldn't stand the sight of her. Remus felt his lips smirk up a bit. "The point is, if we find out you've been horrible to Harry-"

"-And make no mistake, we'll hear about it," added Remus pleasantly, knowing that Lily and James would elaborate on the plan when the Dursley's walked in the front door of their home.

"Just trust us on this one." Tonks said, taking a step forward and setting her hand on Petunia's arm. Harry's face was priceless. Remus had to hold his breath watching Petunia pinch her eyes shut and shudder. "It'll be better for you if you cooperate." Vernon seemed unimpressed by Tonks, as he took a step forward and pushed her hand off his wife.

"Cooperate in what?" He asked icily, clearly trying to hide his fear. Tonks clenched her hand in a fist, as her hair turned a violent shade of red. Petunia chose the wrong moment to open her eyes. She let a small shout and closed them again. They all let Vernon squirm for a moment looking at Tonks's color changing hair. Remus rolled his eyes and stepped in front of the woman. "You'll know soon enough. Best be off. I hear traffic's terrible this time of day." He said kindly, pushing Tonks hand away as she reached to Vernon to shake.

They all bid their goodbyes to Harry, knowing they would see him in a few short hours, as they were all going back to the new flat to have a "Harry is free from Hell" celebration, as Tonks called it. He smiled at them, before walking out with his family. When they were gone the Weasley twins lost it.

"Did you _see_ the way she _looked_ at you?!" Fred shouted at Tonks, who was also doubled over in laughter. "Like if she closed her eyes hard enough you would disappear!" He slapped his knees, and even Molly let out a few laughs at the memory.

"It was very good." Hermione said, as she walked over to bring her parents to the group to introduce them to those they didn't know. Remus wondered if the Granger's knew what a talented witch their daughter was, they seemed proud of her.

"Ready to get the… things?" Tonks tugged Remus's hand grabbing his attention. He nodded, before gesturing to the Granger's

"Let me just introduce myself." He said. Tonks nodded, hanging back and talking to Mad-Eye, who in an unusual burst of kindness didn't want to scare the poor muggles in their first 'meet the wizards' experience. He shook their hands and praised their child, watching their smiles of appreciation grow as they looked at her. And then in an unusual burst of almost childlike excitement Hermione beckoned Tonks over. She shot Remus a quizzical look before walking over to stand by his side.

"And this is Tonks, mum and dad. She's been a huge help this year." Tonks smiled at them, shaking hands and thanking them for letting her know Hermione. Remus was surprised at how well they took in her appearance of bright purple shirt, and brighter pink hair. Fred and George were watching with mixed smirks and chuckles as Tonks struggled to get through casual small talk. Remus swooped in to save her.

"Right, sorry to break off so soon, but Tonks and I have to run. We've got some last minute things to do before the events of this afternoon, so we best be off." He grabbed her hand and waved to them all, before they tucked into a corner and disapparated from the station. She leaned into his side still laughing as they walked. He knew she was making an effort to be happier for his sake, and much to his gratitude it was working. He slipped his hand in hers as they walked, pulling her into the sweet shop that rested on the corner near their flat. He got various chocolates and pastries for the event later, and they slipped out, holding two cold coffees as they went to the next stop. Tonks insisted on getting this large sofa for inside their flat. She was so sure she wanted it she had sold her old sofa, so they had to get this one before they had company else there would be very limited seating.

Looking at it again, Remus had to admit it did have character. It was a deep red color that made him think of the Gryffindor common room, and there was a strange vine-like pattern tracing through the fabric. She had called ahead and told the shop owner they were coming, and when they walked in he seemed to know exactly what they were there for.

"Mr. and Mrs. Lupin I presume?" Remus felt Tonks go rigid standing next to him. He let the good mood roll, and responded with a casual "That's us."

He didn't miss the smile Tonks handed up to him. The shopkeeper smiled at them, his eyes lingering on Tonks hair (Remus's favorite shade of pink) before leading them to a back room.

"Here we are." He said pushing open the curtain. "Now, I've transfigured it to fit in your bag Tonks, but I didn't want to make it too small in case you couldn't get it back to proper shape so-"

"Wait wait wait." Remus said, looking at the man in front of them. "You're a wizard?" The shopkeeper looked at Tonks a knowing smirk on his face.

"My apologies Mr. Lupin. I thought your lady here would have told you why she wanted this couch. Yes I'm a wizard. Tonks and I were in Hogwarts together. The names Christian Sherwood." He held out his hand and Remus shook it, catching sight of a long pink scar that roped its way up the man's arm.

"Pleasure to meet you Christian. Sorry to say she didn't tell me anything about you or this couch other than the fact that she is completely convinced it's the perfect couch." Remus explained, scanning the man to see if he had any more scars that vaguely resembled the ones that littered Remus's own body from his time as a werewolf.

"Well it's a magic couch, for starters. But it was in her common room during her Hogwarts times. She said it would bring you all good luck and good memories… Or something like that." Christian said, rolling his eyes, seeming all too familiar with Tonks's antics. Remus laughed, wondering why Tonks had never mentioned this friend- yet not feeling the jealousy that so often accompanied hearing about Tonks's old male school friends. Something about this Christian guy was comforting.

"Tell him everything Christian. Might as well now." Tonks said, leaning her head against Remus's chest.

"Well Mr. Lupin-"

"Please, Remus." Remus corrected him with a smile. Christian looked at him joyfully and said.

"I'm a werewolf too. I work here because I can avoid prejudice. Own this shop myself so I can close whenever I need to, and have connections to the wizarding community so I keep my ties to magic. I live in the flat above this, pay rent every month, and make regular appearances in Diagon Alley to keep up with the news from our world. Tonks here had been one of my best customers since day one. She was the most supportive about me making the best of my condition, and the best of my love for antique furniture." Tonks laughed, clearly remembering some funny story Remus would be sure to ask about later.

"I never knew of another with Lycanthrope who chose to live humanely. But one day Tonks wrote me of you, without mention of your name, and I had wanted to meet you since. When she said you'd be moving to muggle London to be safe… I was so excited for her to get her hands on this couch." Christian continued. Remus felt his heart warm at the realization that Tonks loved all people the same, then at the statement that she was so proud of him and his choices she told other people. That she befriended another werewolf, and worked this hard to get the two to meet, because she understood how hard it was to stick out. All that and Remus realized the other whole point of all this was to show Remus it was possible, he just had to work for it. Christian was living proof of that. Remus struggled for a moment to find the words to say. He hoped the two people in front of him could see his gratitude, and know what he wanted to say. Tonks smiled at his, looking quite pleased, and Christian looked away, seeming to understand there was a moment between the two of them he didn't need to see.

"Okay then." Tonks said smiling brightly. "We have to get this thing home before Harry arrives." She picked put the doll sized couch and dropped it in her bag. "Thank you _so_ much Christian. You'll be seeing a lot more of us. And I meant it about that tea time. Someone will always be home. Just knock on over!" She threw her arms around the man's neck, he returned the gesture tightly. Remus gave him a firm handshake assuring him they would be seeing more of each other. They walked down the sidewalk, hand in hand, and were just about to enter their apartment when Remus tugged Tonks's hand. She spun to face him, and he leant down, kissing her passionately. She didn't resist, but he kept it quick because they were in public.

"Nymphadora." He breathed, ignoring the fire in her eyes as he said her name. "I don't even know what to say." He shook his head. " _Thank you._ " She knew there was so much more to it than that.

"Kiss me like that again. I don't think I got the message." She smiled at him, and it grew even wider as he leaned in again. He pulled away, and she laughed freely, pulling him into the most heartwarming hug she'd ever given him. To humor her he kissed her one more time taking his sweet time enjoying the feeling of her so close to him, this time her let her pull from him.

"Good God, Remus." She breathed, just as he felt a hand clap on his back. He turned to see James, Lily, and Harry standing there. Harry had the most devious yet knowing smile plastered on his face; Remus felt his own cheeks go red.

"Wow, Mate." James said, embarrassing the poor man more. Lily smirked at him, before looking at Tonks in a way that made Remus think they were very good friends, like two Hogwarts girls needing to discuss things 'later,' as they always said.

"He was just thanking me." Said Tonks, her voice thick with humor.

"Oh is that how we say thank you now?" James asked, finally letting loose and laughing. Remus groaned, covering his face with his hands before Lily said:

"James you never thank _me_ like that. Why don't you try it some-"

" _Noooo._ " Harry moaned, covering his ears with his hands, and walking over to stand by Tonks. "Help me!" He cried jokingly. She threw her arm over his shoulder and ushered him inside, playing along with his joke. They ran all the way up to the flat, Harry exploding into laughter when they pushed the door open. Lily and James were right behind them, wanting to see Harry's face when he saw his Hogwarts welcoming crew.

"Harry!" They all shouted when he pushed open the door. He jumped back in alarm, falling into James who held him straight, smiling at all the people who had come to welcome him to his new life. The Weasley's, Bill and Charlie included, the Grangers, Neville, Luna, Mad-Eye, Kingsley Shacklebolt, and even Dumbledore made an appearance, much to James's frustration, as they still had some disagreements to work through.

"Free from Hell!" Tonks shouted, while pushing in and moving everyone out of the way so she could put their couch where it belonged. She made sure the door was closed before taking out her wand and returning the couch to its normal size. Harry and his parents roamed around and thanked everyone for coming, Remus stood to the side and watched, a smile stuck to his face. He didn't think anything could make this moment sad. After a while Tonks slipped away from her conversation with the headmaster and stumbled over to Remus's side. She stood next to him, leaning against the door frame opposite him.

"Can you even believe this is real?" She asked him, watching their friends, well practically family, interact all together. He shook his head, he really couldn't. It felt like something out of a movie, like a dream he never wanted to end.

"Listen." She leaned in close to him, keeping her voice low, but her body language so that people wouldn't think they were having a serious talk. "Kingsley's been giving me some bad words for the way things at the office are going. Scrimgeour is being appointed the minister tomorrow." Remus worked to hide the shock he knew was present on his facial expressions.

"King is pushing for some easing on the werewolf stuff. If you get called in, do not panic, unless you hear from me first. We have reason to believe they are going to try and meet with Harry. If that happens Lily and James are going to have to come out to the ministry. We'll have to fight to keep in quiet. Mad-Eye is working on a plan to keep their being a live in the dark, but I don't know about this one. It seems a bit out of our hands." She kept her voice low, and he nodded along letting her know he was catching her words.

"It's almost easy to forget a war is starting." He said, sliding his arm around her waist.

"I know." She whispered, laying her head on his chest.

Though Tonk's words did somber Remus's mood a bit, they both were still able to enjoy the night immensely. None of the adults were sure how it happened, but the kids all ended up in Harry's room, so Remus, Tonks, the Potter's, the elder Weasleys, and Kingsley were all sitting in the living room; the other guests made their leave as the kids disappeared.

"What a week it's been." Kingsley said, as Arthur poured small shots of firewhiskey for everyone.

"What a year it's been." Tonks corrected, as Remus realized it was just about this time last year he had first met the young passed a cup to everyone, and looked around the room nervously. "Well…" He began looking to James, who sensing the need in the room stood to speak to their closest friends.

"You all will never know how indebted Lily and I feel to you. You saved our son on multiple accounts, you welcomed us home with open arms, and you've given us a family we never could have dreamed of knowing." He took a shaking breath, and glanced at the empty seat next to Remus, one everyone seemed to subconsciously leave open, as it was always saved for Sirius.

"We don't know what comes next; what these next few months bring, or what the second war will look like. But we do know this: we have the one thing that will save us all in the end- even if we lose some. We have the love that brought us here. That keeps us going. And if having you all here tonight is any example of what power love has… I know we can make it through this alive."

He held up his small glass with a shaky hand. "Here's to friendship, to love, to Sirius… and to unexpected family." Tonks gripped Remus's hand as cups around the room were lifted and echos of 'to Sirius, to family…' were chorused. They drank in one moment, and James sat again.

"Thank you, James." Said Molly in her gentle, mothering voice. "You stepped up when we needed someone to guide us." He smiled at her, and as if they knew the emotional moment had passed the kids all came back into the living room in one large group.

"Professor Lupin!" They shouted in excited tones as they came out. Remus glanced at Tonks so he could see the exuberant look she got in her eyes whenever someone called him professor.

"Ron wants to play quidditch. We need to learn counter curses for when Malfoy tries to jinx him." Ginny said, rushing over to the man, her eyes worried. Remus couldn't help but laugh, and a light hearted mood filled the room again as they began talking all things quidditch and the Malfoy family, and learning how to turn draco's hair as pink as Tonks.

It was well after midnight when Arthur and Molly finally realized how late it was and quickly bustled their family over to the fireplace to floo back home. Hermione would be staying with them one night before going back to stay with her parents for a while. Once they were gone Lily and James pushed Harry off to bed with assurances that he would thankful in the morning that he slept now; Remus knew that they were exceptionally tired themselves and didn't want to miss anything Harry said to them because of their exhaustion. After Harry's door was closed Tonks and Lily (mostly Lily) magically cleaned the house, before the two pairs walked off to their bedrooms. It was undiscussed, Remus noticed as he shut the door, but he and Tonks were naturally sharing a room with no questions from James and Lily. She had been sleeping in his room since nearly April at Grimmauld, but he didn't think anyone noticed.

They were able to form a routine the first few weeks of that summer, where Tonks left for work early in the morning, and came back just before dinner. Remus had managed to get an anonymous writing job with the Daily Prophet, that allowed him to respond to common spell questions from the comfort of their home without giving away his identity. Harry often saw Ron, and the other Weasley's as the two families frequently got together for dinner, and the Order was meeting every other week planning out their next steps as the war ramped up. Dumbledore was on the hunt for a new DADA teacher, as well as some mysterious artifacts; which he would not disclose to any order member.

It was the second week of July when a patronus came that changed everything in one moment for the friends who were growing careless in the face of a war that didn't seem to be as bad as they feared. Kingsley's silve Lynx bound into the flat, grabbing the attention of Remus, James, and Lily; who all grew immensely thankful Harry was at the Burrow.

 _Mad-Eye's quickly._ The message wasted no time, and neither did they as all three apparated to the heavily warded house where Kingsley was waiting outside the gate the drop the wards and let them through. The look on his face caused Remus's stomach to drop, and he knew something terrible had happened.

"Tell me she's alive." He begged Kingsley. The man locked his eyes to Remus's and nodded once. A curt nod that didn't actually give any hope for her safety.

"Was it order work or real work?" James asked as they ran up the long winding path to actually get to Moody's front door where more wards were set.

"Order." Kingsley grunted, even though Remus already knew the answer. Tonks had called in sick to the office today so she, Bill, and Kingsley could check up on a tip from an unnamed friend of Dumbledore's.

"Stupid wards." Remus muttered as they performed the spells to get inside, and his heart beat faster and faster the closer they got to the door.

"Listen-" Kingsley began standing in front of the door. It took all of Remus's strength not to yell.

"Kingsley, I don't have time to listen." He made move to push passed the man, but Shacklebolt grabbed his arm.

"Lupin listen!" He hissed, and Remus stopped and stood straight, knowing he wouldn't get passed until he heard whatever Kingsley wanted to say.

"She will wake up, and you cannot panic. Bill is out too and-"

"How are you awake?" James asked him, breathing heavily with nervous anticipation as Remus was. Kingsley shot him a wearied look that made it clear he was not nearly as alright as he appeared to be, and the question was dropped.

"Please let me in now." Remus's hands were shaking, and Kingsley pushed open the door. Molly Weasley was sitting on the couch, Bill's head resting in her lap. Tonks was laying in a chair, Mad-Eye sitting next to her, a try of potions to the side. Her hair was brown, her eyes were closed, and a huge cut ran down the side of her face. He stepped closer to her, realizing the cut ran over the small pink scar that went from her eye to her cheek bone; the one he loved so much because she never tried to morph it away. She looked so small sitting in that chair, Remus thought, as he walked over and knelt to the ground in front of her.

"What happened?" He asked Mad-Eye, his voice a hoarse whisper, thick with the pain he wasn't trying to conceal.

"Cruciatus curse, for starters." Moody began, his normally sharp tone much softer than anyone was used to. "On both of them. Kingsley says Bill was given a potion that he couldn't make out through the imperious they had him under." James's head shot up to Kingsley's and Remus watched the unspoken apology and forgiveness exchange. "They wanted information on Dumbledore for some reason. And on where he was traveling next. They don't believe he isn't telling people." Remus tried to still his shaking hands.

"How long were they… you know?" He couldn't bring himself to say the words cursed, not when his Dora was sitting feet in front of him in the state she was in.

Kingsley, the only one who could really have known, shook his head. "It's all too blurry. I couldn't keep track I couldn't…" He clenched his fists in frustration and didn't say anything.

"How'd you get out?" Molly finally spoke from where she was seated, her face a mask of pain, Lily walked over and sat my her, setting a hand of comfort on her shoulder. Kingsley laughed, a mirthless chuckle that sent a chill down Remus's spine.

"Tonks." He gestured with his wand. "Stood, under the power of the curse. She shocked Lestrange so much he dropped his focus. That's all she needed to grab me and Bill. I was able to side-long us out here." Remus felt the warm swell of pride in his chest as he realized how strong she was.

She was going to be okay. She had to be.

But as the hours ticked on, and neither Tonks nor Bill moved, Remus felt his nerves growing tight. The full moon was in three days, so his emotions were even high than normal. But this didn't feel right. She had to be getting up soon. She had to be okay. Kingsley and Mad-Eye slowly re-entered the room, Remus hadn't even noticed they left.

"Lupin." Said Moody, causing Remus's head to snap in his direction. "Potter, come in here." James and Remus got up, albeit begrudgingly and walked with Alastor deeper into the house.

Remus felt his throat tighten when they came to the pensive.

"Can you handle this?" Remus was nodding before the question was even fully out of the older man's mouth. Together he and James dove into Kingsley foggy memories of what happened, both hoping to see something that could inform them of what really happened.

 _Remus and James were standing outside a dimly lit shop, against the walls, listening for the sounds of footsteps. Within minutes they saw Tonks and Bill walking their way._

' _King said he'd be around here.' Tonks whispered to Bill, her hand holding her well concealed wand. Bill nodded, remaining quiet._

 _To James right someone shifted, both James and Remus turned at the sound, Tonks and Bill drifting back into the shadows to conceal themselves._

' _Hiding in plain sight are we?' The high pitched voice of Bellatrix Lestrange never failed to send chills down Remus's spine._

' _Just taking after you, Auntie.' Tonks stepped out, her face impassive. 'Trying out the dark side, you know?' Bill stepped out behind her, keeping his hand against the wall as if to make sure no one could get behind them._

' _He just sent two?' Bellatrix asked, her face a sarcastic pout. 'I was hoping to have some more fun tonight.' She said, as eight more death eaters stepped out of the shadows. If Tonks and Bill were afraid they didn't show it, and even though he knew what was going to happen he still felt pride for that truth._

' _Three, Bella.' He heard the brooding voice of Lucius Malfoy call out from the darkness, and watched as Kingsley, looking far worse for wear, and clearly already imperiused, was shoved out._

' _Kill him.' Lestrange said, just as her husband stepped behind her in the shadows._

' _Bella, let's not be foolish.' He rubbed her arms 'let's make this worth our while.' He smiled sadistically, a smirk in Tonks's direction that Remus figured would be branded into his brain forever. Remus turned his attention back to the young auror who was looking at her black fingernails as if this conversation was below her. Rudolphus looked at her for one more second before walking over to Kingsley and whispering something in his ear. Remus looked into Kings eyes as he struggled agained, the curse, as he fought his wand which seemed to be rising to Tonks's face of it's own accord. She still didn't look worried._

' _Oh_ please.' _she groaned looking at the Lestrange's. "Classic garbage. Imperius the good guys and turn them on each other. What you're too scared to do it yourself?" Even in the face of serious danger Tonks was the most selfless human Remus had ever met._

"She's taunting them so King doesn't have to perform the curse." James whispered, his tone conveying his shock. "So he doesn't have to deal with the guilt." Remus just nodded, _and Bellatrix scream unintelligible words and dove for Nymphadora._

 _Tonks remained silent during the scuffle, which Bill and Rudolphus got involved in before the were pulled apart, and before Tonks was even fully on her feet Bellatrix had her under the power of the curse; Rudolphus had bill frozen with a charm, his eyes wide in shock was he looked at Tonks writhing on the ground. Bellatrix lifted the curse. Tonks gasped for air._

' _Where's Dumbledore?" Another death eater asked from the shadows._

" _What?" Tonks said, obviously confused. Without a second notice Bill dropped to the ground screaming in pain, and before she could try and help in Tonks was the same way. Remus couldn't count the seconds in his head. He didn't want to he realized had been silent when she finally started screaming. The cries of pain pierced his heart in a way he'd never felt pain before. Bellatrix lifted the curse._

' _God Bill, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.' Tonks whispered immediately, moving over to him before she was Crucioed again by none other than Antonin Dolohov. As Bill reached for his wand he was put under too, then just because they were having fun with it, they cursed Kingsley too. He dropped to the ground, grinding his teeth together in an effort to hold in the screams. The curse was lifted, and Remus heard Tonks's gasping breathes louder than anyone. Each Lestrange was holding Bill or Tonks, and they were facing each other. Remus wanted to close his eyes, but they felt glued open._

"Where. Is. Dumbledore?" _Bellatrix asked again, making it clear this was the last time she was willing to ask. Bill opened his mouth, but before the reply could come Bellatrix ran the knife down Tonks face. It left a glowing blue trail in its path, before the blood started coming out, and Remus was beating his brain for every dark artifact and curse that would do that too a cut. The list was too long, the nausea was getting worse._

" _Couldn't hear you dear. What was that?" Bellatrix asked Bill, laughing wildly as he fought against Rudolphus to get to Tonks. "Don't be foolish." She tutted as he pulled against the man._

 _Dolohov had enough and cursed Bill again, watching in grim satisfaction as he screamed. Tonks slowly crawling over to him, leaving blood dropping on the ground. A masked death eater stepped out and grabbed Tonks by the hair before pulling her back, and running their dirty fingers down the cut on her face, she groaned in pain, just as yet another death eater walked out and forced a dark colored potion down Bills throat._

 _It was this moment Kingsley finally was able to break the imperious curse, a talent Remus would have to commend him on later. He got the two death eaters closest to him knocked out, before the Lestranges and Dolohov had enough, and had all three order members under curse again. Even though he knew it was coming Remus felt a deep shock and surprise when Tonks stood up under the power of the curse and stood up. As Kingsley said it was enough to break the concentration of the three death eaters, and Kingsley made a mad dive for Tonks and Bill before the memory faded out and they were standing in Mad-Eye back room again._

James looked at Remus, unsure of what to say. There was a whole lot of Crucio's flying in that moment, and Remus could only hope Tonks would pull out this time as well as she did last time. Remus wasn't sure what to say to Kingsley as they walked back into the room, but the look on Kings face was enough. He felt guilt - and nothing Remus said was going to change that. They were not prepared for this, they went in on guard but not thinking anything of it, and now we were going to have to pay for that. What felt like hours later Tonks stirred in the love seat she was laying in. Her breathing became sharper, and she let out the softest groan before bringing her hands to her head. She gasped in pain when her hand touched the concerning cut on her face, and she sat up in alarm. The quick motion was clearly too much for her, and Remus rushed to her side to lay her back down as her eyes closed in pain.

Remus looked at Mad-Eye, unsure of what to do. She wasn't showing signs of normalcy - like talking. But she also wasn't showing signs of total insanity, she was feeling pain. Moody motioned his hand in such a way that told Remus to start talking to her.

"Tonks?" He began, she moaned again in his arms. "Dora, I need to know you're okay." She squeezed his hand once. It wasn't good enough. "Okay." He said, keeping his voice soft as he heard Molly and Kingsley talking to and about Bill.

"Tonks. I need you to think about what happened. Where are you?" James asked, walking toward them slowly. "Think about who you were with and what you were doing. What you last remember." Tonks didn't move for a moment, then her eyes hot open, the terror ripping down Remus's throat.

"Where's Bill?" She asked in a shocked whisper. "And King." James let out a deep sigh of relief, setting his hand on Remus's shoulder.

"They're here. They're okay." Remus said quickly, relaxing a bit as she set her head back down. She closed her eyes and winced in pain again.

"My face... is burning." She said, reaching her hand up to touch the cut again. Moody grabbed her hand and pushed it back down to her side.

"Dark magic, Nymphadora, don't touch it yet. I've got this potion for you to take…" He picked on from the many on the tea tray and handed it to Remus. "Can't figure out what she could have done to that knife, so we're going to narrow down options."

Tonks opened one eye slowly, still clearly dazed and in pain. "Will it hurt?" She said slowly, trying to process the question.

"Probably." Alastor answered honestly, before walking over to Bill to check on him too. She took a deep steady breath and looked at Remus.

"What have we got to lose?" Tonks asked sardonically, before grabbing his hand with the potion and bringing it to her lips. Remus cringed as she swallowed, and then she cringed as it went down. His eyes remained trained on her cheek, as he watched the cut hoping for some sign of visible progress. They waited, and waited; Tonks watching Remus's face the whole time. When he was ready to try the next one, the potion began to work. He saw the dark parts of the wound begin to close, forming a long red scar, similar to the many that covered his body. He hesitantly reached forward to touch it, breathing a sigh of relief when she said.

"That feels nice."

A few minutes later Bill was working his way to standing, his own wounds being healed over.

"Good heavens." Molly muttered as he stood, and she fanned her face trying to calm herself down. Lily and James watched everything happening, both remaining quiet as they did.

"You're alright then?" Moody said walking in with Kingsley holding two cups of water. Tonks nodded, slowly swinging her legs over the side of the chair and pushing herself up to her feet. She swayed unsteadily, but it was nothing worse than her normal inability to stand straight.

"We'll have to tell Dumbledore soon." James said, looking to Remus who nodded. "We know this doesn't change anything, but we need to be more on guard." Tonks made a face at the comment but didn't say anything about it.

"Go home then. Rest up, try and get to work tomorrow if you can." He looked at Tonks when he said that, knowing it would be harder for her. But she nodded, and leaning against Remus slightly they walked down the winding path that led to the apparition point. James and Lily were a few feet behind them talking to Molly and Bill, who was looking a bit better, though in need of a good nap or something of the sort.

"We'll see you back there - and for dinner?" Remus called to James and Molly respectively. Both nodded and hands were held up to wave as Remus held Tonks and sidelonged her back to their apartment. He wasted no time after getting in the door, pulling her aggressively to him before deciding that wasn't close enough. He picked her up, walking over to the couch with her and setting her on his lap. He held his arms around her tightly as if he was afraid she would disappear if he didn't. She remained quiet for a bit, letting him have his moment to hold her close.

"Remus." She finally whispered when she figured James and Lily would be back soon. "I'm okay." He shook his head to her, but loosened his grip so she could re-adjust herself.

"I thought you were dead. When that patronus came. When King came out…" He didn't know how to put into words what he felt.

"But I'm not." Said Tonks matter-of-factly. "And I know you don't want to hear it but these injuries are a part of what we do, and they're a part of my job, especially now that the ministry is trying to do something about his being back."

"You're right." Remus began, "I don't want to hear that." Tonks sighed in his arms, but set her head against his chest anyway. "Do you really feel alright?" Remus asked her after a beat.

"I think so. My head aches something awful. But I guess that's just a part of it." She said offhandedly.

"Dora, how did you stand up under the power of that curse?" asked Remus before thinking about whether or not he should.

"I don't know," Tonks began honestly. "I just knew that I didn't want to die yet, and that kingsley would feel really bad if we died, and that Molly already lost Percy, so let's try and make sure she doesn't lose anyone else."

"You amaze me." Remus said, kissing the top of her head. "And you'll be okay to go to work tomorrow?" He asked her.

"I have to be. If things get too bad I'll throw myself down a flight of stairs and say that I fell or something. Then they'll send me home on their own accord." She chuckled with Remus at her joke, both knowing that if she wanted an injury to send her home it would not be hard for anyone to believe she was hurt.

"I don't want you to die either." Remus added, standing up slowly and pulling her to her feet. "Just so you know." She rolled her eyes, testing the ground unsteadily, before following him into the kitchen where she sat on the counter as he prepared tea.

"Yeah that's good to know. I'm glad you don't want me dead. It would be a bit awkward if you did I guess." She smiled at him, and they heard the wards being broken on the door.

Remus and Tonks walked out, their wands raised.

"What was the name of the first year girl you sent to spy on Lily fifth year?" Remus asked as the door was pushed open. He saw James's eyes narrow in mock anger before saying.

"Hannah Albright." Lily glanced at him, one eyebrow raised before saying

"What did I say to you the night I found out about your lycanthropy?"

Remus couldn't help but chuckle. "That's actually kind of a hot secret to harbor." Lily's face turned pink as she remembered. They lowered their wands and Tonks smiled.

"We're going to have to think of a better way to do that. I could have killed you both before Remus even had the question of out his mouth." Said Tonks brightly. James huffed, but nodded in agreement, as they walked back into the kitchen to enjoy their tea.

A few hours later they went to the burrow where Harry rushed to hug a smitten Tonks, and his parents.

"Bill only told us a bit." He explained hastily. "But I just don't hug you enough. You're like my family." He explained to Tonks who smiled at him.

"Thanks Harry." She said after a pause, seeming unsure how to respond. Remus watched her handle the time with the Weasley's uncertainly, and just before they sat for dinner he pulled her aside. She didn't even wait to let him ask before she said.

"We're going to have to talk to my parents." He tried not to wince, and nodded. He'd met Tonks's parents once, and he didn't know how they would feel about him and Tonks being together. "I can't keep them in the dark about everything. They still don't even know where we're living."

"They know we live together then?" Remus asked, surprised.

"Yeah, I mentioned it. Mum didn't seem to mind but she did mention wishing we would come by more. Dad Made some comment about marriage and asking for a blessing but I didn't really listen much." He was wondering if marriage would come up between them. Though she didn't really state whether she wanted it either way. But she did mention it and that was something.

"Don't worry. I'll ask him before I ask you." Said Remus casually, not giving her a chance to answer as he led her back into the kitchen, thankful nobody said anything about their temporary absence. Dinner was full of laughter, and a casual avoidance of the truth that two of their own could have died if the previous night if things had gone differently. The night continued, and plans were discreetly made for the celebration of Harry's birthday coming up in just a few days time. Remus was certain nobody knew, but he was growing aware that the full moon was on the same night as Harry's birthday. He tried to quell his disappointment as the conversation continued, and was already forming a plan to make it up to the boy later on. The small amounts of money he received every time he wrote to that paper was beginning to add up since he didn't have to spend a great deal on living in the flat. As much to his chagrin Tonks insisted on paying for the rent herself being that she was no longer paying for her own. Remus mulled these thoughts over as they prepared to leave the Burrow, and continued to when they arrived back in their flat. Tonks, seeming to understand that he was lost in his own world of thought left him alone to his thinking, and slipped away to the kitchen. James and Lily were with Harry in his bedroom, as he talked to them about the next visit to the Dursley's which had to be done regularly in case they were being watched as closely as they believed they were.

"Remus." Tonks's gentle voice pulled him from his mind, and he looked up to her as she sat across from him on the specialty sofa, two mugs of hot chocolate in her hands.

He couldn't help but smile at her as he took one.

"You're disappearing into your mind, dear." She said, tucking her legs under her, and watching him closely. He nodded, knowing there was no use in lying to her.

"I'm thinking about a lot of different things. The Longbottoms, for starters. I just don't want to imagine… well you know." She nodded, her eyes grave, an almost humorous juxtaposition to her bright pink hair. "And about my job, and your job, and Harry's birthday and…" He didn't want to mention the full moon to her yet.

"Don't be silly. He'll understand that we won't be there that night. I'm figuring we could take him to diagon alley and help him get some school things. Or to that cool restaurant in London, and celebrate a few days later." Remus felt his surprise at her words, and she rolled her eyes. _Still reading my mind._ He smiled to himself with the thought.

"Remus. Of course I knew when the moon was. I have my ways, just like you do. And don't go thinking that Lily and James don't check all the time too." He didn't know what to say, so he chose instead to sip his hot chocolate, not able to quell the sigh of satisfaction as the amazing flavor slipped down his throat.

"Dora this is amazing." He said, wondering where the woman had gotten the ability to make coca this good. It was very in her nature to manage to burn even water when left to her own devices. She smiled proudly.

"I made a secret recipe." She declared, her huge eyes sparkling as she sipped her own mug with a smile. "You really like it then?" She asked, not even trying to hide her joy.

"It's great." He told her honestly, leaning over to place a small kiss on her cheek.

As he pulled away a regular barn owl flew threw the window right over to her. She acknowledged it with a huff, and before it flew away she said.

"Might as well wait." The owl did. "They don't listen do they? I told them, and you!" She was still talking to the owl. "Here. Take this back, and don't come back. I'll be by this week." She lifted her mug to the bird who dipped its beak into the chocolate before nipping her finger affectionately and flying back out.

Tonks took a minute to read the letter before looking at Remus. "My parents." She explained, even though he already gathered as much. "Sending me letters even though I warned them to stop doing that. Owls in muggle London, flying into windows. We're going to get a phone call or inspection or something." She tapped her cheek thoughtfully.

"I realize it's a bit short notice, but what do you say we go by tomorrow for dinner? I figure we'll be a bit busy the rest of the week what with the moon and his birthday, but I wouldn't put it past them to come break the door down if I don't go by soon…" He tried not to panic at the thought of finally having to meet her parents as what he was.

 _You're not a child. Suck it up and go!_

"Yeah if tomorrow is alright with them I think it would be great. The sooner the better, and the farther from the moon the better." He added thoughtfully, wishing he didn't have to consider something as stupid as the moon when going to visit the parents of the woman he was becoming sure he would marry someday.

 **I'm so so so sorry this took so long! Exams have been crushing me, and studying philosophy is hard work. Please let me know what you thought, if you're still out there.**

 **much love to anyone who reads**

 **~Bea**


	9. Chapter 9

**This is a bit of a shorter one, but I finally have the remaining chapters written and edited! There should be about 4-6 more depending on if I keep what i have or add to it, which is always an option and the reason I take so long to post anything! Please please please let me know what you think!**

He woke early the next morning, slipping out of their bedroom, without waking Tonks. He walked silently into the kitchen, where James sat alone at the table reading through the prophet, sipping a cup of tea.

"You're up early." Remus commented, who was searching for his wand in his pocket before simply deciding to make the coffee with his hands.

"I could say the same to you. Remus," James added, dropping the paper, "You're honestly one of the most talented wizards I've ever met, I know you have Magis Imperium, why don't you just do wandless?" Remus felt his eyes jump to the room where Tonks was laying, James followed the motion.

"Sure Moony, you may not have told her, but she knows. Anyone who watched you duel knows." Remus, unsure of what to say waved his hand over the mug watching as it set itself next to the coffee pot. With a few more silent motions the coffee was grinding, and the pot brewing.

"Lily hears you're going to meet the parents today?" James asked, picking the paper up and folding it before setting it back on the table. "How are you feeling about that?" Ignoring the question Remus looked at his oldest friend.

"James, do you realize how mad it is that we are sitting here talking about this?" He asked his friend, rubbing stressed hands over his face. "I mean, we are talking as if there's no war, as if I didn't spend _years_ thinking you were dead, as if the whole world didn't think you were dead." He shook his head. "It's _mad_."

James chuckled lightly, shaking his own head, hearing a door creak open down the hall. "It is mate, it is." Then without turning he said " 'Morning Harry." Just as the young boy shuffled into the kitchen, pushing his glasses up on his face.

"Hey dad, hey Remus." He dropped into a chair, glancing at the paper skeptically. "Mum and Tonks still sleeping?" He asked, pushing the paper onto the floor eliciting quiet laughter from the two men.

"Oh yes, those ladies need their beauty rest." James said, standing and opening the fridge. "What do you say we go and get them some breakfast, yeah Harry?" James asked, turning to face his son who jumped up.

"Yeah. I'll go change." Remus stood, as Harry rushed from the room, and poured himself a mug of coffee.

"It's all mad." James muttered, smiling after his son. "But I wouldn't change it for anything, not anything in the whole world." Remus felt himself smiling, as familiar thin arms wrapped their way around his neck.

"Me either." he said to James. "Not for anything."

Several creme donuts and coffee pots later Tonks and Remus were standing at the front door, cloaks in hand ready to go to dinner.

"Have fun, stay safe, don't say anything weird. Remind them that you love her. Don't be all mopy. Have fun-"

"You said that already, Lils." Remus smiled at the duo waving them off from the door. "And send notice when you leave the burrow." James added, looking at Harry as they said it. He nodded running over and giving his parents one last hug before Tonks finally got them all out of the door.

"You'd think we were rushing into battle, not going to the Weasley's and my mum's house." She joked as they walked to their private apparation point, where they disappeared on the spot, ending back at the burrow front porch where Harry rushed in without knocking.

"I love this." They heard Ron exclaim as they followed behind him, causing Tonks to laugh as she set her head on Remus's shoulder. Harry began exclamation points on excitement as they rushed up the steps into his bedroom.

"Molly!" Tonks finally called as they stood in the kitchen waiting. "We dropped Harry, we're off to my mum's for tea, alright?"

The Weasley matriarch appeared behind them, "Hello Tonks, Remus." She hugged them each respectively, patting the cheek of the former. "Off to the parents for tea, they must be excited to see you finally." She added, setting down the large basket she was holding.

"Yeah, it's hard, though, to keep them in the dark." Tonks said, offering an awkward smile. Molly nodded understanding written on her face.

"It's safer this way." She said softly, "You two best be off, send a word when you're on your way back for him, or if he wants to just stay here, you know the kids won't mind." And with that she picked the basket back and journeyed back into the kitchen, allowing Tonks and Remus to let themselves out quietly. They stood on the front steps for a moment, before she sidelonged them to her parents.

She stood next to him quietly for a moment before she tugged on his shirtsleeve. "Hey Remus?" He looked down at her, smiling to himself at how short she was compared to him. "I just wanted you to know…" She looked down uncertainty, uncharacteristically nervous. "I love you." She finally said, "Okay?"

His eyes widened. "Okay." She said back, smiling confidently again. She threw the front door open.

"Mum!" She shouted, dropping her brown leather bag onto the floor and slipping off her shoes. "Daaad!" She shouted louder, which caused Remus to acknowledge the size of the house no where near warranted the level of her voice.

"Remus and I are at the front door!" He followed her shoe removing lead, slipping off her jacket for her and hanging it on the coat rack by the door, doing the same with his own. Tonks waited expectantly for a reply.

"Oh bugger." She huffed, heaving in a deep breath Remus clamped a hand over her mouth, ignoring her glare.

"Why don't we walk in and find them?" He suggested, setting a hand on her back and pushing her toward the kitchen where he was certain he heard voices. Two heads snapped up upon their entrance through the doorway. Remus choked on his breath as he took in Tonk's mother, a nearly spitting image of Bellatrix herself. Everything in him screamed to protect Tonks, and he fought his brain for a moment, as Mr. Tonks stood up.

"Dora," He said with a smiled, enveloping his daughter in a hug.

"Oh Nymphadora's here?' Andromeda asked, giving Remus a quick smiled. "We didn't even hear you come in." She added dryly, shooting her daughter a look, and getting a poorly concealed chuckle from Lupin.

"You must be Remus!" Ted exclaimed, grabbing Lupin's hand in his own and shaking it firmly. "Ted Tonks, pleased to finally meet you." He said, Remus nodded at the man, failing to find his voice. He wondered if the Tonks's knew about him. If they could tell by looking at him.

Tonks hugged her mom, getting a swat on the head for shouting. Andromeda then turned to Remus.

"Andromeda Tonks." She said shaking his hand formally, handing him another warm smile that made her look much more like Molly Weasley than her evil murderous sister. Remus stared at her a beat too long looking for differences between her. Tonks walked over to him slowly. "Sorry mum," She began, setting a hand on his arm, "I forgot to warn Remus here, and you know I love you but the resemblance you hold to your family is really terrifying." Andromeda nodded with a sad smile.

"He's in the resistance too then?" Mrs. Tonks asked. Remus glanced at Tonks who simply nodded at her mother.

"It's how we met." She said, pulling Remus to a seat and sitting next to him.

"How… so like you." Andromeda said, the words having the potential to sound bitter, but actually come out as more of a laugh, albeit a bit of a broken sound. This is very much what the figured Tonks's parents to be sat in tight silence for a few minutes before Tonks rolled her eyes and looked over to her mother.

"Alright Mum?" She asked, knowing the answer. Before Andy could lie to her Tonks said, "Out with it, we haven't got all day and you need answers I supposed."

"Are you two married now? Did you run off and marry some man whom we've never even met- No offense Remus, you do seem lovely." She added, patting his arm. "You don't owl for months, we know you're part of this secret organisation, Mad-Eye has to be the one to tell us you're in the hospital but he can't tell us why!" She let out an angry huff, before Ted set a soft hand on her shoulder.

"We're not married Mum, I don't hate you, I want you to see me get married. He is lovely, so lovely. And things have been crazy… I can't even begin to tell you how much I wish I could tell you everything, how much I wish I could run through the door after a long day and tell you everything." She sniffed once, nodding as Remus set a hand on her arm, knowing she was thinking of Sirius.

"But Mum, I'm not your little girl anymore. And this isn't Hogwarts. You can't stop the bad guys from coming after me, and you can't know everything or they'll come after you. Maybe it's my turn to protect you now." Remus had never imagine how hard it was for her to hide all these things from her family, this was his glimpse in to the pain she was feeling.

"Dora, you know why we can't join in any anti government groups, but you know that any way we can help we will. That is our role, honey." Ted shook his head, "We want to know you will come home alive." Tonks nodded at her dad, as Andy wiped at her face once.

"I love you, guys, you know that. And one day I'll get to tell you all the crazy, but until then, let's sit and drink tea, and listen to Remus tell crazy stories and laugh all together because, well honestly because Remus and I are fighting on the front lines of this war, and I can't promise you everything will be okay. But I can promise you I'll visit more, and I can promise that right now I want nothing more than to sit and introduce you to this man who has, for lack of something better, changed, and probably saved my life in many ways."

Ted Tonks glanced Remus over slowly, Tonks sat by, silently watching her father.

"You live together?" He asked, his tone still gentler than Remus would have initially figured it to be.

"Yes sir." Remus spoke for the first time, looking Mr. Tonks in the eyes. "We live with two friends of mine from my school days, it seemed the best way to stay safe, and save money." Ted continued nodding, Remus hoped it was a sign of approval.

"Why muggle London?" Andy asked, glancing at Tonks this time, as if she knew Remus wouldn't want to provide the answer. Tonks glanced over to him fro the corner of her eyes, and she saw him give her one gentle nod. They had to know.

"Remus-" He set a hand on her arm.

"If I may, Dora?" A smile pulled across her face despite the conversation and she nodded eagerly.

"Although I assume the two of you were already able to perceive there is something unusual about me, I-" He too kin a steady breath. "I suffer from lycanthropy." It felt wrong to just say it out loud as if it were chronic dragon poks or something. He watched her parents eyes widen.

"Living in muggle London keeps us away from prying eyes, and angry wizards who think he is a danger to society." Tonks supplied looking at her parents faces, both in masks of confusion.

Ted looked at Tonks, opening and closing his mouth once before shaking his head. "You read in books, fairy tales and academic alike, that werewolves are dark and dangerous, out to attack any muggle or wizard who gets too close. In school Sirius had a friend he told us about once, a man who suffered as you do, Remus." Tonks reached out and gripped his hand squeezing tightly.

"He told us about this friend who defied every truth known to wizard-kind about lycanthropes. And I'll be honest we didn't believe him for a while. But every time he came he shared about his friends, never telling us their names, only these odd nicknames they all made up- but that's not the point. The point is, you have shown me he must have been speaking truth. And if there is anything Andy and I know, it's that you cannot judge a book by it's cover, it's illness, it's blood-status, or it's differences." He glanced at his daughter and smiled as he spoke the final words.

"That doesn't mean that this feels totally safe and normal." Andy added, patting her husband on the arm, "But we have to trust you." Remus let out a deep heavy sigh he hadn't even realized he was holding in, as Tonks laughed a joyful sound.

Ted and Andromeda joined in, and soon the tense silence that opened the evening was all but forgotten as tea was sipped, cakes were enjoyed and stories were shared.

Later that evening Remus and Tonks arrived back at their flat, Harry in tow behind them, telling his former professor all about his day at the Weasley's. Remus thought back to a time where such animation from the boy, and such a conversation wouldn't even have been possible. Tonks slipped her hand in his as they walked up the steps to their front door, and pushed it open.

James and Lily were sat on the couch, flipping through the photo album Hagrid gave to Harry his first year of school. Harry walked slowly over to them, sitting next to Lily and looking over her shoulder as the photos went by. Tonks nudged Remus over to the couch as well, walking back to their bedroom so she could get the cloak for her guard duty with Kingsley later on in the evening. She bounced around the room, changing into more comfortable clothing, humming a song she has been listening to earlier in the week while doing her paperwork.

She didn't even notice James walk to the door until her shoe caught on the bed frame and his hands shot out to try and catch her.

"Oh!" She cried as she pulled into the ground with her.

"How the hell does Remus make it look so easy?" He asked her, pushign himself up and offering her a hand. She laughed, morphing away her blush as she did so.

"He's probably had a lot more practice. Sorry about that." She brushed lint off her leg. "Did you need something?" She asked, walking over to the mirror so she could work on her hair for the night.

"I wanted to ask you before I said anything to Remus, but it went alright with your parents?" She smiled over at him, wondering how Remus got so lucky with such an amazing friend, and nodded.

"I was nervous, honestly, but I would never tell him that. Mum had a bit more of an issue with everything than Dad, but I could have told you that would have been the case. But they were both willing to hear us out and understand that the times are changing and Remus is for me now. And Lycanthropy or none he is who I want to be with.

Remus suddenly appeared behind James, a smile plastered on his face. "You said as much to them too, Dora. There's no way they could have been anything but supportive with the subtle threat of you leaving hanging over their heads. You're their only daughter They want to know that you're safe and-"

"Now they know." She cut him off from what had the potential to be a long triade about how their relationship wasn't the safest thing for her. James hid a snigger in his hand as Remus rolled his eyes slightly.

"Anywho, lovely chatting with you boys but Kingsley is going to be here any minute and I have to-" A knock at the door cut her off, and she let out a huff.

"Can you open that for me Lily! It's King, I'm running late!" No sooner had she shouted than the man was standing in the doorway next to Remus.

"You? Late? I don't believe it." Remus turned with a laugh to shake his friends hand as Tonks began to move on overdrive, tripping over every flat and other surface in the room.

"Don't hurt yourself Tonks, we have some important work tonight, we can't have you broken before we even begin." A flash of the woman's eyes and curious peak from Remus caused Kingsley to snap his mouth shut.

"I thought this was just a guard duty at Privet Drive?" He asked the pink haired woman accusingly. "Those aren't usually dangerous at all. Have we gotten any tips lately?" He asked her. She shook her head.

"No. But you know King, always on guard. He could put Mad-eye to shame with his constant vigilance, couldn't you King? But anywho there's nothing to worry about Remus, just boring old guard duty for a boring old witch and wizard who needed a good night of boring work and-"

"Is that Lily? Calling us?" James cut off her nervous ranting, placing a hand on Kingsley's shoulder and pushing him from the room. Remus's look caused Tonks to wilt slightly.

"For an auror you make a pretty rough liar."

"Only to you. Anyone else I would have been fine." He was thankful she didn't try to cover up her untruth even more.

"What are you doing tonight?" He asked her, setting a hand on her cheek.

"Trailing people." She shrugged, looking down.

"Trailing who... ?" He asked, not liking the way she wasn't giving him the information. "Tonks, you're not trailing-"

"I'll be fine Remus." She said indignantly, bringing her eyes up to his firmly. "Please trust me everything will be-" He planted his hands on her hips and lifted her up the several inches separating them, pushing his lips to hers with more force than he intended. SHe responded in kind, lifting her legs up and wrapping them around his waist. His arms were pulling her closer to him as he carried her over to their bed where he set her down and finally pulled away a few long minutes later.

"Come back home." He whispered, pulling her up and leading her out of the room. Kingsley stood at the doorway of the house talking to Harry about the start of the term in the later months. He glanced up when the pair walked in.

"Alright Tonks?" He asked her, although he was looking at Remus as he did. Both nodded. "I'll have her back by morning, all clear." He said. Tonks pushed the door open tossing a parting wave over her shoulder as she did.

"Trailing Bellatrix?" James hissed in Remus's ear, who barely suppressed a shudder as he nodded. "I don't like that." James said, looking at the door as if he was about to chase down the pair and demand they come back inside.

"Nor do I." Remus said, "But there's nothing we can do. It has to be done, and that's the end of it." James knew to drop the conversation there even if there was still more that could be said.

He walked into the kitchen where Lily and Harry stood at the counter talking about a trip to diagon alley for books while Lily had the kitchen in motion around him making coffee and cakes. James stood behind her, pulling her hair from har shoulders as Harry spoke about his hopeful plans, Lily nodding along in encouraging agreement.

"Coffee?" James asked after a moment.

"We won't be getting much sleep tonight." She whispered back, glancing at Remus who walked in to join them.

James nodded, suggesting Harry go get the Wizards chess board from their room. He went off with a smile, hiding the concern he was feeling along with everyone else.

Much to the relief of all in the small flat Tonks and Kingsley returned home early the next morning with nothing but good news. Well not good news at all, but positive new in regards to the success of their mission. The true news sent them both rushing back out the door almost as soon as they checked in, due to the demands they knew were going to rise within the auror office. Both claimed to be unsure what the panic was for, but by the looks on their faces Remus grew steadily sure it had a lot to do with werewolves. James watched his friend cautiously for the day, unsure if it was ever the right time to say something about the lack of news from their friends. The time never came though, and soon it was well past dinner with no word. Lily was aking feeble attempts to be encouraging, but was slowly running out of good things to say when a silvery wolf bound into the room.

"Dumbledore is calling a meeting at the burrow, starting immediately." Tonks voice spoke into the room before the animal disappeared in a shimmer. The three Potter's and Remus wasted no time gathering everything they thought they would need and rushing to the fireplace so they could floo over. As usual Remus stumbled slightly upon landing at the Burrow, but he composed himself quickly and began searching the faces for Tonk's familiar grey eyes. James, Lily, and Harry came in behind him also seeming to search for the witch who they hoped would have some answers. But Dumbledore and Mad-Eye arrived, and the meeting began. Two empty seats remained where Tonks and Kingsley should have been sitting. Neither man made mention of the missing members, and Remus barely heard a world of the introduction until he felt a quiet chill settle over the room. He looked up, locking eyes with Albus before finally hearing what the issue was.

"We need to infiltrate again. Before the ministry sets the law in place. We need to find people who will stand with us, who will show the ministry that lycanthropy is an illness, not a choice." Remus simply stared at the man, unsure of what he was to do in the situation. He nodded when he felt like he was supposed to and tried not to glance at what he knew to be the faces of pity surrounding him. He should have seen this coming really, but he let himself get happy. Get comfortable. And this is what he was paying for it.

 _But no. No. You're best friends didn't all die._ His conscious argument began. _You are allowed to be happy. You are allowed to say no to this._ But somewhere inside of himself he knew he wasn't. He knew this was the only thing he could do.

This was his role to play, a card handed to him against his will, and he would be damned if he let everyone down because he played it wrong. The meeting was suddenly over and he saw Moody and Albus walking towards him, he felt the warry glances of James and Lily.

"... If there was any other way Remus…" He continued to nod along to the white haired man he respected so much. He was steeling his nerves against emotions. "... as soon as you can would be best, for as long as you think. We don't want you dying or getting hurt out there…" Moody watched him with both eyes, an intense stare that was almost as distracting as his personal thoughts, and the wonderings of where the woman he loved was. Dumbledore was walking away almost as quickly as he came to Remus, and he was then looking right into Mad-Eyes eyes.

"You don't have to do this." The man said to Remus. Lupin only shook his head in response. He did, and he knew it. "She told me you'd say that." Moody said with a shake of his head.

"Don't get stupid, boy. You don't deserve the card you've been dealt. Don't live in it when you don't have to." Again Remus decided no reply was better than whatever he had been thinking to say.

Alastor put a hand on his shoulder and stomped away. He felt the feather light touch of lily's hands on his shoulder and she pushed him toward to fireplace. James was standing away from them talking to Harry.

"We're flooing back, James will be right behind."

"No, Lily, we have to find-"

"She's home Remus." Lily said softly, and the tone made him understand that she already knew exactly what they spoke about at the meeting.

"I'll meet you there. Quickly." Lily said throwing the powder into the fire and stating their home. Remus followed barely a second behind her, just as James hugged Harry and rushed over to get home too. Remus fell out of the fireplace, tripping to his knees and sliding on the floor slightly. He brought his hands to his face as he rested on his knees, forcing his heart to slow down. He couldn't do it, not again.

He felt his hands shaking against his eyes, which were stinging with tears he had no reason to be shedding. This was his job. This was his card. His head was pounding with stress, anger, concern, bitterness. Anything he could be feelin against what he had to do he was feeling. His stomach was churning as he wondered how long he would have to go for. As he wondered who would die while he was gone.

As he wondered what Tonks would have to say. He gasped in a choking breath as he thought of her. Pink hair, grey eyes, small fingers. Her laugh, her crinkly smile, her face.

He dropped his hands from his face opening his eyes slowly. Lily was standing a few feet away watching him cautiously. He shook his head at her, his focus coming to rest on the woman he was looking for, legs tucked up on the couch, watching him with fear in her eyes. He locked eyes with her, and suddenly she jumped up and rushed over to him. He caught her in a swift motion, not even turning as he heard someone else step out from the floo. He held her in his arms, letting her cry into him.

This was his mission. This was his card.

"I'm still here." He found himself whispering to her slowly as she began to cry gently into his chest. He held onto her tightly, as her pleading whispers for him to stay reached his ears. He couldn't bring himself to say anything else, so he simply continued to remind her that in that moment she had him. Even then he knew that wouldn't be enough. It couldn't be enough; not in the middle of a war.

The next morning, after a tear filled, shaky sleep Remus rolled over looking for the familiar flash of pink hair that was next to him. It wasn't there. A jolt in his heart caused him to sit up, before he heard the sound of running water, and the humming that told him Tonks was simply cleaning off. He pushed out of bed anyway and walked into the kitchen, catching a note on the table that informed him James and Lily were at the Burrow with Harry. They had the house to themselves. He hesitated for a moment, reminding himself that the full moon was in a few short days and he was feeling everything in stronger form, but he knew Tonks would need this almost as much as he did. He set down the toast he was preparing to make and slowly walked over to the washroom door, pushing it open without knocking.

"Dora?" He called in, eyes looking down in case she was in a place where he shouldn't see her.

"Remus?" She asked back, pushing the wash curtain aside and sticking her head out. Pink hair was plastered to her face, as water dripped down it. He took in a slow, calming breath at the sight of her.

"Are you okay, Tonks?" He asked her, pushing himself further into the room and drinking in the look on her face. She looked at him in silence a moment too long, and shook her head.

"I took off work today." She said, still just her head poking out as he sat on the toilet seat. He shot her a look.

"And on Friday?" He asked her, knowing she requested off for the full moon, trying not to think about how much that meant to him. She just shook her head, pulling back into the shower so he could no longer see her. He considered joining her, before sliding down against the wall, content with just being nearer to her. The only sound that filled the room for a very long time was the rushing of the water as it poured out from the shower head. He waited, knowing there would either be a startling silence when she was done, or a mild fury that had potential to turn into a hurricane in their kitchen. So he waited. Her small hand stuck out from behind the curtain as the water shut off, she pulled a fluffy brown towel in with her before tossing back the curtain completely. Pink hair dripping down her face, wrapped in the towel she carefully stepped out, still managing to slip. Remus jumped up and grabbed her wrist, steadying her against himself. He ignored the water he felt soaking into his shirt focusing instead on the scent of mint and vanilla that always followed Dora's showers.

Remus took a breath to speak but Dora was faster. "Don't say anything. Not yet. Please." He nodded, settling with pulling her closer to him and leaning against the wall. She turned her face into his chest taking deep slow breaths as she did.

Finally she spoke again, "I know you have to do this, I understand that. I know it's not like last time. I know we'll still have each other. But please," she pulled away to look up at him. "Please don't be stupid, please remember that I will be waiting for you, for as long as I have to." He watched her eyes fill with tears that she wouldn't shed. "But above all that, whatever you do, please only promise things you know you can keep." There weren't words left for the moment, he simply leaned down and kissed her slowly, wondering why it felt like they were already saying goodbye. Wondering if that's what was happening. He held her slowly, unsure of what would come next, unsure of what she expected him to do, unsure of how they were supposed to move forward.

Friday came quickly, tension in the small apartment rising as it did. The June full moon was here, and Remus made the decision that morning to not go undercover with the wolves until after Harry's birthday at least, possibly even waiting until the kids went back to school. Tonks seemed excited for his decision, while Lily reminded him that if he was truly committed to go he couldn't keep delaying the inevitable.

"How're you feeling?" Tonks asked, lazily brushing her fingers through his hair laying next to him in their bed. He sighed, but it sounded more like a huff or groan when it came out. She chuckled softly next to him, pushing over to kiss his cheek.

He groaned again, pushing himself up to try and give her a fuller kiss; she she slapped his arm lightly. "No physical -er- things on full moon day." She whispered, teasing him to a dangerous degree. It was a rule he set, knowing it wasn't fair to her for him to give into the desires that arose while his body prepared for the transformation. He bit his tongue as his mind argued to take back the rule. He closed his eyes, trying to pretend she wasn't there, which she wasn't having any of. She set her hand on his stomach, just above his waistline causing his heart rate to jump. He cracked one eyes just wide enough to shoot her what he hoped was a withering glare before pushing himself out of the bed.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Don't be like that," she got up walking beside him. "Get back there you don't have the-" She tripped on her way over to him, catching the bedpost with her shoulder as she did so, crashing into him. In his tired pre-transformation state he wasn't nearly as prepared to catch her as he normally was and she landed with him on the ground with a resounding thud. He winced, before breathing in her scent and giving over to laughter at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation. He felt her own laughs on top of him, and he swiftly wrapped his hands around her before rolling them over on the ground so he was facing her.

"You just can't stay away can you Dora?" He asked her, winking.

"Moon day makes you happier sometimes." She said leaning in to kiss him quickly on the lips, pulling away with a smirk. He shook his head before his face fell slightly.

"It's almost time, love." He said, pushing himself up and standing next to her. She nodded quietly walking toward the door and pushing it open. They walked down the hall into the living room together where James, Lily and Harry were sitting. James stood when they walked in.

"Alright Moony?" He asked his friend setting a steadying hand on his shoulder. Remus gave an unconvincing nod smiling at Lily and Harry before dropping into the chair. "We'll apparate over in fifteen minutes, sound good?" Remus nodded again, letting his eyes slip closed as he sat. Harry watched him warily for a moment before pulling a book off the end table and beginning to read. Tonks sat next to Lily, tucking her legs in and setting her head on her friend's shoulder. Lily responded in kind, and began to brush her fingers slowly through Tonks's hair just as she had done to Remus minutes earlier.

Fifteen minutes ticked by far faster than normal, and soon James was pulling Remus to his feet, bidding their partners goodbye. Remus let Tonks pull him into a tight hug, resting her head on his shoulder for a pause. He kissed her pink hair, rubbing a hand on her back; a gesture that looked as if it was to comfort her, when really it was for his sake.

A long night of waiting around resulted in two women and a young boy falling asleep in the living room , not even noticing when the two men they were waiting for walked tiredly through the front door. James smiled at the sight of Lily and Tonks laying on the floor close together, Harry asleep on the couch above them. Remus shook his head, quietly stretching out his tired muscles.

"Does this mean we have to snuggle too?" James asked his friend, setting a hand on his shoulder firmly. Remus nodded solemnly, before chuckling to himself and walking into the kitchen.

"I think it's in our best interest to make some coffee and stay awake for as long as possible." Remus said, knowing James was right behind him.

"Just like old times…" James said softly.

"Except-"

"Yeah." The missing links were left unmentioned as Remus made his coffee the muggle way, pulling out some muffins Lily baked and charming them warm. There were sounds of motion coming from the living room as James poured the coffee for the two of them. Lily walked in the room, smilin at her two friends before her, walking over and kissing Remus on the cheek before setting herself in James's lap.

"How was your night?" She asked them, laying her head on his shoulder and taking his mug out of his hand with a wink toward Remus.

"Really, really not bad." Remus said, clearly meaning every word. She smiled, a joyful look that lit up her whole tired face. Her smile changed slightly as she shifted so she could look at James.

"How was it… without them?" She asked slowly, as if knowing it would be too difficult to answer. James blinked slowly, taking a steadying breath.

"Very hard." Remus whispered, shaking his head. "It's just hard." James nodded his agreement.

"I think about the first time we all went out together. We never thought… I mean we felt invincible, you know? And now it's Moony and I, and it'll only ever be the two of us again. And that's really hard to think about. That no matter what we do, it'll only be just us." James shook his head, looking a lot like Harry.

"When we were hiding," He looked at Remus for a moment, "We knew the truth. We knew how the secret keeper was, but there was nothing we could do. Every possible outcome made things worse, we tried it. Old magic." Remus nodded his understanding.

"But we knew. I had hope that it would at least be the three of us. Like after we graduated, when we lived in that dingy flat above hogs head and Lily, Juna, and Ellie lived together?" Remus nodded, thinking back to the easy days. Sirius's girlfriend and Remus love interest. The two girls were killed the day after the Potter wedding, the day after Remus finally asked her on a date. "I thought we could try and get his name cleared, and we could be happy enough again." Remus watched his friends eyes fill with tears wondering if James even knew it was happening.

" I knew with Ellie and Juna… It would be hard. But I never imagined… I... it's _Padfoot_. I didn't think… I didn't say goodbye…" Lily pulled his forehead down to hers, Remus looked away, catching sight of Tonks standing in the doorway, one small tear track running down her face.

"Oh Dora," he whispered, pushing himself up and walking over to her, not even feeling his own tears on his face. She caught his face his her hands, huge grey eyes watery and round. He felt her thumb rub his cheek, felt the tear push away. He leaned down to kiss her, breathing in her scent.

"Hey Tonks, didn't know you were up." Lily called over to them after a minute, causing them to pull apart. Four watery eyes met, four silent cries for someone they all loved too much to simply let go the way they were trying to. The pain filled silence filled the room with each lost in their own thoughts, eyes finally starting to dry. Remus leaned down and set a kiss on Tonk's pink hair, slipping his hand in hers and pulling her to the counter. He kissed her again, smiling to himself at her small chuckle, pouring another mug of coffee for her.


	10. Chapter 10

"Who are Elle and Juna?" Dora was laying against his side with her her head on his chest, after getting home from work. He was brushing his fingers through her damp, pink hair, the scent of her shampoo as strong as ever, soaked into it. He thought back to the conversation he'd had with James and Lily the other morning and wondered how much she had heard.

He sighed, an involuntary action, and she leaned up to kiss his chin.

"You don't have to tell me." She said, "but I just never heard anything about them. And that was unusual. I didn't mean to eavesdrop the other day." She added hastily, and he felt the warm blush creep into her cheeks.

 _She heard about magus imperium…_ He decided not to ask her, suddenly unsure why he even felt like he had to keep it a secret. It was merely a distinction that he was a more powerful wizard than most. And she already knew that, but he still kept it quiet.

"Ellie and Juna were two girls in Lily's year. Ellie was a Ravenclaw, Juna was a Gryffindor through and through." He laughed to himself picturing the girls wide smile and seeker spirit that won them the quidditch cup.

"Ellie was… a lot like you actually, certainly more reserved, but clumsy as anything, adorable, sweet, and _so_ loyal. I think the only reason she wasn't a puff was that she was a genius. Probably rivaled Hermione in her intelligence. Juna was Sirius in girl form, which makes sense because they dated from sixth year until after James and Lily got married." He got quiet, unsure what else she would want to know.

"So Sirius was with Juna, you were with Ellie, James and Lily, what about Peter?" She asked, he chuckled underneath her.

"That about sums it up. But Peter didn't have a girl. Not one that I knew of anyway. After he died there was this woman who showed up at his memorial service, and the way she was crying for him, I really wondered if they were together, but at that point I was just too numb to care. I didn't want to have a tie to her if they were together." Tonks nodded, her hair leaving a moist trail on his collarbone.

"The day of James and Lily's wedding," Remus began, unsure if it was appropriate for him to be telling his present day girlfriend about a previous romance… "Ellie was a bridesmaid of course, her maid of honor actually, and I was a groomsman. We spent the whole day helping each other and making sure everything was perfect. It was the funniest day ever, because it was a half muggle wedding, and wow. We had no idea what we were doing." he suddenly remembered something and got up to open the closet pulling out an old box.

"Here." He rummaged through it pulling out a stack of photos and walking back over to the bed. He held them out before sheepishly looking away. "Is this weird? I mean I'm not in love with her, I just-"

"I want to know your life, Remus." Tonks kissed him before setting herself in his lap and pulling the pictures from his hand.

Her eyes widened at the first photo. "She's the most beautiful person I have ever seen…" Tonks whispered, looking at the witch standing with Remus and Sirius, arms over both their shoulders laughing vivaciously. Her hair was a long red brown, curled and pinned and sparkling. She was thin and joyful and beautiful.

Remus nodded behind her. "I would say second most, but I'm likely partial." She giggled, flipping to the next photo, and gasped again.

In this stood all four marauders holding four girls. She saw James and Lily, Remus and Ellie, Sirius and Juna (who Tonks assumed to be Juna) and Peter with another woman.

"I see you two and the Potters, who are the other two?" Tonks asked, pointing to Sirius and Peter.

"That, Remus gestured to the first dark haired woman standing with Sirius, "Is obviously Juna."

"I see the resemblance." Tonks said, thinking Juna even held a bit of the 'black eyes' and all their mysterious grey colorlessness.

"And with Peter is our other friend Cardeila. She was a hufflepuff, but she fled the country, she was a muggle born, and after Ellie and Juna died…" He took a deep breath. "She wrote us all a letter the next day, telling us she was leaving, she loved us, but that she needed to put her life and her family first. I have no idea where she even went. If she's alive… But maybe that's what she wanted." Tonks squeezed his hand under the blanket, moving to the next picture. She smiled to herself as she looked at Remus and James, dancing together like a couple would for their first dance. They were laughing ridiculously, clearing fighting over who had to put their hands where. She could just make out Lily and Sirius in the corner, dancing together in more of a swing style.

"You all had so much fun together." Her smile fell slowly. "I hate war." She said. Remus felt the mood settle over and kissed the top of her head.

"Me too, love, but," He was wondering if his words would actually be helpful. "War brought me to you." She groaned, but still turned on his lap and kissed him slowly.

"I guess that's a good thing. But I like to believe that we would have met anyway, even if we didn't end up like this." She said, he didn't take time trying to figure out what she meant.

"I think I like this too much to consider any other way." He said pulling the photos out of her hand, pulling her onto the bed with him and kissing her until the moon had risen high and they had fallen asleep in eachothers arms.

Two weeks later they were six days away from Harry's birthday (and the next full moon), and the Potter's were all going to dinner at the Dursley household, the first time they would all be together since James and Lily came out. In the beginning Tonks and Remus were trying to be encouraging about the whole ordeal, but they both learned they would be better off staying quiet about the whole thing, and pretending they didn't even know what was happening.

The stress was so tangible Tonks decided it would be best for she and Remus to disappear for the night. Together they snuck out the door throwing a hasty goodbye over their shoulder and apparating to diagon alley. Tonks stumbled upon their landing, then turned to Remus and burst out laughing. He drank in her pink cheeks and pink hair and oval, owl eyes, and he found himself laughing with her. He pulled her to him, not caring who saw as he kissed her lips. She stopped laughing immediately, and kissed back, hard, before pulling away with flushed cheeks.

"Wow." She said, shaking her head. "Damn you're good." She added, and he chuckled again slipping his hand in hers as they walked down the street. He tried not to give attention to how quiet it was, how fearful everyone was feeling. They went into the three broomsticks together, walking to a table in the back and waving to Rosmerta. She didn't even come to their table before returning with a butterbeer and firewhiskey, setting them on the table with a wink.

"Remus and Tonks. Lovely surprise." She said looking at the two knowingly. Remus felt his cheeks blush, glancing at the woman next to him who was smiling wickedly. Rosmerta winked at him "Any food for you two tonight?" Tonks glanced to the man next to her in question and he shook his head.

"Thank you but we actually have another place to head over to tonight." If Dora was surprised by this she didn't show it. Rosmerta nodded and walked away to check in with the other patrons of the place. Tonks sipped at her butterbeer, looking around calmly. Remus tensed when he saw her eyes widen, setting down her mug.

"Remus," She began slowly, "Don't turn around." He felt his own back tighten as he longed to immediately disobey her advice. He didn't. Her eyes followed whoever was walking through as she morphed her hair from pink to black and changed her face slightly. Remus saw Rosmerta walking over to them in his peripheral vision, and figured she was protecting them when she stood directly covering him from anyone who was near the front of the bar.

"I'll get you to the back as soon as I can, alright?" Tonks nodded, her face a distinct shade of pale Remus didn't like to see. Madame Rosmerta walked away quickly, and Tonks reached across the table for Remus's hand and smiled at him, tightly. He was just about to cave and turn around when he heard everything he needed to know he shouldn't move.

"Hm hm." The little cough cut through his skin, and Dora gripped his hand tighter. "Oh good, Madame Rosmerta, you're just the person I needed to speak to." You could practically hear Rosmerta roll her eyes, and Remus watched Tonks's grey orbs narrow dangerously. "I wanted to let you know about a new werewolf legislation the ministry is enforcing, for the safety of our people, of course." Rosmerta stayed silent, and slowly the whole place grew quiet as it seemed everyone was feeling the tension.

"You see," Umbridge began awkwardly, clearly expecting a better greeting for some reason, "shop owners are now allowed to refuse service to any-"

"Thank you for that information, but I won't be refusing to anyone just because the ministry says I can, and I will refuse anyone I want regardless of what you have to say about it, now if you'll excuse me I have a few people who appear to be in need of some service." Remus was using Tonks's eyes to figure out what was happening behind him, and by the sound of footsteps he figured Rosmerta pushed past the pink toad and began working again. Tonks remained frozen, as did most everyone else in the bar, waiting to see what Dolores would do.

"I think you may have misheard me, Rosmerta-"

"That would be Madame Rosmerta to you, Umbridge." Tonks's eyebrows shot up in surprise, and her lips quirked in an almost smile.

"What I am telling you is that _when_ this law passes you will be _required_ to refuse service to _every_ known werewolf in the area one week before and ten days following the full moon." The dark tips of Dora's hair began to shift to a dangerous red and Remus squished her hand in his to get it ti stop, she took to biting her lip instead, as her hair faded back to the color she ha it.

"So it's not a law yet?" Rosmerta asked, and Remus pictured her standing with one hand on her hip.

"It will be." Dolores was losing her grip on the situation.

"Feel free to come back when it's final, we'll talk then."

"When it's final there will be nod discussion, it will be-"

"Discussable, yes, now if you don't mind I rather have a great deal of work to get done."

"If I didn't know better I would say you were acting sympathetic to the other side. We are at a war here, _Rosmerta,_ and it would do you well to stand with your ministry as they fight to protect their people." _Wrong choice of words._ Remus could practically see the spark of anger that would light Rosmerta's eyes at those words.

"All their people except those with illness yes, I understand. And when that law is passed we will discuss it, until then," Rosmerta gestured to the door, and Remus heard the clicking of the toad's pink heels as she walked toward it and yanked it closed with a huff.

Tonks grabbed Remus's hands and pulled him to the back of the bar before dropping a few galleons on the table and waving to Rosmerta. She wrapped a hand around Remus's waist and sidelonged them right back into their apartment. He didn't even open his mouth before she was a flurry, running into the kitchen where there was an owl he didn't even see. She ripped the note off it's leg, holding out her finger for it to nip. It was KIngsley's owl, and by the look on her face it was something she didn't want to be reading. The owl nipped at her finger over and over, and she didn't even seem to notice it was drawing blood.

She pulled her hand away, found smoe parchment and jotted down her own reply to the letter before dropping what Kingsley wrote on the table. She sent the letter with the owl and rushed back into their bedroom. Remus simply stood in the middle of the living room watching her run around like a mad man, wondering why there was something he seemed to be missing.

She came back out in her auror robes, and it was then he noticed she was crying, silent tears that fell down her face. He ran over to her and grabbed her shoulders.

"Whoa, whoa." He chided, stopping her in front of him and wiping at her face. "Hey, what's this?" He asked her, walking her to the couch, ignoring her attempts to pull away.

"Remus I have to go to work." She groaned, and he ignored her pulling her into his lap.

"It can wait, what happen?" He asked, keeping his voice gentle and firm.

"Remus please-"

"No secrets, not anymore. What did Kingsley say?" She closed her eyes and rubbed her hands over her face.

"There have been attacks, since they tried to enforce that law…Rosmerta was the last person they told. They've been making rounds for weeks now behind the backs of most of the ministry." She began cautiously, scratching at her head uncomfortably, Remus felt his stomach tighten.

"Greybacks pack? Who have they been attacking?" Her hand fell to her mouth and she let out a hysterical sounding sob, or laugh. It was a foreign sound for Remus to hear from her, and it scared him.

"No Remus," She bit over her lip tightly, drawing blood in an instant, ignoring it. "Fuck Remus, wizards are attacking suspected werewolves." Her morph dropped completely, and her brown hair caught his eyes. He breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that he could still join the pack if werewolves were just being attacked.

"Okay, that's better then, Mungo's can treat them, right? They can't refuse service to people yet right?" The same noise fell out of her mouth, and he held her hands tighter.

"They're killing them, Remus. Wizards are killing people who they assume are werewolves with muggle weapons." He choked on air for a minute, before feeling a deep ache in his chest, making it hard to breathe.

"What?" He wheezed, imagining how hard it would be for her when he left for the pack at the end of the month. She was watching him carefully.

"This is why I didn't want to tell you…" She mumbled.

"How long have you known about this?" He asked, suddenly very angry. Her eyes shot up to his and flashed with anger.

"Oh no Remus Lupin, you don't get to yell at me for this. I don't tell you loads o things about work, and this wasn't confirmed until today. So settle yourself and look at me so we can talk about this."

He took a steadying breath and did as she said.

"You will be fine, King and I _will_ get to the bottom of this, and that law _will not_ get passed. Understand?" He just nodded. She looked around the house then back at him, standing to her feet and beginning to pace.

"I cant leave you here like this…" She muttered, he felt himself smile despite everything.

"Just because you are talking to yourself doesn't mean I can't hear you." He said, She shot him a withering look and sat back down.

"Will you be okay here alone for a little?" He nodded, totally not believing it was true. "Yeah that's what I figured. I'm calling James." And before he could stop her she sent a patronus out to his best friend.

Much to Remus's surprise James appeared in their living room almost immediately and looked directly at Tonks. "Go." he said, and without another word to Remus she was gone.

James looked at his friend.

"You alright, Moony?" Remus took a deep breath. He was certainly not alright. He was under the impression everyone knew about this werewolf attacking except him, that all his friends were keeping secrets, that Tonks was so ashamed to be with him that she had to leave the three broomsticks, that James was probably upset because if they were still at the Dursley's things must have been going well, and-

"Mate." James cut off his mental rant with a sheepish look. "Listen," he sat down next to Remus. "I didn't know anything about this, Tonks told me the basics in her patronus. She wasn't keeping a secret she was keeping you from harm; because you would have done something stupid if you knew about this sooner, and don't you deny it. Also I'm figuring by the way she ran out of here you're going to start to think she's ashamed of you or something stupid, but don't be daft. She ran out because she loves you so much she wants to make sure she's as involved as she possibly can be in trying to work this out so she can ensure you'll be safe." He smiled over at his old friend. "Did I get everything?" Remus laughed, a hard sound but a laugh nonetheless.

"I guess you did. I forgot how good you were at reading me." And even as he spoke the words he felt himself relax. Dora love him, she was trying to help him. Even if that annoyed him at times, he was learning to love that fierce loyalty in her, that Hufflepuff shining through her.

"She'll be home soon, and then we can talk and figure this out. It'll all be okay." Remus wasn't sure if he agreed, James was clearly not convinced either so Remus just nodded and looked at his friend with a familiarly mischievous glint in his eyes.

"So," He said watching James's eyes narrow in wonder. "How's your brother and sister in law?" James burst out laughing.

A few hours later Lily and Harry returned home, full of awkward stories of their time at the Dursleys and hopeful words that things would only get better from there. The four sat around with tea and stories, drifting into the kitchen when Lily decided it was time to cook dinner, ending up back in the living room much later that night, nearly into the next morning. Tonks had yet to return. Nobody had yet spoken of her absence, but they were all beginning to feel it.

Finally, Harry was practically falling asleep on the floor working on some of his summer homework for transfiguration, James stood up and began to pace.

"Settle down boys," Lily chided, the worry evident in her eyes but hidden in her voice. "Lets send to Mad-Eye and see if he has any information." And without waiting for any word she conjured her own patronus, whispering her message and sending it off. Harry watched it go with a smile.

Not but two minutes later the man was outside their front door, knocking for too agresively for their neighbours liking. James tossed the door open, shushing the old man before ushering him inside.

"Good security Potter, if I was a death eater you'd all be dead." Alastor stated as he walked in, scanning through the house with his magical eye.

"Nymphadora is on a raid with Kingsley." He informed, Remus wondered why he couldn't have just sent a patronus with that information. "They are doing joint work for the Order and the Ministry. Two birds with one stone if you will." James and Lily nodded, Remus was waiting for the moral of the explanation. He knew there had to be more.

"They're searching for the man responsible for the attacks on the werewolves. In their search they found that he is not working alone, nor is he simply killing all those he suspects." Remus tensed.

"He's caging them." It wasn't a question, Mad-Eye gave Lupin his full attention. Harry looked up too.

"Yes, Tonks and Kingsley have reason to believe he is holding them for the full moon, but they don't yet know why."

"She isn't" Remus said darkly, surprised at himself that he would speak to Alastor like that, but also feeling an urge to run after her.

"No." Moody deadpanned. Kingsley wouldn't let her. Remus and James both let out a sigh of relief. "But they were caught, the bastard found them. We lost contact about 30 minutes ago. We have to trust that the ministry knows where they are." Remus rubbed his hands over his face.

"I hate her job." Thankfully Moody did no rebuke him, just nodded along with him.

"You're all welcome to go wait at the burrow, news will likely go there first, there's a few of us there already."

"What if she comes back here?" Lily asked, already walking into the kitchen and grabbing a bag they always kept prepared with overnight clothes for all of them.

"She won't we told Kingsley the plan."

That was all they needed before making their way to the Weasley household.

The burrow was alive with motion and emotion when they entered, everyone sitting on edge waiting for news that they had no way to know when it would arrive. They were afraid for their friends, and afraid for themselves. Everyday the reality of war became more tangible.

They waited all through out the night with no news.

They kept waiting.

Slowly people began to filter into daily routines, they had to go to work, some had to sleep, the kids did homework. For three days. Remus, James, Lily, and Harry all coped in their own way, but it was futile. Tonks's absence was most present for each of them, and trying to find things to distract the from it was not only impossible, but felt wrong.

The full moon was two days away, Remus's body was feeling it, he almost wanted to throw out his wolfsbane, and he probably would have if the guilt of the money that was wasting didn't eat at him so much.

"I've cooked soup for dinner tonight, we'll be eating in-" A dangerously loud and echoing crash from the outside cut off Molly. Every head in the room sapped up, and before anyone could blink Ginny was running out the front door. Remus was a second behind her with everyone else behind him. He took in the scene around him slowly, not wanting to miss anything. _She has to be here_ he thought, watching Ginny from the corner of his eye doing the same thing. _She has to be here._ He spun around frantically. _Come on Dora… come_ on. _Where are you…_ He was growing desperate, and he could practically feel his friends feeling the same.

The was motion on his left. He jumped around, not seeing anything.

"Remus…" James warned, knowing Lupin was already on edge with the moon. Remus shook his head, seeing Lily scanning the area the same way he was.

"Bill. Bring the kids back inside," Molly began, her voice sounding tight as they all grew more nervous as to what caused that noise.

"Ginny, come on we don't want anyone getting-"

"TONKS!" Ginny screamed, running across the yard through the grassy field that was growing, without thinking everyone followed her, having to stop short when they almost hit Ginny. There standing before them were Tonks and Kingsley, both looking alarmingly unscathed, though holding themselves as if they were feeling intense pain. Behind them were two people a man and a woman, thin, bruised and scarred.

"Get Mad-Eye. Now!" James commanded someone, and Remus watched Harry and Ron take off back toward the house. Everyone seemed frozen, and Tonks slowly raised her hands to them, as if she was afraid they would hurt her. Remus cringed at the thought.

"We have to get these two to the ministry." She said, her voice scratchy. Kingsley glanced at her but didn't say anything. Tonks's eyes scanned over all of their friends, resting a Remus a second longer before she continued. He held himself back from running to her.

"Nymphadora!" Mad-Eye shouted as he moved quickly across the field. Tonks gasped in, and Kingsley reached to her with a feeble warning of " _Tonks wait."_ But she took off toward him.

"Mad-Eye." She cried, her voice shrill as she did. He was prepared though and he caught her in his arms quickly and held her tight. He leaned down and whispered harshly in to her ear, but nobody was able to make out what he was saying. She nodded and stood up straight again.

It was then everyone noticed the long dark gash running down her back. Lily gasped and Kingsley moved toward them, ignoring their friends.

"We need to _go_. Tonks. _Now."_ She whispered something else to Mad-Eye who nodded at her, and patted her shoulder. He motioned for her to turn around and ran his wand down her back once. She hissed through her teeth at the pain but otherwise remained still, and them walked over to king.

He raised his hands in the same gesture Tonks had earlier. "We're sorry for the intrusion. It won't happen again. Official ministry work and problems with anti-apparition wards." Everybody seemed frozen as he spoke awkwardly, leading into just as uncomfortable silence.

He nodded to Tonks and without further information they apparated away taking the two mystery people with them.

"They wanted us to know they were safe, but they didn't want those people knowing they knew us all. Tonks approved running to me because I'm known as her mentor. But Kingsley will probably do a memory modification on them anyway, he says they were here for too long."

"That's why they didn't say anything?" James asked, speaking for everyone when he did. Mad-Eye nodded.

"They were werewolves that Tonks decided they couldn't leave behind. But they aren't sympathetic to either side, meaning that for them to see us all together is dangerous for all of us." Mad-Eye continued, although his explanation didn't make anyone feel better.

"They looked okay enough…" Arthur said feebly. Alastor barked a harsh laugh.

"Spells and morphing." He said roughly before a tense silence settled back over the group.

The friends and family paced in circles for several more minutes before the sound of apparation again brought them rushing forward to greet their friends. Kingsley had an arm around Tonks's shoulder holding her up despite the limp in his own leg. He looked around cautiously before locking eyes with Remus.

"Let's get inside, then we'll talk." With that he passed Tonks over to Moody, before silently asking for help from Remus and James. The two men both put their arms over his large shoulders and half-carried him back inside.

The door shut and people immediately started talking, Mad-Eye ignored them all and continued walking right into the living room where he lay Dora down on the couch and pushed Kingsley next to her.

"Let's see then." Moody said, and Kingsley waved his wand over himself and Remus watched in shocked anger as larges gashes and bruises appeared all over his body. Tonks remained still, watching him warily. Alastor glanced at her

"Drop the morph girl we don't have time to get you to mungo's right now." Remus would have sworn she rolled her eyes, but slowly her hair faded to brown and her body appeared scarred and bruised just like Kings was.

"For the love of-" James huffed, "What the bloody hell happened?" Kingsley took a slow deep breath.

"They found us out, and it did not go over well for us. I think Tonks and I are cursed from working together on missions. It just never ends well for us." Had the situation not been so tight they all probably would have laughed, but there was none of that.

"Someone ought to call Severus, we can't get all these potions on our own." Mad-Eye stated, moving over to Tonks and taking an inventory of her injuries. She was sat on the couch unmoving, eyes trained on the fireplace across from her. Remus watched from an abnormal distance unsure of how else he was supposed to help from there.

Severus arrived much quicker than anyone would have thought. He took a survey of the people in the room before rushing over to Mad-Eye and observing Tonks and Kingsley.

"Any spell damage?" He asked, looking at Tonks. She glanced at everyone around the room nervously.

"Everybody out!" Moody shouted, using his hands to push people to the door; Tonks, King, and Severus just watched. Remus followed the crowd out of the room unsure of what he was supposed to be doing.

Severus looked back at Tonks.

"I take that as a yes?" He asked. She looked at Kingsley who slid off his tattered cloak to reveal two large, cursed gashes on his right side.

"Unusual cutting spells." Snape noted under his breath. He looked at the brown haired woman to his left.

"Do you have the same?" She nodded, shimmying her own torn shirt up to reveal her stomach which was covered in small cuts and deep gashes that rivaled that on Kingsley. Snape cringed at the sight of them.

"That's not the same." He said giving her a look that made her want to shout if she was feeling at all up to it.

"I know." Her voice was hoarse and raspy from screaming. Severus's eyes shot up to hers.

"You have an alarming affinity for attracting the cruciatus curse on yourself, and coming out rather unscathed." Tonks cringed and Kingsley let out a harsh chuckle.

"Yeah," she breathed out, wondering where this more gentle side of her usually horrendous ex professor was coming from. "Don't tell-"

"Alastor needs to know." He said, and she was thankful he didn't make her say Remus's name. Even though their school boy feud was (hopefully) forgotten by her memory charms, she still didn't like the way he looked at Remus sometimes.

"Okay." She whispered.

"What else happened?" He asked, looking to Kingsley again seeming to decide that Tonks wouldn't actually be very helpful.

"Just these cuts and some… muggle style things. Nothing long term except…" He glanced at Tonks uncomfortably. "If you have some dreamless sleep potion I think we would do good with that for a few days…" Severus nodded quickly.

"Of course." He said, walking over to his satchel and opening it up. With a flick of his wand he had several small vials of potion levitating over to the pair, dividing them up by look.

"Take these tonight, not right now you'll want to apparate home first, although I wouldn't recommend you stay alone Shacklebolt, so maybe you ought to stay here. Take the purple ones tonight and the blue tomorrow. I'll have sleeping draught to you both by tonight." The pair nodded at his instructions.

"No morphing." He looked to Tonks. "Only sidelong apparating until tomorrow, and if those start to feel like they're burning a hole in your skin you should probably just go to Saint Mungo's." Kingsey breathed out another awkward chuckle before Severus gave them a terse nod and pushed out the door. Tonks stood up (against Kingsley's advice) and rushed out, crashing into Remus at the doorway. He hesitated for a moment, thinking she was afraid of him after the things she experienced.

But suddenly he felt her arms pulling him into her, so ignoring the pains from the coming full moon, or the confusion at why he was made the leave the room too he picked her up and carried her to the chair, pulling her onto his lap. He acknowledged that their friends and fellow order members were flooding in around them, but he didn't pay them any notice. He held his Dora to himself and breathed in her scent and wished they lived in a time where he didn't have to fear for her life after every time she left the house. He heard voices around them, but again chose not to listen, he just held Dora closer to him, feeling her small frame shaking just slightly. He wanted to call it adrenaline, but he knew that it was more than likely either the after effects of an unforgiveable, or fear of everything she just saw.

She shifted slightly to look up at Kingsley who was talking to Molly about something, the pair locked eyes and he nodded at her.

"King is staying here tonight. Severus said we shouldn't be alone for too long, and that we can't apparate again until two days."

Mad-Eye clunked back in and stopped in front of the pair, Remus didn't even have it in himself to blush at the way they were sitting.

"The pair of you have off at the ministry for five days. I explained the situation with the hidden injuries. You are expected to hand in a perfect report when you go back in though." Tonks nodded at him, before dropping her head back on Remus's chest with a wince. Kingsley stood shakily to his feet and walked over to them.

"Don't be stupid." He said to Tonks, flashing her the beginning of a small smile. She chuckled, rolling her eyes before standing and hugging him tightly.

"Go to bed." She said giving him a gentle push in the direction of the door. He waved to everyone on his way out and soon the members of the order were moving about, some going home, others staying to help with further security details. Remus stood up and placed his hand inside hers.

"Should we be off then?" He looked down at her dropping eyes and smiled despite himself, she nodded sleepily and he pulled her to the door nodding to James and Lily on the way. He knew they would be back soon with Harry.

"Can you s-s-sidelong me t-t-tonight?" Tonks asked shuddering out a deep yawn. "I can ask for help from-" He placed his finger over her lips and pulled her close to him apparating them home. He pulled her in to him again and breathed in her hair, ignoring the other scents he found mixed in with it. She leaned against him shuddering out another dangerous sounding yawn. This was the war. Where people got caught and hurt and cursed and died. She could have died. This was the third time she had gotten herself in a scuffle with her aunt and everytime she seemed to come out a little more worse off.

Her arms were holding to him tightly, her face buried into his chest in a way that couldn't be comfortable for her, but she didn't move. He just stood holding her for a minute before beginning to walk with her toward the couch, unsure if she would be okay laying in bed next to him.

He sat with her, watching as she looked around confused. She blinked slowly before kicking her legs up onto the sofa and laying her head on Remus's chest. He fiddled with the loose strands of brown hair that were splayed over all surfaces possible.

"Dora?" He said softly, realizing then how quiet everything around them was. She opened one eye lazily and looked at him. "Are you afraid?" He asked her, wondering if she would know what he meant. Wondering if she had been touched in any physical way, wondering if this was all his fault for being with her, wondering if she would try and kill him when she found out he was still going to infiltrate in a week.

She shook her head and wrapped her arms around his torso. "I need you." She whispered, and he decided to just let her rest. He tapped her shoulder and pulled the dreamless sleep potion he found on the side table from Snape. He unstoppered it and handed it down to her with a smile. She unwound her arms from him and tipped the bottle up quickly, handing it back to him, already seeming half asleep. He rubbed mindless circles on her tigh where his hand was sat, and watched the fireplace waiting for Lily and James to come home, hoping Harry would be staying at the burrow. He felt her breathing even out and watched her face slip into the completely peaceful look she had when she was asleep. It didn't mix well with the turmoil he was feeling inside himself, but he tried to distract his thoughts by watching her breathing, and fighting not to laugh every time she gave a little sigh of contentment in her sleep.

Lily and James stumbled through the floo a few minutes later, Harry not with them, to Remus's guilt filled relief. Lily took in the sight of the two of them laying on the couch and sighed. "I feel like I am supposed to be this responsible older sister for her sometimes, and I'm miserably failing." James was also watching the younger witch cautiously.

"She's strong, I don't think there's anything we could do to stop these things from happening." Remus was holding his breath, watching them interact.

"I know but I just, I know other members of the order get in just as much trouble as she does, but it seems more real when it's Tonks. I guess because it comes back in to our living room…" James nodded along with her, suddenly looking up at Remus with a burning intensity.

"What are you hiding?" He asked the man whose eyes widened in nervous energy. Lily raised one eyebrow at her best friend, before glancing to her husband to try and figure out what he was seeing that she was missing. Remus remained silent for a moment too long.

"Mm, it's that bad then?" James asked, his eyes shooting to Tonks to make sure she wasn't showing any more signs of physical hurt. "It's not her. So it's you. You're thinking of doing something that you don't think we would approve-"

"Remus John. Don't you dare make some Gryffindor, prideful, git-like decision that will-"

"You are also a Gryff-" Remus tried to cut her off.

"Not the point! _You_ do not get to go off and try and be all ass-hatted helpful while leaving the rest of here wondering if a muggle shot you that morning. Not to mention the fact that Greyback tried to actually _kill_ your girlfriend and-"

"Now hold on there are things about my mission you don't know!" Remus shouted, only stopping himself from standing up when he remembered Dora was asleep in his lap. "I have very good reason to believe the packs have grown so large Greyback won't even know that I am involved and-"

"And that means that what? You're just going to be alright? Muggle guns Remus! We can't defend against that! You know how much this would-"

"Am I just supposed to let the other werewolves die? They're not all bad Lily! I can't sit back and just-"  
" _You_ can't?! What about us Remus? You want us to just twiddle our thumbs and hope for the best? What about Tonks? When she gets another report on another attack? That'll absolutely kill-"

"IT'S WAR!" Remus yelled more violently than he intended, thankful that the potion seemed to be keeping her asleep, he finally spun out and lay her on the couch so he could stand, glancing at James and wondering why he wasn't getting involved. He saw the fire flash in his best friends eyes when he shouted at Lily, but it wasn't enough for him to be too angry not yet. "It's a war Lily and people die and if my card in this war is something that could run the risk of getting me killed than that's what we all have to deal with! It doesn't just stop being war because it's too hard for us all to-"  
"You don't think I know what we're facing! Jesus Remus it's trying to destroy my family! To kill my son! It tried to kill me! So forgive me if I don't want you running off like some noble ass because you don't understand that life is-"

"What Lily? That life is precious?! You don't think I spend every day thankful that I'm alive? Thankful that I get to hold that beautiful woman over there? That I get to laugh with you and James and know Harry as more than just a student from my third year? Do you think I want to die? That I seek out-"

"You know what Remus? I do. I think you look for things that can get you killed because you crave the rush that makes you feel a little less guilty for having this disease you can't control. And I think you try and blame it on your surroundings and things that you claim are out of your control. But you live for those moments that get your adrenaline pumping and your heart racing. Because to you, I think you think your death is a release on society. I think you think so lowly of yourself that you fail to see what would happen to the rest of us if you die. You fail to-"

Remus dropped his face into his hands and Lily's mouth clamped shut. She swallowed nervously, afraid to look at James, knowing she went too far.

"Remus… I-"

"You're right." He whispered, looking up with broken eyes. "To some twisted degree you're right Lily. But _this_ isn't about that. I promise. This werewolf mission… It's about owing something to… To all those men and women who never got to go to school. Who never got to meet their best friends, their true love. Who never got to know what it was like to be _wanted._ I owe them a fighting chance to live free one day. Because if we - no. _When_ we win this war, those wolves on Greybacks side aren't going to walk free. And I want to know I gave them a chance at life like I was given. I know we all say that I don't have to live in this world I've been put in, but I do, because I owe this world _everything,_ and I can't live in freedom like this without giving a fighting chance to those that otherwise never would." He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face, not noticing Tonks sitting behind him, very awake, a combination of grief and adoration filling her face. James watched her as Remus looked up at Lily.

"I can't celebrate life with you and James. I can't laugh along with Harry. I can't eat Molly's cooking, joke with Kingsley, duel a death eater, help one of those amazing kids… I can't think about Sirius… I can't kiss, or hug, or decide to marry, of even love enough that damned amazing gift of a woman… I can't do those things without thinking off all of those _people_ who have no idea that _life is out there_. They have no idea that they can be _loved._ And because of this wretched, amazing, painfully and brokenly beautiful illness I get to carry, it's my _job_ and my _debt_ to at least tell them about it." He dropped his head ripping his hands through his sandy hair. "I have to at least tell them… no matter the cost. They deserve that much." He whispered slowly. All of the friends watching him warily Tonks pushed herself up to sitting, tugging on his wrist as she did so.

"Remus, darling, sit down." She whispered up to him, setting her arm over his shoulder and pulling his head down to rest on her. He slowly wrapped his arms around her waist, looking up at Lily and James who were both watching the exchange, motionless.

"I… I'm sorry I woke you." He said to Dora, not moving to look at her. "You need to sleep more I didn't mean to-"

"Remus stop talking." She said, getting the smallest smile from him and James who remembered the first time she had said that to him, and the first time Sirius had said it in their time at school.

"Remus," Lily began, walking over to sit next to them on the couch. "Sometimes… Sometimes I feel like we missed so much time, and I forget how old we are. That we're adults and it's our job to figure all of this out. And sometimes I feel like we're back in seventh year and I feel like nobody is hearing me, and I have to yell to make sure our voices don't get lost in the panic of what's coming." James dropped into the chair that was behind him, watching his wife speak.

"I feel like we're losing our friends all over again, and that something bad is going to happen the minute I let go of the death grip I'm holding everything good in. I feel like we just started living again, and I can't let go of life yet… Not when it feels like there's still so much to enjoy in it." She wiped at a small tear that fell from her eyes just as Remus sat up to really look at her.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you, little flower." Remus said to her, giving a small smile when she let out a watery laugh that sounded too much like a sob to be completely okay. She threw her arms over his neck and hugged him tightly. He rubbed her back whispering another apology in her ear just as she whispered how proud she was to know him. James glanced over to Tonks who again looked like she could cry tears of joy, yet of an intense anguish as well. He caught her eyes and nodded to the kitchen.

She followed him, thankfully both ignored by Lily and Remus who were currently trying to out apologize each other.

"I know you just got hit with some crazy spell work, but are you okay?" He asked the witch, leaning against the counter as she dropped into a chair.

She took a steadying breath that did little to comfort James's concerns before looking up at him. "I have to be, he needs me to be." James opened his mouth to argue, before shutting it tightly and really looking at the woman before him. He took in her long brown hair, her huge eyes that he just realized were her natural eyes, her small body, long fingers. He took in the scar that had always been on her face but was still healing from being cut open. The bruise on her shoulder from the last mission. He took in her appearance realizing for the first time just how much it told him about her internal strength, and he realized she was right. Remus needed her to be okay.

"Man, moony really got it right with you, Tonks. He did." She gave him a half-hearted smile and shook her head.

"I'm the lucky one." James almost argued with her, because he knew his best friend was a great guy, but in that moment he wondered if Remus really knew how much that woman loved him.

James didn't say that to her. Instead he shook his head and smiled at her. "He will be safe. And you will have us. You are family now." She locked her eyes on his with a look of such intensity he wanted to look away.

"Than you, James." His eyes flashed to the doorway as Lily and Remus walked in, both looking much happier than they had minutes before. Tonks shook her head once at him, and James got the message.

"All done in there then? Tonks and I here figured you two would need a moment alone. We've known about you two for a while… but right under our noses? Just rude." Lily laughed at him walking over and kissing him lightly on the lips.

"Oh shut up Potter." She said winking at him. Remus walked over and set his hands on Dora's shoulders, leaning down.

"Alright then, love?" He asked her, knowing she was struggling but not wanting to force it out of her. She hesitated only a moment, long enough for Remus to notice, short enough for Lily to not, before looking up at him.

"Of course." She kissed his chin before standing up. "But I should be mad at you for waking me up from that rest I was having. I thought you were the one who said I needed it." She stood and poked his shoulder lightly, pushing him toward their room.

"Goodnight Potters!" She called over her shoulder as she did, squealing when Remus knocked her legs out and picked her up. James chuckled to himself, ignoring the questioning look Lily was giving him. He would tell her when Tonks was ready to share her struggles. When Remus was gone.

"Bedtime then? We know Harry won't last long tomorrow without information." He said to his wife who smiled.

"Man I love being parents." He laughed, taking her hand and pulling her down the hall into their room, flicking the door shut with his wand as he kissed his wife properly.

 **Please please please review, if you totally hate it I want to know! If you totally love it I want to know! I hope you're enjoying, and if you're sticking around thanks for following along.**


	11. Chapter 11

Seven days later Remus was sitting in on his last order meeting before going undercover again. He was entering in a pack not run by Greyback, he had been doing trailing research on them for well over a month. He was remembering the last full moon... The party they had set up for Harry's birthday, before he and James left quietly. Then the next night where the five of them went into muggle London and roamed around. Eating too much food, shopping in too many stores. He couldn't help but smile at the memory. He was sitting next to Tonks, holding her hand under the table as Severus spoke of what Voldemort was planning with the packs, and what Greyback would be doing. Remus and Snape had to work together here so Lupin never got caught by Greyback in the act. Remus remembered back to another time in school where Severus helped in through the impacts of a full moon…

 _He had tried to go to classes too early. That much was clear. He got up from the potions desk, telling his friends he would be fine and just needed to rest for the day. They could go on without him. They had double potions that day, so they couldn't all miss the entire second class. They nodded, albeit reluctantly, and let him leave when the bell chimed for the end of the first class._

 _He was dizzy, sweating, and having a really hard time walking straight when he finally made it to the top of the steps from the dungeon. Rounding the corner he tripped over his feet, falling to the ground just as his breakfast came back up. He heard students coming to a halt around him, awkward laughter beginning to fill the corridor. He groaned, not sure how he was going to get back up when a hand on his shoulder pushed him down on his back._

 _Not wanting to open his eyes for fear of vomiting again, he just groaned, hoping his friends would somehow hear him and come up. He coughed again, sitting up too quickly and managing to get sick again. More kids began to laugh and he wished he could melt into the floor._

" _Hey! Hey! Everybody out of the way." He heard the voice but couldn't place it. Opening his eyes he saw Severus and Regulus black kneeling in front of him._

" _You okay, Lupin?" Snape asked him, eyes seeming genuinely concerned. Reg set a hand on Remus shoulder helping Snape hoist him up._

" _What's the matter with him?" Regulus asked Snape, who shook his head. "Probably just the beginning of a virus or something… But let's get him to the hospital."_

 _Remus knew right then that Severus knew the full moon was just the night before, but didn't say anything. The two slytherins carried him all the way to the hospital wing, and even told Madame Pomfrey about the gaggle of students who made fun of him. He fell asleep in minutes, not even remembering to thank the two unlikely heroes until the next time he saw them…_

Thinking back to that time in sixth year, Remus realized Severus may not even remember that moment. He couldn't be sure, but he held on to it, trying to use it to quell the emptiness that was building inside of him at the thought of what was coming for him with the sunrise. Tonks would squeeze his hand every few minutes, as if to remind him that she was holding him, figuratively and literally. She was acting as his anchor as his mission threatened to float him into the unknown and never bring him back. She wouldn't let him float away. Dumbledore closed the meeting, Molly began to bring out food as those who never stayed filtered out. Snape walked over to Remus, giving a curt nod to Tonks, handing the man a parchment filled with dates and locations.

"Memorize this. Then you'll know when Greyback is coming and how to best not be seen." Remus nodded his thanks to Severus watching the man walk briskly out the front door without a backward glance.

"Are we staying for dinner?" Tonks asked him, her hair his favorite shade of pink even though he knew she would probably have just let it be brown if she wasn't trying so hard to be his rock.

"Only if you want to." He said. "I would like to, though." She smiled and kissed his cheek. "Me too. I'll go tell the kids they can come back down." She squeezed his hand once more before pushing over to the stairs and stumbling up them precariously. He couldn't help but laugh at the sight, somehow feeling that half-heartedness of the emotion. James walked over and set a hard hand on his friend's shoulder.

"How are you holding up?" He asked. Remus laughed once, it was both full of life and hollow at the same time.

"I don't know if I am yet." He answered honestly. James nodded and sat down, looking at all the faces around them. "I just wonder…" Remus began before shaking his head. James waited a pause before ushering gently for him to continue. "I just… I don't want this to be the last time I see some of these people."

"We can't hide from death, Remus. But we can try not to be stupid." James said with a smile as Remus laughed and shot his friend a weary look.

"I expected that to be some great speech, mate."

James laughed and shrugged, "I'm no Albus, I just…" The moment grew somber again just as Molly walked over asking for Remus's help bringing in dinner. He immediately obliged. James glanced around the kitchen for Tonks to no avail. He caught Lily's attention, her green eyes growing soft when they caught his darker ones. She lifted her eyes to the ceiling and nodded her head up once. James pushed away from the table and jogged up the old stairs with purpose, pushing into the study where he had to guess Tonks was hiding. He was right. She didn't even hear him enter. She was curled in a ball on the chair, knees tucked up to her chest, one single tear track on her face. James waited a moment before clearing his throat, half expecting her to jump to her feet and point her wand at his face.

"Tonks?" He asked, taking another step towards her.

"I'm okay, James." She said, finally letting her eyes drift open and trail up to his. "I just needed a minute." He almost told her she didn't have to be okay, he almost lied to her and told her Remus could handle it. But he couldn't. Not Tonks.

"Want me to wait?" He said, folding his arms in front of him.

"Yeah." She whispered, catching him off guard. She took a long, very deep breath and stood up. "Let's get the kids for dinner then." She said, and just before exiting the door he watched her hair change from brown to pink.

"You don't have to-"

"I do, James. He needs it." James nodded, even though she couldn't see him.

"Lead on then, miss Tonks." She chuckled at him. Tiptoeing around the hallway she stopped in front of Ginny's door and opened it slowly. James saw her whisper something in, and instantly Hermione and Ginny were taking quiet steps out. All three of them walked silently to the boys room, and James watched in comical shock as Tonks morphed her face to look like Alastor's, before throwing the door open and screaming "Constant Vigilance!" James doubled over when he heard the shouts from the boys before Tonks morphed back and grabbed the girls running down the stairs.

He thanked every higher power out there that she didn't fall flat on her face. And laughed even more when Ron, Fred, and Harry rushed out the door after her, laughing as well, but also looking embarrassed enough for their chase to be real. George walked out and winked at James before apparting down into the kitchen with a smirk. James followed suit quickly, wanting to see the end of the attack. When he got to the kitchen the three girls were all hiding behind Remus who was watching the boys with a Marauder like amusement James had come to know well. Tonks caught his eyes over Remus's shoulder and winked at him once before looking back at the man in front of her and kissing his cheek.

"My hero!" She swooned, provoking a gagging noise from Harry who was struggling to look serious through the laughter.

"Okay okay! Sit sit sit!" Molly bustled around the room ignoring the mini war that was happening in the middle swatting the boys to their seats with a towel. They finally all dropped in their seats beginning to serve salads out to everyone.

"Food is how you get the men to surrender, ladies." Molly said, and Remus couldn't help but fall into hysterics at the looks the three boys gave her.

That evening brought the five inhabitants of the shared apartment sitting in the sitting room, listening to the radio. Harry was sat in between his parents on the couch, flicking through a book, lazily attempting more charms homework. Tonks and Remus were on the floor at their feet, sitting as close as they possibly could, without actually being on top of each other. The four of them were telling stories of the first war, of Tonks's auror training, of times at school. They went on and on in that way until Remus stood slowly, and pulled Tonks to her feet. Lily bit her lip as he did, and the three Potters stood as well. Remus would be leaving at very early morning, hoping everyone would be asleep, in order to make it easier on them.

This was goodbye. "See you soon" as they tried to call it.

He looked at Lily. Her red hair which he at one time thought he would never see again. Green eyes so alarmingly like Harry's, now filling with tears. He walked to her and pulled her into a heart mending hug. She tried and failed to fight the tears that were falling. Harry watched the interaction brokenly, not knowing where Remus was going but knowing it was dangerous, and assuming it had to do with the wolves.

"I love you, little flower." He whispered to her, before pulling away. She walked over and held Tonks's hand in hers. Remus looked at Harry for a long minute before the boy walked up to him and threw his arms around Remus neck. Lily's tears spilled over once more at the sight.

"Thank you, Remus. You're the best-" Harry took a deep breath. "I'll see you soon." He decided on, before pulling away and standing at his mom's other side. Remus and James looked at each other for a long time, neither moving to the other.

"Prongs I need-"

"Moony if you die out there I swear I will bring you back to life to kill you myself." To the shock of everyone Remus let out a boisterous laugh.

"You know, Padfoot said those same words to me… nearly verbatim." James cracked a smile shaking his head.

"I'm just here to continue the legacy." He said. Remus smiled at his friend before they gripped each other in a tight brotherly hug that rivaled every other brotherly hug out there. They separated slowly and looked at each other, no need for words between brothers.

Remus turned to Dora. "Ready for bed, darling?" They both knew there would be no sleep happening in that room, but she nodded anyway.

Lily pulled Tonks into her side, kissing the top of her head. "I'll see you in the morning." She whispered, and Tonks just nodded walking over to Remus and wrapping her arms around him. He shut his eyes, holding her like a life line before she pulled away and walked toward their bedroom.

James grabbed Remus's shoulder one more time. "I will keep her safe, Moony. You have my word." Remus ran one hand aggressively over his face, not looking at his friends.

"Thank you, Prongs. I… Thank you."

He walked toward their room, leaving the three Potter's to watch the door swing shut, and hear one broken cry before the assumed a silencing charm was put over the door.

Harry looked up to his dad. "Tonks'll be alright though, right?" James smiled at his son, who was almost the same height as him.

"She will be Harry. But she'll have a hard time. Remus is doing something… dangerous. It's dangerous. And with Tonks's job she'll always know when something goes wrong, but not if it goes wrong with Remus. And that's really hard for her. But she will be. It may be a hard few days though. For her and all of us." Harry nodded.

"I know, dad. I know." He took a breath, looking at the door down the hall before turning away. "I'll see you guys in the morning." He whispered, walking to his room leaving his two parents alone where Lily broke down in James's arms, hoping that no one could hear her sobs.

Remus pushed open the door to his room, not expecting Dora to be standing there. He gave her one look before shaking his head.

"I don't need you to be strong for me. We're better together; honest and together." And prepared fully for what came next her caught her as she fell into his arms with a shout of grief, quickly casting a charm over the door.

They cried silently in each others arms, sitting on the floor in front of their bed, neither wanting to crawl in it for what could have been the last time together. That thought was too much to bear.

But at some point Dora stood up and pulled him toward it. She crawled in, letting him do the same. She simply lay silently next to him, gripping his waist in an uncomfortable tightness that he wouldn't have changed for anything. He let his eyes close, but the aching pounding in his heart ensured that he wouldn't get any sleep, he knew she was feeling the same way. Within a few minutes he felt his muscles tense, and he knew it was time, the sun would come up soon and he couldn't put everyone through it. He turned his head to look at the woman next to him and felt his eyes fill with tears. He could back out. He didn't have to do this. He pulled her knuckles to his lips and kissed them gently. He had to. She took in a shaking breath and stood to her feet, stumbling for him in the darkness and clinging to him as they walked to their bedroom door. The hallway and sitting room were empty, thankfully. He walked her out and stood in front of the couch leading her down to sit on it.

He looked at her long and hard before kneeling in front of her.

"I loved you from the first time I saw you, and I am not running away. You deserve more, and I am so selfish for keeping you to myself, but I am not leaving until you ask me to. If you claim I make you happy that is all you deserve.

"I will not make you a promise I can't keep. But I will promise that I will love you forever. Wherever that leads us. And I can promise that I am fighting with everything I have to come home to you as soon as humanly possible.

"I love you, Nymphadora Tonks. And I don't believe that our story will end anytime soon." At some point in his speaking his own tears spilled over and fell freely. She watched with broken adoration before capturing his face in her hands and wiping them away.

"You are an amazing man, Remus Lupin. And I cannot express how grateful I am to know you, and to love you. I will fight with everything in me to stay safe for you, for us, for our future. But I need you to come home to me." He nodded with her, pushing himself to his feet and opening his arms to her one last time. SHe threw herself into them, holding her sobs in wel, letting tears fall in silence. He pulled away far too soon and led her to sitting on the couch again.

"Close your eyes." He whispered, ignoring the salty tracks covering his cheeks. She looked at him once more, before squeezing her eyes shut. He walked close giving her a long and tender kiss.

"Keep them closed." He whispered, placing a silencing charm over the kitchen and walking in to disapparate. She remained still, and he knew she knew he was leaving. Her eyes didn't open. He dropped the charm and walked back to the front door. He waited, watching her rest with closed eyes, her eyebrows coming together in confusion. Then before she could open them and change his mind the small pop of disapparation occured, and she couldn't stop the sob that came through her throat, only thankful that Remus could no longer hear her. She opened her eyes to the place he last stood and felt her heart fall when she saw his wand and a small letter, resembling the one she put in his pocket just before he left.

My Dora,

These are the last words I want to write, but the ones I know I have to. But first, I've left you my wand. If you are able please bring it to Albus. He will place it somewhere I can access it if I need to. But that is not the point of this letter. The point is that I am leaving my heart with you. And I want you to care for it. And there is a large part of me that believes I have yours. This means that we must return to each other, because a person could not live without their heart for too long. I told you I wouldn't make you a promise I couldn't keep. So I promise you that I will come home to you because I cannot live very long without my heart, but I also don't believe I can die without it either. That's why you seemed safest to leave it with.

Keep it safe.

All my love is with you. And my wand. And the gift in the drawer in our bedroom.

I love you, in case you couldn't figure it out by now. I will see you soon.

Go open the drawer.

She felt herself give a watery laugh as she reached the end of the letter. It was so Remus. And on their own accord her feet carried her to their room, where she ignored the clenching in her heart at all the echoes of Remus that were left in there. She went to the top drawer of her dresser, somehow just knowing it was there. Sitting on top of everything was a small red box. She opened it slowly and sitting inside was a small gold chain, holding a beautiful pinkish moonstone. Under the lid of the box she saw another, very small note.

it's charmed. it'll beat in time with your heart on my neck, tucked under my shirt where nobody can see it, disillusioned for extra security. Grip in with your hand when you need to remember where your heart is.

I love you."

She wrapped her hand around the stone and felt a pulsing heat. Her eyes filled with tears again, and she quickly left the room shutting the door. From there she picked up Remus's wand in her hand and sat on the couch with her knees tucked up to her chest. Keeping the wand aimed at the door she let her eyes slip closed and didn't even notice when she fell asleep.

Remus felt his feet hit the ground and took in a steadying breath. He had to pull himself together. No more crying. He instinctively put his hand to his pocket to find his wand, before remembering he wouldn't feel that wood for quite some time. But he did feel the small slip of paper that was resting in his pocket. He took it out slowly and felt his eyes prick with stinging tears again.

Remus,

This is harder than it was last time. Because this time I know you are mine and I am not fighting for your love in the same way I was. This feels a bit more like fighting for your life. But that is what I will do. Because I left my heart with you. And I believe I'll keep holding on to yours if that's okay. Fight well, stay strong, remember who you are. You are a man, full of kindness and compassion. Full of grace and goodness. Full of the love of all the people cheering you on. Full of funny stories and powerful DA lessons. Full of joy. Full of love.

When you forget that you come back to this point right here and you remember. Because that is who you are. Hold on to that.

I'll see you soon. I love you.

your, Dora.

As he finished reading he felt the invisible chain around his neck grow warm, and he knew she had found his gift.

In that moment he knew everything would be okay. It had to be.

He walked forward into the trees, pressing on into the unknown, knowing he was fighting for something bigger than himself, and that he had something worth fighting home to; many things, worth fighting home to.

Lily slipped out of her room that morning, not wanting to wake James yet and face the troubles that would hit them all later in the day. She walked into the living room looking at Tonks curled into a ball on the couch, seemingly asleep, holding Remus's wand. Lily sighed gently at the sight. She entered the kitchen quietly, making a cup of coffee by hand wondering about Remus, about how their final night was and about Tonks would be alright in the coming days.

She heard soft footsteps and turned to see the younger woman standing in the doorway, eyes tired and worn, hair brown. Lily motioned for her to enter and very quickly pulled the witch into a tight hug where both held onto each other for momentary strength. Tonks nodded as she pulled away, taking a deep steadying breath and dropping into a seat.

"He'll be okay." Tonks said finally, nodding her head in an attempt to convince herself. Lily sat next to her, setting a full mug in front of both of them.

"He's got something to live for now, and if I can tell you anything about Remus it's that he will always survive for what seems worth it, even if it seems impossible to everyone else." Tonks nodded, rolling her neck before taking a silent sip of the drink in front of her. She pushed herself to her feet, setting Remus's wand on the table.

"He asked me to take this to Albus, I don't like it. I don't like him not having-"

"You know he can do wandless magic right? He's magus imperium, right?" Lily felt like she was doing Remus wrong by telling his secrets, but she didn't want Tonks worrying unnecessarily.

Tonks nodded slowly, looking at her hands. "I knew, well I assumed. I mean he's so powerful, he tries to hide it but I bet he could take even Dumbledore down if he had to." Lily nodded, in full agreement remembering back to the day when both Dora and Remus had their wands pointed at his face. Lily knew that the wand was for show on Remus's part, and Albus knew it too. She still wondered if he was frightened in that moment. Lily just shook her head at the memory watching silently as Tonks left the kitchen and entered her room, preparing to start the day. Lily and James would have their work cut out for them in making sure she didn't make herself crazy with busyness in an effort to forget that Remus was not with her.

James entered the kitchen just as Tonks's door shut, Harry just a step behind him.

"How is she?" James asked walking over and kissing his wife on the head. Harry dropped into the seat previously occupied by Tonks waiting for the answer with intense interest.

"Alright. She's going to see Albus, then going to work. She's acknowledging that it's happened, but she's not saying anything about it really." James nodded.

"And that may be how it goes until he gets back." Harry pretended to be disinterested, hoping his parents would slip up and say something more about where his former professor was.

"James that's not okay. What if he's gone for months? What if he gets hurt or - we can't just let her kill herself with work because she's hurting." Lily whispered harshly, a tone Harry had come to associate with when Hermione got upset about something and took it out on him and Ron. James nodded and set a hand on her shoulder.

"It'll all work out, Lily, it has to." They heard the door down the hall open and Tonks entered the kitchen seconds later, waving at the two men who now occupied it.

"I'm off. Probably just desk work today so keep me updated if anyone sends anything for the order." She dropped Remus's wand in her robe pocket.

"Ought you tell your parents about where Remus went?" James asked. Tonks sighed and nodded her head.

"I'll stop by there after work I guess, so I won't be back by after dinner." Lily nodded glancing to her husband who nodded at the younger woman as she turned on the spot and disapparated to Hogwarts.

"She'll be okay…" He said, turning to look at Lily who didn't seem too sure.

"Miss Tonks, to what do I owe this pleasure?" Albus said when Dora had finally gotten up to his office after taking some time to walk through the empty halls of her old school. She was fighting serious anger toward her old headmaster for sending Remus on this mission then acting like she should be completely fine with the course everything was taking.

"Remus wanted me to give this to you, sir." She said, setting his wand on the desk gently. Albus picked it up and rolled it in his hands, looking at it curiously.

"Remus was only the second imperium I ever taught. The first is Voldemort himself." Tonks watched as Albus held the wand gently. "I was really quite nervous when I realized the power he had. I trusted him and his upbringing, but I saw how it turned out for Tom. Remus, of course, is different. No matter what he may suffer from he is good to the core of himself. He couldn't be evil even if he wanted to be, I believe." Tonks sat very still as the man spoke fondly of Lupin, a man she realized he saw as a son.

"Nymphadora." His tone turned serious and she looked at him quickly. "I have two requests of you, if you don't mind." He set the wand down and stood, motioning for her to follow. "First, I believe today at work you will be called into the head auror's office. There you will be asked to move into a hogsmeade apartment and do work personally for me and the students of Hogwarts. I would appreciate it greatly if you would comply to that request." He paused looking at her.

"Of course sir. I will be working for you, then?" She asked. He chuckled and shook his head.

"I like to think of it more as working with me. I will not direct you, we will work together to ensure that the staff and students are all kept as safe as they are able." She nodded, waiting.

"And the second request?" He motioned with his hand and she realized they were standing in front of the pensieve.

"Every month, on the full moon I want you to come here and stay with me. Remus left you some things that I think he wants you to see, stories he isn't able to tell you right now. Working in hogsmeade will make that easier for you and give us the chance to patrol the schools together in between our memory trips." She felt her heart pounding.

"Of course, sir… I, well… Thank you."

"Ready then?" he asked her, and without waiting for an answer he pulled her into the pensieve with him.

"He asked me to show you this one first." The headmaster said as Tonks spun around and realized they were standing in the headmaster's office, and she saw the four marauders sitting, each with different looks of pain and regret on their faces .

" _Oh my god." Tonks's eyes jumped to young Remus who was sitting in front of young Albus, in the headmasters office as his three friends sat around him. They wouldn't move, he couldn't speak. "He's okay?" Lupin finally managed to get out, making eye contact with Dumbledore for the first time._

" _He's completely fine, Mr. Potter made sure of that." Remus didn't move to look to said friend, he simply stared straight. A tense silence filled the room, everyone waiting to see what Remus would do. Tonks looked at Peter, James, and Sirius noticing the grief that was filling their faces as they all watched Remus waiting for a reaction._

" _What is he going to do now that he knows?" Was the next question, the headmaster almost smiled._

" _Nothing will change Remus, he has been sworn to secrecy. He will not tell anyone what he knows, nor where he was. He will also be serving detention for the rest of the semester with Professor McGonagall for sneaking out past curfew." Tonks wasn't yet willing to ask exactly what happened but she was starting to piece it together, and wondered herself if the three boys were facing any consequences for whatever they clearly did wrong._

" _Alright. Anything else I need to know?" Remus asked, his voice suddenly hard. He needed to get out of that room, Tonks saw as much by the way he was sitting, gripping the seat edge and clenching his jaw._

" _No that's all Remus." Dumbledore said, looking at the boy curiously. "Are you alright?" He asked, knowing it would likely provoke the teenager to anger, but that it would also be healthy._

" _No." Remus said crossly, without elaborating. "May I go?" He asked, standing from his seat._

" _Of course. But Remus I do ask that you don't say anything to Severus about what happened I think his agreement to silence is fragile and I-"_

" _Don't worry sir, I'll pretend to him like I don't even know." Remus said, clearly feeling sorry for the harsh tone he was taking with the man who had done so much for him. But without taking the time to apologize for his rudeness, he turned and left the office, walking briskly down the hall, ignoring the calls of his friends who he knew would be coming after him any moment. Tonks quickly rushed after them wondering at what point Remus would cut her off._

" _Remus!" He jumped in surprise, turning to see Ellie running to catch up to him. Despite everything that had just happened, despite the untamable anger he was feeling towards Sirius who was supposed to be his friend, despite all of it, Remus smiled. Tonks watched the look and felt her heart clench, it was the same smile he gave her. He really was in love once and it crushed her to know that it was taken away from him so painfully._

" _Elle." He said, looking down at her, his eyes softening just slightly from the anger he was still feeling._

" _Are you alright? Your eyes look really… sad." He should have figured she would know there was something up. She was observant, Tonks laughed to herself, realizing she would have said something very similar._

" _No. I'm not." He couldn't lie to her. He had already lied so much about his condition. He wanted to just be honest with her, Tonks saw the battle he often fought within himself about whether or not he should tell people of his condition._

" _Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" She asked slowly, like she didn't really want to know. Tonks watched as she brushed a shaky hand through her hair, big brown eyes rounding more in concern_

" _No. It doesn't even matter really it's over and I just have to-"_

" _Remus!" She heard Sirius and James before she saw them. Tonks whipped around to see the two boys running up to the pair, their faces lined with worry and shame._

" _Oh for the love of all that's…" He rubbed his hands over his face not even finishing the sentence. Eleanor watched his cautiously, clearly never really seeing such anger present on his face. Tonks remembered the first time she saw him get angry._

" _Aren't those your friends? They seem upset." Ellie said, not offering to go, because he seemed like he didn't want to be anywhere near them at that moment._

" _I don't even know anymore." He muttered, more to himself than to her, so she decided not to respond._

" _Remus." Sirius panted when he finally made it over to them. Without giving him a second glance Remus turned and walked away. Ellie waited a beat before following after him, his long legs carried him much faster than she realized and she was nearly running to keep up, Tonks just a second behind both of them._

" _I'm sorry Eleanor." He said over his shoulder, ignoring Sirius who was running toward them again._

" _Remus come on!" James was added to the mix. Remus huffed loudly, shocking Eleanor as he froze to a halt, but didn't turn to face his friends. She stopped with him, still unsure of how to proceed in the moment._

" _Remus please listen." Sirius pleaded in a desperate tone Tonks had never heard from him or James before. Their usual arrogant demeanors were all but gone as they tried to gain the attention of Remus, who was deliberately not looking at them , though clearly listening to what they were saying._

" _Remus, I didn't think about what I was doing. I didn't mean to cause all this-"_

" _You didn't think?" Eleanor gasped at the venom in Lupins voice. She had never once seen him even remotely angry, and this was a step beyond anger, all of her emotions were written clearly on her face. Tonks felt her own surprise at Remus, he was angrier than she'd ever recalled seeing him too. "Clearly you thought, Sirius. You thought about yourself, and your wants, without any regard to anyone else. Like you always do. You thought. And that's why we're in this mess." He spun to face Sirius, and Eleanor took a step back. She barely held in a shout as she collided with someone and Tonks turned to see Lily Evans standing behind her, eyes wide._

" _What's happened?" She asked Eleanor, her voice grave._

" _I don't know, but it was bad." Ellie responded, looking like she wanted to give the boys some privacy, but also needing to know how it would end._

 _James put both hands forward in a gentle gesture of surrender,"Remus, don't be so hard on him. He's sorry for what he-"_

" _Don't James." Remus then turned on his other friend. "You can't defend him this time. You both live in this world of reckless abandon with no consequences, and if you were so… I don't know what! Someone would have died. Or worse."_

" _But no one died, no one got hurt. You didn't do anything. Snape is fine, okay?. There's nothing to be upset about." Sirius tried to reason, not considering his words would only make Remus angrier. Tonks watched as Lily pieced together what was happening quickly, and her hand flew to her mouth as Lily realized what Sirius must have done to make Remus so mad. Tonks was about to tell her she had to get Eleanor out of there before Ellie heard something that Remus didn't want her to hear, even though it wouldn't matter, Lily wouldn't hear her anyway. Tonks watched as Lily began to tug on the girls arm, but it was too late._

" _Nothing to be upset about?!" Remus was angrier than he'd ever been before, angrier than Lily even figure he was capable of. "I ask one thing of you! ONE! But you let some stupid, pointless resentment get in the way. What did you want to happen to him! Did you want him to suffer every full moon too! Did you want me to kill him!" Lily dropped her face into her hands, and Eleanor turned to her, her round eyes huge._

" _Lily…" Eleanor whispered. "Is Remus a…?" Lily didn't look up at her friend, she simply nodded. "What did Sirius do?" Eleanor asked, tears beginning to sting her eyes as she watched Remus suffer._

" _He tried to hurt Severus." Lily said, the words muffled by her hands. Eleanor nodded, but didn't move. James and Sirius were both looking at the girls in shock, the looks on their faces was enough to get Remus to turn slowly._

 _His eyes settled on Eleanor long enough for her to watch them fill with unspeakable pain, he turned back to Sirius, spoke dark words Tonks figured he had never said before, then rushed down the hall._

 _The four students stood frozen for a minute._

" _Eleanor, are you alright?" Sirius asked her finally, putting his own needs aside._

" _Of course." It was clearly a lie, but Tonks wondered if the werewolf thing really bothered her, or just the pain they all knew Remus was in. "Its' Remus. He's still the same… It's okay." She was lying, they all knew it, but no one said it. James rubbed his hands over his face, shaking his head._

" _I should go-"_

" _No, James." Lily said, and Tonks wondered if that moment was the beginning of the end of their life long feud. "You shouldn't. I understand you want to help, but let me." He nodded, knowing he was likely the last person Remus wanted to see in the moment anyway._

 _Lily made moves to follow after Remus when Ellie stuck her hand out and grabbed the woman's arm._

" _Lil." Eleanor called. "Can you tell him I don't care?" She requested of her friend. "It's a true statement, and I think it'll be important for him to hear." Despite the pain in the situation Lily smiled._

" _You're right, it is important. I'll tell him, Elle. Why don't you guys go back to the common room. I'll help him calm down then bring him back. He won't make a scene there, and you can talk in peace." She turned away. "But I'd recommend working on an apology as opposed to justifying your actions." She didn't look at them as she said the words, her tone cutting through both James and Sirius the same._

" _You betrayed his trust, and nearly brought one of his worst fears to reality. Try and understand why this hurt him so much." Then without waiting for a reply from the boys she ran down the hall._

Tonks was back standing in the headmasters office, looking at him in total shock. "There must be more. He wouldn't leave me hanging like that." She said. The older man nodded at her.

"Miss Tonks, you already know how the story ends." He reasoned with an almost joking smile.

"That is true sir, but I need to know how it ends for them then, not sixteen years later!" He laughed, a small chuckle that almost made Tonks smile before he pulled up another memory and motioned for her to join him.

They were standing at the entrance to the Gryffindor common room, Lily and Sirius walking towards them.

" _It's been three weeks Lily." Sirius complained to the red haired girl as the two friends were walking back up to the common room together._

" _Sirius, I understand that you have a pretty one track mind, but you kind of crushed Remus a bit. I wouldn't go so far as to say he'll never forgive you, but he's_ pissed _." Sirius sighed again, shaking his head, he knew he'd made a mistake, he'd sincerely apologized, but Remus didn't seem to care. The four friends still spoke and adventured together, but Remus would never speak to Sirius directly, and usually only responded with one word if Sirius tried to ask him a direct question._

 _Sirius slowed his steps as they approached the common room entrance. Lily, startled by the rapid decrease in motion stopped and looked at him. Tonks felt her heart jump, as if they could have seen her standing there in the memory._

" _What happened?" She said, pulling his arm so he would stop with her._

" _Is that Snape?" He asked, not even thinking of using the nickname he and James and given Severus from day one. Lily's eyes followed his finger and landed on the boy standing outside the door staring at it with longing. Tonks followed the finger with her eyes and jumped when she realized she was standing right next to him._

" _Oh this is rich." Lily said bitterly. She and Sirius were finally becoming friends, but her closed friendship with Snape was something Tonks figured they would never talk about._

" _If I had to guess I would say he wants to talk to you." Sirius said, pulling on her wrist to get them to keep moving. Tonks could have laughed at the look on her face, but she was too caught up in wondering when Remus would arrive and whether they were currently in Sirius's or Lily's memory._

" _Yeah well he'll have to keep waiting." She whispered as they got closer. Sirius tried to avoid eye contact with the boy as they approached the door, knowing it would do him no good to say anything offensive; plus the aggressive silent treatment from Lily seemed painful enough for Snape at the moment._

" _Lily please listen to me I didn't-"_

" _Sleeping draught." Lily said the password over Snape's plea's, acting as if she couldn't even hear him. She pulled Sirius into the common room with her, then without a word continued up to the dormitory._

 _Remus who was sitting on a couch watched her go by, then looked back to Sirius. He seemed to battle with himself for a moment before calling._

" _Snape still out there?" Several heads popped up as Remus spoke. Tonks figured it had nothing to do with the mentioned of the Slytherin outside the door and everything to do with nearly all of Gryffindor knowing Remus and Sirius were on bad terms; but nobody knew why._

 _Sirius tried, and failed, to hold his composure, to mask the shock, relief, and excitement he was feeling by the simple fact Remus spoke to him._

" _Yeah. He's been there a while then?" Sirius asked, wondering what he would have to do to keep this conversation going._

" _I got up here over an hour ago and he was sitting there. Even had the audacity to ask me to send Lily out. I told him she wasn't in here." Remus shrugged, turning his head back to his book. Sirius rushed over to sit on the couch next to him._

" _What do you reckon he wants?" Sirius asked, silently begging his friend to continue the conversation._

" _Probably to apologize for being a git. He called her a mudblood a few weeks ago - I mean you were there. She hasn't spoken to him since." Remus shrugged, his eyes still on his books._

" _Ellie told me that some of his friends attacked Mary again. Lily won't put up with it anymore." Remus sighed, finally closing his book and looking at his friend. "I mean she's even softening up to you. Next thing we know she'll be with James." A cautious smiled crossed his face, Sirius laughed awkwardly, watching Remus warrily._

" _So you and Eleanor then?" Sirius blurted out, clearly feeling nervous. Evidently this was the right topic; even in his anger Remus couldn't help but smile._

" _Yeah. She talked to me after figuring out about… well you know. And I just couldn't hold back anymore. The best part is she thought that Lily and I were together. Like I would do that to James. Thankfully she's not the jealous girl type, so nothing changes now." Remus rubbed a hand over his cheek looking around the room._

" _And you and Heather split?" He asked, feeling the same nerves as Sirius, though neither would say it, Tonks could see it in every motion._

" _Yeah, she's just not my type." Sirius and Tonks watched as Remus's eyes trailed the common room to where Juna was alone at a desk studying. He didn't miss the pointed look Remus gave him._

" _Listen Moony, I just want-"_

" _Padfoot. I was an unforgiving git. You don't have to apologize again." Remus cut him off. Sirius raised his eyebrows in excitement._

" _So everything's okay?" He asked, feeling his tense shoulder relax as he realized that things were going to go back to the way they were supposed to be._

" _As long as you can forgive me."_

" _There was never anything to forgive."_

 _The two friends hugged awkwardly on the couch, broken by the laughter that ensued as James pushed through the door shouting to them._

" _Why are you lot hugging when we've got a greasy git sitting outside our door. We cannot have this!" But they couldn't miss the grateful smile that was on his face. Everything was back to normal._

Tonks fell back to her feet looking at Albus for a silent pause before throwing her arms around him in a hug usually only reserved for Alastor Moody. Dumbledore, much to her shock, responded in kind and gave her a gentle squeeze in response.

"Thank you, Albus." She whispered as she pulled away.

"Nymphadora, you are the one I need to thank. You are sacrificing a great deal in this war, and I do not disregard that. Thank you for being willing to serve where you are needed and sacrifice things you have every right to hold on to." She smiled at the man before stepping away.

"I best be off then, to meet the head and get my new assignment." Dumbledore smiled and winked at her.

"I'll be seeing you sooner rather than later then." She smiled and nodded, pushing out the door and not breathing again until she was standing in the hallway of the school. She felt tears prick her eyes as she remembered the memory she just saw. The hallways where Remus's heart was crushed by his friends, and where he fell in love for the first time.

She gripped the necklace around her throat, feeling his heartbeat once more, and was reminded again that they both had to be okay.

 **A/N so sorry for the delay, I did some revamping and editing, but it should all be done now, and after reviewing everything they should be coming in weekly, if not more! Please please please review if you like it (or if you hate it!**


	12. Chapter 12

September brought Tonks to a new season of life where spending time at the castle meant much less quiet alone time and much more avoiding students and trying to pretend like she was doing better than she was. It was for the reason she found herself sat on her old couch in the apartment she still half lived in. After getting the Hogsmeade position she moved to a flat above the three broomsticks, but she was still spending at least one night a week either in her bedroom or on the couch of the old flat. In that moment she was holding a cup of tea awaiting the coming sunset where she would aparate back to the school grounds and go join Dumbledore in his office to enter into the pensieve again. She knew she had lost a great deal of weight, she knew the color of her hair made James and Lily nervous as more time went on and she knew that no news had to be good news, but she was not faring well, and two months without so much as a word from Remus caused her to feel things she wished she could bury away and forget about forever; feelings that she wouldn't wish upon anyone to feel, except maybe her dear aunt Bellatrix. Maybe.

Lily looked up at her. "Do you need sleeping draught, Tonks?" The woman asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow as Tonks cracked a smile.

"Thank you, Lily, but I'm really fine. I'm sleeping, even if you can't tell." Lily shook her head, glancing at the younger witch.

"I can't." Tonks rolled her eyes.

"Why is it that everytime I come here you seem to be insistent on reminding me that I look like hell?" She asked indignantly. The only things that gave away the lack of true anger was the smile she cracked. Lily huffed, her eyes dancing lightly.

"I don't think I've ever told you you look like hell." She huffed.

"Tonks you look like hell." James walked in, getting a very rare yet heartwarming laugh from the woman whose hair should have been pink. He cracked a smile at her tossing her a wink before looking at her seriously.

"You're still here for dinner tomorrow though, right?" She nodded, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. Every thursday dinner with the Potter's to make sure she was eating. She knew what they were doing just as much as they knew that even though it was impossibly hard for her, she wouldn't let herself get sick, she wouldn't do that to Remus.

Wherever he was.

Preparing for the full moon in a pack that was slowly dividing was one of the most difficult things Remus Lupin had ever done. He knew there were people on his side, and he knew that Greyback was coming to the pack in just three days time; close enough to the moon that he wanted to catch everyone while they were down. Remus was preparing to go back home for a few days, slip into the cracks and be invisible. But he had wolves - people - depending on him. Friends, real friends, who didn't want to live a life of suffering.

"You alright up there then?" He heard Christian call from below. Remus was sitting on the top of bunked beds reading through the letter Tonks had given him before he left. He waved the small paper in the air knowing Christian would understand.

"She always did have a way with words in writing." The man agreed. Remus wondered again why Christian ended up in the pack life when things seemed to be going so well with his furniture store, but it was an unspoken rule, he wouldn't ask.

"Gemma was asking for you…" Christian said cautiously, looking up at Remus. "I know you want to take care of the ones who… can't live this life fully. But she's going to get some of us killed if she comes out tonight. We can't risk-"

"I know Christian." Remus said, taking a weary breath. "That's why I'm hiding in my room where I know she will never enter. I can't worry about it right now. I'll deal with the grief in the morning." Christian shot an apologetic glance up to his friend.

"The location's still the same though?" Remus nodded, struck again with gratitude for the friendship Christian offered him. "I'll tell the others."

"Thank you, Christian. I owe you a great deal." The younger man smiled at him.

"Just don't die this week, okay?" Remus laughed and nodded, waiting until the man had left the tent to reach for the necklace and feel the warm pulsing of Tonks heartbeat. It was slower, and he figured she was either very relaxed or asleep. The thought made him smile as he picture her laying, sprawled out on her bed pink hair everywhere.

"I'll see you soon." He whispered into the air, pretending she could hear him. With that he pushed himself off the bed and walked out into the woods where his five friends, and maybe even "pack members" were waiting for him.

"Nymphadora it's lovely to see you again." Albus greeted her awkwardly as she entered his office. She smiled at him, gently setting her bag down on the floor by his desk and sitting in the chair.

"He's been holding up well." Albus said, and Tonks visibly relaxed at the words. The older man knew Remus would be returning home for a few days just after the moon, for the sake of the young woman's sanity and the surprise he wanted to hear of later, he kept the information to himself.

"Shall we then? It seems now is as good a time as any. Maybe you can even get to bed at a sane hour tonight." Albus caught the look Tonks shot him and chuckled. "Yes well, sleep is important…" He dropped it after that, leading her to the pensieve and searching for the memory Remus wanted her to see tonight. Albus enjoyed going on these memory trips with her, having seen them himself with Remus just before he'd started his teaching position. But the particular memory of that night involved a lot of his relationship with Eleanor, and he wondered how Tonks would handle that, but he knew Remus had a plan.

Tonks glanced up at him, and after a quick nod they were heading down the path back into the great hall. Tonks looked around curiously before spotting the Gryffindor's they were looking for. The somber faces were enough to tell her things were not okay, and she walked closer for a chance to understand.

" _I can't think of any of explanation." Lily cried, laying her head on James shoulder. Tonks immediately figured out it was their seventh year, Christmas time._

" _They knew the risks. They knew what they were-"_

" _Ellie." Remus cut off his girlfriend, setting his fingers over her lips. "Don't be such a Ravenclaw about this. Feel. Be real. Experience the weight. I'll be here for that." And before Tonks could wonder what they were talking about the young woman crumpled into his arms, steady tears falling down her face._

 _Sirius was watching with his arm around Juna, her eyes also filling with tears. The friends simply sat there holding each other long after the hall cleared out. Remus's Ellie sat up, wiping her hands over her eyes, her shoulder still leaning against Remus's._

" _I'm sorry, everyone. I shouldn't have-"_

" _Shut up, Eleanor." Lily groaned, pushing her girls hand in a loving way. They shared a watery smile before Ellie turned and grabbed Remus's lips in a long slow kiss. He pulled away, his eyes glinting with a smile, his face casting a hundred questions toward the girl._

" _I just love you, so much. Forever." Remus smiled and went back to kiss her again, pulling her onto his lap. Tonks felt her cheeks begin to redden slightly as she wondered why Remus would choose that particular memory to show her._

Before she could wonder more the scene changed and she was dropped onto the school grounds, the quidditch pitch, with just Lily and Ellie.

" _Lily you can't tell him. He can't know." Tonks immediately assumed the girl was pregnant, thankfully she was wrong._

" _Ellie! They're sending you letters. I can't hide that from Remus. If something happened to you and he found out I knew and didn't say anything? He'd hate me forever!" Ellie shook her head, her curls flying everywhere._

" _Lily you can't! He would absolutely lose it if he knew. The full moon is tomorrow. I'm going to be fine. I just needed to tell someone. Mary's fine and we know they attacked her already."_

" _Ellie they killed your parents-"_

" _I know! Of course I know that Lily! But I can't Remus has so much to worry about with graduation and where he's going to live and school and everything. I can't do this to him. Please just don't say anything until at least after the full moon. Please." Lily shook her head._

" _If you get hurt tomorrow Ellie-"_

 _Her words were cut off by Eleanor throwing her arms around the girls neck, and Lily responded in turn with a tight hug._

" _Thank you for being such a good friend." Ellie whispered._

" _Please don't die." Lily said back. Ellie kissed her cheek and the girls stood up and walked back to the castle together._

The scene jumped again, and Tonks found them standing outside of the three broomsticks, all except Peter. _James glanced around before grabbing Lily's hand and pulling her to him to kiss her firmly on the lips. Remus glanced down at Ellie before whispering muddled words in her ear. Tonks realized he intentionally blocked out what he said that night, and her heart ached for it._

" _Let her breathe James!" Juna called, black hair flying around her face as she laughed. Ellie winked up at Remus taking his hand and squeezing it as James pulled away. Tonks watched as Ellie pulled a camera out of her bag and Remus looped his arm around her waist._

" _You're too cute to pass up." Ellie cried as she shot on photo of the couple. Tonks felt herself give in to laughter as Lily rolled her eyes at her friends before grabbing James's face and kissing him aggressively._

" _Now the world can know that I love James Potter!" She shouted, laughing loudly with flushed cheeks._

" _What's that Little Flower? I don't think the whole town heard you!" Remus called back. And as if they planned it (which Tonks then figured they did) Lily turned her back to James and shouted to Remus, "I love James Potter so much I want to-"_

" _Marry me?" James said the words softly, but Lily still heard him through her shouting. Tonks watched her face change as she spun around to face him, Ellie catching the shot at the perfect time. The four other friends watched as her hands flew to her face in surprise and she looked down at the ring he was holding._

" _Lily Evans I-"_

" _Shut up Potter. Please." She then grabbed his face, dropped to her knees in front of him and kissed him for everyone to see._

Tonks finally laughed when Ellie snapped the camera once more.

Suddenly the scene was changing again and Tonks was looking down from a balcony. She glanced to her right and saw Remus standing there. He was holding a small box in his hand and looking out into the clouds.

" _Remus?" Tonks spun around as she heard Lily's voice, Remus doing the same. Lily had clearly been crying, and when she looked at Remus her eyes filled with tears again. "Please come here." She whispered, her voice cracking. Remus shook his head holding up the velvet box._

" _I had it all planned out, you know. My parents were going to help me. They were so excited. To think that I would find someone to love me… It was too good to be true for all of us. Through the side job in muggle London I saved for the ring. I feel so stupid." He shook his head and Tonks watched as tears began to fall._

" _Remus…" Lily whispered walking over to him and pulling him into a hug. "Remus please. This isn't because of… You don't deserve this. It's not…" She shook her head against his chest and gripped him tighter as he began to sob. Tonks looked away, knowing this was a feeling of the past, crying nonetheless._

" _She's gone, little flower. She's really really gone." He kept mumbling into her shoulder as she held him, both letting their tears fall freely until they quelled, and Remus stood slowly. He looked at Lily gently._

" _I don't know what I would do without you." He whispered, and she smiled, taking his hand in her own and squeezing it._

" _Well I'm here for you. But Remus we have to-"_

" _Make arrangements. Yes. Will you-"_

" _James and I are with you every step of the way. For your parents, and for Ellie. Okay?" Remus nodded, following her back inside. Before the walked through the threshold he stopped suddenly._

" _Lily?" He asked quietly, and she turned to him, eyes softer still. "Can you please… Can you…" He feebly held out the red velvet box he was holding. Lily took it, and very slowly opened it. Sitting inside was a small silver ring, a pink moonstone in the center. Lily gasped, Tonks gasped. Her eyes filled with tears as Lily pushed the box shut._

" _I'll keep this until you're ready. Okay?" Remus nodded, mouthing his thanks before the pair pushed back inside the flat._

"One more." Tonks heard Dumbledore speak as they fell through time again into a final memory, one she felt she should have known because it was very recent, but something she was glad she didn't know until that moment.

" _Hey Moony." She watched as James Potter walked into the kitchen of number twelve Grimmauld Place. He had a knowing smile on his face, and a moment later Sirius was pushing in behind him. Tonks felt her heart tighten at the sight of her cousin, but focused on what was in front of her._

" _How was your night last night?" Sirius asked, flashing Remus a wink, ignoring the way he blushed furiously, causing Tonks to laugh; he was just so secretive sometimes._

" _Come on mate, we know you fancy her. You look at her the same way-" Sirius stopped suddenly, snapping his mouth shut._

" _The same way I looked at Ellie." Remus supplied, looking over to his friends with a strange combination of joy and suffering. "I know. I feel it. But it's so different now. It's Tonks, Dora, and she's not Ellie…" He shook his head, not seeing the calculating look James was giving him._

" _You've loved the memory of Eleanor for so long you feel like you're cheating on her by loving Tonks?" James asked after a pause, Remus looked up and winced. "Oh." James said, and Sirius looked back and forth to them very confused. "You feel guilty because you love her more than you loved… Remus don't be ridiculous! You loved Ellie years ago, and there has been no way for those feelings to grow at all. Of course you're going to come to love Tonks more. Remus you know my thoughts on romance, but I believe Ellie was meant for you in her time. And now I firmly believe Tonks is meant for you too, but I think this will last a bit longer…" Remus shook his head, dropping it back into his hands._

" _Dammit she's so beautiful." Remus whispered, and Tonks felt both extremely self-conscious that her headmaster was hearing this and completely elated that she was. "She's so lovely, she's so ridiculously clumsy… she just…"_

" _She completes you, mate. Don't laugh at me or anything, but she is the other half of Moony that we've always been missing. She's the piece of you you needed most." James said, and Tonks felt her eyes fill with tears as he spoke, wondering if that was really what they all thought of her._

" _I love her so much." Remus whispered._

" _Go tell her." Sirius said._

"Remus, do you really think we can make a way out of this?" Lynelle asked him as they sat on rocks in the clearing waiting for the sun to set. The air was growing colder as the fall months rolled in, so they were bundled more than they had been in the past. He looked over at the young girl, small and frail, as she was only on her fourth or fifth month of transforming. She would be in her sixth year of Hogwarts, but she was a muggle, and she ran away from home after being bitten. Everytime Remus looked at her he reminded himself it was a miracle she was alive.

"I think that we need to hold faith, because if we don't we turn into what they think we are." He said gently, making eye contact with everyone of his companions sitting around him.

"But do you really think that if you know who loses people will treat us any different?" It was a question Christian had asked before, and Remus was finally able to formulate the proper answer.

"I think that _when_ he loses, you'll want to be standing on the right side of history. That _when_ he goes down and the world changes for better, you'll want to be able to tell your family that you fought for justice, you'll want to be able to show the ministry that despite their hatred we stood firm in the truth of goodness." He looked Christian in the eyes and nodded.

"What are we going to do when it gets colder though?" Hettie, a woman about Remus's age who went to Beauxbatons Academy and worked in St. Mungos until she was bitten two years ago, when the rise to power was just beginning.

"I am working on that now, I think as time goes on they will be more comfortable with us breaking off and transforming in other locations, and if that's the case I have the perfect place for us. If it doesn't come to that then I will be sure to get some blankets when I travel out this week." He was always cautious about stating where he was going, because you could never be too safe, but it had been long enough with the small crew that he had come to trust them well.

"You will come back though, won't you?" Jonathan asked, a young man who was bitten while on holiday, and his parents effectively pulled him from Durmstrang academy and sent him away from their home. He was now seventeen, and a wild combination of reckless and needy.

"Of course I will." He was careful again not to promise to always return, because he knew that was a promise he could not keep. There would be one day he would leave and not come back, but he wasn't sure when that would be or how to go about telling them of it.

"It's almost time." Christian said wearily, standing and walking over to Remus. "We'll check on Gemma in the morning…" He whispered. Remus let out a steady sigh.

"They're going to attack her aren't they." He asked, although both men knew it wasn't a question.

"Yes. And I don't think she'll survive this time." Remus's shoulders slumped and Christian set a firm hand on it.

"We can't save everyone." The younger man said. Remus merely nodded.

"That doesn't mean I can't want to." Christian gave him one more nod before disappearing into the trees where he would transform in private. Remus counted through the remaining four, Jonathon, Lynelle, Hettie, and Reya, watching as they all prepared for the moonrise in their own way.

"We can save some." He whispered to no one in particular, walking over to the group to see how he could make this night easier for them.

Because Remus Lupin had to save some.

Two nights later Nymphadora and Lily were sat on the couch holding cups of tea talking about the mission Tonks and Kingsley were going out on for the order in the days following. They would be going out at night trailing a known death eater for a few hours, just tracking him and his locations. Dumbledore strictly warned them against partaking in combat situations, and ask them to be back inside by time the crowds died out because he didn't want anyone catching on to them. But they would be stuck hearing more about it at the order meeting the next night.

Time was flying as the two friends caught up on everything that had gone by in the few days since they'd seen each other. Tonks told Lily about some of the memories Remus shared with her through the pensieve and got even more on the story from the red haired witch which allowed the night to spill over in laughter as Lily remembered times gone past from her years at school.

"James'll be back soon, won't he?" Tonks asked when she finally realized the time. She always avoided leaving Lily home alone because they were all still feeling cautious about anyone figuring out who the Potter's really were.

Lily worked to suppress a smile as she thought about where James was, and instead nodded slowly. "He should have been back by now really. But if you need to be off you should go. I'll send a patronus to him. He'll be back soon I imagine." Tonks glanced around the living room and sighed.

"I left some paperwork for tonight, why don't you come back with me and you can rest about my flat while I get all that done?" Lily laughed, shaking her head, but standing up anyway.

"I can very well defend myself you know." She argued as she put on her cloak against the chill of the autumn air.

"Yes well, I can't have you dying or anything on me, so forgive me if I seem a little neurotic about making sure you are okay all the time." Lily hugged her friend tightly as they sidelonged together to the outside door of her Hogsmeade flat.

Tonks pushed the door open as Lily said, "Oh look, James was here waiting for us!" and pointed down the hall. Tonks huffed when she saw him, beckoning for him to come down the hall and pushed into her flat, Lily on her heels. James was smiling widely, a fact Tonks gave no notice to. She stopped suddenly as she saw a head poking up from the back of her couch, immediately her wand was trained to it, before she let out a gasp.

"Bloody Hell!" She heard James and Lily laughing behind her as Remus's bashful face caused her wand to fall. She rushed over and threw her arms around Remus who had stood to greet her. James and Lily stood in the doorway watching to reunion, both never more thankful to Albus for giving their friends something to be excited for.

"Dora. Dora let me see your face!' Remus worked to pry himself out of her tight grasp, grabbing her cheeks and looking into her eyes when he finally did. Lily and James took their que and slowly stepped out into the hall, shutting the door behind them. James leaned down and kissed his wife passionately on the lips.

"Let's go home, Lily." He said, smiling down at her as he squeezed her hand and pulled her into him.

Remus leaned into Dora and crashed his lips into hers. It was the kiss with such passion neither had ever felt before. They were both desperate for the other, feeling the weight of the time gone past and the fear of the uncertainty that had gripped them for the past two months.

Remus finally pulled away and really looked at her standing in front of him.

"You're thinner." He said, his voice deadpan as he wrapped a hand too far around her bony wrist.

"It was an accident." She feebly argued back, shaking her head at him. "So are you." She accused, fighting a smile at the ridiculousness of the conversation. He shook his head and pulled her down onto the couch with him, twisting her hair around his finger as she curled into her side.

"How long have you been back?" SHe asked, wondering how long Lily knew he was sitting on her couch, trying to catch her breath from the excitement of his return.

"About two hours. I had some business to take care of after the moon, but I left as soon as I was able to Dumbledore. He gave me my wand, and your address, then I came here to wait. James was with me for a bit." He added.

"You two broke into my flat?" She asked, her voice holding mocking accusations.

"Mad-Eye helped." He whispered, winking at her.

"You can't talk about Moody when I'm thinking about the fastest way to take all your clothes off, Remus, it makes me feel dirty." He let out a barking laugh at her words, and in a motion far too fast for the full moon having just passed he was lifting her shirt over her head. He took in her pale skin and hair that had turned pink at some point. He saw the points of her joints and bones and felt his heart breaking within him. She looked away from him her face clouding with sadness for a minute. He traced his hands over her body gently, as if afraid to break her.

"Remus I'm really-"

"I knew this would be hard for you," he began and she pushed her hand over his face.

"Kiss me, Remus. Kiss me like you'll be here forever and we won't have to feel anything other than this for these days. Kiss me like there's no werewolves and order and war. Please I-"

"I never knew you to be so eloquent in your speech-" He started again only to be cut off by her jumping on to him and wrapping her legs around his waist, practically pushing him to carry her over to her bed.

Thankfully it didn't take much for him to comply.

Kingsley Shacklebolt thought it a good idea to call Tonks out of work the next day on account of being sick. Thankfully the headmaster seemed more than understanding, and her partners didn't mind picking up the extra work, they all claimed she'd been picking up their slack since they started, so helping out an unwell friend wasn't that hard to do. He was, after a full day of his own work, standing outside the door to her flat, uncertain if he should knock or simply walk in. He wasn't sure the state of affairs on which he would enter, but he also could use a good laugh if things were less than appropriate. He knocked anyway, waiting a silent beat before undoing her locking wards and slipping in. Remus was watching the door, his wand pointed at it lazily, a tired smile on his face, Tonks laying in his arms fast asleep. Kingsley shook his head and walked to sit on her sofa.

"She hasn't been getting much rest these past few… well for a while." King explained, glancing down at her. Remus shook his head.

"I figured as much."

"We all know you haven't either." Kingsley said, getting another shake of the head from Remus, who began to twist his fingers through Dora's hair.

"Is it time for the meeting then? I promised her I would make sure we made it on time, but I know she was not intending to fall asleep." Kingsley checked his pocket watch and gave a noncommittal shrug,

"We can give it a few more minutes." He smiled as Tonks sighed in her sleep.

"How are you really doing Remus?" He asked the tired man sitting with one of his closest friends and colleagues.

"They killed a woman, during the last full moon." Remus said, uncertain why he was saying it when he had planned not to tell anyone about what happened with Gemma. "I have a few, only about five, pack members who are sympathetic to our cause. Then this woman, her name is Gemma, she wanted to help out, she wanted to fight 'the resistance' as she called it too loudly. She would have been a liability to us if we told her about… I kept hidden from her, because I didn't want to put anyone else in danger of being caught. Mostly because I didn't want to be caught…" He shook his head looking up at the ceiling.

"She was talking rubbish to the pack leader, about how she knew of a fight that would be coming, an alternative group that she would lead if she had to, and that Voldemort would die. She was so sure of herself that good would prevail. But Marcus, that is, the full pack leader under Greyback, he didn't have any of it." Remus swallowed loudly, tightening his grip on Dora as he thought through the things the men did to Gemma.

"They first attacked her human. Physically… assaulted her. Did things to her… things that shouldn't have been done. From there they took to calling out to her, but she didn't stop. She didn't stop talking these almost true lies, and the more attention she got the more dangerous she made it for those who were with me. We kept her out again." His stomach tightened with the guilt.

"I knew they were going to do it. Christian knew too, and we decided together, as a group really, to leave her. We left her to die. I let a young woman die." His chest tightened. "She was twenty four." He looked down at Dora in his arms.

"She was twenty four, and the first time I saw her - the first time I saw her - I avoided her from there out. She was so much like… all I could see in her was Dora. Her fire, her laugh, her passion for justice. Nobody could shut her up." Kingsley leaned forward, his hands folded in front of him, waiting silently. He knew there was more.

"I can't tell Dora about her, I can't tell anyone. Because I think I just let her die Kingsley. I saw her need, and I had a way to fulfill it and I chose not to. I could have offered her safety, but I let her go. She's dead." He let out a deep breath and a shudder. "Yesterday morning, the sun rose and we were all together, me and these five. And we knew, because you could honestly smell the blood. We knew something was wrong, Christian knew immediately, and I think I did too, but I was so... I feel like I killed her." He looked up at Kingsley and laughed feebly.

"That's probably not what you wanted when you asked me how I was." His friend smiled at him, a tight smile.

"Remus, you are an essential part of the order, of our team, you are my friend, and you are… Tonks's everything." He gestured to their position with his hand eliciting a laugh from the werewolf.

"I understand that you don't want everyone to know these things, but you can't hold them in. Not anymore, because you can't die from guilt, Tonks would never let you hear the end of it." Remus opened his mouth to argue and Kingsley put up a hand "I don't want to hear the lack of logic in that. We both know it's true. She'd revive you just to nag you." Remus finally laughed, shaking his head.

"Thank you, King." The men locked eyes and nodded, a silent comradery passing between them.

"Now how do you wake up a sleeping Tonks?" Kingsley asked Remus, not liking the smirk that entered the older mans face.

That evening the order meeting dispersed with very little information shared from Remus, other than the news of the four friends who were working with him, and very sympathetic to the cause. He didn't miss the pointed look Tonks gave him during the meeting when he mentioned the name Christian, and she didn't miss the tension that appeared in his shoulders when Dumbledore mentioned her mission with Kingsley. But the pair managed to sit for a comfortable dinner at the Burrow, laughing with their friends as if Remus had never left. They discussed the happenings at Hogwarts, the fear of the world now that Voldemort was revealed as back, and the uncertainty at what he must be planning by staying so well hidden for so long. Tonks and Kingsley shared of the things happening in the too soon it was time for the group to part ways, but for the first time in weeks Tonks and Remus were leaving together. They made promises to James and Lily that they would stop by the following day, and apparated back to Hogsmeade together. They barely made it inside before Tonks turned to Remus.

"Christian was there?" She asked, her voice holding all the tension she was feeling at the thought that she had been writing and receiving letters from him, all the while apparently never knowing where he really was.

"He is yes. I've no idea how long, or why. We silently agreed not to talk about those things." She opened her mouth to respond but came up short and just huffed instead.

"How many life threatening missions do you go on every week? Are you trying to get yourself killed?" He asked her, his voice harsh. She knew there were things that happened in the pack that he wasn't telling her. He was carrying the pain in his shoulders, like a physical weight she could see bearing down on him.

"I don't Remus. Really. Albus has been working my tail off pacing back and forth in that school." She snapped her jaw shut and looked up at him. "He showed me…" She whispered, unsure how to finish that sentence. Remus's eyes widened slightly, and a ghost of a smile appeared on his lips.

"I didn't want to leave you away from me for too long, I'm terribly selfish in that way. So I had to give you something to remind you that I love you, and that I am completely yours." She walked over try to grab his hands, instead she tripped over her work boots, flailed wildly in the air and squealed as he grabbed her around the waist to keep her steady.

"We're both tired and need sleep, but nothing is weirder than being turned on to my super hot and loving boyfriend in front of my headmaster. So please take your shirt off."

"This weekend is full of physical-"

"Shit Remus, love, _stop talking_." He laughed, picking her up again, wondering how he could love a person so much; and for the first time since he'd gotten home war was the last thing on his mind.

 **Thanks for reading! I have all the chapters done, and it's looking like theres going to be 2-3 more depending on if I combine some or not! Please let me know what you think!**


	13. Chapter 13

"Remus don't you think we've been trying long enough?" Christian was getting tired of working to recruit other pack members to their mini 'pack.' They were all getting tired, understandably so. There were only so many times you could fear getting caught and murdered by saying too much before you were beyond desiring it. Reus shook his head, keeping his face impassive.

"I don't know how to throw in the towel on this one." He didn't. He wanted Dora. Over five months without her felt impossibly long, and even though he wasn't exactly sure of the date, he knew his birthday was either nearing or passed, and knew Tonks's wasn't far off. He wondered where she would be, how she was faring with his absence, what she thought of the stories Albus had shown her… He worried for the Potters, that they would be caught, killed or tortured. For Harry at school, for the mysterious missions the headmaster had mentioned to him only once in a very vague letter.

"We need to move out. Greyback is coming back again, and the rallies are getting crazier every time." Reya was often the last to speak, so he took careful note of what she had said, knowing it was very important to her.

"You think we're in danger?" Hettie asked, glancing at the younger witch beside her. Reya shrugged, her blanket covered shoulder barely noticeable under all the quilting.

"What are you thinking, Reya?" Remus asked her, leaning forward in his 'teacher pose' to make sure she knew she had his full attention.

"There are men, of high authority, they watch us when we talk, and when we go. They never follow us, I've been checking. But they're watching us. And I don't think we ought to stick around much longer if we want to survive this." Her dark green eyes were round with fear, and he reminded himself of her age again. Twenty two years old. A child, really. Never having fought a war, never having known a war torn world like she was stuck in. And something outside of her control dropped her in the middle of the battlefield. She was afraid, and she was speaking from her fear. But Remus knew that some of the wisest words were spoken in moments when people were most afraid and trying to be brave.

"Where will we go?" Lynelle asked, looking to Remus. He took in the ragtag group around him, that not being the first time he wondered what would happen to them if they had to leave the pack. Of course he knew order members would be inclined to help, but he couldn't ask them to endanger themselves by having an angry pack of werewolves searching for the fugitives.

"We've all existed on the run before." Jonathan said, casting a cautious look to Lynelle whose eyes grew at least twice their normal size.

"Now wait a moment." Remus raised his hands, practically watching the young girl in front of him border on full blown panic. "We're not leaving anyone on their own, ever. We signed up to take care of each other, and whatever that comes to is what it comes to. Okay?" Christian flashed him a motivating smile and a thumbs up, and the three women visibly relaxed.

"When is Greyback coming?" He asked finally, deciding it didn't matter how little he really wanted to know, the answer was imperative for their well-being, so it seemed.

"Early April, after the next moon." Reya's answer was quick, and Remus heart tightened, it would be a while before he could go home. Christian sighed, the group quickly losing hope. That wasn't enough time to convince people, but it wasn't enough time to get away without people forgetting them. Remus rubbed his hands over his face, taking in deep breathes in an effort to calm his racing thoughts. Things were not looking good for the group, but that was not enough for them to give up yet. They couldn't give up.

"We ought to go back soon if they've been keeping track of us." Christian said, taking in the somber looks of their friends around the circle. Reya was the first to stand, and with a half-hearted yet encouraging nod to Remus she pushed her way through the woods back to the camp. Lynelle and Jonathan went away next, and Hettie pushed to her feet.

"We all know you have something - someone - to go home to Remus. I don't understand exactly why you came here, but I know it wasn't because she doesn't love you. If you have to leave, you can trust that we will, to the best that we are able, to recruit, and work it all out." She smiled at him before turning on her heel and walking back into the woods. Christian sat on a log, clasping his hands in front of him.

"Do you hear from her?" He asked Remus, eyes cast on the patches of grass starting to grow back from the unusually cold winter they had suffered that year.

"No." He answered quickly, his tone dark. "No," he said again, softer. "We agreed she shouldn't contact me. I didn't want her to be traced…" He shrugged feebly. "I can't imagine she's terribly happy with me right now. It's been quite some time since she's heard anything from me." He shook his head.

"She cares for you so deeply Remus, you don't underst-"

"Why are you here, Christian? Why did you come here to this place when you didn't have to? You were living free. Now you've marked yourself by anyone here who has looked close enough to know your face or remember your name. You can't go back out there anymore." There was no going back from this breach of the unspoken rule. Christian looked up at Remus, locking eyes with him for a moment before letting them trail up the trees to the grey clouds hanging above them.

"They came for me. And I figured I could live within the ranks until something slipped through and I felt it was safe to run away again." Remus wondered if he told Dora yet that he was in the pack, if she told him she knew, if he told her of his plans.

"Where would you go?" Remus asked, leaning forward in true interest.

"Anywhere." Christian whispered.

"Why don't you?" Remus whispered back, oftentimes wondering the same thing about himself.

"Because when my friends and family are fighting a war, the least I could do is hide away in country rather than running away. There's something about running that never sits well with me." Remus thought of Cardelia, and all the things he felt when she left them, leaving them with no trace of where she was. He wondered if she ever thought about them. If she knew James and Lily were alive now.

He nodded in agreement, running away was not an option for them.

"She still writes me you know." Christian said to Remus, whose head snapped up at the mentioned of the woman.

"Dora? Did you tell here you were…" Christian smiled sadly and shook his head.

"She'd kill me if she ever heard me say this, but I think sometimes ignorance is bliss for her. I can't imagine what she would say to me if she knew I was here." He shot Remus a cautious yet sly grin. "I can imagine she must have taken it so well when you told her you had to leave." Remus almost laughed. It was either that or curl in upon himself at the instant pain that the memory of that night caused. Tonks falling into his arms, begging him to stay. He forced himself to smile. Christian didn't need to know everything.

"Oh yes. She made her hair extra pink for the occasion." Christian then laughed, and Remus couldn't help but give a dark chuckle.

"Does she sound well in her letters?" Remus finally asked, starting to feel a but guilty for not telling the younger man that she was aware of his location.

"Here." And out from his pocket came a familiarly folded sheet of paper covered in her beautiful script that stopped Remus heart.

The took it was unusually steady hands, "May I?" He asked. Christian chuckled.

"Of course. There's nothing there she wouldn't want you to see. He unfolded the paper and began to read:

16 February

Chris,

I went to your shop today again. I hate not knowing where you are. I want you terribly to come to my new flat. It's small enough that we could whisper from every corner and still hear each other from the opposite sides of the room. So that's exciting, especially because we were quite certainly the best whisperers to ever walk the Hogwarts halls. But thank you for asking, I'm alright. I wished that Remus would have returned to me by now, but that is not a decision I get to make. It's just lonely here without him. But his family is important to him, and I know that if his dad wanted me to know where they were he would have told me."

Remus chuckled at the thought that they were both lying to each other, and each knew they other was lying. Christian knew Remus wasn't off on some mysterious place taking care of his (dead) family. And Tonks knew exactly where Christian was and why he wasn't in his storefront or coming to her flat to visit.

But on Valentines day James came and gave me more chocolate than any one human could eat ever. So I told him I couldn't possibly eat it all alone, so he brought the rest of his family with him and we all sat around my muggle screen watching films and eating chocolate. I only wish you and Remus had been able to join us. You know it's the first Valentines day where we weren't together since first year. I don't like that very much. So in case you missed the invitation at the beginning of my letter, if you go to the Three Broomsticks they will be able to tell you where I'm staying.

I best be off. Kingsley will have my head if I'm late to work again. Even though I am mostly in charge this time around. I've been sleeping a bit better, thanks, but the dreams are pretty scary. It's okay though.

I miss you terribly, please let me see you soon.

With love, Tonks.

"Shit, I miss her." Christian said as Remus handed the letter back over to him. "Nobody cares the way she does, about anyone. It doesn't make sense." Remus didn't trust himself to speak. So he simply nodded.

"After the moon Remus, can you do me a favor?" Remus looked up at the young man, nodding slowly.

"Go home, and care about her more than she's ever been loved before. Please." Despite it all Remus smiled as the two men stood to walk back to the camp.

Tonks woke from a late afternoon nap with a jolt, glancing outside to see the sun already setting. She jumped off the bed and grabbed her cloak, not stopping to look in a mirror, knowing she couldn't morph even if she wanted her pocket for her wand she grabbed a stray piece of fruit from her table and threw the door open.

"Tonks!" She jumped back inside with an unholy shout, pulling her wand on the intruder. James potter let out a nervous laugh, tossing his hands in the air in surrender.

"Shit James!" She yelled to him, stepping back out and pulling the door closed. "You can't startle a woman like that." She chastised, pushing passed him and walking toward the stairs.

"Tonks!" He called after her. "Wait a minute I-"

"I'm late." She glanced over her shoulder, deciding if it was a conversation she really wanted to have. She turned back and kept walking forward, not turning back to call out to him. "Come on then!" He shook his head at her shortness and jogged down the hall after her.

"Late for what?" He asked when he finally caught up, thankful that she was walking and didn't decide to apparate.

"Meeting, with Albus. It's full moon night." He nodded, of course he knew that, she mentally slapped herself for treating him like he wouldn't. "Sorry." She mumbled, glancing over to him.

"No need." Her pace slowed, and he hoped she would walk all the way up to the castle. "Have you heard from-"

"No." Her demeanor was sharp, it cut him some. He winced at her anger, grabbing her hand.

" _Tonks_." His tone was harsh too, she stopped walking and spun to face him, her eyes flashing. "Kingsley called me." He said, watching her grey orbs narrow even more, he was not afraid of her anger, but afraid of her hurting herself.

"I don't think that was his place to-"

"I disagree." James said, tightening his hold of her wrist. "Dumbledore may be too busy to see how many times your name appears on that mission chart, but we're not. And he's still alive out there Tonks, and I'll be damned if you let yourself get killed by your lunatic of an aunt before he gets-"

"Stop!" Tonks ripped her hand from his hold, but not running away. "I'm _fine_ James." He stared at her for a pause, his eyes trailing over her body.

"Tonks," he dropped his voice to just above a whisper, "please, just take a few days off. Lily and I can take your simple tailings, King already had Mad-Eye adjust your more intense missions. Stay at our place tonight, after you leave here. Please Tonks." Her face pinched in irritation, but she didn't say anything, instead she pushed forward and began walking again. "It seems important to tell you as well, that if you don't agree to all of this Alastor will likely barge in on you at some point and-"

"Are you _all_ having secret meetings about me?" She asked over her shoulder, but her tone had softened, her anger was dying because even she knew she was wearing herself thin.

"It's called concern Tonks." He retorted, crashing into her when she stopped suddenly.

"Okay." She said. "Can I say at Mad-Eyes instead?" That was the last question he expected to hear, he stalled a minute, feeling his eyes widen. "Kidding." She mumbled with a watery chuckle.

"So you'll come by tonight?" He asked following her again as she continued her journey to the castle.

"Yes, sure." He set a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently.

"We'll wait up." He said, and with a parting nod in her direction he turned off and walked back down the hill to apparate home. After a silent pause she turned to watch him leave, considering ways to beat it in to Kingsley that he didn't have to worry about her. The logical half of her brain told her he did have reason for concern, but entering Dumbledore's office cut off her thinking, and soon she was standing before the pensieve, waiting to see what Remus would show her next.

" _I'm afraid." Remus and Elle were sitting on the sofa in his old flat, she was curled against his side, eyes closed. He pulled her tighter in to him as she spoke. "I have a bad feeling. I don't like-"_

" _Don't think about it right now Ellie. We're here, and nobody can hurt you here, remember?" He leaned down and kissed her forehead._

" _Did you set new protection wards then?" She asked him with a smile he couldn't see. He tickled her side and a mocking growl in his throat. "Kidding." She quipped. "Your arms are the safest place for me." His face shadowed, but she didn't see it. Tonks knew he was likely thinking about the full moon, how he was particularly unsafe for her on those nights._

" _Don't be an idiot." Eleanor rebuked him, hitting his arm lightly. "I know what you're thinking. Your grip loosened." He chuckled nervously, tightening his arms around her again._

" _What if you can't keep me-"_

" _Forever, Elle. Forever." Tonks shuddered, knowing that would not prove true, then felt guilty for being thankful that it wasn't true._

" _Remus how can you-"_

" _Elle, why-"_

" _Git. It's rude to cut people off." She was smiling. He breathed out a laugh._

" _My apologies, love, please continue your probing of my trustworthiness and ability to protect you." She rolled her eyes at his sass._

" _Well when you put it like that…" He laughed, twisting her in his arms so he could kiss her._

" _That's what I thought." He said, giving in to laughter as she twisted on him to kiss him even more._

Falling through time with Dumbledore at her side after watching Remus truly love another woman was something Tonks would never get used to. This time was no different.

" _Remus." Lily's cry was broken, and Tonks immediately knew they were back at the days after Ellie was killed. Remus rushed into the sitting room to see Lily and James staring blank faced at a sheet of paper that was crumpling under the grip of Lily's stress._

" _What's happened." Remus was already pale, but the looks on his friends faces was enough to take any remaining color from his skin._

" _Card…" Tonks's mind immediately went back to Cardelia, the friend Remus said ran away. She noticed how when the group was all together she was never there, and Tonks wondered if that was intentional, if Remus blocked her out in anger or hurt._

" _No…" He whispered falling to his knees. "They got her too?" Lily finally began to cry at that moment._

" _No." He answer was a moan, which confused Remus even more. He dragged himself painfully to his feet and walked over, slowly prying the letter out of Lily's hands._

Dear everyone,

I struggle to write these words, ones that I am too much of a coward to say to your faces, some Gryffindor I am… But I'm leaving, and by time you see this I will already be long gone, and I am truly sorry to say there is no need for you to come looking for me. I can't do it anymore, I can't do the dying, the fighting. You guys were built for this, you have the spirit for it, but we all know that I would have made a much better Puff or even Slytherin based on values.

Please know that I love you. I have loved you forever, and I will never ever stop thinking about you. If there were any other way for me … but there isn't. Not this time. Stay safe, and maybe when this is all over I can come home and beg for you to forgive me.

All my love, truly, all of it.

I'm so sorry.

Cardelia.

" _She's left?" Remus knew what the words were saying, but he needed the confirmation. He needed to hear something from his friends to be certain. James nodded slowly, numbly, draping his hands over Lily's shoulder._

" _How could she do this?" Lily shouted in a wildly uncharacteristic bout of anger. James rubbed soothing circles on her shoulder, choosing, wisely, to remain silent._

" _How are we going to tell Peter?" James asked quietly after a few tense, silent moments._

" _Oh no." Lily lifted her hands to her eyes and cried into them freely. "He's going to be-"_

" _I'll tell him." Remus offered, surprising even himself as the words came out. James was so distracted by the pain of his wife that he didn't even turn._

" _You sure Moony?" He clarified, but his heart wasn't in it. He didn't care who passed on the news so long as he didn't have to do it, there was only so much crying he could take. Tonks would have laughed if the pain hadn't felt so suffocating._

" _Yeah. I'll take this and go down now." He said, glancing at his two friends with a heart wrenching ache that reminded him that the last time he ever saw Eleanor alive was only two days earlier, and that he would never get to hold her again._

As usual the pair slipped through the memories again, coming to a much more recent time. Remus had developed a type of system, showing her something with him and Elle, something in between their graduation and the Potter's 'death' and something involving her.

" _You know Remus," Lily was sitting on the table at the old headquarters, Sirius behind her pouring tea for everyone. "When I pictured you finding a woman, I never once imagined pink hair." Remus, ever calm, simply turned the page in the book he was reading, the only indication he'd even heard Lily was the pink tinge crawling up his cheek._

" _Pink haired, sassy, punk-rock, auror with a nasty ability to think quick on her feet. She must be a power house in -"_

 _Remus wand was aimed at Sirius's face, his eyes still trained on the book, as he turned the next page with his eyes (Tonks was reminded again of his magus imperium, his alarmingly powerful magic inside him) "If you were going to say in bed I would highly recommend you reconsider your next words." Sirius laughed, rolling his eyes and levitating the three teacups over to his friends._

" _You've had sex?" Lily asked incredulously, finally causing Remus to drop the book._

" _I thought you were supposed to be the mature one!" He complained, aggressively taking his tea cup and taking a hearty sip of the steaming liquid._

" _I'm sorry Remus! But you can't blame me for being a little curious as to whether or not you've seen her-"_

" _I really,_ really _don't need the mental image of Nymphadora Tonks naked with Remus, thank you very much." James pushed his way into the kitchen, shaking his head. "Really, I leave you lot alone for a few measly moments and suddenly we're verbally undressing a woman whose practically our sister!"_

" _Yes James. Honestly!" Remus huffed shaking his head, and despite his previous speech James let a poorly concealed laugh slip through his lips._

" _What now?" Remus complained._

" _Well mate, I mean if you really have slept with her we best all hope you don't think of her as_ your _sister." Lily pursed her lips in an effort to hold back her laughter, but the boisterous sound coming from Sirius was enough to crack even Remus's shell and soon the four friends were in hysterics as they used to be in Hogwarts._

"Thank you, sir." Tonks whispered, feeling uncharacteristically bashful after watching that interaction. Her old headmaster merely smiled at her, gave her a nod, and walked with her to the door.

"He is safe, Tonks." The old man promised her. She nodded, not sure what she was supposed to say. She pushed her way down the winding staircase, apparting away (with special permission) once she got to the bottom.

Lily and James were sat on the sofa holding steaming mugs of tea in their hands, both eyes on the door waiting for Tonks to arrive.

"She looks thinner."

"She's depressed James. She struggling."

"She's trying to get herself killed."

"She misses him, James. She's hurting."

"She needs to consider the consequences of her actions."

"He's a prick, James. He hasn't written her since before Christmas, she doesn't even know he was home for that one day. They didn't get to see each other at all."

"He could die out there, he needs to come back."

"She's been saying the same thing all along, your words aren't going to hold anymore weight than hers."

"She's going to get herself killed if she doesn't slow down."

"Shall I drug her tea then love?" Lily was growing irritated.

"Maybe." She slapped his arm. "Okay, okay!" He grabbed her hand looking at her sadly. "Okay." He said softer. "It's okay." He always knew what was wrong, Lily felt her shoulders slump. "She's going to be okay. Remus is too." She stared into his eyes, forgetting for a moment that they were well into their adult years and no longer Hogwarts students.

"How do you know?" She whispered, feeling her eyes prick with traitor tears that slipped out. "You can't know. You can't promise me. We haven't heard anything…"

A pop of apparation sounded out their door and the pair rose to their feet and peered out the peephole.

"What was the first word I ever heard Nymphadora Tonks say?" James called through the door.

"Oh shit, immediately followed by an alarmed shout for Remus Lupin. Why did I say those words?" James smiled at how quick she was.

"Because we're dreadful at standing still while disillusioned." He was opening the door even as he was answering pulling her inside and giving her a quick hug.

"How was Albus tonight?" Lily asked, ushering the younger woman over to the sofa and handing her the warm cup.

"Wonderful, as usual." She never gave details about what she saw, but she had a feeling they knew the general idea of what Remus wanted to show her.

"Do you have patrol tomorrow?" James asked her, sitting on the other side of Lily and setting his arm over her shoulder. Tonks shook her head, shooting him an eye-roll and a smile.

"So you'll stick around for breakfast?" Lily asked, her excitement showing on her face. She had really missed having Tonks with her so often in the months Remus had been gone.

"I think I can. I have to head to the ministry to submit some paperwork, but they won't need me to stay or anything, and if i go in early enough I won't run in to anyone who would stop me along the way to chat about the patrolling…"

"We could cook cinnamon pastries with coffee in the morning." Lily's happiness was contagious and Tonks couldn't help smile at her red haired friend.

"I think that would be wonderful. I haven't had a sweet breakfast in ages. They take well enough care of me at the school, but nothing beats your pastries Lily." James kissed his wife's head at the compliment, rolling his neck in a stretch.

"Do you need any potions for sleeping tonight, Tonks?" He asked her, figuring she would say no, but trying to remind her she needed to sleep. She opened her mouth and hesitated a moment.

"Do you have a dreamless sleep potion?" She asked quietly. James tried to keep the surprise from his face, so he consented to nodding and walking into the cupboard in the kitchen where they kept an on-hand supply of common potions. He grabbed the right one and walked out to her setting it on the table to her side.

"It's quite late isn't it…" She said, glancing at the clock nervously.

"Can we sleep in here tonight?" Lily asked James, her eyes lighting up in excitement. She quirked her eyebrow slightly as she looked at him, and thankfully years of marriage allowed him to get the hint.

"Girls night in the living room?" He smiled at his wife and Tonks. "Fine, fine. I'll get out of your hair." Again Tonks laughed, and James began to feel like she had shown more smiles in that one night than she had the whole time Remus had been gone.

"Good, we don't need your guy scent stinking up our hair." She tossed her long red mane over her shoulder as she said it, and James stood, kissing the top of her head.

"Whatever." He huffed, mocking her motion with his own imaginary hair. "Goodnight ladies." He said, walking by Tonks and squeezing her shoulder. "Love you girls. See you bright and early."

Lily woke up the next morning with a jolt, glacing to her right expecting to see Tonks, but instead catching sight of a torn piece of paper.

Problem at work, be back soon. If you need me or hear anything concerning contact Albus or Mad-Eye, they'll help.

See you soon.

T

"James!" She called, wondering if he was awake, and to her relief he popped his head out of the kitchen doorway looking far too unconcerned.

"You read Tonks's note then?" He asked, walking in and sitting on the sofa where Tonks was previously sleeping.

"It sounds a bit harried doesn't it?" She asked, glancing down at the paper again, re-reading it and trying to imagine the tone with which Tonks would have said the words.

"I think it's probably-" James reassurances were cut off by the shock of green flames filling their fire-place and the towering form of Albus Dumbledore stepping out.

Lily awkwardly pulled the sofa blanket higher around her pajama clas chest, glancing at James who slipped his wand from his pocket. A moment later Tonks stumbled out of the fireplace looking far worse than she had the night before, and then after that Alastor was standing behind her.

"It seems we have a bit of a problem with our infiltration plan, and we need to know if either of you have heard from Remus?" The frantic look in Tonks's eyes caused Lily's stomach to drop a dangerous degree and she almost forgot she should be uncomfortable standing in front of her ex-headmaster and Mad-Eye Moody in her sleeping clothes.

"What's happened? Did the full moon bring problems this time around? DId they find his body? Blood? Heart beat is he at Mungos or -"

"Heart beat!" Tonks cried, grabbing a chain around her neck and clutching the small stone that sat on the end of it. Moody watched her cautiously for a moment before nodding in understanding.

"Wise man." He said, nodding his head. "His heart's still beating, he must be alive."

"We have to get him out of there." She spun to face Albus still gripping the stone, leaving James and Lily to wonder what it was that made her and Alastor so certain he was alive, and what happened in the first place to make them think something would be wrong.

"I have to be at breakfast…" Dumbledore muttered, glancing over to Moody.

"I'll update you when I can. Go take care of your school." Albus nodded, Tonks reached out and grabbed his hand.

"Thank you for coming back when I needed you. Harry said you weren't in when I arrived this morning."

"I'm sorry for the stress this has put you under, Miss Tonks. Thank you for sacrificing for the cause. It means more than you can know to so many of us." Tonks tilted her head in confusion at the sudden sincerity in his tone. "I will see you all soon." He said, before turning on the spot and disappearing from their kitchen.

Moody turned to Tonks and glanced her over slowly. "I'm going to use my contacts to get in touch with him. He's done with this assignment no matter what progress he thinks he's been making."

Mad-Eye stepped toward the fireplace, freezing just before a tentative knock sounded at the door of the flat. James waited a pause before the older man pulled his wand out and pointed it at the door.

"What were the last words I said to Remus Lupin before sending him on an assignment for work?" He asked, stepping toward the door.

"Hurt my girl and I'll rip your throat out. Mad-Eye open the door, please!" The man hesitated for a moment longer

"Who's with you?"

"A friend. From the group. Please!" Immediately Moody rushed to the door, pulling it open and holding out his arms. Remus stepped through the door with a woman before him whom none of them had ever seen before. They were both carrying two mangled bodies, and upon making it through the door the girl fell to her knees and began to cry. Tonks hand flew to her as she looked at the body in the young girls arms, and Remus's eyes jumped to her face.

"That's Lynelle." He panted pointing to the woman in Moody's arms. "I couldn't check… the pulse… I couldn't…" James gathered what he was saying quickly and set his hands to the girls neck. He waited a pause, glancing over her body and taking in the extent of her injuries. He glanced at Lily before looking back to Remus, his eyes falling down.

"Who was she?" James asked quietly.


	14. Chapter 14

"What were the last words I said to Remus Lupin before sending him on an assignment for work?" He asked, stepping toward the door.

"Hurt my girl and I'll rip your throat out. Mad-Eye open the door, please!" The old man hesitated for a moment longer

"Who's with you?" He asked, his tone softening yet still harsh.

"A friend. From the group. Please!" Immediately Moody rushed to the door, pulling it open and holding out his arms. Remus stepped through the door, with a woman before him whom none of them had ever seen before. They were both carrying two mangled bodies, and upon making it through the door the girl fell to her knees and began to cry. Tonks hand flew to her mouth as she looked at the body in the young girls arms, and Remus's eyes jumped to her face.

"That's Hettie." He panted pointing to the woman in Moody's arms. "I couldn't check… the pulse… I couldn't…" James gathered what he was saying quickly and set his hands to the girls neck. He waited a pause, glancing over her body and taking in the extent of her injuries. He glanced at Lily before looking back to Remus, his eyes falling down.

"Who was she?" James asked quietly, watching Remus warily as he brought his hands up to his face.

"Hettie… she's…" He couldn't even finish.

"A healer." The other woman next to Remus said, standing from her place on the ground, leaving the man at her feet. "She was, at least." Alastor eyed the younger girl glancing at Remus before seemingly deciding he could trust her.

"What happened to them?" He gestured to the other man at the womans feet, voice remaining gentle. "And who are you?"

Remus's eyes shot to Tonks, and James was taken aback at the intensity of his stare. "This is Reya." He said, gesturing to the woman who was beginning to shake at his side. "Go sit." He tore his eyes from Tonks and looked at the girl, pointing to the couch, she wordlessly obeyed, carefully stepping around the body at her feet.

"We weren't careful enough." Remus whispered, eyes trailing back up to Tonks. "We weren't careful enough. And Greyback came early." Tonks's hand stayed over her mouth, and Lily watched her eyes fill with tears.

"He came, just before the moon, and he found us. And we _were_ careful." The young witch, Reya, glanced over to Remus as she corrected him. "But he was stronger, and he knew how to get us when we were weak. I'd bet anything he took the potion… He was so in control." Remus shook his head as she spoke.

"It doesn't matter the details really. We couldn't get to the others." Alastor sighed heavily, a sound Lily hadn't ever heard from him in such a way.

"How many did you have with you?" He asked Remus.

"Five."

"How many made it?" Remus glanced at Reya, who was staring at the body on the floor still.

"Lynelle may be okay. She's smart. She's smart. She must be alright." Reya whispered as tears began to fall from her eyes again.

"Jonathan…" Remus turned his face away breaking off. "Christian…" He whispered the name so softly James barely heard it, but Tonks sank to her knees on the ground. "I'm so sorry Dora." Remus whispered to her.

"He was trying to help me." Reya whispered, and without thinking Lily walked over and pulled the girl into a tight hug. "He told me-"

"Reya." Remus gained his voice back. "It's okay. Don't do that right now." The girl nodded, her light hair falling in her face as she rested her head against Lily's shoulder. James watched Alastor glance from Tonks to Remus meaningfully. Lupin caught the hint quickly, and he took a step toward her.

"Tonks…" He whispered her name and her sad, dark eyes jumped to his. She was waiting for him. "Dora." He said, his voice holding more force. Reya suddenly sat up straighter staring at the brown haired woman in front of her.

"He kept all your letters. He Had them-"

"Remus." Tonks said, not even noticing the confused way Reya was watching her. "Stop _talking._ " He nodded his head, taking another feeble step toward her. "Please stay home." She whispered, looking back to the man James understood to be Christian.

"Please come here." She looked up at him giving him the faintest smile before jumping to her feet and throwing herself into his arms. James reached out a cautious hand, remembering the full-moon had just passed, but adrenaline was pumping so hard in Remus he caught her swiftly, and steadied them from falling to the ground.

"Don't you _ever_ do that to-"

"Dora stop talking." Remus commanded placing his hand on her hair. Mad-Eye gave a nod of approval to him before turning to James.

"I need to go talk to Albus, I'll be back shortly, we'll sort out the rest of this then. Can you keep everything together until then?" James could have laughed, but he bit his tongue and stuck to nodding.

"We will make sure no one dies. But Mad-Eye, what about the bodies…" He whispered the last part, and with a wave of the old man's wand the bodies disappeared. Nobody noticed thankfully, and Moody didn't mention where they went. He stepped into the fireplace and was gone in a puff of green smoke. Remus and Tonks pulled apart, and he slid a hand around her waist, holding her tightly to himself. James bit his cheek because it felt like an inappropriate time to smile, but watching Remus, he was basking in the proud best mate moment.

"You're Tonks." Reya whispered in shock, staring at the woman, Lily glanced over to her one eyebrow raised in confusion. Remus almost laughed, but he settled with placing a kiss on her temple and nodding.

"This is Tonks, Reya. This is-"

"You're person." James glanced over to Reya as she spoke, wondering what she was trying to say, liking the sound of it. "Christian said, well he said he'd seen you two together one time, and that even in that moment he could tell you were like one person. I didn't believe anyone could love someone... like us in that way. But she, well you," she looked up to Tonks. "You love him." A breath of air slipped out Tonks's nose as she turned to Remus.

"I do." She said, setting her head on his chest.

"We do too." Lily whispered, setting her hand on top of Reya's, leaving James to wonder if they were going to need a bigger flat.

"Reya, yes?" Tonks looked over to the young witch for one of the first times since they'd entered the house.

"Yes." She spoke softly.

"Reya…" Her dark eyebrows came together in deep thought. "Twenty two years of age... Ilvermorny, yes? You have a slight accent from America, that's certain. You were with Chris, he told me as much in his letters. I can't remember what else he said. Remus here talked you up last time he was home, before Christmas that is. This was all still new to all of us." Tonks rattled on encouragingly, leading Remus over and sitting with him on the chair as she spoke. She paused for a moment as she pulled his head to rest on her shoulder, shimmying accordingly so she was sure he was comfortable. Reya watched the entire event with a confused smile on her face, her eyes difficult to read in their state of pure exhaustion.

"I didn't even realize you were American." Remus muttered, his eyes closed against Dora's shoulder.

"Neither did Rolfin when he bit me. I haven't spoken to my parents in months. They probably think I died."

"You did choose the worst possible time to come to England. Did you know we were on the verge of war?" She cast him a weary smile that didn't fit her reserved personality.

"Believe it or not, I'm a journalist for my 'ministry.' as you'd call it. For us it's just the government. I mean, I was… a journalist, that is. I was. I was coming to report on this war actually. Or the lack thereof at the time of my arrival…" James nodded, hoping there would be more time in the future to discuss these things.

"You really ought to rest up. Albus will be coming back soon enough and he's going to have a lot of questions and explanations. I believe he has ties with the President of Magic…" Lily twisted a strand of hair around her finger thoughtfully.

"How dreadfully rude of us though. Reya would you like a bed? Our son is attending Hogwarts currently, and we've made his room in to a type of guest room. Tonks usually sleeps there on full-" He cut off quickly looking at Remus with wide eyes, who was watching him with a set jaw. "On full work nights. She comes to get a break from it all."

Tonks shot him a raised eyebrow look daring to say " _you're a nasty liar James Potter"_ but he did his best to ignore it.

"So about that guest room?" Lily asked, standing to her feet and gesturing Reya forward.

" I really don't want to impose I can just-"

"Please," Lily cast her an earnest and kind look, the type of look intended to melt even the steeliest 'I-won't-impose' resolve. "Let this be your home for right now." Reya glanced back to Remus who shot her an exhausted, yet still encouraging smile, waving her forward.

"We'll all still be here. They know everything, Reya. They are with us in everything." Tonks locked eyes with the younger woman, watching her with an unreadable look, nodding in motivation as she moved toward the bedroom.

"Thank you." She whispered as she stood before the door.

"Of course." Lily said, making sure not to shut the door if Reya wanted it open. "We'll all be right in here. Probably asleep, because we very rarely sleep on full moon nights either. But we'll be there. If you need anything just come out and grab us. Anything, alright?" Reya nodded, a smile playing at her lips.

She left the door open and Lily watched as she walked in and tentatively pulled the covers back on the bed. Rems smiled, letting his eyes close as he hoped she would do soon.

"She may forget what it feels like to have a bed. It's only been a few months for her, but it's still hard. Sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor. A bed, even a couch… a beautiful woman's shoulder-"

Tonks lightly tapped his arm, scoffing. "You must be tired, you're talking nonsense." He shook his head against her shoulder smiling with James.

James glanced to Lily and in sync the pair stood up and pushed toward the kitchen. "We'll be back in a moment with a pot of tea." Lily called softly over her shoulder, pushing James around the corner and out of sight. Remus wrapped his arms around Dora when they were gone, burying his face into her neck and breathing in her scent.

"I'm so sorry Dora." He whispered into her hair shaking his head against her. With a heavy breath he lifted her from the couch and sat her on his lap, staring into her eyes.

"He never even told me he was there." She whispered, looking down into her hands which were clenched tightly in his own. "I felt like I was lying to him every time I acted like I didn't know. They only thing that stopped me from saying anything was that I knew how upset it would make him, that he was trying to protect me." Remus nodded along with her words, unsure of what to say.

She shook her head, leaning forward and resting against his chest. "I thought of you everyday." He whispered to her. "Every minute, I thought of you of how this was for you, and how I wanted to make sure you would be safe. And I just wonder if I had spent a little more time thinking about-"

"Remus." Her voice cracked as she cut him off. "I want you to tell me everything you desire to tell me. But I don't want you hating yourself because Greyback lives for murder." His hands tightened around her own before he groaned and settled to enveloping her in him completely.

"I'm safe. We're safe. Reya is safe." She whispered, ignoring the tears that fell from her eyes and his. He gripped her so tightly she was nearly sure oxygen was going to stop flowing, but she knew he needed it, so she stayed.

She stayed until the soft footsteps fell from the kitchen and the subtle scent of Lily's perfume filled the room again. Remus pulled away from her and settled to sitting closer to her than normal. James was levitating teacups to the side, lowering them carefully to the table with a sad smile at the pair.

"Maybe we should all turn in for the night.. I think the pulling of the all-nighters is weighing on all of us."

"Why do you guys stay up on the full-moons all night?" Remus looked more alert than he did seconds before glancing to Tonks.

"The pensieve." She said softly, and the following smile that split his face caused her heart to skip beats.

"I nearly forgot about that." He said, shaking his head with his unkempt hair catching in the uncommon scruff that covered his face.

"I didn't." Tonks responded with an equally pained, yet joyful smile. "They were wonderful." She added, lifting the teacup to her lips and taking a steady sip with a sigh of contentment. "They probably kept me going for the whole time you were gone." She added, her voice then holding a more somber tone that James grabbed on to.

"We're all together again, and Harry will be home soon, and things have to get better from here." He was hoping a more encouraging pep talk would come out, but he realized as he started speaking his usual optimism was depleted and he was left hoping someone else would pick up his slack.

"We're all together again," Tonks echoed, tucking a strand of still brown hair behind her ear. "So nothing bad can happen, right? We lasted this long apart, on missions, in danger, but we know we're stronger when we're all here together." James smiled at her, wrapping his arm around Lily's wasit.

"One day we're going to live in a world where muggle-borns don't have to worry about blood-status." He whispered.

"Where werewolves can work anywhere, freely, as humans and equals." Tonks added.

"Where safety is not a luxury, but the norm." Remus said, looking up at his friends.

"And where kids get to be kids without having to grow up before their time and fight in a war they didn't ask for." Lily finished.

"Shit, you guys are the best friends." Tonks said, laying her head back on Remus's chest. "To think there was a world where-"

"Dora stop talking." Remus whispered in her ear, not failing to catch the blush that crept its way up her cheeks at the feeling of his breath on her neck.

With a wink in their direction and a laugh that was probably out of place given their present life circumstances James grabbed Lily's hand and dragged her down the hall.

"To the bedroom!" He called to his friends over his shoulder. Remus looked at her shyly for a moment as if unsure whether she would really want to be with him again. She stood quietly taking his hand in hers and pulling him down the hall.

"It's been a while since I've slept in here." She commented as she pushed the door open and pulled him in behind her. He felt her heart fluttering in his head, he just knew she was eager to be close to him again. He wanted it too, he actually couldn't think of anything he wanted more than to take her shirt off her and... _no._

"Dora it's still so close to the moon being passed, you know physical things close to the moon are-"

"But do you _want_ to-"

"You can't talk that close to my face when I'm-"

"Would you mind if I-"

"Taking off your shirt is not going to get me to-"

"What about taking off _your_ shirt, I think that would-"

"Dora, please, don't-"

"Come over here and kiss me you ass-"

"You are very persistent and I don't want to take-"

"If we're being honest here I'm the one taking advantage of-"

"Shit, just _kiss me._ "

It didn't take a lot for her to comply.

Hours later the fireplace roared to life, and the lone man awake in the house didn't even flinch when his two mentors stepped out.

"Everyone else is asleep." He informed the two white haired men who both stepped in and set themselves comfortably upon the couch.

"How is Remus holding up?" Albus asked James, who merely shook his head.

"He went to bed almost immediately after you left, and he's been asleep since then. The girl he brought, Reya, she's an-"

"American journalist." Alastor finished for him. James nodded up at him, not bothering to ask how he obtained that information. The answer didn't really matter to him anyway.

"Is she still sleeping?" Albus asked, trailing his eyes around the room without great purpose.

"I believe so. When I woke up everyone else was still resting and I haven't heard a sound since you two arrived." As if to spite him the door down the hall creaked slightly, and a groggy browned haired Tonks stumbled into the living room. She glanced to Albus and Moody before turning on her heel and tripping into the kitchen with a bang as her shoulder hit the wall. James looked up at the two older men next to him before he heard the door creak again.

"Dora?" Remus's voice was hoarse, and James knew that if he was aware of who was sitting in their living room he likely wouldn't be speaking. "Tonks…" His voice held a resigned sigh that time. In an effort to alleviate the proceeding discomfort James stood up and walked to grab his friend, noticing as he went by that Tonks was merely sitting at the kitchen table, head propped in her hands, waiting for something.

"Kitchen, mate." James called to Remus, wondering what happened in the bedroom and if there was a silencing charm over the door. "Albus and Mad-Eye are here when you're ready to come talk with them." Remus glanced toward the living room. "Go take care of her first." James advised, not even letting Lupin consider leaving Tonks for the sake of their mentors on the couch.

Remus walked into the kitchen slowly, looking at the woman at the table. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders from behind and kissed the top of her head. "You need sleep." He whispered to her, feeling a tear fall on to his hand.

"You didn't have to come out here. It's okay. Bad dreams are a part of… war I guess." Remus shook his head, thankful she couldn't see him. She rubbed her hands over her face and pushed from the chair, turning to face him.

"You were… talking." She whispered. "What were you dreaming about?" His face pinched together in confusion as he took in a long steady breath.

"I don't remember." He shook his head, looking around the room before locking his eyes on to hers. "Was the crying out… was that me?" She put her hand on his cheek and nodded her head.

"I think it was both of us." She whispered, dropping her hand and brushing it through her hair. "I didn't mean to run out." She said, an uncomfortable chuckle falling from her lips. "It just made sense." She laughed again, because it didn't make sense. He joined her for a moment.

"Did you see Albus and Alastor in our living room? Because they probably think that I-"

Her boisterous laugh cut him off. "I did!" She took in a deep breath, shaking her head still laughing to herself. "I bet Mad-Eye is going to march in here soon and try to take you out." Her face grew serious so quickly it was his turn to laugh.

"Let's go clear the air then." He suggested setting his hand on her arm and leading her out of the room. Dumbledore continued speaking to James even as Remus and Tonks took places on the couches. But he turned to Remus after a long moment and sighed heavily.

"Remus," Tonks felt her muscles tighten at the tone in his voice. Her hands shook slightly but she made no moves to make this clear to anyone else. "We need you to go back and assess the damage. If Greyback attacked his own people then the pack may be less guarded, we may be able to convince more people to join our cause." James glanced to his best friend who was unmoving looking at the headmaster. Tonks eyes were trained on the floor as Remus took air in between his teeth and brought his hands to his face.

"How long?" He asked, resignation in his tone. Only James seemed to notice when Tonks stepped out of the conversation and down the hall into her bedroom. Alastor shook his head slowly glancing to Albus.

"As soon as possible, for no more than one month." James resisted the urge to shout. How many times would they put Remus through this? Did they not see the pain it was causing so many others?

"I'll return tomorrow."

"No." Lily stood in the doorway to the kitchen her face dark. "No, Remus." Her voice was tight, angry, yet also worried.

"Lily, this isn't up for discussion." Remus responded, exhaustion etched on his face in every line and scar. "I'm going back tomorrow. Reya will be sent back home to her parents." He said the last part to Dumbledore, his tone non negotiable. Mad-Eye nodded once, glancing to the room down the hall.

"She needs a minute to calm down." Remus supplied to the old mentor watching James eyes narrow as he let Tonks remain alone in the bedroom hr had hoped they would be in together for every night.

"We'll go back and contact the American authorities," Alastor began, his magical eye shooting to the room where Reya was sleeping, his other eye on Remus. "You explain to her what's happening with her, but don't tell her you're going back, she strikes me as one who would want to join you, and she needs to go home. This isn't her fight anymore." Remus simply nodded, seeming to not even hear what was being said to him.

With a single nod at the trio in the living room Albus and Alastor stepped back into their fireplace and disappeared into green flames. The tense silence settled over the room as Lily's eyes shot toward Tonks' bedroom every few minutes with a deepening sorrow. Remus stood frozen in the same position since he first heard was the headmaster had to say, until James set a steady hand on his shoulder.

"Mate," Remus shook his head pulling away gently.

"You can't talk me out of this James. I have to do this. They don't ask that much of me and I can't let my desires and emotions stop me from-"

"They ask everything from you." Lily whispered, shaking her head. "They ask more from you than they ask of any of us, and you seem to think you deserve it."

"I can do the most and the least all the time Lily. This is the only task that only one person can complete, and it's really one of the only tasks I can complete. I can't be a double agent like Dora or King, I can't mother everyone to safety like you or Molly. I can't protect everyone like Albus tries… But I can go into the colony and try and help those who think there is no other way." He wrung his hands together.

"Yes but Remus-"

"We talk about this every time Lily!" He rarely raised his voice to her, yet every time it happened her heart grew tight and James had to stop himself from grabbing his best friend. "I know what you think." He hissed in a startling whisper compared to his shout. "And I care about what you feel, but it _can't_ matter so much that I just stop doing what I know I'm supposed to do. That would be wrong, and pointless. And if I could just decide not to do it then I don't think we would all be so resigned to the fact that it's happening right now."

He turned his back to his friends for a moment, before they watched his head drop. "I need to go speak to Kingsley." He said abruptly. "If either of the girls come out tell them I'll be back soon and ask them to wait for me, please." Lily glanced over to James with a single eyebrow raise, taking the small shake of his head as a sign to not say anything. Without waiting for their approval he disapparated away, leaving his two best friends unsure of how to help anyone.

"No Remus Lupin you don't get to go and-!" James and Lily were sitting on their couch hearing the largest fight, possibly ever, between Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin. He was speaking to softly they couldn't even hear him through her shouting, but they knew it would be best to pretend like they had put up a silencing charm over the kitchen and couldn't hear, even though they wanted to know exactly what was happening so they knew how to help Tonks when Remus finally left.

There was a crash as someone pounded the table and James jumped up before Remus shouted, "God Dora! Let me heal your hand. You can't hit things like-"

"I don't want your help." Her voice was a mumble, but strong.

"Your bleeding"

"Not like I haven't had worse before I can-"

"Let me _fix_ it."

"Oh so now you want to make something right? Great I-"

"Please, Dora, don't be like-"

"Like what Remus? Hurt that you are so quick to leave me? Nervous because my best friend was murdered? Terrified because you could die too? Tell me how you don't want me to be I don't want to make anything-"

"We knew the risks when we got together during war Nymphadora! We knew-"

"You don't get to call me that! Not now. Because I see it in your eyes and before you go you're going to try and say goodbye and I won't let you-"

"Oh so now I need your permission to-"

"That's not what i was saying! Shit Remus. _Listen_ to me. I-"

"I'm doing this for _you!_ He shouted over her. "Because I want you to be safe, because I don't want to worry about Greyback trying to ki-"

"He's trying to kill me anyway! Don't you think I'd rather be murdered by that bastard with you next to me than with you off in who knows where in the-"

"You are NOT dying Nymphadora. Not if I have anything to say about it." They're voices were louder than ever before and LIly grabbed James's hand despite it all, afraid of what was going to come out of either of their mouths next.

"Well you _don't_." James felt the venom in her voice and he knew she would regret it later. "You don't have any say in it because you're leaving and if you walk out that door again I don't know if I can-" Tonks gasped as she dropped her sentence, and Lily jumped up at the sound, both Potters standing to their feet and stepping toward the kitchen door.

"If you can what?" Remus whispered, watching as her eyes filled with tears, her hand covering her mouth. He took a step away from her unsure what she was going to say, feeling his anger melt away.

"Just say goodbye if you're going to try and say it." She whispered. "I don't want to pretend in the waiting."

"I didn't mean to string you along, Tonks. I thought we could make it work. But clearly I'm hurting you more by being with you." His voice cracked as he spoke. James looked at Lily whose face was a mask of anger, unquellable and dangerous.

"Don't you try and make this about chivalry." Tonks tears ceased as she laughed, a merciless laugh that James had never heard from her before. Lily's face changed at the sound, her heart tightened.

"I'm doing this because-"

" _Fuck_ your reasons, Remus. You're doing this because you don't want to hurt yourself, or, maybe worse, because you _do_ want to hurt yourself. I haven't exactly figured that one out yet. But don't try and make this about me."

"Tonks," He fought everything in him not to call her Nymphadora, but he couldn't watcher her eyes soften when he said the name only he could call her, "I'm sorry." He whispered, not looking up to her eyes which were angrier than he had ever seen them before.

"Yeah." Her facade cracked, fury giving way to grief. "Me too." James pulled Lily back as the swinging kitchen door was shoved open and Tonks stormed out, not even looking their way as she disapparated on the spot. Remus stepped out of the kitchen slowly looking to his two best friends, who were watching him, wide eyed.

"Please don't say anything." He said, as he walked down the hall into his bedroom where all he could think about was Tonks not sitting on the bed waiting for him with open arms, ready to accept his immediate apology.


	15. Chapter 15

The end of June came faster than any had realized, and Lily and James were busy preparing their apartment for the return of Harry, as well as working on convincing Tonks to return as well. It had been nearly three months without much communication from Remus, other than that things were going well within in the pack, thus he wouldn't be returning any time soon. Order meetings had experienced a rapid increase and decrease; increase in need and danger, with a decrease in occurrence. Moody and Albus kept guards up to date, and otherwise recommended everyone lay low until the final word was given that something was truly happening.

So when the fire place roared to life James and Lily were both ready to fight, and wholly unprepared for Remus to step out with his hands raised and a sheepish look in his eyes.

"Albus asked me to return." He spoke in a breath, heaving a sigh when the wands were lowered and Lily pulled him into a tight hug, disregarding any need for a security question as she looked at the shambled state of her best friend, she knew in her heart it was him (a response that would have gotten her heavily abused by Alastor, but he didn't have to know.)

"Welcome home." She mumbled into his shoulder as she embraced him, stepping aside for James to clap his old friend on the shoulder and take in the damage that had occurred in his time away. Minimal, yet evident scars littered his body, and he was far too thin for anyone's approval, but Molly would certainly go mad when she saw him.

"Welcome back mate. For good, we hope?" He asked, figuring the answer would be no, but hoping for the best.

"I think so," Remus began cautiously. "Albus made it sound like there was a shift, and Moody was against me going from the beginning anyway, so if he has anything to say about it, there is no way I'm going back." Lily's face split into a smile, before she pushed Lupin from behind.

"Go shower and clean yourself up, I'll make some food while you do, then you go to Dumbledore." It wasn't a question, and Remus made no moves to argue hastily pushing down the hall to his old romo and grabbing clothes. His already torn robes were tailing behind him, looking as if they were on their last leg, not a promising sight to speak into their current circumstance.

Once the washroom door was shut James looked to Lily, "Do we tell Tonks?" He asked her, his mouth twisting in concern. Lily nodded once, her green eyes growing sad as she thought of their brown haired friend who had been avoiding all the good life had to offer her; remembering the state of the young girl over the past few months, knowing that much longer she would likely work herself to death.

"It's either that or she probably hexes him when she sees him, and that doesn't seem like something we want to unintentionally be a part of." Despite himself James smiled, nodding as he wrote a letter to owl over to her.

Tonks,

Funny surprise, but you'll never guessed who walked through our front fireplace today, but our old friend Remus. I just wanted to let you know of his return, and the likelihood that he'll be around from now on. If you want to come by to talk to him feel free. If not Albus summoned him to the school tonight, so maybe work to keep your patrolling off the grounds.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it's the news for the day, so I'm sorry I have to be the one to give it. But please don't be too hard on him, you didn't see the way he was beating himself up after last time.

J&L

He did not expect the immediate reply that shot through his window in the form of Tonks angry owl who incessantly bit fingers if not supplied by chewing something.

James,

Of all the things I don't have time for right now this would be on the top of the list. I have t o be at the damned school tonight because the headmaster asked for me for a special assignment. Lord help him if he has something ridiculous planned with the two of us working together. Thanks for the heads up, I'm far too busy to stop by, but being that one of the last words I said to Remus was 'fuck' i don't think he's too keen on seeing me either.

All my love to you two, i'll pop by soon

T

Remus entered the kitchen just as James shooed her owl away with no reply, and tucked the letter in his pocket.

"What was it you said Albus wanted from you tonight mate?" He asked, standing up to help Lily plate dinner she had cooked. He didn't see the hesitation on Remus's face as he spooned curry over rice in large amounts for his friend.

"He didn't, really. He said he needed some help patrolling, and that after we would talk about next steps for me here at home." Remus shrugged, before eyeing his two friends. "Why? Do you know something I don't?" Lily shook her head, and did James.

"I just think it's odd for him to call you home so suddenly. I think he may have asked a couple order members to watch over the school tonight, which leaves me wondering where he'll be and why he feels the need for extra protection with the end of term being so close. Remus nodded as he took in the information, slowly biting into a piece of naan.

"I think things are getting worse." He said as he ate, not looking to the two potters for confirmation. "I think he's getting ready for something bg." They all knew that, but none of them were entirely ready to say it. They knew Dumbledore was working on something in secret and they were almost all in the dark about it, but their trust for him outweighed their compulsory need to know everything at all times.

Lily set a hand on Lupins shoulder. "That's why you need to promise us that you'll stay safe." She said, giving a comforting squeeze as she did. Remus nodded, pushing away from the table and grabbing his wand where he'd left it in the chocolate cabinet.

"I best be off. If something really is happening I most certainly don't want to be late." LIly glanced at James who cleared his throat, his nerves thick in the action.

"I think he called a few others to the castle tonight." James said, watching Remus's face as his friend processed what he wasn't saying.

"Oh? So there must be something going on." Remus stood up, pulling his cloak from the chair and pulling it around himself.

"I think Tonks will be there." Lily said, not wasting any time the way her husband seemed to insist on doing. "And I think you'll likely be working near each other." Remus face tightened for a moment, an unconscious act both James and Lily didn't miss, but chose not to point out.

"Alright. Thank you for letting me know." Remus gave them a nod and walked toward their fireplace. "Does she know I'll be there?" He asked them without turning around, his voice all business, as if they weren't watching his heart began to ache deeply as he grieved again the woman who he would likely always love more than he would ever be able to admit.

Lily didn't even look at James before she answered, "She has no idea." The red haired woman lied quickly and easily. Remus nodded, sharing a parting smile with his two friends and dropping to floo powder in the fireplace.

"Why'd you lie?" James asked her the second the green flames were gone. She smiled up at him, her eyes losing their usual glint of happiness.

"Things are getting bad James, he needed to think he had a chance to talk to her civilly without her trying to avoid him before he even saw her." James nodded, pulling her into him by her shoulders, silently praying that everyone would remain safe.

Tonks paced the hallway outside the headmaster's office, wondering why he wasn't coming down, wondering what was happening and why he needed her, wondering when Remus was going to get there and how easy it would be to ignore him.

"He's not in, he left a few hours ago." Kingsley called to her from down the hall. She spun slowly on her heel to face him, thankful her usual clumsiness didn't show in that moment.

"Where'd he-"

"I don't know, but I think we need to get to the front of the castle, Minerva has a group there, and she seems all business. This is important." Tonks nodded, following behind him briskly as they walked to the staircase.

"I think Remus is-"

"He is, I know." She cut her friend off not wanting to know what he was going to say. He probably looked like crap, but so did she, and he was probably wanting to see her as little as she wanted to see him. And she didn't need to think about that in that moment. It was go time, they had all been training for timesl ike this, and she wasn't going to let her silly crush get in the way and run the risk of killing one of her friends.

Hours later James and Lily found themselves rushing in to the castle after being called on by Minerva. Lily ran over to comfort Harry, who was clinging to Ginny's hand and holding together too well for his age, as Remus rushed out without casting his two friends a backwards glance. No one had mentioned to the joining Potters what had happened, but by the looks of everyone in the room it was bad.

Minerva walked over to the family, her eyes still flowing with tears as she explained to them what had happened. James wrapped his arms around Lily thinking to the countless hours they had spent with Albus while in hiding. The things he told and taught them. He thought through the selfless protection he had given them, the angry words they'd shared over the years as James and Lily grew steadily tired of waiting to be in the open. He thought of the unexpressed gratitude he owed Albus, and the fact that he would never be able to share it. But above all he thought of the hours of conversations they'd shared. The plans they'd discussed, the new members he'd talked over. James thought of what they knew about Severus. The truth of what had happened. It couldn't be true.

"It can't be Snape." James said, remembering the memory Dumbledore had shown him when Snape promised his faithfulness to the side of good. "You don't understand. It can't be-"

"It was, dad. I know. I saw him do it. I watched him do it." Harry's voice was defiant and strong, holding an intense anger that neither of his parents had ever heard from him before.

"It can't be." James whispered, wondering if Severus was really strong enough to trick even Dumbledore, and what that would mean for the order as a whole if he really was.

"It was." Harry whispered, shaking his head and walking away, with Ginny's hand still in his as she cast one last glance at Bill, lying in the hospital bed.

That night the three Potters sat in their living room waiting to hear some word as to where Tonks and Remus were. Harry and James had a length discussion about everything they knew on Snape, and for the first, and very painful, time James and Lily saw Harry as a co-fighter against the dark rather than their son whom they needed to protect. He shared with them the little information he thought Dumbledore would allow, and made sure to not promise anything he couldn't mean. They worked through how Snape could have deceived their old friend and teacher, yet to no avail. They simply could not make sense of it.

As the conversation died out with no positive outcome the fireplace lit up in green flames, with Tonks and Remus stepping out sheepishly. Without asking any questions Lily pulled them both into a tight hug, ignoring the pointed smirk Harry was giving James as they thought about the bet they had made that Tonks and Remus would end up back together by the end of the night, with the promise that Remus would not go back to the wolves. Again with no exchange of words the properly pink haired witch stumbled into the washroom, a girlish grin breaking into her face despite the times. The second the door was closed Lily rushed into her own room coming out with a red velvet box.

James gasped quietly as he realized what she was holding. Remus merely stared at it, and Harry waited patiently for an explanation as to what was happening. With shaking hands Lupin took the box and slowly opened it, looking at the pink moonstone ring that sat in the center. His mind filled with memories of Ellie and their time together. He remembered looking for the perfect ring to bind them together. He remembered his plan as to how he was going to give it to her. He remembered the night he gave it to Lily, asking her to hold on to it for him. _Maybe the whole time it was always meant for Dora._ His eyes filled with tears he didn't even notice. Harry watched his family waiting for the right time to act. He stood up and walked over to his favorite professor.

"Don't think so much, professor." He said, pushing Remus toward their bedroom door. "We all already know what she's going to say."

"What who's going to say?" Tonks asked as she stepped out of the washroom and took in the emotions on the faces around her. Her own face paled. "What's happened?" She asked, staring at James, failing to see Remus drop to one knee to her side. Lily almost felt bad at the panic she saw growing in her friends eye, but she knew it would be quelled just as quickly as it came.

"Dora?" He spoke, his voice stronger than he could have imagined it ever being. "Nymphadora." He said again when she didn't look. She rounded to him, her grey eyes growing huge at the sight of him. She glanced back at Lily who nodded once, as if to confirm this was really happening.

"I have made a mess of so many things." Remus whispered, knowing he had her full attention. "But if there's one thing I want to stop getting wrong it's you." It wasn't elegant, it wasn't perfect. But it was Tonks, and at the end of the day, that's all that has ever mattered. At the end of the wolves, at the end of his running, at the end of looming death, it was always Nymphadora. "Please, Nymphadora Tonks, would you let me stand by your side for our time on earth? With all my baggage and danger? Would you let me love you, through the war and on the other side of it, or until we breath our lat breaths in it? Would you let me show you that I can stay?"

She dropped to her knees in front of him, pulling his face into hers and kissing him more passionately than she ever had before. She shook her head against him as she thought through the hours of tears he'd cost her, the sleepless nights, the anxiety and weight loss, and illness. The pain and anger. Yet in all that there was love and joy, laughter in the midst of war, safety in the midst of danger. And as she nodded against his chest she knew that it was all for this moment right here, when he promised her to stay, and she actually believed him.

"We all knew what _you_ would say." Harry whispered, watching the joy spread through the house, while they all managed to forget, just for a moment, the war that was happening outside their door.

They forgot until the next morning, when Harry went back to Hogwarts to finish up the year with Ron and Hermione, and when the order had to regroup and state a new leader. There was no discussion needed, really, for everyone to unanimously give the role to Mad-Eye, who took it quietly and with more humility than Remus had ever seen in the man. Remus and Tonks kept the news of the pink ring quiet for the time being, knowing there were more important things to tend to in that moment. Like the funeral, which was being held at the castle, and would be one of the hardest things any of them had ever had to do. Remus was sitting with the Potter's and Tonks the day prior to the service, sipping coffee with little purpose.

"Minerva is consulting to governors today about the fate of the school." Remus said finally, glancing up from his mug to take in the faces of his friends. "She also could not get it out of Harry as to where he and Dumbledore were the night he died." James breathed in a deep sigh, sounding far older than his age.

"We have to trust that Albus knows something about Harry, and about the war that we don't." James was having a very hard time trusting Harry and Albus in that way, but the older man had never lead them wrong before, and James truly believed he knew he would die that night. And he must have prepared Harry in some way that the rest of them wouldn't be able to understand.

"It's his _life,_ James. Dumbledore already lost his own. I don't know if I can trust-"

"You're going to have to Lil," James cut off the pending rant as he sighed out the words. "You're going to have to because we were Harry's age when we were engaged to be married. We were Harry's age when we signed on to join the war. We were just a few months older than he is the first time we fought Voldemort himself and came out on the other side. We have to trust him, because if we don't, not only are we hypocrites, but we know he'll do what he thinks he has to do with or without our support." Lily shook her head and looked out the window, clutching her mug to her chest.

"I think," Tonks began, brushing an unsteady hand through her pink hair, "I think maybe Harry is going to end the war. And I think we all know it, and I think nobody wants to say it. But that's what I believe. And I think that once we realize that we'll all be much better at being what he needs us to be." James nodded, still looking at Lily.

"My _son_ cannot single handedly stop the second most powerful wizard-"

"Lily he will always be your son, but he stopped being your baby the first time he battled Voldemort when he was eleven. And I realize you spent all those years thinking of him as such, but failing to see his growth now will only hurt your relationship with him." Remus cut her off, working to keep his voice gentle yet firm. He saw the rising panic in Lily, something that didn't happen often but certainly happened with a vengeance when it did.

"Well I will do whatever I can to make sure stays-"

"Safe?" Tonks asked quietly, thinking back to the yelling that had ensued at the last order meeting when Alastor declared that Harry would need to stay at Privet drive the until his birthday to ensure the safety of vernon and Petunia. No one had ever seen Lily so furious (except for James, but that never counts) Tonks had to physically take her out of the room, and nobody mentioned it again, but they all remembered it. Her fierceness rivaled that of Molly any time one of her children were in danger, or in trouble.

Lily's eyes flashed as she glared at Tonks, whose hands were folded together on the table. "Privet drive is not the most safe for him now, not when James and I can-"

"Lily, I realize you want to make up for lost time, and maybe we have failed the two of you as your friends by not mentioning this sooner, but Harry had to learn how to be independent. And developing a dependency on you is not going to keep him safe, it could very well kill him. And that is certainly not what any of us want. So we need to take a minute and stop thinking about how we wish things were, we need to think about how they are. And what they are is painful and broken, but just about as okay as we can make it. So when Alastor says Harry needs to stay at Privet drive for the sake of winning the war, we have to trust that that's true, and right and let it happen. Because when we do that not only are we trusting a man who has never led us wrong before, we are also trusting Harry's capabilities. And if he has done anything over the last six years, he's proved that he's always more capable than any of us believed he would be." Somewhere in the middle of the long overdue speech Tonks's hand found its way to Remus's shoulder, and she gave it an encouraging squeeze.

"I know that it's hard to hear, but that's what we do here. We share the hard truths because we all lose our heads sometimes. But the thing is we need to stand firm in sanity. Because the second we start acting like we alone know what's best, people will start dying." Lily pursed her lips as she looked at Remus for a long, silent moment.

Then she nodded, sipping her coffee and looking out the window again.

"I just don't want him to die, and I don't really think I want to die either." She said. James pulled her into him.

"We can only control what we can control." He whispered into her hair, kissing the top of her head.

Tonks watched the scene before her letting her thoughts wander to the trio at the castle, and Ginny. She wondered how long she and Harry would remain together in the bliss period they were living in. She wondered if Harry would really try and go save the world on his own. If Ron or Hermione would end up dying by going with him. She wondered how many more would have to die for the promise of a future that was truly safe. If she or Remus or the Potters would die in the battle and what that would mean for those who survived. She wondered how long she and Remus would be alive together. But in all that she wondered how they would bring this war to a final end and she wondered what the end would look like if they failed.

They could not fail.

She looked up to Remus, twisting the small pink ring on her finger. He never promised her forever, but he promised her all his days on earth, and even if those ended tomorrow, she didn't want to waste any of it. In two weeks they would hold the smallest, yet most exciting wedding in wizard history, then they would fight for the lives of everyone they loved no matter the cost. She silently vowed to Lily that she would make sure the Potter's stayed alive long enough to see Harry's wedding (to Ginny, she hoped). She thought through the things they knew, the things they didn't, and the one thing they never really spoke about having that all the death eaters and Voldemort himself lacked. Love.

She looked at Remus, thinking of that word, knowing what he meant to her and how she had to believe that could be enough to give them the victory; dead or alive. Without warning she stood up, glancing down at her partner, in battle and life.

"Let's go to Mad-Eye," She said, pulling Lupin to his feet. "We've got some planning to do." They had a war to win.

 _Fin._

 ** _Thank you, for real. This was a joy to write, and I hope this isn't the end of their story, and I don't believe it is._**


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